Father Brown: Beneath the foolish-seeming exterior there lies an analytical, supremely sympathetic man.

Lord Peter Wimsey: Beneath the foolish-seeming exterior there lies an analytical, supremely sympathetic man. Beneath him there lies another very silly man, except this one reads Donne.

DPxDC Prompt #7

Danny is a clone.

But not of Bruce. Nor Tim. Nor Damian, Jason, or Dick. Not Clark or Diana or any of those usual suspects.

No, no.

You see, when Ra's realized that he was running out of Pits to revive himself with, before he resorted to allowing Talia to give him a grandson with the Detective, Ra's tried to clone

Himself.

After all, who better to be his Heir(/Vessel to Possess) when this body ultimately fails him.

But he failed. Repeated use of the Lazarus Pits had done something to his DNA. Changed or degraded it. All of the clones were unstable from the start. None surviving past the embryonic stage.

All but one.

Ra's last attempt before deeming the project a failure developed all the way to standard 40 weeks before flatlining.

In a last ditch effort to salvage it, Ra's instructed for the clone to be dipped in the Pit. Only to have the Lazarus Waters rip the stillborn infant away and down down down into it's depths.

Immediately following that last failure, Ra's finally relented and gave Talia permission to inseminate herself and bear him an Heir of his and the Detective's blood.

.

Meanwhile, in the Infinite Realms, an Old Clock finds a mortal infant choking on his first living breaths through the Corrupted Ectoplasm in his lungs which gave him life and brought him here. The Ancient smiles. The Realms has chosen her next King. And what a Great One he shall be. Now the Time Keeper needs only deliver the infant where he needs to be to become who he must become.

I love this so much! Ah!

Danny finds out and decided to be an absolute menace to the guy. Just full on pranks the LoA as often as he can. Banishes the pits to the Infinite Realms. And starts practising Ra's voice.. Because then? He can say things Ra's would NEVER say. And then make sure Ra's years it and becomes furious.

Tim might have a new favourite person besides Kon. And it's another clone. This time of Ra's and he has been making the LoA miserable. Tim might be half way in love with the guy. Jason, you seen any of this? You'll get a kick out of it!

The pranks Danny would pull would have to be epic. Now to think on what small pranks Danny would start with. Just enough for Ra's to start questioning himself. His tea cup moved slightly from where he placed it. His slippers cocked to the side awkwardly. A cold shiver down his back. The feeling of being watched. Faint laughter that only he can hear (and it has to be when he goes to the Pits and only then).

It slowly ramps up over the months.

When he looks at himself in the mirror, it's his younger self with blue eyes, like Bruce's. Or glowing green of the LazarusPits. Or blood-red bleeding eyes. Or Lazarus Water bleeding from every orifice. Bloodied hands on his walls and ceiling, but they disappear when he calls for his guards. He watches as they fade and watches as the fingers curl into a fist, given corporeal form before fading from the Mortal Realm.

Then it kicks it up faster. He sees his younger self fully. Standing across from him when he is speaking with Talia. But when she turns, she sees nothing. Ra's has many a shadow jump out at him. Has had ice cold spectral hands wrap around his legs and arms and at one point, his throat. Wakes from nightmares of his clones dying, of their echoing screams as they melt and congeal before him and of his Perfect Clone, thrashing and screaming his lungs out. He watches as the babes body bloats, stretches, swells until it explodes into Pute Lazarus Water.

He is slowly driven insane, and Danny is having the time of his afterlife. Once he found out another evil version of himself is out to turn the world into his "Perfect Paradise." But he's not a ghost? Game on, old man. Danny does his research (for once), finding out that Ra's has been alive for over 500 years, being the dark hand guiding the world from the shadows. So, Danny does what he does best. He acts like a menace.

...

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this, oml.

Danny just goes full poltergeist. You think Ra's believes he is cursed? Calls in the All Caste to set up wards or something. Only for Danny to laugh mockingly..

"You really thought that could save you?"

I can't wait for the batfam to find out. In Demon Twins AUs we always get them marveling over how different Danny is from Damian despite looking the same. With this AU the differences would be even more startling.

You got this younger, (relatively) healthier version of Ra's, a version that grew up as a modern American rather than an ancient nomad, who's both pretty chill and also a total gremlin, pulling pranks with a maniacal grin and referencing vine.

The bats would be too stunned to speak.

Damian wouldn't know what to think about this chaotic mouthy teen that shares his grandfather's face.

And Tim! Poor Tim. Even if you dont go the route of Brain Dead, which is a route that feels like it could have so much fun, hilarious, maybe even angsty potential. Even if you dont got that route Tim would still have so many conflicted feelings.

On one hand, he likes Danny, they would get along, plot Ra's downfall together.

On the other hand Danny is the clone of the creepy old man thats a little too obsessed with him and likely keeps his spleen as a souvenir. And of course clones are their own person, Tim knows that very well and one only needs to talk to Danny for 5 minutes to see that he is distinctly Not Ra's. That wouldn't really change any minor trauma responses to seeing their shared features out the corner of his eye, or suddenly hearing that voice when he's too distracted or sleep deprived to pick up on the clear differences. But he'll get over his initial unsettledness eventually.

(And if Brain Dead does happen, then Ra's might feel some small satisfaction that the potential of heirs from his and Timothy's blood could be achieved in a more roundabout way than he thought, but only if he even finds out)

How would the Bats even find out about Danny? Do they stumble upon it while investigating League and sudden disappearance of the Pit, does Thalia send Damian a letter about what she believes to be her father's declining mental state and possibility of her visit, does Danny find Tim's spleen and decide to return it?

