@cutemonsterfiction / cutemonsterfiction.tumblr.com
self care is walking into the forest and letting the fae take you
no, you go into the forest take the fae hostage and force them to undo the misfortune they have unleashed on your life.
our society didn’t literally sow iron into the ground and in every house in order for you to take the fae’s little games lying down.
There’s no tradition like an abyssaly old tradition, the kind that predates humanity.
“i am a monument to all your sins” is such a fucking raw line for a villain it’s amazing that it came from halo, a modernish video game, and not some classical text or mythos
classic texts have nothing on the crazy people come up with in modern times tbh
“I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me.”
– Joshua Graham, Who Is A Fallout New Vegas NPC, Something Most People Throwing This Quote Around Don’t Realize
“If the world chooses to become my enemy, I will fight like I always have.”
– Shadow the Hedgehog in what is widely considered one of if not the single worst game in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise
this is the source for this text and it haunts me on a regular basis
Huh, it’s almost like art isn’t just fine art…
this is my addition to this ever growing list of raw quotes originating from unexpected sources
AND WE ALL LIFT
AND WE’RE ALL ADRIFT TOGETHER
TOGETHER
THROUGH THE COLD MIST
TIL WE’RE LIFELESS TOGETHER
TOGETHER
Hi. I saw your stuff, but I'm curious...did you not do "Lost in the Valley" or something? Because it's not on your archive...(It's also slightly different in style) Lesbian Vampire Ex is AWWEEESOME!
I did indeed do Lost in the Valley, the archive just winds up out of date!
Hello hello! While I work on finishing up last month’s pic, let’s get started on deciding the pic for July.
This month’s theme is dungeons. That’s right; dungeons. As in, the primary setting of old-school dungeon crawls. Be it video games, comics, manga, or tabletop games, if the story is about crawling through ancient ruins, crumbling castles, or dark dungeons, send in a suggestion for the lovely lady to be lewded this time around.
Thank you, and I look forward to your suggestions.
Last call for character suggestions!
Do the Plague Doctor from Darkest Dungeon
I want to know what this was designed to fight
Trees duh
Vampires.
Whichever poor supernatural son of a bitch had the misfortune to cross you.
describe your oc’s backstory in the shittiest way you can imagine
a bite to the shoulder changes a young mans life forever
a djinni was deceived by Iblis, he then proceeded to burn his Entire home
a seemingly young trans boy demon prince is harassed by a former god turned demon. constantly
Trans man reads book raises the dead fucks over the world and dumps his vampire boyfriend
And my personal favourite “witch gets eye replaced w diamond befriends local skeleton”
did a kickflip once
Dating a librarian leads to a lifetime of loneliness.
dragon girl loses all hope, and subsequently her arm
Local emperor can’t handle responsibility, the Devil thinks it’s hilarious
Local robot quits job which results in the murder of all their siblings
Mothmom inhales the first demon she meets.
young girl tries to be a hero and instead becomes a pudding cup
Witch’s experiment says “fuck you” and leaves to live in the woods.
A boy decides his friends are adventuring too slowly
Obvious anime protagonist gets screwed over by a spider, becomes a magical girl, dead parents ensue.
Boy bullied for most of his life and sexually assaulted in high school gets given superpowers by some fat douchebag, only to get thrown into video games for the lulz.
So I kind of changed up a bit of this and:
Green-haired teen is brought up in a cult village, escapes, sees snow for the first time, goes on a traumatic adventure about following her destiny and helping people, then discovers she’s a magical girl. Now she carries her dead mom in a locket.
Ass speakers save lives.
Daddy’s not coming home.
Thalidomide baby gets prosthetics.
Local man wants to be hero, settles for kicking ass.
Nerd adopts cat, gets Lovecraftian Horror on the side.
Lawyer finds living clients difficult, prefers dead ones
This is gonna be a long list.
Carthago delenda est - Carthage must be destroyed
OH. My. God.
Goddamnanit.
Hahahahahahahahahah
I thought I was about to read something educational and then you hit me with that shit.
You bastards got me.
God I love a good shaggy dog story.
