DO YOU LIKE MYTHOLOGY? DO YOU LIKE SWEARING? DO YOU LIKE CAPITAL LETTERS?

WELL THEN, YOU’RE IN ONE FUCKING HELL OF A LOT OF LUCK.

WE’VE WRITTEN A WHOLE TWO BOOKS FOR YOU. YES, YOU. JUST YOU. NOBODY ELSE.

BOTH OF THESE SEXY SEXY BOOKS ARE FILLED WITH MYTHS FROM AROUND THE WORLD, RETOLD IN ALL-CAPS WITH A FUCKLOAD OF SWEARING. THEY’RE BOTH FUCKING GREAT AND WILL EDUCATE YOU IN WEIRD-ASS MYTHOLOGY AND CREATIVE EXPLETIVES. 

THEY ALSO FEATURE NEVER-BEFORE SEEN INFORMATION AND INTERVIEWS WITH YOUR BELOVED ANGRY DRAGON MOD. THAT’S FUCKING RIGHT, IF YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE DRAGON BEHIND THE BLOG, THIS IS WHERE YOU SHOULD LOOK.

OUR FIRST BOOK, MYTHS ARE FUCKING GREAT, IS AVAILABLE FROM THE FOLLOWING PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES AND NOBLE

AND OUR SECOND, EVEN NEWER AND SEXIER BOOK IS AVAILABLE FROM THE SAME PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES & NOBLE

DO YOU LIKE MYTHOLOGY? DO YOU LIKE SWEARING? DO YOU LIKE CAPITAL LETTERS?

WELL THEN, YOU’RE IN ONE FUCKING HELL OF A LOT OF LUCK.

WE’VE WRITTEN A WHOLE TWO BOOKS FOR YOU. YES, YOU. JUST YOU. NOBODY ELSE.

BOTH OF THESE SEXY SEXY BOOKS ARE FILLED WITH MYTHS FROM AROUND THE WORLD, RETOLD IN ALL-CAPS WITH A FUCKLOAD OF SWEARING. THEY’RE BOTH FUCKING GREAT AND WILL EDUCATE YOU IN WEIRD-ASS MYTHOLOGY AND CREATIVE EXPLETIVES. 

THEY ALSO FEATURE NEVER-BEFORE SEEN INFORMATION AND INTERVIEWS WITH YOUR BELOVED ANGRY DRAGON MOD. THAT’S FUCKING RIGHT, IF YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE DRAGON BEHIND THE BLOG, THIS IS WHERE YOU SHOULD LOOK.

OUR FIRST BOOK, MYTHS ARE FUCKING GREAT, IS AVAILABLE FROM THE FOLLOWING PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES AND NOBLE

AND OUR SECOND, EVEN NEWER AND SEXIER BOOK IS AVAILABLE FROM THE SAME PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES & NOBLE

DO YOU LIKE MYTHOLOGY? DO YOU LIKE SWEARING? DO YOU LIKE CAPITAL LETTERS?

WELL THEN, YOU’RE IN ONE FUCKING HELL OF A LOT OF LUCK.

WE’VE WRITTEN A WHOLE TWO BOOKS FOR YOU. YES, YOU. JUST YOU. NOBODY ELSE.

BOTH OF THESE SEXY SEXY BOOKS ARE FILLED WITH MYTHS FROM AROUND THE WORLD, RETOLD IN ALL-CAPS WITH A FUCKLOAD OF SWEARING. THEY’RE BOTH FUCKING GREAT AND WILL EDUCATE YOU IN WEIRD-ASS MYTHOLOGY AND CREATIVE EXPLETIVES. 

THEY ALSO FEATURE NEVER-BEFORE SEEN INFORMATION AND INTERVIEWS WITH YOUR BELOVED ANGRY DRAGON MOD. THAT’S FUCKING RIGHT, IF YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE DRAGON BEHIND THE BLOG, THIS IS WHERE YOU SHOULD LOOK.

OUR FIRST BOOK, MYTHS ARE FUCKING GREAT, IS AVAILABLE FROM THE FOLLOWING PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES AND NOBLE

AND OUR SECOND, EVEN NEWER AND SEXIER BOOK IS AVAILABLE FROM THE SAME PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES & NOBLE

FAIRIES WANT YOUR BABIES

SOMEWHERE IN SCOTLAND, A PIG IS SICK. HER OWNER IS A SINGLE MOTHER AND ONLY HAS ONE PIG. THIS IS FUCKING UPSETTING BECAUSE WITHOUT A PIG HER LIFE WOULD BE SAD AND LACKING IN BACON.