Danny would likely hide himself from the batfam. Like, he's having fun torturing his template. He doesn't want to ruin that by putting his existence as factual!

Ra's might admit Damian was a last ditch effort. As all the clones failed. At which point? They might start looking. Just in case. But Danny is NOT giving up his stress relief toy!

Ra's is Danny's "Stress Relief Toy"?

Chew Toy more like.

Does he have a funny squeaker? Make a silly sound when Danny shakes him up real good?

Danny is getting to really stretch his haunting skills. And use abilities he doesn't get to use often. He has to be a hero all the time. Or Fenton the nerdy kid. He has a lot of anger and such to get out. And no one is getting in his way. He will break his template!,

Danny is getting really good at drram and shadow manipulation. And having a great time doing so. Fright Knight would be proud!

All of the ghosts would be so proud. Aww, look! Baby King's first proper haunting! Quick! Someone grab a camera. We need pictures. The weird tired costume guy clinging to a thermos of coffee like it's salvation has a bunch of old school film ones that'll work nicely.

We forget a key detail that makes Ra's an even better release; although he is Danny's face, his haircut is very reminiscent of Plasmus

That pushes his appearance uncomfortably close to Dan for Danny’s sake

That makes it better, all the stress and anxiety of trying not to become someone like him, he gets to take it all out and not worry about the consequences. There are no civilians to get caught in the crossfire here only killers and the ghosts of their victims cheering him on. He a protector spirit doing what he dose best protecting people

I love the idea of the ghosts stealing Tim's camera! He'd be so confused. He was sure he had it on his bag? Never mind. Time to set up digital cameras to see what's causing Ra's madness. If it isn't just the pits disappearing. If he IS being haunted? He wants to give them a thank you gift after all!

No, wait, not nevermind. He knows he brought one of his old film cameras. He specifically brought it because some sources claim film captures ghosts better than digital. Where did it go??? Did the ghost steal it so he couldn't get evidence they're real? Is this in and of itself proof?

Meanwhile, Danny is mortified. Half his gallery is here cooing over him and taking pictures like it's his first day of Kindergarten. Where did they even get that camera?! It's certainly not something Ra's would care to own.

I can see Tim just managing to stumble into a room where they are bickering. Danny of course is complaining. The rest are teasing him. And Tim, three days in without sleep? Doesn't know if he heard voices, or 'voices'.... Guess it's time to pull out the old ghost film special.

Tim: Um. Hi. If there is a ghost here please make a noise?

And of course. The rogues? Can't help themselves. Look! A new target appeared! Get your haunt on King Kiddo!

Tim has no idea what he has let himself in for. But then, neither does Danny.

Danny, totally mortified, off balanced by the bizarre behavior of his rogues and completely lacking any kind of brain to mouth filter, squawks out, "I'm here to haunt my template! Not random dudes! He doesn't even look like one of the ninjas!"

This is how Tim learns that not only is Ra's legitimately being haunted, he's being haunted by his own apparently dead clone??? Since when does Ra's have a clone of himself???

Danny has to explain how the Lazarus Pit swallowed his baby self and spat him out elsewhere. He grew up elsewhere and then died. Then found out about his template being an absolute bastard. So set out to drive the man insane. He's also made sure to set up a drain on every pit he's found. So they are being slowly drained away. It will take a few years. Tim is amazed. And the other ghosts are apparently just here to cheer on the youngest ghost for his first 'proper' haunting.

You guys wanna make it worse ?

Let them learn about Dani. Let Danny adore his clone daughter and let them all see it. Let Talia have a glimpse of what she had been wanting for so long be so easily given to someone who has betrayed him before.

Danny somehow finds out how Talia feels about this and is just (that comically slow brain empty blink where you do one eye and then the other):

Daughter? New daughter? For me?

...

HEY DANI, how do you feel about an older sister?

____________

Danny, who has gained his only child through clone related shenanigans, seeing another one: This is how you acquire children, right??

Dani, having acquired her father through clone related shenanigans and also never having experienced it any other way: Sounds about right.

____________

Dani to Talia the first time they talk after the family expansion: Welcome Sister! Let's talk shit about dad's template.

_____________

Like: you see this teen, 16 MAX, surrounded by an adult woman and a kid. And he just goes:

Ah yes, this is my adult-several-decades-older-than-me eldest daughter and my few-months-old-twelve-year-old youngest daughter.

Aren't they cute? (said with a voice full of fatherly pride and affection) (while said eldest daughter menacingly sharpens a sword and the chaotic glint in the eyes of the youngest makes you actually fear for society.)

Let Tim be there for the whole thing. Taking copious notes. Taking professional photos. He got his camera back by showing some of his work. The ghosts are gleeful! They have a human helper!! He's taking the good pictures! They definitely help Tim get into awkward spots. Then Talia rocks up and asks for a family photo with her new and improved photo. She needs to send a copy in a letter to Damian. He needs to know about his new and improved family after all! Tim is having the best time. He can't wait to show off his slide show on this!!

Let Danny also claim Respawn, his nephew. Respawn is also in the new and improved family photo.

Damian gets the photo in his next letter from his mother. It’s in a nice card frame and folder embossed and foiled with ‘TDW Photos’. There’s an invitation with it, to come and visit his family.

