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Nothing but the Candle in the Mirror

@tatyana-dreaming / tatyana-dreaming.tumblr.com

Karo | she/her | opera, languages and lit, cats, plants, and Shirbert | yes I have been known to make gifs and such (see tags below) | (formerly jimothy-norrington, djali-de-paris, mademoiselle-euphrasie)
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hmmm there are more

like That Guy Eating a Whole Milka Bar on the U7. (progressively, meaning putting his mask on and off). you have my respect and honestly a little fear. I could never eat chocolate in Bar Form in public. That would be revealing a scandalous secret and also somehow too intimate?! and then the whole awkwardness with the mask. such a spectacle. but no. This Guy makes it look normal, natural, effortless. how did he Reach this Level of coolness and confidence and the right to luxuriate in milk sugar and cacao. in plain sight. maneuvering a mask. what is he hiding

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however

now I can make Subway Posts

for example

today: shoutout to the baby, ca. 5 months old, who kept waving to me and trying to interact despite only being able to see my eyes over the face mask. you're bolder than I ever was or ever will be. you were also probably just bored but your curious and pure attention was powerful and healing bc damn it's not a given in daily life and that's pretty sad

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okay!! i once more have the tumblr app on my phone!! due to storage issues this was not possible for a Long Time

I forgot how lovely it is ... how much power... i can message mutuals at all times now...

Unfortunately I have the WORST ads, and every other post... when did it get this bad??!

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one last thing bc we all know I use tumblr SporadicallyTM these days

it’s just a dumb little problem to laugh about in the face of Big Dumb Problems these days

I am sitting at my silly little computer at work, when our boss comes in and addresses my coworker and me...”do you know who {redacted] is!??! you asked her for her current address like a total stranger!! don’t you know she is one of the most beloved singers in our house, and in Germany!!”

I mean... I did :D but my coworker was the one who saw [redacted]’s mail had been returned to us and emailed her about it. Turns out [redacted] emailed back with a super sweet message ;D

Dumb little problem that is BOTHERING ME: SAID COWORKER HAS NOT RESPONDED AND IT’S BEEN 5 DAYS (we work in a SLIGHTLY stressful office, that is like a lifetime asldfjka;ldkfjaf)

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absolutely unbelievable!!! it truly was bad for a few months and I'm still processing and figuring out how I want to express and also honor that time. It was frighteningly easy to be complacent and stuck in a bad situation, especially because of the pandemic, and I am super grateful because without help I wouldn't have come out of it (and heeeeeeee like a lot of people I hate admitting that we all need help, to a very uncomfortable degree, nobody is truly independent!!!)

that being said things have been much better and I've been neglecting tumblr for better reasons than denial and despair :D

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Review: Jewgeni Onegin at the Komische Oper Berlin (or: Rolling Around on the Grass in Angst is For Everyone)

I still cant believe I actually got to see this opera live. You can imagine how excited I was, simply to hear THAT MUSIC live. And what can I say? It absolutely delivers. (Also very glad it wasn’t canceled “Because of Tchaikovsky;” in fact Lensky was sung by a Ukrainian and the occasion was used for him to speak to the audience, sing for his homeland, and ask for help. Which seems better than simply canceling things or bashing a composer that doesn’t have anything to do with this war, but I am also no expert and also not Ukrainian so I will end it at that.)

I am absolutely biased and love the Carsen Onegin, but the lush carpet of grass throughout the production was certainly easy on the eyes and helped me not Long for Leaves the whole time. Or apples for that case, teehee. I really loved when golden light would shine through the trees as well, although those moments were far too few in the production, in my opinion. In general black was the rule, especially in the Letter Scene...which absolutely accentuated a sense of loneliness and isolation. However, here is my biggest complaint about this staging: Tatyana sings the whole “kto ti?” bit FACING AWAY FROM THE AUDIENCE, robbing us of a) clear enunciation of the lyrics and b) full reception of her beautiful voice and c) instead of Very Important Facial Expressions we get Hmm Interesting Arm Fidgeting for a good few minutes and it’s Very Uncomfortable. At least, I thought so.

