Yikes

 What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married

Feyoncé

thinking about how tender it is to wear the clothes of a loved one... clothes are a part of how we construct and understand ourselves so to give someone your clothes is literally to give them a bit of yourself... you are giving that person a bit of your home, of a place you lived in and inviting them in...you’re trusting them with the soft parts of your body, with your sweat and smell and tiny manifestations of aliveness.... what a lovely thing

trying to get money from your parents after getting into a fight with them:

Im a bit drunk, its 3;00am. But Why does Bebe yoda give the uppy arms.. Why does mister mandalorian immediately pick him up .. why does no one involved with this production car e about my well being

One more and the Gayfinity Gauntlet is complete

Bobby doesn’t feel fear he redecorates the bedrooms of heterosexuals

“National teacher shortage” is a fun way of saying that the USA has made a passion driven job so ungodly inhospitable that even people who “just care about teaching, not the money” don’t even care about teaching anymore.

This is gonna sound fucked up but i love tight grapes. You know what I mean when the grape is nice and tight and ur incisors pierce thru them like needles popping a balloon

surface tension is literally the most important quality of a grape end of discussion

god thank you for giving us a better term for when the grapes arent soggy and shit, instead of saying fucking “tight grapes”

*turns off the light*

my cat, who can still see perfectly, watching as I bump into a table: Ah, she has toggled the switch that controls whether she is stupid.

my food in the microwave

sound ON