when life gives you lemons make bombs

This dude that works at my local taco bell says "tacotastic" and when i asked for a chalupa he said "beef steak or chicken which are you pickin"

I asked for as many fire sauces he could give me and he said "sure i dont pay for it" and the first time i saw him we asked if he was doing ok and he said "no i work here"

you know, a big part of getting over the anti-recovery mindset that tumblr has plunged so many people into is taking responsibility for your symptoms if/when they genuinely and consistently harm other people. if a symptom you have causes you to consistently do something shitty to your friend, and you just brush it off as "well, I have x disorder" without even attempting to work on it, then that person has every right to cut you off. I get it, it's a struggle, and it's a lot easier said than done, but acting like someone is a horrible person for wanting to distance themself from someone who keeps treating them badly is absolutely ridiculous. obviously everyone needs to be treated with respect and dignity- someone cutting off someone else for this reason has no right to be an asshole about it- but they have every right to get away, regardless of if the root of the issue is mental illness or not.

shes only your girl because she hasnt heard my kermit thee frog impression yet

and she never will. *hits you with my bus*

another victim of the ‘down with cis’ bus 😔

fUCK

#if my therapist had one of these bad boys in his office he could unlock a spectrum of mental disorders only perceptible to shrimp

Dildo Generator

Online 3D experiment by Ikaros Kappler which is described as a “Extrusion/Revolution Generator” ….

Created with three.js, you can alter the bezier curves and angle of the form, and is designed with 3D printing in mind (models can be exported and saved, as well as calculated weight in silicone).

Try it out for yourself (if you wish) here

the time is now

hell yeah

ah yes, the ol rolling pin dilda

it’s called the purple ramjet

which end do you start with? the answer is yours to decide

shove a vase up your ass

not even jesus could save yall motherfuckers’ souls

i call it the matterhorn

cackling just continues to get louder as I scroll through

i think this is the first time an internet community has discovered something customizable and adamantly refused to make penises

of course this is the post where tumblr is like “Seems sfw to me!”

I call this one the Megahorny

Just cram an entire table lamp up there

Me every time this post crosses my dash:

My laugh at this post is auditory evidence of just how sick I still am.

Plate. 

I’d usually post this to my NSFW blog but this is making me laugh so unreasonably hard that I can’t fucking breathe and therefore deserves to be on my main blog

Compiling some of the best ones from the replies-

How you gonna do us like that bruh???

ITS BACK

M U S H R O O M

en garde

i guess this is the long post all the gays are collectively reblogging today huh

not to flex on y’all but ive never listened to kpop

this is the only constructive criticism i’ll accept on this post

The wise words of Night Vale twitter truly hit us whenever we see them

Also for the new wave of young tumblr users on here, I just want to let you know you’re not obligated to list out your life story for strangers online no matter how many nasty anons ask you to. 

Not only are you not obligated, but honestly you just shouldn’t. There’s a reason I’m very firm about not saying where I live or giving out my legal name. Don’t make your whole life public on Tumblr, especially if you’re a teen. Not to be alarmist, but I have had a stalker and so could you. Better safe than sorry.

Baby Tiger小脑斧, 2018, Zhelong Xu

These circles are stationary

I had to take a few screenshots because I couldn’t believe it but yeah, they are!

Covering the arrows with a fingertip doesn’t dispel the illusion, but if you put your finger or the mouse cursor right next to one edge of one circle and hold it still, you’ll see that the circle’s edge never moves closer to or farther from whatever marker you use. They’re completely stationary. I hate it too.

(I found that squinting at the smaller version of the video sufficiently to blur it dispelled the illusion. Your mileage may vary.)

I can confirm that it works less well if it’s blurred - or possibly if you only have one eye. I can’t be sure which, but I think it’s the inability to easily see the central arrows that reduces the illusion.

Thanks I hate it

this tweet fucking rules – it’s utterly incomprehensible on so many levels. 

plant-based beer? is there meat-based beer? what the fuck is meat-based beer, chuck? 

why is he thanking joe biden? is the senate majority leader not typically allowed to watch the oscars? 

why is chuck sitting so close to the tv? and in what is that, a dining chair? who watches television like this? 

this tweet is environmentally sustainable because someone clearly turned off the lights when screenshotting it

mcdonalds