you came back wrong and i am racked with guilt because i cannot bear to see you like this and i should have let you rest. i loved you so much that i defied death itself but i do not think either of us are happy
this is what microwaving leftover pizza feels like
stop it i was trying to be gothic
Babe I swear I just saw their reblog first, I didn’t ignore yours, it was just that yours was further down the dash, that’s not on me that’s on tumblr babe, tumblr wants to drive a wedge between us, I love you I swear babe, pls believe me pls don’t let them win
THESIS: the real reason that people stay on this hellsite is not “chronological order” or “the drama” or whatever (per se), but is instead linked to how tumblr, unlike most social media, is not optimised to give content as short of a half-life as possible, but instead is optimised to let content continue to cycle for months, years, even decades. this has in turn led to a more consistent centralised site “culture” in which there is more coherent linkage among different areas of the site, thus also explaining why its content permeates so thoroughly throughout the internet.
I believe the reason tumblr is so influential in internet culture is because there are no public follower counts and no algos. Hear me out: this means no incentive to buy bot “followers” for artificial algorithmic jumpstarts to their account like people do on IG and Twitter.
That means that a person with 10K followers on tumblr is much much more likely to have 10K actual humans reading their posts than a person on Instagram or Twitter, which in turn means MUCH higher actual social influence per capita.
I like how when Tolkien wrote The Hobbit he wasn’t planning to write Lord of the Rings at all… so a lot of the most iconic elements of Middle Earth aren’t Super Serious Lore that Tolkien Created After Hours of Intense Study in to the Gritty Realistic Dynamics of his Fantasy World™, they’re things that Tolkien originally created while he was having fun writing a story for his kids.
Like, in the Hobbit, Tolkien didn’t write Gandalf as a Serious Gritty Epic Fantasy wizard. Tolkien wrote Gandalf as an EXTREMELY PETTY sarcastic drama queen who just roasts everyone 24/7 and is almost like, a parody of a wizard– a funny character who isn’t supposed to be “realistic,” but a character that little kids would find funny and want to hear stories about.
but then years passed
and Tolkien decided to write Lord of the Rings
and he gradually realized the story would not be a lighthearted children’s book like the Hobbit, but a dramatic serious epic
but he was like
“I already wrote Gandalf as a petty grumpy drama queen, and I have to be faithful to that. this element of his character must be preserved”
little thingy from the other week, stuff on my mind
Another interesting genre (as in I've seen several variations on the theme) is "3D picture of Jesus in vaguely intimate pose with what appears to be a South Korean flight attendant":
My stepbrother keeps getting flight attendant with Jesus AI on his fb feed!! A selection he has screenshotted:
Ooh, I hadn't seen any where Jesus was, himself, an airplane
Listen, I know Dream winning his duel with Lucifer with hope is like... A BIG DEAL and super symbolic and beautiful, HOWEVER I have something that may not be better, but would definitely be FUNNIER.
Dream loses. He's been locked in a bubble and had his hopes dashed again and again, even though he's still fighting and still hopeful, it's harder for him to reach that and it doesn't come to mind in time for him to win against Lucifer. He's to stay as a servant in Hell and there's no Endless or divine being that can or will come to his aid. He's trapped. Again.
Only Matthew isn't Jessamy, Matthew knows when the best way to help is a tactical retreat to gather reinforcements. So that's what he does, going immediately to Luciene like, "Hey, so, uh..." And there has to be some way they can help him! Luciene makes it clear that none of the dreaming denizens can. None of the Endless can, no deity would be of any help there against Lucifer. There are Old Laws dictating that Dream lost fair and square and no one can interfere with that. And Matthew's like, "Well what about someone who can challenge Lucifer to win him back? Someone not bound by the Old Laws?"
"The only beings not bound by the Old Laws are humans. There's no human--"
Except there is. There's one. One human that Dream would go off once a century to meet, and it's a long shot, but--
That's how Hob Gadling finds himself being approached by a talking raven asking him to trek into hell to rescue his boss. "You know, Dream of the Endless? Lord Morpheus?"
Hob doesn't know who the hell the bird is talking about until Matthew describes him. "Oh, my Stranger!"
"...He seriously didn't even tell you his name?"
Now, the idea of setting foot into Hell itself to do battle with Lucifer Morningstar is, y'know... Not something he wants to do. He confirms over and over if Matthew is SURE he doesn't have to die to achieve this, because he's not ready to leave yet, and Matthew is like, "Yeah, buddy, shouldn't be a problem." He's lying. He has no idea if it's a problem. (It's not.)
