BABY BLUE // CLOSE MY EYES

Ashton performing with Eternity Speedway @ Desert 5 Spot LA - 11 April 2024

Eternity Speedway

📸: Sthefany Narciso

Ash with Jordan Greenwald on IG

no one will ever be a Luke Hemmings fan the way Ashton Irwin is a Luke Hemmings fan

the love of our life has arrived, meet Lua 🥹🥰🤍

via Michael's instagram. 7th December 2023

Ashton x Drumeo

I am not meant for casual. I was born for soul crushing devotion.

but no one can ever know cause that's embarrassing

x

I mean. Yeah. being thrust into this insane world / business at 18 irrevocably altered my brain chemistry. but I gotta say, I wake up everyday and make a coffee and sit with my son while we have breakfast and I think to myself “you made it out relatively unscathed to this point, kid.” and for that I am grateful beyond measure. all it took was the exhaustion of waking up and self evaluating on a microscopic level for the past 5 years (which nearly killed me) BUT. I’m here. And I have kept it pretty much together (best as I can) as of recent. which is more than 18 year old me would have ever given herself the faith to bet on. Growth and pain and peace on the horizon. You got this.

I have been quietly living through some of the hardest years of my life. In some ways that you know and in others to fragile to display. I’ll share it when I’m ready in dazzling and terrifying form, as always, on the record. Finally getting the luxury of existential thought now that I have calmed the storms of survival. Love you.

I’ve been on my knees since I was 5.

In the chapel,

in a bedroom,

in an alley late at night.

Always facing an inflated

godlike

version of some guy.

But as a girl you do what you need to survive.

You open wider, take the body.

Thank your father, you’ve been naughty.

2 Hail Marys, 20 lashings.

“I’ve been sent to punish you for daring to exist.

You will never know a love as meaningful as this.”

I’ve memorized

the lines

since I was 10.

From the Bible,

from the playbook,

from the magazines for men.

If you should mess it up, you’ll start again.

But, still, they only want

the women

they condemn.

I think that I’d have too much fun in hell.

With the pagans

and the hedonists

and sapphics there as well.

Purgatory seems the better fit

I can’t stand waiting in the corner,

but I do love being hit.

There’s not a torture you can prescribe

that I wouldn’t find

a way to like.

Every single second I’m alive

I’m sharpening an axe I’d like to grind.

“I was sent to punish you

for the way I was designed.

You will never know a love

that you fear more than mine.”

- “God Fear a Woman” 2023

love the way so many of Nate’s critiques and roasts of the team in 1x07 call out arcs those characters go through

he calls out Sam for being indecisive and then so much of Sam’s story in s2 is about deciding to make a choice, first to stand up to DubaiAir, then to stay at Richmond

he tells Isaac he’s too concerned with looking tough and that there’s a way to be intimidating without being physical and Isaac goes from being a bully who physically harasses Nate to a captain with full control of the team without yelling or pushing people around (thinking of how Roy as a captain yelled to get people to listen, but how Isaac just has to look at them and say nothing), but also later almost ruins his entire career by physically going after a fan when angry. and ALSO someone who struggles to tell his best friend he loves him, probably because he doesn’t want to seem soft, but also makes the effort to make sure he knows it anyways

and then lastly, the one that most obviously relates to more than just football - he tells Roy that while his anger made him a star athlete, if he keeps it all to himself it’s going to ruin him, and we see Roy constantly struggle to handle his anger, even all the way through s3, only finally making an effort to do something about it in the finale

“you see things no one else does” indeed