Oh, Janet would have absolutely been there for the pta meeting. Dick would've still gone, but Janet wanted to go and do you want Tim to tell his mom no? That's not something he can do without like, crying. She has to wear a domino at the Bats' insistence and can't use her real name, but she's happy to be there, mostly. They have the PTA and find YJ camping and she's like "I trust my boy, he won't do anything responsible. Maybe you should trust your girls too". Solves all of Cissie (shit mom) and Kon's (no mom but made to be a mama's boy) mommy issues single-handedly. Tim possibly just acquired a new sister and Kon's just always around now. The secret identity reveal comes sooner because look, Tim respects Bruce, but he's not Tim’s mom, okay? Dick and Babs trusts him to make his own decisions, and that's three against one.

the pta meeting must have been wild

Janet (using the name Maia, bc maiasaura = good mother and as an archaeologist I think she probably had at least one dinosaur phase before getting really into human civilisation) rocking up in a domino and a smoothie in hand, Nightwing following her inside, and she spends the whole meeting denying that Tim has ever done anything bad ever bc if he thought that was best then obviously he was right, and no one is abt to argue with her when she has literal Nightwing following at her heel

also au where she meets Helena at the pta meeting 👀 Tim and Cassie are waiting to be brought home but they’re literally like “hello 😏 wanna talk abt agricultural development in the Iberian peninsula 😏”

Dick (Jack Drake's biggest hater) adoring Janet is so special to me. She's Tim’s mom, and of course she gets final say, B, and she's reasonable and kind to boot. Dick just follows her for extra security and amusement. They both agree Tim’s done nothing wrong ever, except for when they disagree with Tim. They pop open a bottle of wine and talk about Tim's dumbest feats, Janet shares kid stories and Dick shares hero and some civilian teen ones. Janet says she doesn't know why Tim's like this (lovingly) but as she shares more about herself, Dick has an inkling as to why. Janet very much and very vocally appreciates all Dick does for her son, and Dick is uncomfortable with all the thanks but it means a lot to him. (Bruce never thanks him.) (Janet finds his angsting about Bruce to be very funny and is incredibly sympathetic.)

Cassie sidles up to Tim and tells him, "hey, I think we may be step siblings soon" then gestures to their moms archeologist flirting and Tim's like. Sigh. I guess so

Soon Janet has amassed a collection - between Tim, Cassie, Cissie, Kon, and now Dick, she figures she might as well mother the other members of yj

when Anita is added to the team and her parents de aged, Janet arranges to be her guardian and provides Anita’s parents with all of Tim’s old toddler clothes and toys (no Tim is not jealous why would he be upset that someone else is wearing his duck onesie that’s ridiculous-)

Slobo and Bart? Those are actually her sons, thanks. And as time goes on it’s just any young hero she sees. She sees a young hero and just accepts that she’s a mother to another child again

dick enables this bc he finds it hilarious that everyone thinks Bruce has an adoption problem when if anything he’s just temporarily housing them until janet notices them at this point

Janet finds out Tim calls Cass his sister and is like "I won't mind a new daughter :)" and beats Bruce to the adoption. Cass is very happy about this. Kon's halfway through a "mama's a test tube" joke before he realizes. Wait. Miss Drake (he's no hooligan, he's not gonna first name her) has sort of been mom-ing him? And he likes it a lot more than he thought he would. She also sort of thinks the team's one giant polycule? And he's not gonna correct that assumption and risk her treating him any different for it, so he just goes along with it.

In the spirit of annoying Bruce, Babs also gets close to Janet. Anita mentions her parents being deaged in Janet's vicinity and before the end of the month, Anita is Janet's legal ward and Janet's managing kind of coparenting with Maad.

Janet also loves Steph? So much? Her son's traumatised, bristly, kind, brave, funny girlfriend with enough parental issues to write several memoirs. And she's incredibly grateful that she accepted Alfred's advice and bought Drake Manor when she realizes the amount of teenagers and occasional young adult that either live with her or may as well, with how much they're around.

Whenever any of the batkids that Bruce managed to keep are mad at him they just climb over the wall and walk into the Drake residence, Janet always has something in the fridge for them to heat up in case she’s out when they visit

slowly but surely Janet has managed to build a connection to quite literally every superhero family. There are dozens of heroes and vigilantes that genuinely call her mom

Some poor idiot tries to hold a bank hostage while Janet is there to help one of her new kids open up their first bank account. You might be able to guess what lesson that villain learned

Immediately the gun is waved in Janet's general direction, the robber gets at least a hundred broken bones. Instantly. It's actually kind of impressive. Tim has mixed feelings about this but he can pull the "you talk to my mom, you owe me this" card on like half the vigilante community so he's not complaining too much

It gets to the point where Janet can walk through the worst of Gotham without fear.

She's not stupid, she knows it's still Gotham but she also knows at least one of her kids (especially those she shares with Bruce--and yes she knows his secret ID she's not that stupid Bruce) are always watching her. More if she has the youngest with her.

Janet also becomes the designated meta/alien babysitter. Roy needs someone to watch Lian? Drake Manor. Irey and Jai need babysitting, they're allowed free run between Drake and Wayne Manors as long as Alfred and Janet know vaguely where they are. Wonder Woman gets temporarily de-aged? Drake Manor.

She has one of the safest houses on Earth, and in several solar systems, as it's Bat-level, handled by every techie in the community.

Red Hood rolls into town…

From a Passion into a Weapon

If one were to find how firebending got corrupted in the Fire Nation, how it was turned from one's identity into just another weapon, I'd start with Azula.

One of the core aspects of Azula's character is her firebending, and not just because it's blue and unique to her. To be more accurate, it's one of the few things that she's really passionate about that isn't initially related to Ozai and the Fire Nation as a whole. And we can see this whenever she trains. Like how in the demonstration for Fire Lord Azulon she's really into it. How she closes her eyes and lets the movements guide her and whatnot.

We see this again when she practices lightning bending, something that Iroh claims you need a mind at peace in order to accomplish. Which is what we see: she's calm, she's focused, she's into it. She wouldn't be able to generate lightning if she were angry, enraged, or drawing from pure emotion like most other firebenders.

