dang therapists really have one move and it's always cbt. girl I live under the poverty line, changing my way of thinking isn't going to fix my money issues. It's not gonna fix bigotry. A coping skill that will help me in the moment isn't going to fix my chronic anxiety then they turn around and hit you with the "Maybe you aren't trying hard enough" maybe you need a new job

Right?! It honestly feels like being gaslit a lot of the time - worse, like being expected and pressured to learn to gaslight YOURSELF. Because CBT works on the assumption that your anxieties are irrational, that changing the world around you is not only impossible but undesirable, and the only thing that needs fixing is you.

that's actually exactly what it feels like, and it also doesn't work for people who've been gaslit in the past because you're already used to not trusting yourself or your own thoughts.

What am I supposed to do with this Gerald. this is a nothing burger. you are not helping. like

"It's all in your head" wow you needed a degree for this?

I don't know if the CBT ever helped me much, but it sure did teach me a bunch of new ways to police myself. 🥲

CBT often just doesn't work for neurodivergent, traumatized, and marginalized people.

icant even explain why i feel this way about it but this meme, this specific version, just makes me so emotional i love it so so much. its very heartwarming. peace n love on planet earth

Tbh I think the joke of halimede relies on halimede being too out of touch with the actual experiences, wants and needs of trans women to effectively score. This works on twitter because tweeting into the void sounds like she's yelling at clouds. Having her in the actual tumblr environment where trans women are constantly commenting and interacting breaks the immersion

I'm scared of what we may create here. I don't think the world is ready

I’m scared of what we

may create here. I don’t think

the world is ready

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

Context.

I hate seeing tweets like this because they all present the issue as "privileged cis people getting a taste of the trans experience and wanting out" instead of "intersex people being discriminated against" because the latter is what's actually happening. you cannot write a tweet like this and fail to acknowledge that these people are cis, yes, but they are also intersex and are being discriminated against because they are intersex.

intersex people and trans people should be holding hands on this issue and fighting for each other but perisex trans people continually erase intersex cis people from the discussion.

I'm literally begging y'all to use the word "intersex" when talking about this

Funeral

“I’m sorry,” said Danny, speaking to the headstone in lieu of anything else to talk to.  He certainly wasn’t going to speak to the empty and expectant grave a few feet away.  “I wanted to wait.  I want to wait.  It’s just–”  He cut himself off, curling his hands into fists.  “There are so many things I haven’t seen, haven’t done.  Jazz got married, you know?  She’s pregnant.  If I was– I could have–”

He fell silent and adjusted the collar of his overcoat, trying to keep the frigid Ghost Zone wind away from his currently human neck.  

Every year… Every damn year…

Tags like this are the reason I tend to donate extra to AO3 when I can afford to.

Honestly, I don’t even care if people I know donate. AO3 is designed so that a few generous patrons can make a nice thing exist for everyone… But holy shit do I wish tumblr would learn how websites and companies work because it is important to know what motivates them.

On AO3, MORE TRAFFIC IS NOT BETTER HOLYFUCK. That’s only true when traffic = more ad revenue or a better pitch to venture capitalists or something.

Ao3 is literally a nonprofit, kids.

to clarify, rather than scold: The Archive Of Our Own is a nonprofit organization that runs an archive of fanfiction, specifically for the purposes of recording and maintaining all fanfics uploaded to it. it was founded after livejournal and fanfiction.net repeatedly deleted queer and ‘problematic’ fanfics in order to please advertisers and keep getting ad revenue. for decades, fandom was at the mercy of corporations who repeatedly deleted–with little warning and no mercy–whatever platforms were used to host fanfiction, especially dark, queer, kinky, and immoral fanfiction that would annoy corporate interests or scare off investors or offend advertisers.

