A certified mind blower

so i finally got a job and i am so fucking grateful for that, because I need one so badly. But I am ALREADY starting to burn out. And the thing is, I like this job! The only thing I hate is standing for 8 hours and sweating like a pig. Everyone there is great and they all treat me well but when i wake up in the morning my depression immediately starts trying to convince me to call out. Today it succeeded and I did call out and they were so fucking kind about it and I feel like the laziest sack of shit human being in the world. My reoccurring anxiety dreams where I am late or decide not to show up to things have already been ramping up worse than ever. 

If anyone with Major Depressive Disorder and/or anxiety has any tips on working long term I would really love to hear them bc I need all the help I can get. I really don’t want to disappoint my family or force myself back into a desperate situation by fucking this up

I really wish i was getting stimulus checks. I got the first one and then nothing after that. I stretched that 1200 as long as i could throughout the year. I make $40 a week working for my mom. I cant get a better job bc i dont have a car and i cant get a car bc i cant save money to buy one. I cant do any remote work bc i dont have stable internet. The only thing that has been saving me is that student loans have been put off bc of covid. Idk what i am going to do when payments start up. I am trying to get my substitute teaching certificate but it will take me a month to save for that and idk if i will be able to bc i have to eat. And now i am pre diabetic so i have to try to buy healthier foods. I've been in a mental and financial hole since i graduated college and i dont know if i'll ever get out.