You Don’t Owe This World A Thing

my favorite part in attack of the clones is when obi-wan just fucks off to play space nancy drew on Clone Rain Planet with the alarming giraffe-necked aliens and swans in like “HELLO IT’S ME, the jedi who definitely… … was here before and probably, uh, spoke to you, and stuff” and theyre like “ah you are here for the order” and hes like “beg pardon” and theyre like “the order of millions of identical human men?” and hes like “RIGHT YES. ABSOLUTELY I AM HERE FOR THE ORDER OF MILLIONS OF IDENTICAL HUMAN MEN”

and then later when he SNEAKS INTO A CORNER TO FUCKING… facetime yoda… like “ok so we have these millions of identical human men who were apparently suspiciously ordered for us by someone???” and yodas fucking response is just “when countless sapient lemons life gives you…….. send those lemons into intergalactic battle you must”

 and obi-wan’s like “shit man you’re so right" 

There literally isn’t a frame of this scene where Obi-Wan doesn’t look confused as hell

I know this is horrible but this comment was left on a true crime youtube video and I cannot stop laughing. 

"con artist" is maybe the profession with the biggest gap between How Cool They Are In Media and How Cool They Are In Real Life

fictional con artist: I've gathered you all here because you each have unique skills and specialties that will be required for the Ultimate Heist: psychologically destroying the richest man in the world, and taking his mansions, his yacht, and his wife in the process.

real life con artist: plan A is to scare an old lady who barely speaks English. plan B, is to trick unemployed people into giving us money, which they famously have a lot of, in exchange for broadly-defined Career Services. plan C is we try to make NFTs a thing again

I don’t know who this guy is but I’m obsessed with him and have been scrolling through his reviews for the past half hour

i step out onto stage clad in full corpse paint and death metal regalia and start playing the most middle-of-the-road soft rock you've heard since 1974

why is religious Christmas imagery all so joyful and pleasant? where is the inherent horror of the birth of Christ? A mother is handed her newborn child, wailing and innocent. Her hands come away sticky. Red. Simply by giving her son life she has already killed him. He is doomed from the beginning. Her love will not save him from suffering. Because the thing cradled in her arms is not a baby, it is a sacrifice: born amongst the other bleating animals whose blood will one day be spilled in the name of what demands it. the night is silent with anticipation. Mary, did you know? That your womb was also a grave?

Joking aside, the Millennium Falcon is not the space fantasy equivalent of a busted-ass old panel van.

The Millennium Falcon is the space fantasy equivalent of a busted-ass old panel van that's inexplicably been hot-rodded to have a top speed of 300 miles per hour, which is substantially funnier.

in the japanese suburbs, every street is lined with rain gutters, so even during heavy rain, the streets are perfectly navigable, even on foot. in the american suburbs, there's like one drain every couple of streets, so whenever it storms, the streets turn into rivers

the american driver craves the sensation of hydroplaning

The beacon is lit. America calls for aid.

internet ransom note where instead of magazine letters it’s just jpgs of letters found on google

you can tell spn is a fucked up show because i have never seen so many people know the writers by name and have different opinions on all of them

It’s funny when American authors come up with a new European nation so their main character can be a secret royal without the pain of researching a real nation. We should all start doing that with North America, just make up a new state. My protagonist lives in New Utahioshington which is the 51st state and located between Delaware and Maryland

now that i am a real adult i am starting to realise. media lied to me about the availability of rooftops to go hang out on. every day i wish i could be hanging out on a rooftop somewhere looking cool as fuck

happy anniversary

this is the funniest thing I’ve read in my LIFE

HIM????

it's real btw

Op here, we're going strong!! Here's a picture of our Goob shrine