THE WOMAN CRIES ABOUT HER PIG FOR A BIT, BUT THEN A MYSTERIOUS FAIRY LADY SHOWS UP, NOT LOOKING FUCKING SUSPICIOUS AT ALL. THE WOMAN SAYS SHE WOULD GIVE THE FAIRY ANYTHING TO SAVE HER PIG. THE FAIRY WANTS HER BABY (PRESUMABLY FOR EATING PURPOSES).

SEEMINGLY THE WOMAN IS COOL WITH SWAPPING THE BABY FOR A PIG BECAUSE BACON IS MORE IMPORTANT AND THEY MAKE THE DEAL. IN SOME BULLSHIT FAIRY LEGAL LOOPHOLE, THE WOMAN CAN GET HER BABY BACK IF SHE GUESSES THE FAIRY’S NAME WITHIN THREE DAYS.

AFTER TWO DAYS GOING THROUGH ALL THE OBVIOUS NAMES LIKE RUMPLESTILTSKIN, TOM TIT TOT AND NIGEL, THE WOMAN GIVES UP AND GOES FOR A WALK IN THE WOODS. IN SOME BULLSHIT PLOT TWIST, THE FAIRY IS SITTING IN A QUARRY SINGING ABOUT HERSELF.

HER NAME IS WHUPPITY STOORIE. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

THE WOMAN GETS HER BABY BACK AND EVERYONE LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER WITH BACON. 

DO YOU LIKE MYTHOLOGY? DO YOU LIKE SWEARING? DO YOU LIKE CAPITAL LETTERS?

WELL THEN, YOU’RE IN ONE FUCKING HELL OF A LOT OF LUCK.

WE’VE WRITTEN A WHOLE TWO BOOKS FOR YOU. YES, YOU. JUST YOU. NOBODY ELSE.

BOTH OF THESE SEXY SEXY BOOKS ARE FILLED WITH MYTHS FROM AROUND THE WORLD, RETOLD IN ALL-CAPS WITH A FUCKLOAD OF SWEARING. THEY’RE BOTH FUCKING GREAT AND WILL EDUCATE YOU IN WEIRD-ASS MYTHOLOGY AND CREATIVE EXPLETIVES. 

THEY ALSO FEATURE NEVER-BEFORE SEEN INFORMATION AND INTERVIEWS WITH YOUR BELOVED ANGRY DRAGON MOD. THAT’S FUCKING RIGHT, IF YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE DRAGON BEHIND THE BLOG, THIS IS WHERE YOU SHOULD LOOK.

OUR FIRST BOOK, MYTHS ARE FUCKING GREAT, IS AVAILABLE FROM THE FOLLOWING PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES AND NOBLE

AND OUR SECOND, EVEN NEWER AND SEXIER BOOK IS AVAILABLE FROM THE SAME PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES & NOBLE

MICHAEL SCOTT STEALS SNAKE JUICE

MICHAEL SCOTT (PROBABLY NOT THE CLASSICIST OR THAT FUCKER FROM THE OFFICE, BUT WE LIVE IN HOPE) IS A BADASS SCOTTISH MAGIC FUCKER. 

MICHAEL GOT HIS MAGIC POWERS FROM SOME FUCKERY INVOLVING A GIANT SNAKE. IT’S ALWAYS GOT TO BE SNAKES. YOUNG MICHAEL WAS PISSING AROUND ON AN ADVENTURE AND BEAT A LARGE SNAKE TO DEATH SO FUCKING BADLY IT BROKE INTO 3 PIECES.

SOME CRAZY OLD LADY (REPUTABLE SOURCE) TOLD HIM THIS SNAKE WAS A MAGICAL DICKSHIT WHO WOULD COME BACK TO LIFE IF MICHAEL DIDN’T REMOVE ITS MIDDLE SECTION. SO HE GOES BACK TO THE SCENE OF THE BRUTAL MURDER AND PICKS UP THE SNAKE LUMP. 

THERE’S NO PROPER WAY TO DISPOSE OF A SNAKE LUMP OTHER THAN JUST FUCKING EATING THE EVIDENCE, SO THE NICE OLD LADY MAKES A BIG FUCKING SNAKE STEW AND TELLS MICHAEL TO LOOK AFTER IT.

