from this thread, the majority of the threaded comments were dumb sex jokes in response to op’s answers but i felt this was worth preserving

i was on the train and 3 drunk girls saw me and said i had nice brown eyes so they sang “brown eyed girl” to me

I threw up at a frat party and I was crying in the bathroom and a drunk girl went upstairs to get me a shirt and came back with a sweater and a kitten.

At the last party I went to three drunk girls fishtail braided my hair by committee

a drunk girl drew an eye on the back of my hand and then patted it with satisfaction and  whispered “count olaf”

once at a barbecue a drunk girl gave the surgical scar on my shoulder a butterfly kiss and said “you’re cured”

A drunk girl at a bar I was at became worried that I wasn’t getting enough nutrition and proceeded to hold peanuts to my lips and just keep saying “peanut peanut” until I would eat it. And after I allowed her to feed me a peanut she pet my hair and said “Thank you”.

Drunk girls, saving your life one wtf at a time.

Girls are a fucking gift don’t let anyone tell you otherwise

nakedsasquatch it’s ya man

Okay but seriously folks - as often as I joke about this movie stirs my loins and as weirdly popular as this text post got a while back, I wanna rap with you all about why the George of the Jungle remake is a pretty important piece of cinema.

It’s literally the only movie I can think of that is based completely around the unheard of “FEMALE gaze.” Granted, while I’m a huge movie buff I’ve not seen every movie ever made. But even so, even if there’s another example of the “female gaze” in cinema that has escaped me it’s still damn impressive that a kids movie from 1997 based on a Jay Ward cartoon from the 60’s managed to turn gender representation in media on it’s fucking ass!

First things first, let’s look at our leading lady and love interest - Ursula, played by Leslie Mann.

Let me just say that while Leslie Mann is adorable and a talented actress, she does look a little less conventional and a little more plain compared to the bombshells that Hollywood likes to churn out. Leslie, in comparison, looks much more like a real women you’d meet on the street. She dresses pretty conservatively and plain throughout the film ; Wearing outfits that are more functional than fashionable for trekking through the jungle, pulling her hair back and so forth. Not that if she was dolled up and more scantily clad it would give her character any less integrity, but can we appreciate how RARE that is in the male dominated industry of film? Just think about all the roads a film about a woman in the jungle COULD have taken but didn’t - no scenes with her clothes strategically ripped or anything! You can say this is a kids movie, intended for children and that’s why the sensuality of the female lead is so downplayed but there are PLENTY of kids movies that handle women in a very objectifying and sexualized manner despite the target audience is pre-pubescent. Like, a disgusting amount. So I don’t think “it’s a kids movie” is why the film doesn’t take ANY, let alone EVERY, opportunity to showcase the main female character’s sex appeal…

…especially considering the sex appeal of the film rests squarely on the well defined shoulders of our male lead, George of the Jungle played by Brendan Fraser in the best god damn shape of his life!

*Homer Simpson Drooling Noises*

Whenever members of the reddit community try to compare the sexualization of women in fiction to the design of characters such as Batman and Superman, I always want to just sit them down and show them this movie. Because THIS is what the female sexual fantasy looks like, and Batman and Superman are male power-fantasies. Look at him - his big blue eyes, his soft hair, his lean, chiseled physique built for dexterity rather than power. He’s wild and free, but gentle. It’s like he fell right out of that steamy romance novel your mom tried to hide from you growing up.

