Enough
Min Yoongi x demisexual!Reader
Summary: A call from your mother leaves you feeling insecure in your relationship.
Genre: angst/comfort
Word Count: 3212
Rating: T+
Warnings: swearing, anxiety, childhood trauma, self-doubt, talk of sex, demisexuality (though it’s unnamed)
Notes: Part of the Long Term Couples series. Read more here. Thanks to @moccahobi for reading through this for me!
You couldn’t have dreamed of a more perfect partner than Yoongi. You had been nervous at first when he started back to work after his surgery, but your fears were quickly proven to be unfounded. It wasn’t perfect by any means–he was much busier now than he had been while he was recovering–but he seemed happy.
Yoongi seemed content to return to your apartment after a long day of practice or studio work. He could have moved back into the dorms. You had expected him to move back into the dorms. Instead, he would drop his keys into the bowl by your front door and collapse onto the couch with you, his arm around your shoulders, and watch a few hours of television before crawling into bed and falling asleep with your arm firmly around his middle.
And the two of you talked. Constantly. But more than that, he legitimately seemed interested in what you were saying most of the time. Even when he wasn’t interested or didn’t understand what you were talking about, he still listened as you talked, sometimes adding his two cents, but sometimes just letting you prattle on at length. And you loved, loved listening to him. Even if he was complaining about work. Especially when he was complaining about work. You had learned so much about his job, about music in general, from listening to him talk.
You had never felt so confident in a relationship before. But at the same time, you could feel something brewing at the back of your mind. And you hated it.
It wasn’t constant–not yet, anyway–but there were times where you couldn’t help but feel inadequate. Not because you thought Yoongi loved you any less, but because you thought he needed more. There was so much you lacked.
His fans, to their credit, seemed to tolerate you for the most part. They weren’t celebrating you by any means, mostly they seemed to ignore that you existed unless absolutely necessary. At the same time, any overly mean and negative comments were shut down almost immediately by other members of the fanbase. It seemed like they all had an understanding: they weren’t going to act like they liked you, but they also wouldn’t tolerate anyone being unnecessarily rude to you, either. But you couldn’t help but feel like if you were more charismatic or more interesting, it would make things easier with them.
As much as you tried, you didn’t really understand how he produced music. You were a trained pianist, and a classically trained singer, but you couldn’t tell the difference between an 808 and a 909 to save your life. And even though Yoongi insisted otherwise, his grasp on music theory was as sharp as they come. He was a goddamn genius when it came to music, picking up the guitar like it was made for a child, studying chord structure and listening to lessons even when he couldn’t play because of his sling.
And then there was the intimacy conundrum. It wasn’t so much of a problem as it was a huge, gaping hole in your relationship. In your almost year-long relationship with Yoongi, the sex was virtually nonexistent. You just didn’t crave the intimacy. You could see a future where you did, but right now? It wasn’t that you weren’t attracted to him–god knows he could go from being adorable to being the hottest man alive in .02 seconds–it’s just that the sexual attraction wasn’t there. He never brought it up, and he never pressured you to do anything, which left you silently feeling like there was something missing from your relationship. And, because it was your fault, it left you feeling like there was something wrong with you. Who in the world didn’t want to have sex with their incredibly attractive, unbelievably caring boyfriend?
Normally, you were good at pushing your insecurities away. They were silly and incorrect. But lately, you had been struggling more and more with them. And if you were honest with yourself, you knew why.