AO3 is specifically relies on donations, rather than ad revenue, because it is the Archive Of Our Own, and is not answerable to any political agenda other than protecting and maintaining, again, all the fanfiction uploaded to it. there are checks and balances, and there’s a governing board, and they’re all dead serious about making sure that the archive endures any attempts by outside parties to censor or remove its content, no matter how abhorrent that content is.

the archive is an archive, not a social network or a platform. it hosts content and it serves that content to users in an efficient way–hence the phenomenal tag system–but it is meant to safeguard writers and their writing, not to profit from its users. it literally can’t profit off of its users or monetize their interactions in any way, just by virtue of its own structure: all money given to a nonprofit goes towards furthering that organization’s mission.

see, when a company or corporation makes money, it pays for labor and upkeep and then the guys that own the company keep the rest of the money, and that’s profit. when a nonprofit makes money, it pays for labor and upkeep and then if it has extra, it reinvests in various ways, like building new things or improving old things, or it saves the money for future labor and upkeep it might need.

the archive cares that users are able to control their own experiences of it, and filter out the stuff they don’t want to see. they care that users are protected from harassment. but they don’t profit from users’ engagement with the site, so they don’t do anything to encourage traffic the way a for-profit site that’s monetized engagement has.

hopefully this explanation helps someone.

tl;dr, a non-profit archive can’t profit from traffic the way for-profit social networks do, so it doesn’t care about you in a completely different way.

Note to vacationing non-Americans: while it’s true that America doesn’t always have the best food culture, the food in our restaurants is really not representative of what most of us eat at home.  The portions at Cheesecake Factory or IHOP are meant to be indulgent, not just “what Americans are used to.”

If you eat at a regular American household, during a regular meal where they’re not going out of their way to impress guests, you probably will not be served twelve pounds of chocolate-covered cream cheese.  Please bear this in mind before writing yet another “omg I can’t believe American food” post.

Also, most American restaurant portions are 100% intended as two meals’ worth of food. Some of my older Irish relatives still struggle with the idea that it’s not just not rude to eat half your meal and take the rest home, it’s expected. (Apparently this is somewhat of an American custom.)

Until you’re hitting the “fancy restaurant” tier (the kind of place you go for a celebration or an anniversary date), a dinner out should generally also be lunch for the next day. Leftovers are very much the norm.

From the little time I’ve spent in Canada, this seems to be the case up there as well.

the portions in family restaurants (as opposed to haute cuisine types) are designed so that no one goes away hungry.

volume IS very much a part of the american hospitality tradition, and Nobody Leaves Hungry is important. but you have to recognize that it’s not how we cook for ourselves, it’s how we welcome guests and strengthen community ties.

so in order to give you a celebratory experience and make you feel welcomed, family restaurants make the portions big enough that even if you’re a teenage boy celebrating a hard win on the basketball court, you’re still going to be comfortably full when you leave.

of course, that means that for your average person with a sit-down job, who ate a decent lunch that day, it’s twice as much as they want or more. that’s ok. as mentioned above, taking home leftovers is absolutely encouraged. that, too, is part of american hospitality tradition; it’s meant to invoke fond memories of grandma loading you down with covered dishes so you can have hearty celebration food all week. pot luck church basement get-togethers where the whole town makes sure everybody has enough. that sort of thing. it’s about sharing. it’s about celebrating Plenty.

it’s not about pigging out until you get huge. treating it that way is pretty disrespectful of our culture. and you know, contrary to what the world thinks, we do have one.

Reblogging because I honestly never thought about it but yeah, this lines up.

This is also why the idea of “pay a lot for fancy food on tiny plates” pisses so many Americans off. Unless you are rich enough not to care about throwing your money away, it’s not just a ridiculous ripoff in terms of not filling you up, it’s stingy. Restaurants are places of hospitality. If I pay that much for a plate it had better be damn good and it had better be generous. Otherwise they are just trying to fleece me out of my money AND saying they don’t value me as a customer.

If I go to IHOP or Olive Garden or whatnot, I absolutely don’t need to eat again until evening if I had leftovers, and until the next day if I did eat everything (you can’t really take pancakes home as leftovers).

But EVEN IF I DID EAT EVERYTHING and then ate a full meal on top of that, later, it’s really not anyone’s place to criticize what other people eat. It just isn’t. Let it go. It’s old.