Azula doesn't just see her firebending as a weapon. For all her problems, it feels like firebending at least gives her a peace of mind. And it's probably one of the few things she more than likely enjoys just for the sake of it as well as using it offensively.

It's also where the problems start.

The Fire Nation during the war was HIGHLY militaristic. Essentially, everyone was expected to give their all for the war effort and their whole society was structured around violence and competition. Those who dominated were fit to lead, while those who weren't were sent to the meatgrinder. A lesson Azula more than likely learned when it was burned onto Zuko's face.

Suddenly, that passion for firebending wasn't just for the sake of firebending. In conditions like that, it could be the right tool to keep yourself on top. It's not like seeing firebending as nothing but a weapon was a concept alien to Azula: her father was Ozai after all, and he saw almost everything as a piece or tool. In fact, he was the one who called her a prodigy. So if that's the case, I think it wouldn't be too much of a stretch for Ozai to encourage Azula's competitiveness and turn her love for firebending into an obsession to win at all costs. How nothing less than victory was acceptable in his eyes.

And Azula DOES have an obsession with winning. She treated a game of volleyball like it was a military operation. That doesn't just come from nowhere, it would've been a perfect conditioning if you want a loyal and deadly servant.

The ultimate tragedy is that Azula's love for firebending was twisted into a need to win. Since in the Fire Nation, winning was the difference between getting on the Fire Lord's good side, or being thrown to the wolves.

And ultimately there's only so much time until you do inevitably get handed a loss.

Bruce Wayne, on live TV, gets asked who his favorite superhero is. As soon as that question leaves the reporters mouth, Bruce feels his stomach drop. He can’t pick himself, his kids would mock him for days, and he can’t pick any of his kids, as the other ones would probably poison him, and he can’t pick any of the other JL members without them mocking him-

All of a sudden, Bruce’s mind flashes to a small town hero whose profile he had been reading over in his afternoon board meeting. “My favorite hero is Phantom from Amity Park. Not many people know him, but I really admire him and his dedication to the job.”

There, short and sweet and probably going to end with the least amount of mockery.

Meanwhile, in Amity Park, three teenagers gaped at the screen as their homework lay forgotten in their laps. “Danny-”

“what is happening.”

“That was Bruce Wayne-”

“WHAT IS HAPPENING???”

It’s funny for two days.

They joke about Danny getting adopted just like every black-haired blue-eyed teen Mr. Wayne comes across. Sure, he doesn’t know Danny fits the criteria but it’s a good laugh.

Then Amity Park gets swamped with tourists who saw the news footage and wanted to meet Phantom. Geez, Danny knew Mr. Wayne was famous and well-liked but his word alone did this??? It was worse than that time all his classmates were chasing him around town for autographs!

Because here’s the thing about tourists - they have no clue how to act during a ghost attack.

It was absolute chaos.

Danny was hard pressed to make enough shields to protect the crowds. He couldn’t fight back. Couldn’t split his focus long enough to fire any ecto-blasts to drive the ghost back. The only reason they won the fight was because Red Huntress showed up to attack and Sam had a spare thermos.

But the worst part? The nightmare come true?

He was so exhausted and frazzled after the fight he didn’t notice his parents coming up from the basement as he flew into the house, turned visible and transformed back to human.

They say your instincts kick your muscles into gear faster than thought can process. Maddie and Jack pulled weapons to fight. But Danny could literally take flight.

Suddenly the last two days of joking became his only hope for safety.

Danny landed on Bruce Wayne’s doorstep after the fastest flight of his life and phased into the entryway without knocking. He heard noise down the hall and floated straight to it, making the four people around the dinner table jump in shock.

“Hi!” Danny tried to grin charmingly but was sure it came out a bit manic. He was shaking. Halfway to Gotham he’d realized his mom got a shot in before he escaped and his back flared in pain.

“So sorry to interrupt your meal but I’ve got this favor to ask,” he spoke quickly, trying get to the point before anyone had time to freak out and scream or call the cops. He looked directly at Mr. Wayne, ignoring the old man in the suit, a tan-skinned man across the table, and a young boy who was… holding a throwing knife at the ready? Nope, not important, intangibility solved that possible danger.

“You adopt kids like crazy, right?! Can you adopt me?” Various forms of shock and dropped jaws answered him, but he kept going. “Please? Like, I won’t be any trouble. Promise. I barely eat anything and I can help with cleaning! You just gotta promise not to tell anyone I’m here, okay? Especially don’t let anyone in Amity Park hear about it. Or Batman! Don’t tell Batman, I heard he hates people with powers being in Gotham. Kinda bigoted if you ask me cuz people can’t control how they’re born or what lab accidents happen when they’re 14, you know? And doesn’t he work with a ton of metas and aliens and gods? You’d think the guy would drop his prejudices with Wonder Woman standing right there - but that’s not the point. The point is I need to hide and YOU said on live tv that I’m your favorite hero so can you please do me this huge favor and let me hide here? Honestly with how big your house is I bet you wouldn’t even notice me and I’ll blend right in with your other twenty kids - well, I know it doesn’t look like it right now but swear I CAN look like your other twenty kids.”

In a flash of white light he stood before them, black-haired, blue-eyed, and grinning nervously.

“See? I bet you couldn’t even tell me apart from - Oh. Ow.”

The pain in his back got worse now that he was human again. And he hadn’t been breathing that whole time he spoke and his lungs were on fire. And his body’s shaking got so bad now that he wasn’t floating that his knees gave out.

