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happy shakespeare day! ✨
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I'm gonna link to the animations in case y'all either don't remember or have never heard of some of these.
A quick note: these were made in the 2000s. Comedy is subjective, there's some strong examples of dark and/or "lolz teh random" humor in these. Maybe some cultural blindness, too. That said, enjoy a time capsule of stuff made before/during the birth of Youtube, now hosted on Youtube.
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people who don't follow chess I promise this post is really funny
Karpov had cemented his position as the world's best player and world champion by the time Garry Kasparov arrived on the scene. In their first match, the World Chess Championship 1984 in Moscow, the first player to win six games would win the match. Karpov built a 4–0 lead after nine games. The next 17 games were drawn, setting a record for world title matches, and it took Karpov until game 27 to gain his fifth win. In game 31, Karpov had a winning position but failed to take advantage and settled for a draw. He lost the next game, after which 14 more draws ensued. Karpov held a solidly winning position in Game 41, but again blundered and had to settle for a draw. After Kasparov won games 47 and 48, FIDE President Florencio Campomanes unilaterally terminated the match, citing the players' health. Karpov is said to have lost 10 kg over the course of the match. The match had lasted an unprecedented five months, with five wins for Karpov, three for Kasparov, and 40 draws.
okay, yeah this is pretty funny
It gets even funnier when you realize that was only the first Kasparov/Karpov World Chess Championship meetup. They played "best of 24 games, tie goes to the defending world champion" matches in 1985, 1986, 1987, and 1990, ALL OF WHICH CAME DOWN TO THE FINAL GAME...and were won by Kasparov.
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reading this deposition that just got dropped where someone sued musk and ohhhh my god it is this funniest thing ever . i can see why his lawyer tried to keep this confidential . they’re both maybe the biggest idiots . this is like ace attorney
PLEASE read this
bankston is my HERO he’s tearing these people apart
damn
HE LEFT
????
oh my god
KILL HIM
he is DONE.
HELP ME .
wow. ok.
genuinely first two pages he says that he thinks ben’s lawyer is the one who is actually suing him and admits he has no clue what the lawsuit is about .
doing a reread now this is so cunty
goddamn .
btw Mark Bankston is the lawyer who got to tell Alex Jones on the stand that his legal team fucked up and gave the prosecution the entire contents of his cellphone. remember that clip? that's this guy. he represented the sandy hook plaintiffs in that case pro bono, and said of his law practise "I eat what I kill." he's fucking hysterical in depositions, he is incredibly good at pushing people's buttons.
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Come get your drinks at QUARK’S!
unfortunately, Quark is understaffed this evening and has to run tables himself. he’s not happy, but at least he’s fabulous.
(prints in progress!)
So, whatcha having?
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you know what dad? maybe i don't wanna be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned. it's a lot of pressure to put on me and honestly i've been feeling stressed recently because of it
hold on lemme google something
ok yeah this is funny
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Found another one I forgot to post<3
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My brain: You have so many tight deadlines. So many things on your weekly schedule. So many important jobs. You have to get important work done!!!
My hands:
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today's children are gonna become teens and clown the shit out of us for 'eepy' and 'blorbo' but they'll say it in cocomelonese so we won't understand them
today’s eepy blorbo is yesterday’s heckin doggo is last week’s smexy bishie
I hate that you're right and that I understood all of that.
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When I was in ninth grade I wanted to challenge what I saw as a very stupid dress code policy (not being allowed to wear spikes regardless of the size or sharpness of the spikes). My dad said to me, “What is your objective?”
He said it over and over. I contemplated that. I wanted to change an unfair dress code. What did I stand to gain? What did I stand to lose? If what I really wanted was to change the dress code, what would be my most effective potential approach? (He also gave me Discourses on the Fall of Rome by Titus Livius, Machiavelli’s magnum opus. Of course he’d already given me The Prince, Five Rings, and The Art of War.)
I ultimately printed out that phrase, coated it in Mod Podge, and clipped it to my bathroom mirror so I would look at it and think about it every day.
What is your objective?
Forget about how you feel. Ask yourself, what do you want to see happen? And then ask, how can you make it happen? Who needs to agree with you? Who has the power to implement this change? What are the points where you have leverage over them? If you use that leverage now, will you impair your ability to use it in the future? Getting what you want is about effectiveness. It is not about being an alpha or a sigma or whatever other bullshit the men’s right whiners are on about now. You won’t find any MRA talking points in Musashi, because they are not relevant.
I had no clear leverage on the dress code issue. My parents were not on the PTA; neither were any of my friend’s parents who liked me. The teachers did not care about this. Ultimately I just wore what I wanted, my patent leather collar from Hot Topic with large but flattened spikes, and I had guessed correctly—the teachers also did not care enough to discipline me.
I often see people on tumblr, mostly the very young, flail around in discourse. They don’t have an objective. They don’t know what they want to achieve, and they have never thought about strategizing and interpersonal effectiveness. No one can get everything they want by being an asshole. You must be able to work with other people, and that includes smiling when you hate them.
Read Machiavelli. Start with The Prince, but then move on to Discourses. Read Musashi’s Five Rings. Read The Art of War. They’re classics for a reason. They can’t cover all situations, but they can do more for how you think about strategizing than anything you’re getting in middle school and high school curricula.
Don’t vote third party unless you can tell me not only what your objective is but also why this action stands a meaningful chance of accomplishing it. Otherwise, back up and approach your strategy from a new angle. I don’t care how angry you are with Biden right now. He knows about it, and he is both trying to do something and not doing enough. I care about what will happen to millions of people if we have another Trump presidency. Look up Ross Perot, and learn from our past. Find your objective. If it is to stop the genocide in Palestine now, call your elected representatives now. They don’t care about emails; they care about phone calls, because they live in the past. I know this because I shadowed a lobbyist, because knowing how power works is critical to using it.
How do you think I have gotten two clinics to start including gender care in their planning?
Start small. Chip away. Keep working. Find your leverage; figure out how and when to effectively use it. Choose your battles, so that you can concentrate on the battle at hand instead of wasting your resources in many directions. Learn from the accumulated wisdom of people who spent their lives learning by doing, by making mistakes, by watching the mistakes of their enemies.
Don’t be a dickhead. Be smarter than I was at 14. Ask yourself: what is your objective?
WOW the notes on this turned into a "you love genocide!" shitshow a lot faster than I was anticipating, so let me be clear: the genocide is happening right now. If you want to change something about that, you cannot wait until November. You need to do something about an immediate problem NOW by doing SOMETHING NOW.
And if your option of "wait until November" is then "vote third party," let me be very clear: What do you think Trump is going to do to Palestine? Do you think voting third party will result in a third party candidate becoming president? If not, what will happen in a country where the margin of recent presidential elections has been razor-thin if you protest vote?
And if Trump becomes president again, what will his policy be on Palestine? Because I guarantee you it will not be better than Biden's shitty policy.
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youre telling me a ham fisted this metaphor??
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Aang: nice hair btw
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The little soldier boy came home ~
this scene has been stuck in my head for over a decade probably :)
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ENOUGH ABOUT BOOBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE FUCKING COMET IS COMING
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soon may the wellerman come, your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
the reviews are in