The thing that really sells me on his is the Massachusetts thing
The cah is in the yahd
My all time favorite animal. The red-bearded vulture.
The bearded vulture, or lammergeier, lives on a steady diet of bones (more specifically the marrow) and dyes its own feathers blood red.
Bearded vultures come in various shades, from pure white to orange-red. Soils stained with iron oxide give the birds their fiery appearance. Lammergeiers apply the dirt with their claws and then preen for about an hour to ensure a bright orange/red glow. They are also attracted to other red things, like leaves and red wood. Captive birds also partake in this behavior, which suggests the activity is instinctual, not learned.
The soil doesn’t have any practical purposes; it certainly doesn’t make for good camouflage (though the birds have no natural predators anyway). Scientists have noticed that the birds’ age and size are directly correlated to the intensity of color. It is theorized that the hue is a status symbol. More soiled feathers indicates that the lammergeier had the time and resources to find an adequate place to bathe; the brightest-colored vultures should have the most territory and knowledge of their surroundings. Interestingly, these baths are done in secret, so most of the information gathered has been through spying on captive birds.
Bearded Vultures are most commonly monogamous, and breed once a year. Sometimes, especially in certain areas of Spain and France, bachelor lammergeiers will join a pre-existing couple to create a polyandrous trio. Females accept secondary mates because it increases the chances of producing offspring and doubles her protection. The birds usually don’t lay more than three eggs, so they can use all the help they can get.
These giant birds can grow up to 4 feet tall. They have a wingspan between 7 and 9 feet and usually weigh around 10 to 15 pounds.
In other words, this bird is awesome and I love it forever.
This is the gothest bird.
Art forgery is the best crime tbh. It requires absolutely incredible artistic talent, technical skill, and attention to detail to make convincing fakes. Does anyone get hurt from it? No! The only people who suffer for it are the extremely wealthy who want the prestige of having original paintings in their own homes. It’s full of international intrigue and mystery. Perfect.
Also… art forgers like van Meegeren sometimes become a kind of folk hero. A swindler, sure, but a gentleman’s swindler.
I liked this guy’s story, Mark Landis, who conned several dozen museums into displaying his forgeries, but when the FBI came after him they couldn’t do anything because he had always given them away as donations. They said if they could have found that he’d ever taken anything in exchange they would have prosecuted him, but all he wanted was get to out of the house and meet people.
“The first painting Landis “donated” was a copy of a work by Maynard Dixon, an artist well-known for his paintings of cowboys and Indians. It started as impulse, Landis says, but then “everybody was just so nice and treated me with respect and deference and friendship, things I was very unused to — I mean, actually not used to at all. And I got addicted to it.”” And it looks like all his forgeries are done with cheap materials, like markers and Hobby Lobby frames.
Ok, but Wolfgang Beltracchi is probably one of the best Fraud Artists in the world.
His career brought him millions upon millions of dollars and lasted almost 40 years. He finally admitted to painting fraudulent art after the white paint he used came under scrutiny.
“ Bob Simon: What do you think this Max Ernst would be worth? Wolfgang Beltracchi: This one? Simon: Yeah. Beltracchi: $5 million, I think. Simon: $5 million. And you can do it in three days? Beltracchi: Yeah, oh yes, yes, sure, or quicker” -From a 60 minutes interview with Bob Simon
In The interview with Beltracchi, he said that none of his forgeries are copies, they’re all original works that the famous artists could have painted.
“Beltracchi estimates he has done 25 Max Ernsts. He is not copying an existing work. He’s painting something he thinks Ernst might have done if he’d had the time or felt like it.” - The Con Artist: A multi-million dollar art scam
His wife was also in on the scam, she would dress up in old clothing and take pictures holding the paintings with old cameras to fake proof of the paintings’ ages.
At the end of the interview with Wolfgang Beltracchi he was asked if he felt he had done anything wrong, his answer was “ Yeah, I used the wrong kind of paint”
Just … the levels of con there, the fake photos and … wow. That’s incredible.