Immediately he was surrounded and a hand that tried to help him sit up went through his body instead. Oh right, he should turn off the intangibility so they could help him.

“You’re bleeding!” the tan-skinned man said in shock.

“Dick, go get the first aid kit,” Mr. Wayne told him in a calm but firm tone. “Damian, please get some sterilized water, a pillow, and blanket.”

Both ran off as the old man succeeded in supporting him. He was getting bloody ectoplasm on the guy’s suit. That wasn’t very non-problematic adoptable behavior.

“Sorry,” he mumbled as Bruce shone a flashlight in his eyes, but his vision was swimming and he gasped for air and the longest day of his half-life was finally catching up to him. “I’m just gonna… gonna pass out here… just for a minute. You can… you can adopt me when I wake up. …okay?”

#listen #we all know Danny isn’t the clearest thinker when he’s hurt scared and tired #he wakes up and sees Tim waiting by his new bed #and thinks See??! They’ve already got a pale half-dead looking kid! I fit right in! #dpxdc #dp x dc prompt

Nightwing finds him on the roof of Wayne Manor a few days in, when he’s started to get better but is still recovering.

“Hey, how’s the back?”

“BWAH!” replies Danny, unintelligently. He didn’t even hear Nightwing land.

“Sorry,” says Nightwing, grinning in a not-very-sorry way. He holds out a hand. “I’m Nightwing, pleased to meet you.”

Danny’s in his human form. He hasn’t gone ghost or used his powers since he came here. He’s here to hide, after all, though he doesn’t doubt Nightwing knows both his identities already. Don’t tell Batman obviously didn’t make it through. “Danny,” he says, taking Nightwing’s hand. It’s warm even through the gloves.

After the handshake, Nightwing folds his legs and tucks himself neatly into the flashing next to Danny.

Danny can’t help but ask. “Did Batman send you? Am I being kicked out of Gotham?”

Nightwing gives a frustrated sigh. “No, Batman doesn’t hate metas and no, they’re not banned from Gotham,” he recites in a tired tone, as of one who has repeated this many times before. “B loses his temper one time in public,” he mutters.

Danny’s curious in his relief. “Wow, what happened?”

"It was years ago. I was still a kid and Batman was just starting up the Justice League. Green Lantern was tracking down some stolen alien stuff and came in without checking with B first. Then he got caught in some of the local troubles, ended up catching the wrong guys, knocking down a building, and ruining the sting we were setting up. B ended up yelling at him in front of the cleanup crew and reporters, and the next day it was all over the Gotham Gazette: ‘Batman says: No metas in Gotham!’ It’s dogged us ever since. Green Lantern isn’t even a meta,” he added in a mutter. “He just has a magic ring.”

“I take it that’s not what he actually said then?”

“It was more along the lines of he doesn’t want heroes from outside coming in that haven’t been trained or briefed by Batman, and that goes double for metas because of the potential for escalation and collateral damage.” He sighs again. “But nuance and tabloids don’t exactly go together. He can’t even deny it too hard.”

“So Batman will only let me stay if I let him train me?”

“You don’t need training just to stay here. Only if you want to do hero work here.”

“I don’t want to do hero work. I just want to live my life.”

"Why does Batman need to be a billionaire?"

"He has to fund the Justice League. They often have a space program."

"But couldn't he do more good if he just invested-"

"The Earth is routinely invaded by aliens, gods, and the forces of an extraterrestrial god of tyranny."

He has, like, three charitable organizations he funds, named after his father, his mother, and Alfred.

Between both Bruce and Batman’s contributions, Gotham should be a better city than it is, and the only reason it isn’t is DC Editorial Mandate that basically says Gotham has to get worse and worse and worse or there’s no Batman stories they can tell (and, obviously, they have no other characters besides Batman).

There’s a reason Batman thinks the city is literally cursed.

I want to see Bruce Wayne go off

"Oh, oh, just charity my way out of dealing with the Penguin, a living, breathing 19th century Marxist's cartoon of the bourgeoisie? Just fund anti-Clayface measures? Crack down on corporations who put out shapeshifting cosmetics? What socio-economic pressures turn botonists into actual fucking dryads?! What inspires anti-animal terrorism? THAT'S NOT EVEN A REAL KIND OF ECO-FASCISM!"

For the record, Gotham is canonically curse, because it sits on some sort of evil swamp. I think.

There are like, half a dozen curses. The Lazarus Pits are leaching into the water, Slaughter Swamp is an unconnected body of water a few miles outside of the city that also ressurects people (see Solomon Grundy), the Bat-demon Barbatos and his followers (the Court of Owls) have been fucking up the city psychically and financially, the malevolent influence of the warlock Doctor Gotham's tomb in the center of the city, the madness hypersigil of Amadeus Arkham (in Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth), there were several outposts of subterraneans and aliens beneath the city during the Silver Age, constant chemical warfare that makes it the equivalent of a WWI trench managed by MK-ULTRA, it's in New Jersey, and I think God just hates it

tired: Batman could do more good by running charities than by fighting criminals

wired: Batman could save literally every other city on the planet simultaneously with the amount of effort and resources he’s pumped into Gotham, which is a lost cause, but this is his city damnit.

Inspired: Batman’s diligence is containing the menace that is Gotham’s madness from escaping too far from city limits.

For all his billions, for all his activity, for all his efforts, Gotham is a bonfire fed by the madness of mortal people, cultivated by dark powers and just existing there makes living souls like kindling for it. And left to its own devices,it’d become a breeding ground for supernatural unrest that no mere social service system or social awareness of activist campaign, no government program, no actions of a singular vigilante, could ever hope to undo.