MICHAEL IS FUCKING USELESS AT TEMPTATION AND STEALS A TASTE OF THE SNAKE STEW FIRST. THE OLD LADY IS SUPER FUCKING MAD AT HIM FOR THIS, BECAUSE NOW HE HAS MAGIC POWERS FROM THE SNAKE JUICE. 

DESPITE BEING SCREWED OVER HERE SHE’S STILL QUITE HAPPY AS SNAKE STEW IS DAMN GOOD. MICHAEL SCOTT FUCKS OFF FOR FURTHER WIZARD FUCKERY.

HE THEN GETS SO MANY MAGIC MINIONS THAT HE HAS TO GIVE THEM ALL BULLSHIT JOBS TO KEEP THEM BUSY. EVENTUALLY HE TELLS THEM TO FUCK OFF AND BUILD A LADDER TO THE MOON BECAUSE THAT’S REALLY WHAT THIRTEENTH CENTURY SCOTLAND WAS LACKING.

DO YOU LIKE MYTHOLOGY? DO YOU LIKE SWEARING? DO YOU LIKE CAPITAL LETTERS?

WELL THEN, YOU’RE IN ONE FUCKING HELL OF A LOT OF LUCK.

WE’VE WRITTEN A WHOLE TWO BOOKS FOR YOU. YES, YOU. JUST YOU. NOBODY ELSE.

BOTH OF THESE SEXY SEXY BOOKS ARE FILLED WITH MYTHS FROM AROUND THE WORLD, RETOLD IN ALL-CAPS WITH A FUCKLOAD OF SWEARING. THEY’RE BOTH FUCKING GREAT AND WILL EDUCATE YOU IN WEIRD-ASS MYTHOLOGY AND CREATIVE EXPLETIVES. 

THEY ALSO FEATURE NEVER-BEFORE SEEN INFORMATION AND INTERVIEWS WITH YOUR BELOVED ANGRY DRAGON MOD. THAT’S FUCKING RIGHT, IF YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE DRAGON BEHIND THE BLOG, THIS IS WHERE YOU SHOULD LOOK.

OUR FIRST BOOK, MYTHS ARE FUCKING GREAT, IS AVAILABLE FROM THE FOLLOWING PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES AND NOBLE

AND OUR SECOND, EVEN NEWER AND SEXIER BOOK IS AVAILABLE FROM THE SAME PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES & NOBLE

ACTUAL CANNIBAL SEAN BEAN

YOUNG SCOTTISH FUCKER, SAWNEY BEAN (LET’S JUST CALL HIM SEAN BEAN OK, MOTHERFUCKERS) LEAVES HOME AND GETS HIMSELF A WIFE. ISN’T THAT FUCKING ADORABLE. THEY GO OUT AND LIVE IN A CAVE BECAUSE CAVES ARE FUCKING SUPERIOR LAIRS.

INSTEAD OF GETTING A JOB LIKE A REASONABLE MOTHERFUCKER, MR AND MRS BEAN LIKE TO MURDER TRAVELLERS AND STEAL ALL OF THEIR NICE SHIT. THIS IS GREAT BUT WHAT TO DO WITH A FUCKTONNE OF CORPSES? EAT THEM. EAT ALL OF THE DEAD PEOPLE.

THEY HAD SO MANY CORPSES TO EAT THAT THEY SOMETIMES HAD TO THROW OUT LEFTOVERS, AND THE LOCALS GOT A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS. BUT THE LOCALS WERE FUCKING IDIOTS AND DID NOTHING. 

ALL THIS CANNIBAL FUCKERY CONTINUED FOR YEARS AND SOON THERE WERE MANY BEAN CHILDREN. THEN A SHIT TONNE OF INCEST HAPPENED AND THERE WERE EVEN MORE LITTLE BEANS. 

THEN FINALLY THE BEAN FAMILY FUCKS UP; THEY CATCH A MAN AND HIS WIFE AND ARE SO BUSY DRINKING HER BLOOD THAT THE MAN MANAGES TO GET AWAY AND SOON THERE’S A WHOLE FUCKING ARMY SENT AFTER HOUSE BEAN.

SEAN BEAN AND HIS SONS HAVE THEIR LIMBS CHOPPED OFF AND ARE LEFT TO BLEED TO DEATH; THE LADIES ARE BURNED BECAUSE FIRE IS FUN.

