blue lions run is going well

The first funny bitch was Cain, who straight up lied to God after killing his brother.

God: where’s Abel?

Cain: fuck if I know??? I’m not in charge of him

It is TRAGIC that you can’t read this in the original Hebrew.

God:  Where’s the Sheepkeeper?

Cain: Do I LOOK like a Brotherkeeper? 

God: hey where’s Abel???

Cain:

He killed his yonger brother in cold blood because he was jealous of him. There is in no way anything funny about this. No hesitation just poped a rock over his turned head, droped his body over the edged and tried to lie to god about what he did. FUCK YALL CRAZIES!!!

oh are those the receipts, Cain is problematic now?

Cainceled 

This post gets worse every reblog

yet im not Abel to scroll past

This post hit me like a rock to the head

This is the quality content that keeps me on Tumblr

also re last post i think a crucial part of treating your ace friends like you actually respect them is not acting like non-sexual content and child-friendly content are the same thing. which also means not assuming all stories and media aimed at adults need to contain sex (@ creators, take note). because it's shitty to be an adult and find that there is nothing out there written for someone like you and everyone's suggestions are always for children's media. there's nothing wrong with kidlit etc but sometimes, you know, you're an adult, you want stories that reflect the fact that you're an adult, and you want acknowledgement that adulthood and interest in sex are not synonyms. and likewise when you are writing non sexual content for an adult audience it sucks to have people assume it's meant to be for kids and to expect it to fulfil a purpose it wasn't made for

basically this just boils down to stop treating sex repulsion and/or disinterest as something people automatically grow out of and stop treating asexual people as perpetual children, but like, specifically focused on the kinds of stories being told and created and the assumptions underlying how they're pitched

I didn't even notice the skateboard the first time

Literal bundle of joy,,

Also alternate:

Thinking of the larger context of LOTR and like, the fellowship swapping old war stories and shit and Sam just says “Yeah I killed a huge spider…Shelob, I think?”

And Gandalf just blinks and is like, “You what now?”

“Yeah, killed it. Had to save Frodo”

Gandalf elects not to tell Sam that he killed the spawn of a primordial demon.

the daughter of the embodiment of darkness which ate the original sun and moon and almost ate the devil.

That's not important. What is important is that it was a danger to Mister Frodo.

u guys know theres other movies and books than hp right. like you dont need to and cannot "find ways to read/watch hp without supporting jkr". unless youre literally doing literary research, engaging with it knowing about jkrs shittiness is a form of support. fucking read something else

‘why does every setting consider witch and wizard the magical genders’ they dont, read other books ‘im upset at how all goblins are antisemitic stereotypes’ they arent, read other books ‘im unhappy that the only careers shown for these kids after wizard school is wizard teacher and wizard cop and dont explore the wizard world outside of the school’ boy, would you be thrilled to hear about this thing called other books ‘its so unsatisfying how they never really went anywhere with the house elf liberation thing’ i am going to beat you with a copy of ‘feet of clay’ ‘but theres no other female fantasy authors to give a good role model for aspiring women writers to prove a woman can succeed in male dominated literature’ i could make a moderately sized house of of the books written by Ursula K Le Guin, Anne McCaffrey , and Margaret Weis alone, with the front door made of the awards theyve earned ‘we cant ignore her contributions to popular culture’ oh yes we can! Margaret Weis, who i pointed out above, was part of the team that put dragons in dungeons and dragons, i would argue thats more of a sticking point then ‘what if wizards went to school’, which, itself, was handled infinitely better by Ursula describing magic schools and apprenticeships and got made into a ghibli movie so its hardly an original idea that a small child is treated badly but then hes told hes the protagonist and gets to go to the land of whimsy where he always wins and the education consists of ‘point stick and say stoppus badguyus’ and school houses that just reinforce brittish social classes and magic racism READ

OTHER

BOOKS

theres a lot of them, theyre good, many of them are free, i could write a list of books that have really good magical settings/systems thats longer then my arm

What can I say? I’m a vampire! 🤭

today some guy very confidently ordered a “Busted Nut Parfait” on drive thru without hesitation and i had to ask if he meant a peanut buster parfait without crying

update: today someone asked for a peanut buster parfait with “light syrup and heavy nut” and i laughed from the ice cream machine and he heard me

two men can have straight sex with each other. if they’re homophobic enough.

a dumb comic that I couldn’t stop thinking about ajdjajfnsjfh

getting comments on ao3 makes me go so power hungry like. oh yeah you read the thing?? you read the WHOLE thing and even took time out of your day to give your WRITTEN INPUT on it???? make out with me.

Satanic manufacturing cannot appear in the realm of god

I use my cell phone in my dreams like, all the time, what are you people fucking talking about

In my recurring "I'm still in school" nightmares, I use my phone to check my grades or my class schedule. Said nightmares even include me struggling to remember my password and getting locked out of my account. Very realistic.

No no, Fizzgig! You stay here! 

The Dark Crystal (1982) dir. Jim Hensen & Frank Oz

I will be 70 years old and I still will never have gotten over the time the Mythbusters used a rocket powered steel wall to - and I use this word as literally as possible - vaporize an entire car into red mist

https://youtu.be/Nl8xTqTUGCY

If you haven’t seen this episode of Mythbusters I feel so bad for you because “What car?” remains to this day as a defining moment of my adolescence and my entire life

That was a near-religious experience 

I made a gif of it for those of you who cant watch the video in your country. Or if you know you just want to stare at it mesmerized like me

Oh wow they sure did vaporise that car into red mist

@identifying-cars-in-posts?

1994-1996 Ford Aspire

(formerly)

I’m partial to the “Can a Snowplow Split a Car in Two” one. The answer was “No”, so they naturally ramped it up. Which led to this

A rocket powered, sharpened steel wedge slicing a car (with its engine!) in two, right down the middle

@identifying-cars-in-posts what’s this one?

1988-1989 Honda Civic

(formerly)

Happy Earth Day from the Aquarium! 💙

There are people around the globe doing important work to achieve the goal of protecting our planet. This Earth Week, check out the work that the Aquarium’s Conservation and Science team is doing to tackle large issues like plastic pollution on both the national and global scale.  Check out our earth week page to learn more. Remember, we’re all in this together. 💙

“The birds have got the zoomies! Let’s take a slomo video of them flying it’ll be cool!”

*Demon dinosaur sounds*