Making fun of American food culture and food habits isn’t original or surprising or witty or funny or getting one over on us or crafting a clever retort or whatever. It’s lazy and petty and childish.

Yeah, we eat a lot of hamburgers. They’re fucking delicious. Cope.

i mean if i had the power to explode my high school nemeses with my mind I Would

Tbh I think part of what's going on this season is that a lot of the reason for limiting downtime was to limit what they could do regarding the mystery, including learning more about the Rat Grinders.

Because like Fantasy High, the final confrontation could not happen sooner than a specific date (the birthday, the election). What is he gonna do, if they learned about Ankarna, got to know all the Grinders well enough to understand them, found a smoking gun in Jace's office and then actually remembered the Ragh Barkrock connection and who Barbarian Healed him. And it's January.

Send them to jail again?

The combat this season (like in basically all 5e frankly, you can expect to literally never be in a fair fight in this game) was balanced to be very easy for them especially with all the favorable calls that Brennan made, but the mystery and the optional task of engaging with the Rat Grinders was balanced to be a difficult thing to do. In the mechanics of the game.

seen some astronomically bad takes on twt recently… death is literally impermanent in fhjy what do you mean ur mad abt the rat grinders going down in an battle to the death?? has being brought back to life not been a major theme or were we watching two different shows

I really like what this physicist, Lamar Glover, has to say in Behind the Curve. 

+ this part from Spiros Michalakis:

Incredibly good take which is really rare for these topics

Transcribed text:

Quote by physicist LAMAR GROVER:

“Truthers, flat-earthers, anti-vaxxers… when we leave people behind, we leave bright minds to mutate and stagnate. These folks are potential scientists gone completely wrong. Their natural inquisitiveness and rejection of norms could be beneficial to science if they were more scientifically-literate.”

Quote by Dr SPIROS MICHALAKIS:

“The problem I see is actually not from the side of the conspiracy theorists. It is actually from our side, from the side of science. Very often it is difficult not to look down. My friend said: “Sometimes, the way to change someone’s mind is to shame them”. And I say, I don’t think that’s the last resort, ever. This is the same as saying that, if a kid doesn’t get a particular subject, it’s not your fault as the teacher, it is their own fault. I do not believe that. It is you haven’t developed your empathy to see from their point of view where they’re getting stuck. The worst case scenario is you just completely push these individuals at the fringe of society, and then society just lost them.“

I think I've worked out (part of the reason) why there's been such a huge uptick in folks who don't reblog things on here.

This post has like 14k notes right now, and the tags and comments and reblogs are FULL of people who didn't know about fast-reblog, and -- you guys have been slow-reblogging this whole time!?!??!?!?

In the interests of a) making your lives easier, and b) encouraging you to reblog posts, which is what keeps this site alive, here's how you fast-reblog:

You're welcome. Now get reblogging.

as someone who lives by tags i'm begging everyone to at least try @new-xkit-extension /x-kit rewritten!!! hover over the reblog button and tag without leaving the dash, my beloved... among 8 million other indispensable features. i don't get how ppl use tumblr w/o it. <3

Ah yes of course, like the all you can eat shrimp was simply too generous sounded like a fucking dumb explanation

Also their largest shareholder, a seafood distributor, maneuvered things so they became the sole supplier of breaded shrimp for the chain. Think of how much breaded shrimp Red Lobster buys.

One of the other fun tricks of private equity firms is to charge the company to be managed by them. Imagine if your boss charged you literal actual dollars to be managed by them.

It's kinda funny how often people think there are machinations behind the scenes, but as long as there's a good joke, they don't look further. A big chain doesn't go bankrupt because of a single $11 million loss due to a shrimp promotion. (Also, btw, they were forced to make that losing promotion permanent instead of time limited.)

In case you didn’t know:

The Electoral College originally heavily favored Slave States, because the large slave populations contributed to electoral points, but obviously slaves could not vote, so voting whites in those states had more political power per vote.

And NOWADAYS, the Electoral College heavily favors states with high prison populations for exactly the same reasons. 

