you've got time to figure it out

once in college my friend asked me to come along on a date she wasn’t comfortable with because she knew that I would step in and ruin the mood on purpose if she gave me the signal that she wanted out

I came along, it was awkward, she gave the signal, and I immediately dumped a glass of ice water over my head and said “oh no looks like you have to drive me home immediately to prevent hypothermia” but then she and her bad date thought this was so startling and funny that it broke the tension and got them talking. and then I had to sit around for the rest of their date dripping water and shivering because she decided she was enjoying herself.

it is a parents responsibility to play good music during their child’s formative years. make sure the nostalgia playlist is a banger

Get this bastard in the particle accelerator. We need their skills and it'll be enrichment

Crop top that says "met god," with singe marks around the bottom edge implying it used to be a full t shirt with additional text

me living life as an optimist

local woman who claimed she will "cross that bridge when she comes to it" arrives at said bridge

not everyone is either butch or femme actually. That's a false dykeotomy.

i just heard the phrase “if you wouldn’t trust their advice, don’t trust their criticism” for the first time and i don’t think i’ve ever needed to hear anything more

i love you b-sides. i love you demo tapes. i love you debut albums. i love you minute-long interludes.

blood test came back haunted

brown sugar and cinnamon are lesbian married

It's fun to imagine something truly wild happening with that first pie Bitty made for SMH, but realistically I do not think it would take much for him to be as scandalized as he acts. Here are two scenarios I could easily imagine: