you're my savior, treasure, buttcreww

happy birthday baby, i want to tell you that you being born is an endless blessing for me. april 8 will always be a day i spend enveloped by your warmth and crying happy tears. you’ve bought me a lifetime of happiness and i miss you incredibly, some way in some place i know we’ll meet again. i love you eternally, my dear jonghyun

gonna read a few new fics and maybe finally watch kibum's drinking solo i dont like feeling sad my head hurts

squireconrad deleted her livejournal and tumblr today im so sad. i was so frustrated at first and angry bc i was re-reading their stories when i clicked for the next chapter, it was gone. my heart really felt broken. i know i sound dumb and everybody will say there are so many authors and new ones will come too, but more than anything i hope she’s okay. she logged back into her accounts and saw her stories with all over 20,000 hits and decided that it was for the best. i just remember her being around and running fytopkey and organizing writing prompts all the time and then she had to have surgery and had to focus on grad school. like it may sound weird but she was a special shawol and even though i never talked to her much, probably only messaged a few times to tell her how much i loved her work, her impact on my time as a shawol will always be there. she was always silly and loved onkey so much she talked about them all the time and was one of the first to really push the onkey agenda fandom wise especially top!key. i had so much fun making gifs and edits and seeing what everyone else was making and sharing stories and i’ve fallen out it and i think that’s why my nostalgia is so serious when it comes to squireconrad. idk what her reasons for deleting were so im not going to say i do, but her timing made me cry. not because she owes us anything because she gave us so much, but because with everything going on that’ll be the last impression she has of shinee and shinee world. after all the love, hard work, and dedication she showed us and shinee she’ll be leaving with all this in her heart and that’s what makes my heart sting. people might say im fake for saying this, but as much as it hurts to have jinki cropped from an ot5 pic it hurts my heart to see someone that loved shinee so much come to such a sad conclusion. when i realized she really deleted and any chance of her coming back was gone my heart couldn’t hold it in anymore and im still crying. i hope one day she’ll see shinee and shinee world in the future and she wont be hurt, but will remember the good times we all shared. my heart is heavy and im a crybaby 

if anyone managed to save any of their stories i’d really appreciate if you shared or you can send them to me and i’ll compile them if anyone’s interested

i know that being a fan for a long time i’ll feel this feeling more often than others and it’ll hurt each time, but i just want yall to know my ass is here for the long haul and we’re aloud to be sad 

im gonna post an emotional text post but i feel a little better so don’t stress ok

im back to cry and whine about shinee