So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.

So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy

it’s talking heads kermit friday

The Smash Bros. cast swapping anecdotes about their various evil doppelgangers and Mario getting into an argument about whether Wario counts.

Surprisingly, Mario is arguing that Wario does not count as he has literally never made that connection in his life. You can’t just say every fat italian in overalls is a Mario counterpart, he’s his own person with hopes and dreams. Evil hopes and dreams, but still.

Daisy, meanwhile, manages to argue very convincingly that Peach should be considered her evil doppelganger.

Wario is playing Devil’s advocate because being Mario’s evil doppleganger is great for business. If he was just some guy, nobody would buy Warioware.

@kamenriderhamo i am not going to let you hide this in the replies

Normalize this response

Loading in third perspective

…that explains a lot.

A scientific diagram

richard nixon is q*eer because he did watergate, subverting the societal expectation we all had for him to not do watergate

i lead a youth outdoor skills afterschool program every week and some of the kids are from a christian school & some are from a public school and on the bus this week one of the kids announced that she doesn't believe in god, which really perturbed the other children, and they all started discussing & then debating and talking over each other so I said, "Hey everyone, if this isn't a conversation we can have calmly and kindly, we will have to change the topic."

I watched these ten years olds (and one eight-year-old) all take a moment to emotionally regulate, and then they took turns and gave everyone a chance to speak until they all finally decide on their own without any guidance from me that they simply would not agree on this and to move on. the next topic was what forms mountain ranges.

once again I am here to tell writers to please avoid writing 10-year-olds like 4-year-olds like I so often see because they're out here having theological debates with more empathy for each other than most I've seen on this website

Stop getting mad at me I raise undead when im in distress

Im unveiling a new unique condition of my own soon

netflix subtitles are great for when you want to read a caption with like 50% resemblance to what's being spoken

character in a movie: buddy, i'm gonna tell you what i've got to do

netflix subtitles: i'll say what i must do

character in a movie: *exhales*

netflix subtitles: (blows raspberry)

character in a movie: ciao!

netflix subtitles: (in italian) bye!

*character in a movie: ciao!

netflix subtitles: (speaks foreign language)

IF YOU LIVE IN THE USA

THIS IS ILLEGAL

REPORT THEM TO THE FCC

THEY HAVE A LINK ON THEIR WEBSITE TO RWPORT IT

ITS REQUIRED BY THE ADA THAT SUBTITLES EXACTLY MATCH THE DIALOGUE

i reported basically every Star Trek show on Paramount+ because the subtitles were all fucked up. they sent me auto emails to let me know they were working on it, and then a real life human being got in touch with me after they had fixed it, to ask if i was still experiencing the issue. they WILL do something, they are required by FEDERAL LAW to do something.

link to fcc's complaint categories, yr lookin for the closed captionin one

obsessed with this costume

Your straight male friends after two beers: "Hgey man can I smell your hair"

Your friend with the haunted shamisen: [plucks a baleful chord of ill portent]

m

I literally cannot take anything lance armstrong says about trans people ever seriously for obvious reasons but also because there's a museum somewhat near my house in the scottish borders which is a museum to clan armstrong, who were famous border reivers, i.e. people who would go across the scottish-english border and dismember people for their cattle and whatnot + at this museum they have portraits of all of these famous armstrongs, most of whom spent their entire lives turning half the population of cumbria into mincemeat, up in a hall, from which only 1 person's portrait has been removed for poor conduct that shamed the family. can u guess whose