Hell, the whole plot seems to be designed around how damn hot he is! First, for the majority of the film, he wears only a small strip of cloth to cover the dick balls and ass. Everything else is FAIR GAME to drool over for 40 minutes. Then, after he meets Ursula she takes him with her to San Francisco just so we can enjoy him in a well-tailored suit (as seen in the gif set), running around in an open and billowy shirt along side horses while Ursula and all of her friends literally crowd around and make sexual comments about him, and my personal favorite, ditch the loincloth entirely and have him walk around naked while covering his man-bits with various objects while one of Ursula’s very lucky friends oogles him and makes a joke along the lines of “So THAT’S why they call him the ‘KING of the Jungle’…”

And yes, it’s also a very cute and funny little movie. Out of all the movies based on Jay Ward cartoons, it was the most faithful to the fast-paced humor and wit of the original source material (yes even the new Peabody and Sherman movie which honestly I thought was too cutesy-poo.) But that’s not why this movie is popular with the gay community or why we all became women in 1997. It’s just really cool that there’s a film out there where the sensuality of the female form takes a back seat for the oiled up, chiseled, physique of Brendan Fraser (in his prime that is)

One thing to add: in the scene mentioned above where the ladies are watching him in the billowy shirt running with the horses, it pans back to about 50 feet away to two guys in suits at this party looking at the women and one of the guys says, “Man, what is it with women and horses?” So not only does this movie highlight the female gaze, but it blatantly points out that western male sensibilities don’t have a clue what actually appeals to women.

ALSO

he’s non threatening

as mentioned above, he looks built for dexterity rather than power, but he’s still a 6+ foot tall extremely muscular man, and not once are you worried for Ursula when he’s with her

“I’m gonna nap right here next to you.”

Dead me and my wife

AWWWWWWWWW

Top ten favorite Disney power ballads

this video is 1 second long.  in one minute i could watch it 60 times.  in 2 i could watch it 120.  in an hour i could watch it 3,600 times.  in a year i could watch it 31,536,00.  in a decade - if i spend the next 10 years of my life watching this video - i could watch it 315532800 times.  this is incredible.  this video is my past present and future

If anyone tries to tell you that Shakespeare is stuffy or boring or highbrow, just remember that the word “nothing” was used in Elizabethan era slang as a euphemism for “vagina”. 

Shakespeare has a play called “Much Ado About Nothing”, which you could basically read in modern slang as “Freaking Out Over Pussy”. And that’s pretty much exactly what happens in the play. 

I’M FUCKING SHOOK

So picture me, playing some Dark Souls for the very first time, now 20 hours in and happily (…kinda) grinding my way through Blighttown with my faithful character Bepis Jones V. I don’t know most of the mechanics but I’ve got a solid grasp on the controls and some great armor and weaponry, plus a bit of pyromancy.

Along the way, I get how most people get in Blighttown (I’ve heard), and decide I need help. So I decide to do what the game told me to ages ago for the second time: summon an NPC helper. So, I try to call up my main man Solaire, but instead the summon rock thingy offers me a different NPC with an odd name. I figure it’s probably as good as Solaire, and summon it. I’m greeted with a wizard who immediately starts wrecking shit all over; goddamn, this NPC is broken! After a few minutes of running into walls, I continue my journey, little wizard NPC friend following along as happy as can be. Occasionally, I wave and beckon to it, jumping for joy as I recklessly run into big bugs and wizard friend saves me. It sometimes bows back; cool AI, I thought. I also sometimes hit and knock it into holes for my amusement. It always gets back out but I have a good laugh.

Finally, as most DS runs go, I fall into a pit. I’m dead, NPC is banished to the shadow realm until I get my humanity back or something, blah blah blah. AND THEN THE “NPC” SENDS ME A FRIEND REQUEST ON STEAM I WASTED THIS PERFECTLY NICE GUY’S TIME FOR AN HOUR DOING STUPID SHIT BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE WAS AN NPC I DID NOT REALIZE DARK SOULS HAD COOPERATIVE MULTIPLAYER

the guy was having the time of his life o guarantee you

Slytherin tendencies (from slytherins I know)

-Listens to their favourite song so much they become sick of it

-Talks big but is biggest wimp to exist

-Best fashion sense

-Likes to have options when it comes to friendships (has few friends that are complete opposites of each other)

-Humour consists of old vines

-Strong opinions but is understanding to others who think differently unless you are rude about it

