Once Chloe had settled him on the couch, he rest his head against the cushions and stared at the television. He ached for a whiskey but settled with water, which was placed on the side table. After a half an hour, his eyes started to close, barely hearing the child whispering with her mother.

“Mommy, what’s wrong with Lucifer? Why can’t I watch TV with him?” Trixie asked trying to move to catch a glimps of her friend. “He looks so sad. I can try to cheer him up.”

Lucifer drifted off to sleep and it wasn’t long before the nightmare started again, his head twitched and the devil himself let out a whimper.

“It seems the biggest mystery is finding out who she is… Or was,” he replied, quietly. “As most of our cases go, it’s seems rather cut and dry. He thought about the girl and stopped talking. His mind went to Jo, and he remembered the moment her life slipped away, as he arrived just a few minutes too late. He looked down at his hands still fiddling with his ring. “I’m tired, Chloe. Do you think I might rest on your couch?”

“Of course. You rest as much as you need it. We have food in the kitchen if you get hungry,” Chloe said with a smile, turning into her driveway a few short moments later. “Put something on the TV, rest, and I’ll wake you up when Linda gets here, alright?” she offered, parking the car and climbing out quickly, wanting to get Lucifer inside and on the couch as soon as possible.

“Repeatedly is usually rather passionate,” he agreed, leaning back in the seat. The drugs in his system were almost gone and the alcohol was not far beind. He focused on the traffic as Chloe drove and started to fidget with the ring on his right hand.

“Yeah, that was my thought,” Chloe agreed, her eyes on the traffic in front of them as she drove through town. “Probably an angry spouse or lover. That’s most common in cases like this.” Lucifer knew that, of course. But talking about it was keeping him calm, so she’d keep talking.

“I know. You’ve been there when I’m at my worst. Best partner ever,” he chuckled a bit and cast Chloe a soft smile, then tried to sawy his thoughts from his emtions a bit. It was easier to talk about facts than the clamor of confusion in his head at the moment. “So what did happen to the victim?”

Chloe smiled as Lucifer seemed to relax more, grateful for the bit of smile he flashed her. That was a good sign, she was sure of it.

“Well, he tends to go for drugs and alcohol–He may have done something of an upper, but the alcohol will bring him down, mixing is never a good idea, but in his traumatized state, he probably didn’t even consider it,” Linda answered, then added. “He’ll eventually be fine, he’s careful not to go too far and overdose. Maybe get some food and hydrate him. You’re very welcome. I’ll see you in an hour.”

Lucifer shook his head in answer to Chloe’s question about having eaten and he closed his eyes as he leaned his head back against the headrest, “I”m sorry, Chloe. I just… Linda warned me this could happen so many times, but I’ve been fine for months.” 

He turned to look at Chloe as he spoke to her.

“You don’t have to apologize, Lucifer. I know it’s rough for you,” Chloe told him quietly, pulling away from the crime scene. “This is the first time you two have been apart for any real time since she was kidnapped so it makes sense it’d be difficult for you.” She glanced at him for a moment, flashing him a reassuring smile.

Chloe licked her lips and nodded, glancing to Ella for a moment. “Of course. I’ll call as soon as I get the chance. Thanks, Ella,” she said quietly, before looking back to Lucifer.

“C’mon, Lucifer. You’re right, everything is fine. Let’s just get you to my place. You can rest until Jo calls,” she told him gently, taking his elbow and leading him to the car. “I’ve still got Linda on the phone, if you want to talk to her more.”

Lucifer nodded at Chloe’s instructions and stood up to follow her. His mind was still arguing with what he’d thought had happened. It was silly, wasn’t it? Chloe and Linda had be right, Jo was fine, it was him. This was just like when Jo panicked othat he wasn’t really there. It was all in his head. “Trauma. Forgive yourself. Everything’s fine.”

He blinked and looked at Chloe, “Oh, that was out loud wasn’t it?”

Ella approached Chloe and reached out to gently touch Lucifer’s shoulder, “It was, but it’s gonna be okay, Lucifer. We all have bad days.”  

She turned toward Chloe, “Call me later, I’ll fill you on in case details once… Once Lucifer’s feeling better.”

“I…” Linda prompted over the phone. “Come on, Lucifer, you can do this…”

“I forgive myself,” he said softly then took a deep breath and repeated, “I forgive myself. I forgive… Myself.”

His voice was still a bit shakey, but he closed his eyes and consentrated on the repetition. Linda nodded and affirmed her praise, “Very good. Jo is okay, we’ll try to get a hold of her, okay? I want to remember, she’s fine. The dream is just your doubt and subconscious telling you miss her.”

Chloe smiled softly as she listened to Lucifer’s mantra, reaching out with her free hand to gently rub his arm. “Let’s get you to my place, okay? We’ll get you some water, and I’m sure Jo will be calling us back any minute now,” she offered.

He nodded slowly, “I had that nightmare again. It’s been months since I’ve had it, that she was still dead, that I hadn’t…  I hadn’t gotten her back and when I woke and she–she wasn’t there–” His voice caught and he took a deep breath. “I kept pacing, thinking she was… I couldn’t handle it, not again.”

Linda knew what he was talking about so it was time she make herself known to him. She leaned forward on her desk and spoke to him calmly, “Lucifer, it’s Linda. I’ve been listening and it was only a nightmare. Everything will be fine, I know it’s your first time away from Jo for an extended period of time. Do you remember the mantra I we talked about?”

Linda was just finishing up her day, making a few notes on her final client of the day, when she heard the phone ring. She reached for it and noticed Detective Decker’s mobile number and answered, “Hi Chloe, this is a surprise. What’s up?”

She didn’t hear an immediate response, instead she overheard Chloe speaking to Lucifer, and her expression grew serious as she overheard his answer.

Lucifer lifted his head at Chloe’s assurance that saving Jo hadn’t been a dream, that she’d been here. He wasn’t crazy or imagining what he’d believed to be true. He searched his memory and slowly explained, “I came back from the station after we’d solved the last case and showeored, got re-dressed and went down to LUX to make me appearance. Liz had everything under control, I had a few drinks and mingled until close. Then, I went upstairs and Jo called. We face timed and she filled me in on the case she, Sam, and Dean were working on then I … I went to sleep.”

Glancing towards her phone for a second, Chloe tapped the speaker phone button, before turning her attention to Lucifer completely. “See? You talked to Jo yesterday,” she said with a smile. “Face-time and everything. So she can’t be gone, right?”

Ella rose watching Lucifer and Chloe, obvious concern crossing her features as he shouted and backed up. He looked as if he was losing it.

Lucifer pulled his arm out of Chloe’s grasp and shook his head, then sank to sit down on the parking bumper. He ran his hand through his hair, paying no mind that the usually coifed stile was left a tumble of curls. “It’s simple. I went to sleep and when I woke up, she was gone. Her bed hadn’t been slept in, nothing. All this time, I thought… I thought she was here me, but it was just a dream.”

His face twisted and he dropped his head into his hands.

“You’re not making any sense, Jo’s dead. She has been for months…” he answered looking as if Chloe were trying to play a cruel joke on him. He shook his head and backed up, stumbling over a cement parking bumper. 

His eyes shone too bright and his lower lips quivered, “Why would be so cruel to make me believe she’s okay? Did Dectective Douche think it’d be a riot?”

It wasn’t processing that Chloe was simply telling him the truth. The dream had been so convincing and the combination of drugs and alcohol fuled his dillusion. “You’re ALL in on it, aren’t you!”

Lucifer shook his head at Chloe, he couldn’t actually put what he was feeling into words. It wasn’t guilt it was sadness and lonliness, Chloe should’ve known he’d been feeling like this for so long now. He tried to listen to what Jo had asked him to do. She’d asked him to move on eventually. Eventurally, luckily for him, was a long time off.

“She’s still gone and while I can come to work, I can’t bring her back,” Lucifer finally said. “I’m tired of feeling helpess. I’m so tired, but then all I do is dream of Jo. I can’t move on like she wanted. I can’t do anything but hurt.”

He let out a manic laugh and pulled out his flask to take a drink, “Mm… Something like that, detective. So what gruesome end did this poor lady experience. By the look of her, she might’ve wished for a wood chipper!”

Ella’s eyes widened at his description, “You know, I’m all for bit of dark humor, but this is particularly dark for you Lucifer.”

He leaned in almost conspiratorially to Chloe and Ella and whispered loudly, “The secret is…You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you, but I’m tired of being brave. I’m tired of pain.”   

@joannahunts | @onehellofabartender-npc plotted starter

Last night had been the first night in months that he’d slept alone, without Jo at his side. She was on a case, hunting some demon that needed killing or banishing with the Winchesters. She’d called before he’d gone to sleep, and everything had seemed fine, until he went to sleep. That’s when the nightmares started. He’d had them a once or twice since returning from Hell. Nightmares that reminded him of the dream he’d met Jo in to say goodbye. While that dream had been bittersweet, this one was anything but. He woke thinking that saving Jo and bringing her back from Hell had only been a dream. That Jo was still dead and ash…

Lucifer had spent the night pacing, doing drugs and drinking heavily, swamped in grief, but he’d dragged himself to the crime scene Chloe had called him to. He was dishevled and darkly off when he arrived on scene. Ella and Chloe were examining the body already.

“Another dead body, hm?” he asked swirving as he walked and crouched in front of the body on ground, “What happened, did she fall on some bullets? Ooh or stabbing, particularly violent… Dead before anyone could try and help?”