Batman is single handedly if need be but fortunately not alone so often, holding back the noxious psychic influences of warp and wyrd entities and what they do to the very environment and landscape through the power of sheer, unbridled humanity.

Ascended: Gotham is containing Batman, because the forces of evil, consciously or not, have figured out that if let loose, this motherfucker and his sprawling adoptive family would've solved every crime in the world ever, so they throw literally everything they have at his home town in hopes that he stays there.

Because they were foolish and let Alan Scott escape. They aren’t making that mistake again.

What if Gotham is the pump?

Like. What if, because Gotham is such a shitshow, anyone looking to improve their lives has their eye on being able to move out of Gotham, so whenever Bruce Wayne's charitable endeavors come somebody's way, they take it, pack their bags, and move the fuck away, and take that money with them.

Meanwhile there's an ongoing influx of people to Gotham primarily because they're flat broke and real estate in Gotham is dirt fucking cheap because it's a shitshow, and there's always places hiring because 1) they've got Bruce Wayne money to try to make a difference, 2) there's no shortage of places that need to be fixed up a little, and 3) villains are always in the market for new henchpeople.

So you're a broke millennial from any other town in the country, and you have student loans, a job that hasn't kept up with inflation, and your landlord has raised the rent three times this year so far and it's eating up two-thirds of your paycheck. You look for housing on the internet and discover that one-third of your paycheck will get you the mortgage for an actual house in Gotham, a house you own and will never have to deal with your scummy rentjacking landlord again. And Wayne Industries is hiring, and so are sixteen different disaster remediation places, and six staffing services with a sort of weird vibe to them but they offer benefits, since when do temp agencies do benefits, and sure the crime rate is high but the rest of the world's heading in that direction anyway, especially if you're homeless, which you're gonna be in like four months if that jackass your landlord raises the rent one more time, so get in losers, we're going to Gotham!

And you settle into your bigger-than-expected apartment and get a job that brings you a comfortable paycheck and you learn to live with the terrorist attacks and the explosions and the gunfire and the neighbors and the drunken billionaire swimming in the restaurant fountain, and you pay off your student loans, buy a car, suffer a few months' unemployment when your boss goes to jail for trying to assassinate the mayor and then your partner loses their job for a few months when the office gets smothered in a jungle's worth of climbing plants and you develop hospital bills when you both get caught in a hallucinogenic terror gas eruption at the mall, but hey, you'd be homeless by now in any other city, so you live with it.

And then it's a few years later and you're wanting to start a family, but the neighbor three doors down owns pet hyenas and the park was firebombed last week and someone froze all the water pipes and you crashed your car into one of the impromptu ice sculptures and you'd really like your kids to grow up in a normal city where they don't have to receive advice like "don't talk to strange plants."

So you visit one of the social work offices and get yourself a bit of assistance, save up your money, sell your house for the price of a down payment to the sort of incoming fool you were six years ago, and use your polished resume to get yourself a job someplace that doesn't have What To Do If Clown Attack on their safety training syllabus.

You came, you left, and Gotham remains. A shithole.

This is a really well thought out way in what keeps Gotham moving. Sure there’s the people that have been there they’re whole lives, families that go back generations, but these are reasons people move in. The kind of people that want out. And maybe are desperate enough to take that Job hunching.

It’s also weird to see my pithy response circle around over 20 times and end up back on my dash…

When the glimmering hope continues against the tide of the hopeless.

When the glimmering

hope continues against the

tide of the hopeless.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

DPxDC Prompt #7

Danny is a clone.

But not of Bruce. Nor Tim. Nor Damian, Jason, or Dick. Not Clark or Diana or any of those usual suspects.

No, no.

You see, when Ra's realized that he was running out of Pits to revive himself with, before he resorted to allowing Talia to give him a grandson with the Detective, Ra's tried to clone

Himself.

After all, who better to be his Heir(/Vessel to Possess) when this body ultimately fails him.

But he failed. Repeated use of the Lazarus Pits had done something to his DNA. Changed or degraded it. All of the clones were unstable from the start. None surviving past the embryonic stage.

All but one.

Ra's last attempt before deeming the project a failure developed all the way to standard 40 weeks before flatlining.

In a last ditch effort to salvage it, Ra's instructed for the clone to be dipped in the Pit. Only to have the Lazarus Waters rip the stillborn infant away and down down down into it's depths.

Immediately following that last failure, Ra's finally relented and gave Talia permission to inseminate herself and bear him an Heir of his and the Detective's blood.

.

Meanwhile, in the Infinite Realms, an Old Clock finds a mortal infant choking on his first living breaths through the Corrupted Ectoplasm in his lungs which gave him life and brought him here. The Ancient smiles. The Realms has chosen her next King. And what a Great One he shall be. Now the Time Keeper needs only deliver the infant where he needs to be to become who he must become.

I love this so much! Ah!

Danny finds out and decided to be an absolute menace to the guy. Just full on pranks the LoA as often as he can. Banishes the pits to the Infinite Realms. And starts practising Ra's voice.. Because then? He can say things Ra's would NEVER say. And then make sure Ra's years it and becomes furious.

Tim might have a new favourite person besides Kon. And it's another clone. This time of Ra's and he has been making the LoA miserable. Tim might be half way in love with the guy. Jason, you seen any of this? You'll get a kick out of it!

The pranks Danny would pull would have to be epic. Now to think on what small pranks Danny would start with. Just enough for Ra's to start questioning himself. His tea cup moved slightly from where he placed it. His slippers cocked to the side awkwardly. A cold shiver down his back. The feeling of being watched. Faint laughter that only he can hear (and it has to be when he goes to the Pits and only then).

It slowly ramps up over the months.