Oh no I already went a big negative, so I might as well keep ripping off the bandaid. Second complaint: WHY IS LENSKY SO VIOLENT!?!?! He actually slaps (SLAPS!! WHAT!?! THIS IS SO GOSHDANG OUT OF CHARACTER!) Olga at the end of Act II, as well as grabbing and pulling her around multiple times against her will during the ball. Not to mention excessive physical violence towards Onegin. Who is supposed to feel sorry for him by the time his aria comes around (and of course, of course he is drinking and super drunk by the end. I believe I have seen reviews from mutuals about this production before and I agree entirely, WHAT!??! Having Lensky and Onegin fight and duel because they are drunk... is.... not okay.... grrrrrrrr. I’m going to be diplomatic here and say: at least they got their drunk vibes right. Lensky is drinking FOR the sad vibes and Onegin is drinking because it’s all gone over his head; “haha this is funny, we’re joking right!?” Lensky’s body language replies: “dude, stop messing with my Sadboi vibes. I’m 1000000% serious here.”)

Also, the way the duel ends, the way Onegin comes out of the woods... is absolutely devastating. But I stand by NOT APPROVING of him drunkenly murdering his pal and then being all bloodthirsty and savage about it afterwards in order to scare off Tatyana, who has run onstage in fright and heard the gunshots. Though again to be diplomatic, I have to respect the VibesTM from this portrayal, because it is very much a nod to the beastly Onegin in Tatyana’s dream in the novel.

On that note, I’d like to bring up that this production is extremely Tatyana-centric (as if Tchaikovsky’s opera was not already!). She is basically in every scene and the opera is set from her perspective; she is either center stage or the center of attention, or at least watching the action, in every scene except Lensky’s aria. (This does nothing to help build audience sympathy or even attention for Lensky, because even during his Act I aria with Olga, Tatyana and Onegin are onstage the whole time Flirting with Fruit Preserves and honestly hogging all the attention because we all have priorities and clearly there is more exciting tEnSioN between Handsome Stranger and Awkward Introvert and ESPECIALLY when JAM is INvoLvEd! I was really trying not to laugh and also grrr in anger because I think Olga and Lensky NEED MORE ATTENTION. But I digress.)

The pacing in this version is also an absolute fever dream. Maybe this is also a reference to Tatyana’s dream.... I was shocked and kept expecting an intermission, but the production goes all the way until the end of the duel in Act II before ANY break, and it also moves so fast (I wasn’t sure if they always stage it like that, with no break between Acts I and II, or if the merging was pandemic related to avoid Mingling Time?) In any case, the music always seemed to blend into each other, and there seems to be truly no break between the Letter Scene and the Rejection Scene, scene Tatyana is onstage, in the same place, the whole time.

IMPORTANT LITTLE DETAILS:

-- Uh.. Tatyana puts her letter in... IN... the jam jar to deliver it??! nice, you awkward lovely mess. I love it

-- not my favorite touch, but said letter is clearly a compilation of sentences/bits out of Tatyana’s books (i.e. all the romance/etc she reads) and thus absolutely not original. Which I understand I suppose, but I don’t have to like it... I feel like even Pushkin as the narrator wasn’t... dissatisfied with her letter even if it reflected the influencing materials... plus o.g. Tatyana did not just copy and paste like This Tatyana clearly did, for all a first-time audience knows watching this production, Tatyana is not only naïve and rash but also a flat out plagiarizer!!! no thank you)

-- Filipyevna is not forgetful at all in this version; at the end of Scene 1 she approaches and says “can it be Tatyana’s taking a liking to our new suitor?” directly TO Tatyana  (who smiles unabashedly in response) and then after the letter scene is clearly messing with Tatyana by pretending not to remember. She throws the jam-jar-plus-letter around, as if playing fetch with Tatyana, who eventually gets mad and shoves Filipyevna’s tea and saucer out of her hands and onto the grass.