Hob is like, "Yeah, but... I can't FIGHT Satan himself and expect to win, I AM still human."
And Matthew's like, "You don't actually have to fight her, it's like a game! But uh... Pretty sure you still feel all the pain and stuff." And he explains the rules, and like, okay, feeling the painful death of whatever kills whatever you decide to be in your round SUCKS, but Hob's been through that before. It's actually a pretty intriguing game, one he thinks he might win.
See, the way he sees it, it's a combination of the "times infinity" type of game (I love you, I love you more, I love you times two, I love you times a thousand, I love you times a million-- so on and so on) with that counting game where you either say one or two numbers, back and forth with someone, and whoever says 21 loses. Basically, there's one logical conclusion the game is going to reach. Someone is going to bust out the "times infinity" or in this case, "heat death of the universe" or some other completely life-ending thing. And like with the counting game, if you can get your opponent to say specific numbers on the way to 21, you can make sure they're forced to say it.
There's a strategy if you think ahead enough, and he has an entire walk through Hell to plan it.
(It SUCKS. He sees Robyn there. It breaks his heart. It's meant to, it's meant to keep him from reaching the palace, seeing his son in Hell, but they don't know Hob. They don't know the grief he's had to overcome in order for him to say, with absolute certainty, that he still wants to live even though it hurts. He reaches that citadel.)
Dream is, of course, horrified to see Hob there. Hob meanwhile is like a jilted exe all, "Yeah, yeah, we're not friends, you stood me up, but I'm still here for you because I'm the bigger person and I fucking care."
He challenges Lucifer for Dream's helm and their safe passage out of Hell. Lucifer is... Intrigued. She just beat Dream of the Endless, and this human thinks he can beat her when humanity's collective unconsciousness couldn't? His immortality has made him cocky, clearly. So she accepts, and bargains that if Hob loses, he has to give up his immortality.
There's a good minute where Hob pauses at that and has to really think about whether his arrogant, condescending not-friend is really worth that but yeah, yeah he is. Meanwhile Dream is off to the side. "Don't do this, Hob Gadling. It is not your responsibility to fix my missteps." Basically his version of pleading for Hob to leave and not risk this up until Lucifer is like enough out of you and shuts him up.
They play. Lucifer starts out with the wolf again, because it's a good starting point to see what direction her opponent plans to take, to get a glimpse into Hob's mindset entering this game. Her plan is, of course, to cause pain enough that Hob will have a hard time thinking, but Hob makes that really fucking hard from the get-go and throws everyone in the room for a loop when his answer is...
"I am the over hunting of the local deer population. Ecosystem destabilizing, predator killing."
Well. Okay. Yeah, sure. Fucking fine. It's hard to kill that painfully. Lucifer manages to come up with, "I am hunting restrictions, nature preserving, ecosystem balancing."
Hob, by that point, is like, I got this, actually. This might be fun. "I am the expansion of civilization. Forest destroying, hunting law nullifying."
Matthew, who had been feeling pretty iffy about calling this guy in to help, is no longer questioning that choice. Dream is a little starry-eyed.
Eventually Hob is the head of the Home Owner's Association. Lucifer is a bear, scrap hunting, person killing. Hob is family, revenge-seeking, bear euthanizing. Lucifer is Pride, argument starter, family destroying. Hob is friendship, blood covenant, thicker than womb water. Lucifer is jealousy, friendship rending, relationship ruining. Hob is personal growth, jealousy ending, apology giving. Lucifer is relapse, progress destroying, confidence killing. Hob is perseverance, step taking, progress rebuilding. On and on until finally Lucifer decides to end this the way she did with Dream and Hob leads her along until it reaches that natural conclusion, the death of all.
Now there's some temptation there to go with the obvious, since he can't die even if the universe was destroyed. At least he doesn't think so. But he had already decided that it was an obvious choice to go for and he could think of a few clever ways Lucifer might get around that. So instead, Hob goes the far better choice and personal insult of being God, universe creator, life giver. He's very proud of himself when the demons erupt into boos and Lucifer looks about ready to rip his fucking throat out with her teeth.
The way he sees it, there are two choices for her there, unless she really pulls something unexpected out of her ass. Option one is the whole "what's a god to an atheist" thing in which Hob would have then been a miracle, faith affirming, god-proving. Not much can destroy a miracle.