When he looks at himself in the mirror, it's his younger self with blue eyes, like Bruce's. Or glowing green of the LazarusPits. Or blood-red bleeding eyes. Or Lazarus Water bleeding from every orifice. Bloodied hands on his walls and ceiling, but they disappear when he calls for his guards. He watches as they fade and watches as the fingers curl into a fist, given corporeal form before fading from the Mortal Realm.

Then it kicks it up faster. He sees his younger self fully. Standing across from him when he is speaking with Talia. But when she turns, she sees nothing. Ra's has many a shadow jump out at him. Has had ice cold spectral hands wrap around his legs and arms and at one point, his throat. Wakes from nightmares of his clones dying, of their echoing screams as they melt and congeal before him and of his Perfect Clone, thrashing and screaming his lungs out. He watches as the babes body bloats, stretches, swells until it explodes into Pute Lazarus Water.

He is slowly driven insane, and Danny is having the time of his afterlife. Once he found out another evil version of himself is out to turn the world into his "Perfect Paradise." But he's not a ghost? Game on, old man. Danny does his research (for once), finding out that Ra's has been alive for over 500 years, being the dark hand guiding the world from the shadows. So, Danny does what he does best. He acts like a menace.

...

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this, oml.

Danny just goes full poltergeist. You think Ra's believes he is cursed? Calls in the All Caste to set up wards or something. Only for Danny to laugh mockingly..

"You really thought that could save you?"

I can't wait for the batfam to find out. In Demon Twins AUs we always get them marveling over how different Danny is from Damian despite looking the same. With this AU the differences would be even more startling.

You got this younger, (relatively) healthier version of Ra's, a version that grew up as a modern American rather than an ancient nomad, who's both pretty chill and also a total gremlin, pulling pranks with a maniacal grin and referencing vine.

The bats would be too stunned to speak.

Damian wouldn't know what to think about this chaotic mouthy teen that shares his grandfather's face.

And Tim! Poor Tim. Even if you dont go the route of Brain Dead, which is a route that feels like it could have so much fun, hilarious, maybe even angsty potential. Even if you dont got that route Tim would still have so many conflicted feelings.

On one hand, he likes Danny, they would get along, plot Ra's downfall together.

On the other hand Danny is the clone of the creepy old man thats a little too obsessed with him and likely keeps his spleen as a souvenir. And of course clones are their own person, Tim knows that very well and one only needs to talk to Danny for 5 minutes to see that he is distinctly Not Ra's. That wouldn't really change any minor trauma responses to seeing their shared features out the corner of his eye, or suddenly hearing that voice when he's too distracted or sleep deprived to pick up on the clear differences. But he'll get over his initial unsettledness eventually.

(And if Brain Dead does happen, then Ra's might feel some small satisfaction that the potential of heirs from his and Timothy's blood could be achieved in a more roundabout way than he thought, but only if he even finds out)

How would the Bats even find out about Danny? Do they stumble upon it while investigating League and sudden disappearance of the Pit, does Thalia send Damian a letter about what she believes to be her father's declining mental state and possibility of her visit, does Danny find Tim's spleen and decide to return it?

Danny: Hi, I believe this belongs to you *gives Tim the spleen*

Tim: My spleen! How did you even get it back?!

The Batfam, who didn't know Tim lost his spleen: WHAT?!

Danny: I can bring it back to life so you can put it back in if you like. There might be some side-effects though.

The Batfam: what what WHAT?

why didn’t gandalf just carry the ring to mordor himself with these tongs

like i’m picturing him being really careful and looking at it and carrying it exactly like this while walking or riding through the woods and across rivers and up mountains and through valleys and he doesn’t drop it even once except at the very end where he tidily drops it into the volcano. frodo sam and the crew and even gollum wholly undisturbed. sauron can’t find him bc of the meditative aura surrounding him which is generated by his immense focus on not dropping it

World's most tense egg and spoon race

this somehow became the funniest thing on earth in my head and I had to draw it so

NOAA just issued the Severe (G4) level geomagnetic storm watch for May 11, 2024    

Yeah, the Sun sneezed pretty hard, a number of times, on May 9th: five CMEs, apparently. :) (Check this page and scroll down to the middle “Coronal mass injection” window to see a video of the sneezing as it happened, courtesy of the LASCO instruments on the SOHO solar observation satellite.)

As a result, what we have incoming now may be the strongest geomagnetic storm since 2005, if it holds to its predicted K-index strength of Kp 8 (on a scale of 0-9).

A quick note to those who’re new at aurora-watching: The predictive diagrams above and below are not like those we’re used to seeing for events such as solar eclipses. They are not illustrations or indicators of precise locations where aurorae will be visible. They are estimates of the effects of constantly changing near-space conditions—meaning the interaction between the incoming solar wind and the Earth’s magnetic field and upper atmosphere. Though a prediction may suggest that you’re not in an area of visibility, this may change without warning while the event lasts. So if a diagram suggests you’re a near miss, go out and take a look at active times, anyway. Conditions may have changed, and surprises are always possible.

Peak maybe-we’ll-see-it time for Irish and UK people looks to be around 2100ish. (Video courtesy of ITV [UK] weather guy @ChrisPage90 over at the Once Upon A Bird place.)

The North American forecast looks like this (NOAA video via ex-Birdie-based @GrandForksNDSkyColor):

…And it looks like our local forecast, for a blessed change, suggests we might actually see something. (That band of cloud out in the Atlantic won’t be here until tomorrow evening.)

