WTF HAPPY BIRTHDAY KERMIT THE FROG

Omg I share my birthday with Kermit

Mina: I can’t wait to hear about my amazing boyfriend’s travels! I bet he’s having so much fun

Meanwhile, Jonathan:

Anyone else constantly on edge because we are in the final stages of late capitalism and these next couple of decades are gonna be make or break for the western world, and this just happens to coincide with the part of my life where I’m supposed to make something of myself :/

please raise your children to wash their hands after they use the restroom I’ve watched too many men walk straight out of the bathroom from the stall without a second thought and it’s keeping me up at night

I mean if you taking a piss who cares if you don’t wash your hands, unless you just like go full power and spray yourself like a out of control fire hose

stay the fuck away from me

people who wash their hands after peeing are weak and must be culled

The only excuse for not washing your hands after you piss is mastering the art of pissing without touching your genitals.

You wash your hands every time you touch your dick? How grimy is your dick?

I’m literally never shaking a man’s hand ever again in my life y'all need jesus

remember how i told y'all?

(they don’t wash their hands after shitting either)

What I’m learning is that men are the reason for “employees must wash their hands” signs and why I never put 2 and 2 together is beyond me

Just out of curiosity, do yall wash your hands every time you touch your arm or the back of your hand or any other part if your body?

wash your fucking hands, dickfingers mcgee

what the fuck is wrong with these dudes bruh

I want to spray this post with Lysol

AHEM.

“According to epidemiologist Richard T. Ellison III, it doesn’t matter what you do in the bathroom when it comes to keeping your hands clean. ‘The rationale is that when toileting, it’s possible to have fecal material and fecal bacteria get onto your hands … So it’s wisest to always wash with soap and water even after urinating. Neither plain water nor alcohol hand sanitizers are effective at removing fecal material or killing bacteria in fecal material.’ 

“According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, handwashing can prevent various illnesses and infections. Ellison added that it can also keep us from coming in contact with E. Coli and hepatitis.This is especially important for men to bear in mind because of perianal sweat. This type of sweat forms around the perianal area, which is the patch of skin outside the rectum. It can then spread to one’s underwear and to other parts of the body like the penis. Biology professor Pat Fidopiastis explained, ‘The point is that simply touching the penis in an effort to direct your urine flow can be more than enough to transfer harmful microbes to your hands, and then on to the pretzels sitting in bowl on the bar.’“

WASH.

YOUR.

HANDS.

a level in a game: *has glowing mushrooms*

me: such incredible world building….. impeccable level design…… the cinnamon tography……..

Unlike ocean mermaids who have plenty of room to grow their hair, freshwater mermaids prefer shorter styles similar to humans; because of their close proximity to the surface, “freshies” may also be seen wearing hats to block out sunlight and peek out from the water like alligators.

Additionally, due to their small size in even smaller environments like lakes and rivers, freshwater mermaids prefer human speech for communication over the whale-like humming used by their ocean relatives to speak. 

Abyssal mermaid, humming: [Hello cousin…!] River mermaid, tipping their seashell cowboy hat: HOWDY

I needed to post something over the weekend, so have this

credit for text goes to @skysmadness

TROPE: Family of choice

Some retail complaints from twitter this morning. I don’t think anyone can fully comprehend how stupid humans are until they work a retail or hospitality job.

I’d like to add on the people who ask a question, get an answer they don’t like and ask the same question in a different way to get the response they want.

I get stuff like this often enough at work, but that last one? There is one customer we have that does that so frequently and for so long (personal record with me is goddamn FORTY MINUTES of trying to get the answer she wanted) that we call her Circle Lady when she isn’t present.

Then there are the ones who do this, fail, and try it again with the same employees the next day.

Me: “For the drink, it’s [x amount] :)”

Customer: “I saw a sign that I get a free drink?”

Me: “For signing up for our rewards program, yes :)”

Customer: “Oh… I don’t have one of those”

Me: “Well if you sign up, you can get the free drink! :)”

Customer: “Eh I don’t want to sign up”

Me: “…” “…” “:)”

Customer: “I hate getting all those emails”

Me: “Oh, well you can opt out of emails, I can show you how :)”

Customer: “No thanks, I don’t want an account”

Me: “Okay… well the drink will be [x amount] :)”

Customer: “I thought it was free?”

Me: “:)”

Me: “It’s free if you sign up for our rewards program :)”

Customer: “I don’t want to sign up”

Me: “Then the drink isn’t free :)”

Customer: “You can’t just give me the drink?”

Me: “No, I can’t unfortunately :)”

Customer: “Why not? It’s only [x amount]”

Me: “If that’s not a lot of money to you, why don’t you just pay for it? :)”

Customer: “This is shit customer service”

Me: “:)”

Customer: “This is highway robbery, squeezing every dime out of people, you should be ashamed of yourself—”

Me: “I don’t control the prices, I’m just a cashier :)“

Customer: “—making a fucking fuss over a damn drink and it’s not even a large—”

Me: “That’s not my decision, I’m just a cashier :)”

Customer: “—and you bet I won’t be coming back here again”

Me: “How unfortunate :)”

I can feel the :) deep in my soul

“one piece sucks” oh yeah? well does your shitty anime have

L O N G H O R S E ?