But Lucifer, livid and prideful, goes with option two. "I am Lucifer Morningstar, God defying, His Kingdom ripped sunder!"
And Hob has the absolute glee to grin and go, "I am Hob Gadling, clever, death defying, and triumphant over Lucifer Morningstar."
He and Dream are promptly kicked out of Hell on their asses, Dream's helm is thrown at his head with a force strong enough to break the sound barrier, and the gates are slammed shut behind them. The whole thing is so humiliating that Lucifer has to change their gender and moves to LA to open a nightclub.
Also, I raise you, the only reason Maize sticks around is because listen, it’s funny to watch Lucifer suffer. Meanwhile God is laughing as hard as they can because this has put their Lucifer matching scheme in motion.
And is the bus scheduled for zero minutes in the room with us now
you, reading this. you're a creature now. reblog to creature your followers
get creatured idiot
oh thank fuck i thought i was never gonna get creatured
George Bush Jr. was the new primary school teacher.
Oh, what a nice photo of him reading to the children
He was reading a book to a class of children when 911 happened
So, yeah, not good
WHAT
you can see the same little chalkboard sign behind him in this iconic photo
15 years ago youtube videos were like two or three freshly graduated guys making mildly homophobic but also somewhat homoerotic comedy skits filmed in 480p on a digital camera gifted to them by god and now its all like 25 minute long videos that are like "THE DARK SIDE OF TINY TOONS"
youtube 2007: SKETCHBROS - Hot Dog (2:23)
youtube 2024: Why Back at the Barnyard is Important (26:12)
And both type of videos still exist.
Accurate
he found a poster for a phineas and ferb theme party and just. decided to go. oh my god 😭
This is so wholesome
Update: he finally got the cat to the vet to see if she had a microchip
I was already on board with his sweet wholesome open-to-love-and-nurturing heart but I was fully unprepared for getting to that last tweet and seeing how off the hook HOT dude is
CAT DAD IS BACK
aww, the kids grow up so fast. ;-;
HHHHHHHH I LOVE CAT DAD!
This is, by far, the single most adorable fucking thing I have ever seen.
update:
I love that he kept …. All of them.
I’ve reblogged the earlier part of this thread before, and the new stuff makes it even better.
This is the Tumblr equivalent of a warm hug on a cold day.
You’re welcome.
I remember this thread, but I never saw the grown-up pics ❤
All hail Catdad
I saw Catdad for the first time today, and my day instantly became exponentially better.
I’M CRYING!?
CATDAD HAS REVIVED MY WILL TO LIVE
I live for cat dad-
Cat dad has saved us all
CAT DAD!!
I had not seen the updates. I am so happy that the Cat Gods smiled upon this person and their new family :)
He’s got more recent pictures (and is also an INCREDIBLE artist), but this is the fam circa May 2020 :>
if you’re having a bad day it’s worth your time to go scroll through his media tab on twitter, it’s mostly cat pictures, some of his cool art, and his face
Their names are Forever (mama, bottom right), Pancake (top), Mac (middle left), Ronin (middle right), and Dobby (bottom left).
My friend sometimes brings her six-year-old to our DnD sessions and my husband (the DM) lets her roll for all enemy attacks and sometimes he will show her a few figures and let her secretly pick what creature we meet next. Who needs encounter tables when you have a first-grader around
She cheers when the monster is winning.
DM: *places an ugly, slavering, repugnant, spine-tingling creature on the battle map*
Child who can barely see over the table: ᵗʰᵃᵗ’ˢ ᵐᵉ :)
if i had a dollar for every pixel in this image i’d have 15 cents
actually I did the math, they would have $225, not $0.15
if i had a dollar i would buy a can of soda :)
while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?
sorry i only have a dollar
:(
hey I just realized my friend Vriska is right, they would have $22500 not $225
^my friend Vriska
if i had $22,500 i would buy a can of soda and an apply juice
You can buy anything you want with $22500
yeah and they want soda and apply juice
apply juice to what
directly to the forehead
Great post guys
String identified: a a a t ag ’ a ct a a a c ag t at a t ct a g t a ca t at acta t at, t a $, t $. ’ gt …. a a a a ca a :) ’ t c a a c a? a a a :( t a a gt, t a $ t $ ^ a a $, a ca a a a a c ca atg at t $ a a t at a a a c a c t at ct t t a Gat t g
Closest match: Barbus barbus genome assembly, chromosome: 1 Common name: Common Barbel
my bear-man in christ i have already identified it
We can’t be certain until @fish-identifier calls it