-- Onegin then ALSO proceeds to throw the jam jar around when he comes to reject Tatyana and also kind of reads over and laughs about the letter (wow meanie). He is no gentleman and kind of skips offstage at the end, leaving Tatyana to fly into a bit of a fit and throw her romance novel onto, you guessed it, the grass

-- at the beginning of Act II Onegin picks up and reads a bit of said book, which he finds lying in the grass.. and then gives Tatyana an AWFUL knowing look and throws it back to her, laughing a bit... again nodding to the whole “your letter was just a cheap copy of what was in this book! I KNOW YOUR SECRET!!” which.... okay was funny/juicy drama but also I did not appreciate it because as you know I we stan Tatyana here and maybe she isn’t 1000% original but then again who is, and we know Onegin isn’t.. Or Lensky goodness gracious. GAHHHH but the cringe effect is...effective so I suppose that is the point.

-- LOVE MONSIEUR TRIQUET he had this rad trick of lighting a candle on Tatyana’s birthday cake to the beat of his couplets. What a dude

-- Ëcossaise! Sad that there was no choreography and honestly was almost mad when the stage crew came out onstage to disassemble the palace walls at the end of the first scene in Act III, bue then it started to make sense (Onegin’s sanity was crumbling a bit, or at least his world had been turned upside down), and then two or three crew members started rolling up the carpet and kicking it into its cylinder shape in time to the descending motif at the very end of the ëcossaise repeat and that sealed the deal... I LOVE IT and so did the audience, plus honestly it is the point of the story where a good laugh is absolutely appropriate.

--Oh yes, I am already ahead of myself. First of all, during Gremin’s aria, everything goes dark at one point and it’s really just Onegin and Tatyana, he is clearly checking her out and she gets very angry at him, turns on hi m and storms away, dropping her white lily flower that she was holding. Do I need to explain!??! I believe it speaks for itself and it’s a sublime moment, absolute shivers.

-- The finale. I LOVE that Onegin is the center of attention during the beginning angstiness of the finale, usually we see Tatyana’s suffering, but I don’t think I can ever return to hearing it that way - this is Onegin’s time to suffer! And that’s how it is in the novel, too, for weeks on end. Tatyana only appears onstage as she begins to sing her lines. And THE JAM RETURNS! Tatyana absolutely slays as the regal queen she is, she is almost mean in her delivery of her rejection and suspicion towards Onegin as she struts around him in That Red Dress of Revenge as I call it, Telling Him How It Is. YES GIRL :) YOU’RE SO RIGHT. And I was absolutely not expecting her to kiss him at the end, nor to stand by while he delivers his last lines of despair was she is usually offstage by then. It was completely badass and tragic but also in a way quite wonderful in a way I hadn’t seen before, nor in a way you can experience by reading the novel; this way, it is clear that Onegin understands and also respects her decision in the end/stops fighting; Tatyana leaves him but doesn’t have to run away for him to realize the game is absolutely, for ever over. We love to see it. Or I do, at least. I believe it’s in character, too. Onegin might be an anti-hero of sorts but he does have respect. He might be desperate and ridiculous and unfair at the end in his letter and in the final duet, but he hasn’t lost all sense of self or dignity. (But anyone who wants to discuss this further with me, please do!)

,Overall, I loved the quirkiness and general feel of this production - it was funny (as I believe Onegin should be!) but also equally serious and heartbreaking. The costumes were beautiful and vibrant, especially against the rather black staging, and it was extremely dynamic despite the intimate nature of this opera (and it did indeed feel intimate). Each characterization was overflowing with personality and expression. The acting and singing were phenomenal and filled the entire opera house with energy and urgency. Therefore I say, mission absolutely accomplished... this story was made to touch people, and paired with Tchaikovsky’s music and great musical direction, it can’t help but reach out and touch each audience member (or rather grab them and give them a good shaking...)

That being said, finally getting to see this opera live also made it clear to me how subtle and, well, domestic it is... The story (besides a duel that is thankfully not uhhh so acceptable or normal in our society anymore) is nothing too sensational, surprising, or dramatic (let’s just say it’s no Il Trovatore hehe, as far as I know it’s actually one of the simplest/calmest plots so to say). Because I loved it from the start I hadn’t really considered or understood that before but now I do... I guess that’s all I have to say.

And I still can’t believe it! Ahhh! I’m so grateful it worked out.

 Here’s to seeing many more versions in the future.

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