Heroes
Also fun fact we learned in class today: Michelangelo carved a sculpture of a Roman god, broke off the arm, and then buried it. The sculpture was dug up and was considered to be an authentic Roman artefact, until Michelangelo came along with the missing arm and called shenanigans on himself, just to prove he was as skilled a sculptor as the ancient Romans.
honestly mike? chill.
https://hellskitchensink.com/2017/09/17/i-know-what-i-like/#more-926 wrote a goddamn story about this
Bitch me too. You ain’t special.
oh yes he is
“really?” I say to inanimate objects that are not working like they usually do
“Stay.” I glare at inanimate objects that continuously fall over
“Thank you!” I say exhasperatedly to the inanimate objects when they do finally work right/stay put
“Sorry! I say to the table I bumped into
“SHHH” I say to the inanimate object that keeps making noise
“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” I huff at the persistent kitchen timer.
“Don’t take that tone with me!” I exclaim at objects that make strange and sudden unknown noises.
“Stop crying, you’re fine,” I snap as I’m looking for the charger cord for the electronic device beeping demandingly at me.
“Oh nice, real mature,” I snarl at devices that suddenly stop working after I berate them for not working properly.
JESUS CHRIST I HAVE NEVER RELATED SO HARD IN MY LIFE
“Don’t you shout at me” to the till whenever I don’t hit the right button and it beeps shrilly at me.
Report: humans seem to believe that inanimate objects possess a spirit of some sort, and will often address them thinking the item will hear and understand. This makes our previous observations about the joy they experience when blowing things up quite disturbing.
Look mate, humans believe on a subconscious level that we are surrounded by a horde of diminutive assholes waiting for a chance to make our lives miserable and we have no way of correcting this behavior. Of course we’re going to delight in destruction.
Reminder: excessive anthropomorphization of inanimate objects may lead to Tsukumogamis.
Don’t use the GM’s name, instead just call them “The One Who Narrates”, said in a dramatic whisper
Call them “All-mighty GM” because they are and you should appreciate it.
so fun fact, my group has a long running joke of calling the GM the almighty god man.
They are The Storyteller, The Worldbuilder, The World Weaver and should be addressed as such
Call them Daddy
Please do not.
DM stands for Daddy Master
So, hey, I noticed my pure and good post has got unusually popular and let me just say, these here dastardly shenanigans had better not be what’s behind that.
Anyway, we always refer to our DM’s as The Wise and Benevolent Game Master.
Dank Master
why does this look like Thor & Loki in Ghostbusters?
I’d totally headcannon that.
Who ya gonna call? 👻
why do loki’s eyebrows look so weird?
Theres no good hair care products in space for eyebrows.
then explain this
He makes his own.
for some reason that sounds dirty
“why do loki’s eyebrows look so weird?”
That’s ‘cause he’s happy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ue80QwXMRHg Can we talk about the fact that the song for this is In The Face of Evil by The Magic Sword
I fucking love that
I have….so many questions
It’s better if we don’t ask them.
the actual FUCK
This particular McDonald’s is a liminal space, connected to multiple dimensions and timelines like spaghetti tangled around a meatball.
Dude and his wife have been finding and losing each other for centuries.
If you go inside next Thursday it’ll be 1993 and you can watch them meet.
It’s very romantic, but quite crowded, due to three hundred years’ worth of mildly curious time travelers showing up.
Also they run out of Big Mac sauce.
Do not go inside.
You will probably trip over the briefcase of a businessman from 2067 and get bitten by someone’s poorly-behaved pet robot archaeopteryx, and the intrepid explorer from 1672 in a steampunk dimension will whap you over the head with her umbrella right when he says his first words to her, and your Big Mac won’t have any special sauce.
Also there’s a small but nonzero risk that you’ll step out into the Upper Cretaceous and be eaten by a confused adolescent T-rex that really only wanted your soft-serve ice cream, but isn’t complaining about the rest of you.
Anyway, the guy in the other window has been living in the McDonald’s for six years straight, after his home dimension was over run by parasitic space wasps.
He’d leave, but every time he tries he comes out into either a Category 4 hurricane or the opening scene of the Star Wars Holiday Special.
He’s got his own secret stash of the Big Mac sauce.
I…*brain explodes*
Don’t think I’ve ever seen someone go six Cuil deep.