-s a s s

-Has like 40 playlists on Spotify

-Fascinated by the feeling of nostalgia

-Has pretty high self confidence loves their individuality

-You either love them or don’t understand them at all

-Hates listening to others complain but complains all the time

-Looks at you intimidatingly but is most likely thinking to themselves the most positive thoughts about you

-You will be a dead man if you hurt their

family/friends they are extremely important to them

-Has the most obscure fears that others will laugh at

-All around has quite a few talents but hasn’t really settled for pursuing one of them

-Uses the word “ironically” in front of their interests so they are more socially acceptable

-Mutes most group chats they are added to unless they were the one who made it

-Pretends they don’t need love but it’s bs secretly hopeless romantics

-Makes the best companion in my opinion

🐍Get yourself a slytherin buddy 🐍

tbh girls are so nice

thank you to all of the girls who’ve ever given me their last hair elastic thank you to all the girls i’ve ever danced with at parties bc i wanted to dance but no one else was dancing also thanks to all the girls who’ve genuinely complimented me while passing me by thanks for baking me pies and giving me cool nail polish and plants and just overall being positive and supportive you are truly loved and appreciated and you’re a gift to this cruel world

so my english professor told us this story last year about how he met his wife and it’s completely possible that he made it up just to entertain us but he says it happened and the story is this

he’s a a cruise with his parents to australia where he’s gonna spend a year or so for some reason. can’t remember why but it was job related. his mom is worried that if he spends too long away from her without her constant advice (my mom is also like this lol) he’s going to do something impulsive and ridiculous. 

so, he decides to prank her by pretending to get married to a woman he just met. because he’s obviously so impulsive and ridiculous. so he’s talking to people and stuff and he asks this woman if she’s cool with pretending to marry him to prank his parents. and she says yes. then he goes and talks to the captain and crewmembers and he’s like “i have this ridiculously funny prank where i’m going to pretend to marry this lovely woman to freak out my mom.” and they, of course, reply hell yeah. so like since the first mate has the power to marry people, i guess, he agrees to the fake wedding. 

so at lunch he’s like “mom, dad, this is alyssa. i met her last night and we’re in love and also getting married.” and his mom freaks out and that could be that. but no.

if they’re gonna do this they’re gonna go big or go home.

so, he changes his facebook status to “married to alyssa” and invites all his friends to his wedding in the middle of the ocean. (and they believe him and congratulate him and he’s concerned that his friends think he would really marry a random woman he met like six hours ago) 

now his mom is getting really nervous b/c alyssa (the fake bride) got her friends she was on the cruise to be her bridesmaids. they got the first mate to “marry” then at dinner in front of people. the mom is horrified. 

anyway the next day he goes “just kidding!” and it’s hilarious. but then he has to contact all his friends who were calling him on the phone and stuff to congratulate him to tell them it was an elaborate joke and they all think he’s an asshole and he and alyssa part ways but keep in touch b/c they… actually get along pretty well. 

anyway like a year later they meet up again in boston (i think? big city that wasnt new york) and talk and end up dating for like a year and then end up engaged for real. and now he invites his friends to his real wedding and all their RSVPs essentially say “i’ll show up, but if this is another fake one i’ll fucking murder you” and the mom just flat out didnt believe him for a month because she’s not falling for that again.

and now they’ve been married happily for like three years and they’re expecting their second child who has probably been born by now 

and the overall point of this post is: imagine your otp

Well this is a prompt for fic if I’ve ever seen one.

packs 2 hours before leaving for a trip

unpacks 3 months after coming home

put this in the fucking moma, the louvre, the guggenheim, the whitney, and the motherfucking prado

I NEVER NOTICED YOU COULD READ THIS WHOLE THING WITH THE BEAT OF THE SONG

Have A Nice Day!

rb to 今日はｈａｖｅ　ａ　ｎｉｃｅ　ｄａｙ