This is literally why the 3/5ths compromise was created. 

Well, this and seats in Congress. Yes.

I’m trying to figure out how to check the second part of this premise. I guess I gotta look at prison populations by state and then cross check to electoral seats. 

That prison is used as a way to disenfranchise people of color is a fact, but I had thought that because seats were awarded based on population, more densely populated states, tending to be more urban, tend to be more Democratic. And I had figured that prison populations tended to follow the general population numbers. Time to research.

shit, so much math…I got a list of incarceration per population and a list of electoral seats. I think where I’m getting lost is the proportion of seats per population, which is what I need to compare incarceration rates against. 

Yeah, I’m not seeing much correlation between rate of incarceration and proportion of electoral seats. But maybe I’m missing the point somewhere?

Within states of high incarceration, prisoners count as part of the population(and thus, more electoral points for that state) but CAN NOT VOTE, thus the power of all the other votes is raised.

oh, now I see what I missed in the comparison. Effectively white voters count more in high incarceration states. The proportion of electoral seats is already odd depending on population and further skewed by voter disenfranchisement compounded by disproportionately incarcerating people of color. It’s not so much an issue of how the electoral seats are awarded on the federal level (which is what I was thinking about) but how voter disenfranchisement by states affects federal level elections.

So Alabama, with its high incarceration rate, although it looks on the electoral map to be fairly balanced, is actually very imbalanced because the number of people eligible to vote doesn’t match the population number that determined the number of electoral seats. 

Exactly, yes. The point distribution by population looks…ok (smaller states do get more points proportionally) but voter disenfranchisement through incarceration and other means can skew that really badly within a state (like slavery did with the 3/5 compromise.)

I knew all these facts individually - the 3/5 compromise, electoral college votes determined by population, people convicted of felonies lose voting rights, black people are imprisoned at a higher rate than whites - but I never put all those together to realize what they meant.

That is an entire new level of horrifying.

This NPR article describes how this practice intertwines with gerrymandering

We need to throw out the Reapportionment Act of 1929 and adjust House Representatives per state to be more even across the US population.

Set the number of reps to 1 per 500k people - Wyoming gets one, like now… and New York jumps from 27 to 39; Texas jumps from 36 to 60, and California jumps from 52 to 78.

That would go a long way towards fixing the electoral college; low-population states wouldn’t have a heavy thumb on the scale for presidential elections.

And we need to eliminate disenfranchisement of prisoners. One adult person, one vote. Vermont and Maine manage this now, so we know it’s not impossible to implement voting for people in prison.

New rule, non muslims can’t say the word jihad. Until you stop conflating a word that means personal struggle with faith and temptation with terrorism youre just not allowed to say it.

I’m not a Muslim but I just thought I would reblog this because I think it’s definitely worth listening to.

It’s totally okay for non muslims to reblog this, and i encourage it. Im just glad you’re listening.

Oh god, finally someone said it. Every time I see words like “jihadist” I want to scream, but I’m not Muslim, so I wasn’t sure I should say anything. 

Jihad means struggle. It doesn’t mean holy war or anything like it. In fact, there is no word in Islam for holy war, because the nature of Islam does not leave room for holy war. Islam has a juridical system, not a Pope who can just say “Go wage holy war.” Conflating the personal nature of jihad with violence is so very gross and it needs to stop. Period.

Actually, there’s another word non-muslims in the media shouldn’t use:

Allahu Akbar. It’s not a statement of terrorism. It means “god is great”. It’s something we say to praise our lord. It’s what we say when we pray. It’s not a statement of terrorism. Allahu Akbar doesn’t mean terrorism stop using it as one

I would really appreciate it if non Muslims understood this

People like to think of others as sane and reasonable and fail to understand the reality of an entire population raised so deeply depraved, hateful and bloodthirsty that they will go out of their way to block aid. They genuinely want all life in Gaza wiped out and say so. They make TikToks with their dream of resorts and Disneyland and houses on the ruins. Eating poison from day one that turns a baby into a gleeful baby killer.