Tfw you have to explain to your swimmers why you use the women’s bathroom at work, despite being a boy, and they all get really worried about your personal safety
Tfw you just wanna see queer people accurately and diversely represented being HAPPY and SUCCESSFUL and JOYFUL, like I get it, a lot of us suffer from very bad things, but sometimes I just want to see some off us being HAPPY in our lives so I know I might be able to reach that point one day too.
I just wanted to address something about HRT for those thinking about going on it. When I was beginning the process to start T, everyone told me it was going to make so angry and quick to temper, and that I would be prone to hitting and smashing things, and I was going to become a more violent person. Even my therapist told me this. I just want to say that I’ve been on T for nearly six months now, and I have not gotten truly angry once in that entire span of time. I don’t have an uncontrollable temper, and if anything, I’ve actually grown to be a lot calmer and more peaceful since starting T. Prior to getting on hormones, I was angry at the world, and myself, and I was so utterly disgusted with my body that I took it out on everybody else because I didn’t know how else to handle the amount of contempt I held for my body. I don’t feel like that anymore, and if you’re worried about huge changes to your temper due to HRT, I promise it isn’t even going to be a problem.
When you’re totally passing and everybody’s believing you’re a guy, and then you wear a swim suit at work, and you’re straight back to square one all over again.
Last night I performed my poem Dysphoria in front of some new friends and my family at a queer camp I'm attending, and it was one of the most intense and emotional moments of my life. It was the first time I had read that poem aloud to an audience.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll actually live long enough to see my chest post-surgery.
Lately I've been really frustrated with gender roles and gendered things and femininity and masculinity in general. As a transman I was raised into femininity and I was pretty happy to be somewhat feminine for most of my life. Now it causes me no end of dysphoria, however, and even though I may want to have long hair, or cute nails, or fabulous make up, it won't happen because that'll just get me mistaken for a girl AGAIN. I really hate this. Fucking gender roles and shit. They make my life miserable.
I’m at this really frustrating point in my life where I feel like I’m floating in the middle of this gender binary and nobody can see me and it’s really frustrating. Starting testosterone was supposed to fix this, but now I look at girls who are getting all dressed up and pulling out cute clothes for the summer and I’m like???? I literally did that just last summer. And now I’m here and I want to wear cute clothes, but at the same time it makes my dysphoria absolute hell. And I kinda really want cute masculine clothes, but nooooooo our society is all kinds of fucked and I can’t get cute masculine clothes. And I feel like I can’t just ask a guy for style advice because HEY!!! They don’t consider me one of the boys! Would you imagine that! Can’t be one of the girls, not really one of the boys, so yeah I’ll just sit here and float in the middle and wonder what the fuck I’m supposed to do now.
So I ordered a new binder because my previous one was starting to really hurt my ribs if I wore it for more than an hour, and I figured I would do a comparison post of the two.
So my original binder is the white one on the left. It’s a basic underworks binder that many of us go to for our first binder. For your first binder, it really isn’t too bad. It does it’s job, but I found that after having it for several months it became difficult to get my chest flat enough. As you can see in the pics, it left odd bumps in weird places or it would smoosh in the wrong spot and it just…wasn’t working anymore. The underworks binders are also REALLY hard to breathe in. That was something I had a lot of trouble with.
The new binder is the one on the right. I ordered this from a company called gc2b and I gotta say it’s fabulous. The fabric is vastly different from my underworks binder, which was a plus cause I have sensitive skin and the underworks binder was really rough on my back and chest. Now, it may be that this binder is simply brand new, but I feel like it binds far better than my first binder. As you can see in the pictures, my chest is far flatter in the gc2b binder, and I didn’t have to sacrifice comfortable breathing to accomplish that!
gc2b is a company run by transgender people, and all the binders are designed by trans folk, for trans folk. You can literally feel the difference in the binders, and it’s obvious people took into account breathing, back, and various other rib/chest pains that many other binders cause. I’m extremely happy with this binder and would recommend it to anybody who wanted a binder.
Kinda feel like I’m at a severe disadvantage in competitive swimming cause I’m lacking masculine musculature, and the comfort of knowing the ins and outs of my masculine body. Unlike all the other boys on the local swim teams, I have not had a masculine body for all 17 years of my life :/
My voice is already dropping and now all I want to do is sit and talk to myself for hours so I can listen to it....
Kinda, sorta really pissed with my dad because he hates that I’m trans and as a result, I never feel comfortable talking about T with him around. I don’t feel like I can practice with the needles and everything for my shots, and every time he’s around he mentions all the pain I’m going to be facing in a month or so and I’m really sick and tired of all his negativity and hatred towards me and this whole process. Just take it somewhere else and let me be fucking happy about starting Tokay.
This was taken 10 minutes before I started T. I finally got there guys c:
To the Transgender Individual at Work Today,
I’m so sorry you had to experience that kind of harassment today. Nobody deserves to feel uncomfortable and afraid in the locker room. I hope you never have to go through that again.
Sincerely,
Me
When you have to explain to your mom that you want to join your high school’s boys swim team because you never got that when you were a kid, and you want to be able to say you were on at least one boys team somewhere in your high school career.
Boost the fuck out of this; lord knows trans people need some proper media coverage!