MORAL OF THE STORY; HIDE YOUR CANNIBALISM A LITTLE BETTER NEXT TIME. ALSO DON’T BE SEAN BEAN. IT DOESN’T FUCKING END WELL.

DO YOU LIKE MYTHOLOGY? DO YOU LIKE SWEARING? DO YOU LIKE CAPITAL LETTERS?

WELL THEN, YOU’RE IN ONE FUCKING HELL OF A LOT OF LUCK.

WE’VE WRITTEN A WHOLE TWO BOOKS FOR YOU. YES, YOU. JUST YOU. NOBODY ELSE.

BOTH OF THESE SEXY SEXY BOOKS ARE FILLED WITH MYTHS FROM AROUND THE WORLD, RETOLD IN ALL-CAPS WITH A FUCKLOAD OF SWEARING. THEY’RE BOTH FUCKING GREAT AND WILL EDUCATE YOU IN WEIRD-ASS MYTHOLOGY AND CREATIVE EXPLETIVES. 

THEY ALSO FEATURE NEVER-BEFORE SEEN INFORMATION AND INTERVIEWS WITH YOUR BELOVED ANGRY DRAGON MOD. THAT’S FUCKING RIGHT, IF YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE DRAGON BEHIND THE BLOG, THIS IS WHERE YOU SHOULD LOOK.

OUR FIRST BOOK, MYTHS ARE FUCKING GREAT, IS AVAILABLE FROM THE FOLLOWING PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES AND NOBLE

AND OUR SECOND, EVEN NEWER AND SEXIER BOOK IS AVAILABLE FROM THE SAME PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES & NOBLE

WHERE DO SEALS COME FROM?

A GIRL CALLED NIVIARSIANG LIVES WITH HER FATHER IN A SHITTY LITTLE VILLAGE.  HER FATHER WANTS HER TO GET MARRIED, BUT SHE’S NOT FUCKING INTERESTED. IN PROTEST, SHE MARRIES THE FAMILY DOG.

SHE MOVES IN HAPPILY WITH HER DOG HUSBAND AND THEY HAVE MANY CHILDREN. FIVE OF THEM ARE PUPPIES, AND THE OTHER FIVE ARE BABIES WITH DOG LEGS. IT’S PRETTY FUCKED UP.

ONE DAY SHE SENDS HER DOG HUSBAND TO VISIT HER DAD AND COLLECT FOOD FOR THE KIDS, BUT HER FATHER DROWNS HER HUSBAND. HE’S A COMPLETE FUCKING DICKWEASEL. 

IN REVENGE SHE SENDS HER PUPPIES OVER TO HIS HOUSE, AND THEY BITE OFF ALL OF HIS FINGERS, WHICH FALL INTO THE SEA AND TURN INTO ADORABLE FLUFFY BABY SEALS. AND THAT’S WHERE MOTHERFUCKING BABY SEALS COME FROM.

DO YOU LIKE MYTHOLOGY? DO YOU LIKE SWEARING? DO YOU LIKE CAPITAL LETTERS?

WELL THEN, YOU’RE IN ONE FUCKING HELL OF A LOT OF LUCK.

WE’VE WRITTEN A WHOLE TWO BOOKS FOR YOU. YES, YOU. JUST YOU. NOBODY ELSE.

BOTH OF THESE SEXY SEXY BOOKS ARE FILLED WITH MYTHS FROM AROUND THE WORLD, RETOLD IN ALL-CAPS WITH A FUCKLOAD OF SWEARING. THEY’RE BOTH FUCKING GREAT AND WILL EDUCATE YOU IN WEIRD-ASS MYTHOLOGY AND CREATIVE EXPLETIVES. 

THEY ALSO FEATURE NEVER-BEFORE SEEN INFORMATION AND INTERVIEWS WITH YOUR BELOVED ANGRY DRAGON MOD. THAT’S FUCKING RIGHT, IF YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE DRAGON BEHIND THE BLOG, THIS IS WHERE YOU SHOULD LOOK.

OUR FIRST BOOK, MYTHS ARE FUCKING GREAT, IS AVAILABLE FROM THE FOLLOWING PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES AND NOBLE

AND OUR SECOND, EVEN NEWER AND SEXIER BOOK IS AVAILABLE FROM THE SAME PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES & NOBLE

DUCKS IN SOCKS

UP IN THE ARCTIC CIRCLE, ALL BIRDS WEAR FUCKING MASSIVE FLUFFY SOCKS TO KEEP THEIR LITTLE BIRDY FEET WARM. KIVIUQ IS WELL AWARE OF THIS AND, NOT CONTENT WITH BURNING HIS FIRST WIFE TO DEATH AND THEN MARRYING A FOX, DECIDES THAT HE WANTS TO FUCK A DUCK. 