I think we’d better go out and uncover the lawn furniture. :)

Pertinent to this event: Space Weather Prediction Center issues its first G4 (severe electromagnetic storm watch) warning since 2005

…Other useful resources for those interested in space weather generally, and solar weather:

after finding out a lot of friends haven't seen movies I consider formative to childhood (I grew up in South America, so they definitely had international reach!) I'm curious to know just how many haven't seen some of these... uh, let's call them children's classics.

Due to the list of potentials being massive, I'll restrict this to the 1980s, and not include Disney animated movies i can't promise there won't be further polls

(feel free to sound off in tags the ones you haven't seen, if it's more than one!)

Bruce Wayne outside of Batman

So I saw this: 

And thought it would be a cool to research Bruce as a philanthropist and Wayne Enterprises as a business. You know, instead of applying to jobs or cleaning. 

Basically all Bruce does all night and day is give to charity and help people. 

Keep reading

Such good stuff in the tags!

#ask tag#hi anon this is SO old i'm so sorry sdfsfs#if you're still here hi!! <333#this was such a validating ask to get because as you can probably tell i think about the vision thing constantly#also this is SO long oh man. sorry i just started typing and it went on and on sdfdsf#dick grayson#tim drake#dick & tim#it's like. it's just endlessly fascinating to me because the paparazzi/photography stuff is one of dick's biggest triggers#and tim's introduced as a surreptitious amateur photographer#so there's no WAY they will ever get along#but then there's the Meaningful Photo from before the show#that low-key shows that tim's freaky obsessiveness comes from a place of genuine caring & this moment of real connection#so you have early days!dick kinda vibrating back and forth between 'I DON'T WANT HIM MAKE HIM GO AWAY'#vs. those moments when he IS getting attached to tim kinda against his will sdfsdf#and just. the dichotomy between paying attention as a form of love vs. being watched as a kind of violation and exposure#and that both are kinda the same thing?? and dick deeply craves the first and deeply hates the second#tim shows up being all I REMEMBER and what he remembers is exactly what dick was demanding bruce remember in b416#but /also/ he remembers /everything/ 'i remember it all' he remembers the graysons dying in incredibly painful detail#and like. kid!tim is very tactless & has only two switches of 'TELL HIM NOTHING' and 'if forced to speak then overshare'#but the tactlessness is a fixable problem and the remembering is /not/#it's not like it's any better for tim to keep his mouth shut & dick to just be painfully /aware/ that he's thinking abt the graysons dying#bc ofc /tim/ remembering forces /dick/ to remember#but!! but also. you know. maybe that remembering /isn't/ entirely a bad thing#and dick's feelings about it can change over time#anyway tim's not the only person that dick has this kind of conflict with - wally & roy sometimes chase him down when he's withdrawing too#and he often doesn't really appreciate it from them either#and dick's not the only person who gets subjected to tim's particular brand of intrusive caring#conner's not thrilled about the dna thing & ives would be within his rights to resent the stalking even though he doesn't#but i am obviously personally most fond of the ways this plays out with dick & tim – @silverwhittlingknife

Prompt 297

“I feel like we should be concerned about Tim.” 

“Honestly we should always be concerned about him, but what made you realize it this time?” 

“Have you seen his search history- wait no you haven’t you haven’t been in the cave all day, look at this-”

“...'Is it legal to adopt the ghost of a kid? Can someone call CPS on a family’s ghost? How to take care of ghosts 101? How do you get a ghost of a child to not be scared? What to do if you find ghost children in your home? What the fuck…?” 

“Exactly, I think he needs an intervention.” 

Or in other words, after getting thrown into another dimension thanks to the GIW destroying most of Amity, a trio of ghost children decide to crash in this seemingly abandoned apartment building. No one seems to live here anyway… Tim Drake on the other hand, gets a notification that there’s someone in his main safehouse that he might’ve slightly forgotten about thanks to having his house-boat now, and sees a trio of starved looking ghost kids

#DCxDP#DPxDC#Prompts#De aged Danny#De aged Jazz#De aged Dan#Not seen is Ellie also there but in Core form because she’s too unstable to form a body again yet#Tim’s family is concerned for his sanity#Tim calling his co-dependent hero friends like Kon & Bart: How do you get a child- wait no not like that#Bernard is laughing at him on the phone & asking for pics#The ghost kids have no clue they’ve been adopted yet#They’re hella traumatized & just relieved to have found shelter#Might cry in the very comfortable blankets#Tim: Okay how the fuck do I help these literal dead kids without scaring them away#Tim: Someone call Greta I need her help- – @puppetmaster13u

I’ve got to say, Bride of the Demon is a HELL of a comic.

I’m not sure it’s good…exactly…and it’s certainly not afraid of a stereotype. But. Hmm.

Talia. Talia where are the rest of your clothes? Are the tailors just making them from the fabric saved from Ra’s deep chest openings?

(The outfits improve. Somewhat. From here on in but there’s still a lot of deep Vs and gauze skirts and odd peekaboo cutouts)

Ra’s romancing the aged movie star he just popped in the Pit and wants to make his bride.

I just…hmm. Feel that literally everyone who’s ever written fic featuring Ra’s having sex needs to look at this panel? His bed apparently has dragon claws for support.

Yes the Demon Trilogy are explicitly not-quite-canonical, but this scene is HILARIOUS in that Tim is a character in this story. Tim is a very, VERY new Robin still in training in this story.

Bruce, when confronted by a man whose son has just died of bullet wounds and who Ra’s has offered to put his son in the Pit, thinks about…losing his parents.

That’s apparently the best parallel to draw on the topic of “have you ever lost [a son]?” Ahahahahaha

Also of course the first time Tim ever pulls this move:

Tim is baby, Bruce spends like 1/3 of this comic telling Tim he can’t go out in the field yet.

哈尔叔叔