HE GOES DOWN TO THE LAKE AND WAITS FOR ALL THE BIRDS TO TAKE THEIR SOCKS OFF AND GO FOR A SWIM, AND THEN HE SNEAKS OVER AND STEALS ALL THE FLUFFY SOCKS. KIVIUQ IS A HEARTLESS SHITWEASEL AND EVEN THE THOUGHT OF DUCKS DEPRIVED OF THEIR FLUFFY SOCKS AND LEFT TO SHIVER IN THE COLD SNOW DOESN’T SOFTEN HIS HARD SHITTY HEART. WHEN THE BIRDS GET OUT OF THE LAKE, THEY REALISE THAT THEIR SOCKS HAVE BEEN STOLEN AND THEY ALL START TO CRY.

KIVIUQ LOOKS AT THE BIRDS, SEES A REALLY FUCKING SEXY SWAN, WALKS OVER TO HER AND OFFERS TO GIVE HER SOCKS BACK IF SHE’LL MARRY HIM. SHE STARES AT HIM FOR A BIT, BITES HIS HAND, GRABS THE SOCKS AND FUCKS OFF. THEN HE TRIES THE SAME THING ON A GOOSE, WHO AGREES TO MARRY HIM. HE GIVES ALL THE OTHER BIRDS BACK THEIR SOCKS, HAVING ABUSED THEM UNTIL HE FOUND A WIFE, AND FUCKS OFF BACK HOME WITH HIS NEW GOOSE WIFE.

THE TWO OF THEM HAVE FOUR BEAUTIFUL BABY EGGS TOGETHER, AND KIVIUQ, BEING THE FUCKBUCKET HE IS, EATS TWO OF THE KIDS FOR BREAKFAST AND ONLY LETS TWO OF THEM HATCH. EVENTUALLY HIS GOOSE WIFE IS SO FED UP WITH THIS BABY-EATING BULLSHIT THAT SHE JUST GRABS THE OTHER KIDS AND FUCKS OFF WITH THEM TO THE LAND OF THE BIRDS, LEAVING KIVIUQ TO GROW OLD AND TURN TO STONE AT HOME ON HIS OWN, WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT HE FUCKING DESERVES.

DO YOU LIKE MYTHOLOGY? DO YOU LIKE SWEARING? DO YOU LIKE CAPITAL LETTERS?

WELL THEN, YOU’RE IN ONE FUCKING HELL OF A LOT OF LUCK.

WE’VE WRITTEN A WHOLE TWO BOOKS FOR YOU. YES, YOU. JUST YOU. NOBODY ELSE.

BOTH OF THESE SEXY SEXY BOOKS ARE FILLED WITH MYTHS FROM AROUND THE WORLD, RETOLD IN ALL-CAPS WITH A FUCKLOAD OF SWEARING. THEY’RE BOTH FUCKING GREAT AND WILL EDUCATE YOU IN WEIRD-ASS MYTHOLOGY AND CREATIVE EXPLETIVES. 

THEY ALSO FEATURE NEVER-BEFORE SEEN INFORMATION AND INTERVIEWS WITH YOUR BELOVED ANGRY DRAGON MOD. THAT’S FUCKING RIGHT, IF YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE DRAGON BEHIND THE BLOG, THIS IS WHERE YOU SHOULD LOOK.

OUR FIRST BOOK, MYTHS ARE FUCKING GREAT, IS AVAILABLE FROM THE FOLLOWING PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES AND NOBLE

AND OUR SECOND, EVEN NEWER AND SEXIER BOOK IS AVAILABLE FROM THE SAME PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES & NOBLE

BEARS? BEARS.

ONE DAY, WHILE KIVIUQ IS OUT HUNTING, HE RUNS INTO A BEAR. IT’S FUCKING MASSIVE, AND IT LOOKS HUNGRY, SO KIVIUQ IMMEDIATELY FALLS OVER AND PLAYS DEAD. THE BEAR THINK STHIS IS A REALLY FUCKING LUCKY COINCIDENCE, AND DECIDES TO DRAG HIM HOME FOR ITS KIDS TO EAT. IT PEELS OFF ITS SKIN, PUTS KIVIUQ ON IT, AND STARTS TO DRAG HIM HOME. 

ON THE WAY HOME, THE BEAR STARTS TO WONDER IF KIVIUQ IS ACTUALLY DEAD. IT TURNS AROUND AND INSPECTS HIS FACE TO SEE IF HE’S BREATHING. KIVIUQ KNOWS WHAT’S GOING ON, THOUGH, SO HE STARTS BREATHING THROUGH HIS BUTT BECAUSE HE’S JUST THAT FUCKING GREAT AT CONTROLLING HIS BREATH. THE BEAR SMELLS FARTS, AND GOES ROUND THE BACK TO CHECK, AT WHICH POINT KIVIUQ GOES BACK TO BREATHING THROUGH HIS NOSE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING HUMAN. 

THE BEAR GETS KIVIUQ HOME AND IS ABOUT TO DISEMBOWEL HIM AND COOK HIM WHEN HE JUMPS UP, GRABS AN AXE, AND CUTS THE BEAR’S MOTHERFUCKING LEGS OFF RIGHT IN FRONT OF ITS WIFE AND KIDS, WHO ALL LOOK HORRIFIED. KIVIUQ THEN FUCKS OFF INTO THE WOODS, PURSUED BY THE BEAR’S WIFE. 

WHEN HE REACHES A STREAM, HE JUMPS OVER IT AND THEN TALKS TO IT NICELY AUNTIL IT AGREES TO TURN INTO A FUCKING MASSIVE RIVER. THE BEAR’S WIFE CATCHES UP WITH HIM BUT CAN’T CROSS THE RIVER, SO SHE ASKS KIVIUQ WHAT THE FUCK HE DID TO GET OVER THAT RIVER, AND HE TELLS HER HE DRANK IT AND MAYBE SHE SHOULD TRY THE SAME.

UNFORTUNATELY FOR MRS BEAR, SHE’S REALLY FUCKING STUPID AND FALLS FOR KIVIUQ’S REALLY SHITTY LIES. KIVIUQ IS, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, A COMPLETE DICKBAG. MRS BEAR DRINKS THE WATER, AND JUST AS SHE THINKS SHE’S HAD ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO MAKE IT ACROSS, SHE REALISES THAT SHE ACCIDENTALLY DRANK FAR MORE THAN SHE SHOULD HAVE DONE. THEN SHE JUST FUCKING EXPLODES. KIVIUQ HAS SUCCESSFULLY MURDERED TWO BEARS, LEAVING THEIR KIDS TO STARVE TO DEATH WITH ONLY THE LEGLESS FUCKING CORPSE OF THEIR FATHER FOR COMPANY. WHAT A FUCKING SHITSTAIN.

DO YOU LIKE MYTHOLOGY? DO YOU LIKE SWEARING? DO YOU LIKE CAPITAL LETTERS?

WELL THEN, YOU’RE IN ONE FUCKING HELL OF A LOT OF LUCK.

WE’VE WRITTEN A WHOLE TWO BOOKS FOR YOU. YES, YOU. JUST YOU. NOBODY ELSE.

BOTH OF THESE SEXY SEXY BOOKS ARE FILLED WITH MYTHS FROM AROUND THE WORLD, RETOLD IN ALL-CAPS WITH A FUCKLOAD OF SWEARING. THEY’RE BOTH FUCKING GREAT AND WILL EDUCATE YOU IN WEIRD-ASS MYTHOLOGY AND CREATIVE EXPLETIVES. 

THEY ALSO FEATURE NEVER-BEFORE SEEN INFORMATION AND INTERVIEWS WITH YOUR BELOVED ANGRY DRAGON MOD. THAT’S FUCKING RIGHT, IF YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE DRAGON BEHIND THE BLOG, THIS IS WHERE YOU SHOULD LOOK.

OUR FIRST BOOK, MYTHS ARE FUCKING GREAT, IS AVAILABLE FROM THE FOLLOWING PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES AND NOBLE

AND OUR SECOND, EVEN NEWER AND SEXIER BOOK IS AVAILABLE FROM THE SAME PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES & NOBLE

WIFESWAP WITH A WOLVERINE

KIVIUQ AND HIS RELUCTANT FOX WIFE LIVE TOGETHER SORT OF HAPPILY FOR A WHILE. SHE’S NOT REALLY INTO THIS SHIT, AND IT’S KIND OF A FORCED MARRIAGE, BUT HE FEEDS HER AND SHIT LIKE THAT SO SHE’S JUST ABOUT OK WITH IT.

EVENTUALLY, THEY GO ON HOLIDAY TOGETHER AND SET UP THEIR TENT NEXT TO A WOLVERINE’S DEN. MR WOLVERINE LIVES IN A HOLE IN THE GROUND WITH HIS WOLVERINE WIFE, WHO’S ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME AS HIM. SMALL, HAIRY, HAS BIG CLAWS, REALLY FUCKING VICIOUS, SIDEBURNS, AND PROBABLY CANADIAN WITH A DRINKING PROBLEM AND HEALING FACTOR. THEIR MARRIAGE ISN’T REALLY ALL THAT FUCKING GREAT EITHER.

ONE DAY, MR WOLVERINE AND KIVIUQ DECIDE TO SWAP WIVES FOR ONE NIGHT, PRESUMABLY BECAUSE KIVIUQ WANTS TO HAVE HIS FACE TORN OFF BY AN ANGRY WOLVERINE. HE WARNS THE WOLVERINE THAT HIS WIFE IS REALLY FUCKING SHY, AND THEN SETS OFF TO THE WOLVERINE LAIR.

KIVIUQ, BEING A COMPLETELY FUCKING AWFUL DICKWEASEL, FORGETS TO TELL HIS WIFE ABOUT THIS. WHEN MR WOLVERINE GOES INTO KIVIUQ’S TENT THE FOX WIFE SEES HIM, GETS SCARED, PEES ALL OVER THE FLOOR IN TERROR AND FUCKS OFF INTO THE NIGHT.

WHEN HE’S DONE WITH MRS WOLVERINE, KIVIUQ COMES HOME TO FIND NOTHING BUT A PUDDLE OF URINE AND A REALLY FUCKING SAD LOOKING HORNY WOLVERINE. 

KIVIUQ FOLLOWS HIS WIFE’S TRAIL OF FOX PEE ALL THE WAY TO THE BIG CAVE WHERE ALL THE ANIMALS ARE PARTYING TOGETHER, REFUSES THE ADVANCES OF A REALLY FUCKING SEXY LEMMING, AND FINALLY FINDS HIS WIFE AGAIN. ALL THE OTHER ANIMALS WANT HIM TO JOIN THEM IN THEIR REALLY FUCKING MASSIVE PARTY AND OFFER HIM A PILE OF DOG SHIT TO EAT, BUT KIVIUQ IS TIRED AND WON’T PUT UP WITH THIS BULLSHIT. WHEN THE ANIMALS REFUSE TO LET HIM LEAVE, HE JUST FARTS SO FUCKING DRAMATICALLY THAT THEY ALL PASS OUT FROM THE SMELL AND HE’S FREE TO TAKE HIS WIFE HOME. KIVIUQ IS ONE CRUDE MOTHERFUCKER.

DO YOU LIKE MYTHOLOGY? DO YOU LIKE SWEARING? DO YOU LIKE CAPITAL LETTERS?

WELL THEN, YOU’RE IN ONE FUCKING HELL OF A LOT OF LUCK.

WE’VE WRITTEN A WHOLE TWO BOOKS FOR YOU. YES, YOU. JUST YOU. NOBODY ELSE.

BOTH OF THESE SEXY SEXY BOOKS ARE FILLED WITH MYTHS FROM AROUND THE WORLD, RETOLD IN ALL-CAPS WITH A FUCKLOAD OF SWEARING. THEY’RE BOTH FUCKING GREAT AND WILL EDUCATE YOU IN WEIRD-ASS MYTHOLOGY AND CREATIVE EXPLETIVES. 

THEY ALSO FEATURE NEVER-BEFORE SEEN INFORMATION AND INTERVIEWS WITH YOUR BELOVED ANGRY DRAGON MOD. THAT’S FUCKING RIGHT, IF YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE DRAGON BEHIND THE BLOG, THIS IS WHERE YOU SHOULD LOOK.

OUR FIRST BOOK, MYTHS ARE FUCKING GREAT, IS AVAILABLE FROM THE FOLLOWING PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES AND NOBLE

AND OUR SECOND, EVEN NEWER AND SEXIER BOOK IS AVAILABLE FROM THE SAME PLACES:

DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER

FROM AMAZON UK

FROM AMAZON US

FROM BARNES & NOBLE