What you need | prologue
Synopsis: everybody needs, but how do you define need? Do you even know what you need.
Genre: best friends au, angst, fluff, smut, slow burn.
‘’you can’t be serious’’ your brows knits as your voice shakes with disbelief.
‘’I’m serious as fuck yn’’ he spits out like venom from a snake’s glands ‘’Is it so hard to stop being friends with him?’’ he says it like it’s that easy to end a friendship, especially with no valid reason.
‘’yes. We’ve been friends for forever’’ You can feel your throat tremble with all this defending you have to do.
‘’yn 3 years isn’t forever’’
‘’but it's longer than we’ve been together’’ you spit back with your own venom. You wouldn’t put Jungkook over Yunho cause he’s your boyfriend, but that’s not going to make you forget Jungkook. The person who’s been there for you the most (not that you’re counting) ‘’I’m not going to stop being friends with him over nothing or just because you’re threatened by him’’
You know that’s what this is about. You don’t know when it started but Yunho has always seemed to be threatened by Jungkook. You’ve reassured him so much you got tired of it, so you just let him talk to himself when he complained.
‘‘so, this is nothing to you?’’ he stops walking around to stare at you with a glare you’ve never seen. This argument is not like the others you’ve had over Jungkook, it’s worse. The fire spat out and acid thrown (in form of words) causes the whole house to overheat around you, leaving you scorched and burnt.
‘’you really do love Jungkook more than me?’’ he seems fed up with it, and you are too. For how long can you continue to baby his insecurity?
‘’I’ve told you a million times that Jungkook and I are just friends and there’s nothing you need to worry about’’ you try and be the sensible one (as always). Since this argument was about you; you were going to be the one to try and end it if you were going to be able to put out the fire in Yunho.
‘’if I wanted to be with him, I would’ve done it by now, but no, I’m with you and I want to be with you’’ you say with everything, apart from the irritation and anger, in your heart. Maybe it wasn't the best way to say it but you said it, and it did nothing but make him angrier.
He’s silent as if analyses the validity of your words. He knows you’re probably correct, you would never choose Jungkook over him but something just bothers him. He wonders if this has anything to do with you and Jungkook or just an inner unacknowledged vengeance.
‘’what I said still stands, either you stop being friends with him or we’re done’’
Your skin paled as his skin stayed healthy and glowing like this was a piece of cake for him. As if he was unbothered and doing this to make you uncomfortable. You thought you made it to the crossroads but you're far from it. You're actually in the middle of the highway waiting to be hit.
‘’come on yunho, why are being like this’’ you’re getting tired of trying.
‘’you’re doing this to yourself yn’’ How are you doing this to yourself when he’s the one pointing a gun to your head to choose between a rock and a hard place.
‘’it's not fair, because you know I love you and i really care about you’’
‘’if you love me and care about me, you’re going to stop being friends with him’’
His stubbornness is so unbelievable.
‘’you’re not being fair’’ you bite your lower lip. you hope the pain from it can distract you from the pounding of your heart. Your fists clench and unclench as you try to think of what to do, things don’t seem to be easing down and you don’t like it at all.
‘’no yn I’m not, but I have to protect myself’’ his face and tone are as uncaring as ever. He’s being difficult and uncaring as you fight for this relationship. Are you the only one who cares?
‘’protect yourself from what?’’ your voice raises an octave; you start to get frustrated with the confusion from his indifferent behavior.
‘’I TOLD YOU, JUNGKOOK AND I ARE NEVER GOING TO BE TOGETHER!’’ you yell like you’ve never yelled before that he’s even taken aback. "I swear’’ your voice goes back to its light and softness, almost begging. But still no change on his part.
You feel like everything in the room is laughing at you.
All the little laughs and happy moments all the promises made, all the kisses gave; in your face laughing at you, mocking you for giving love another chance just for it to spit in your face another time.
If this doesn’t work out, you’re never going to do this again.
‘’That doesn’t guarantee me anything’’ he watches you and you scoff.
‘’so, tell me, me or Jungkook?’’
‘’you’re not being fair’’
you roll your eyes.
‘’that’s just how it is’’ is it really? Or is it how you want it to be? you want to say but hold back you don’t want to add gasoline to this ticking time bomb of a relationship.
‘’Please make the right choice, think about us’’
You chuckle bitterly internally, is this when he cares about what you had?
You think of that. Yunho was your hope in love after your last relationship, he was-is your everything. So, if he cares about what you have then why is he doing this?
You think about it. Yunho is your boyfriend, and Jungkook is your best friend. You’ve known Jungkook longer but you love Yunho more (well in the boyfriend way) and you love Jungkook in the best friend way.
Which is more valuable and worth keeping.
‘’I can’t, I’m sorry’’ you breathe out ‘’jungkook is my friend’’
‘I guess you’ve made your choice’’
‘’Next time we go out remind me to carry sunscreen’’ jungkook says through the speaker ‘’im looking like a roast turkey’’
Knowing Jungkook he’s probably in his bathroom staring at himself. You giggle when you hear him whisper a hot one though.
‘’speaking of going out, please never bring your boyfriend again.’’ He chuckles out but you stay silent.
At the mention of yunho you freeze, everything does. You know jungkook means no harm. All your friends tease you about Yunho.
Now you begin to wonder if it was a warning hidden behind humor because they knew how much you loved him and passed little jokes about him.
Maybe you should’ve known, how could you have thought of it when you were so “so in love’’ with him
though.
‘’yn, you with me?’’ jungkook asks noticing how quiet you’ve gone. He starts to worry that he’s offended you, but you know he’s just joking right? Well, he’s not. He doesn’t like Yunho one single bit and never wants to see him ever again, cause if he does, he’s going to punch him. For many different reasons.
“Are you okay?” he coos out, body tensing in worry at your silence.
Jungkook pauses when he hears you sniffle, you’re crying. His heart muscle contracts at the sound.
Is it something he’s done? Cause he wouldn’t forgive himself if he was ever the reason a tear left your eye. He wouldn’t forgive anyone who was the reason for your tears.
It was so hard keeping this to yourself and not telling anyone, especially jungkook.
‘’yn what’s wrong, is something going on?’’ you don’t answer and he gets more uneasy. It makes it worse for him that you’re in two different places.
‘’does it have to do with Yunho?’’ he knows he’s probably right, but he just wants you to say it; so, he can have a reason for whatever he’s going to do after.
‘’Did he do something to you?’’ his voice gets more impatient.
‘’yn please talk to me’’ at this point he’s begging you to say something. He can’t see you, so the least you can do is say something; tell him he’s overreacting and you’re okay (even though he wouldn’t believe it until he saw you in person. And even then he still wouldn’t believe)
‘’if he did something to you, you need to tell me’’ jungkook paces around his bedroom slowly.
‘’he didn’t do anything’’ You finally speak but it's not what he wants to hear. But it does confirm what he’s thinking.
Jungkook knows it's hard for you to speak when you're crying, normally he’d let you cry it out until you’re calm and can tell him. But right now, he wants you to speak.
‘’it doesn’t sound that way’’ You can hear the anger rising in his tone, if you never knew him, you’d think he was mad at you.
But he’s just on the road to anger, that’s why you didn’t want to tell him. You’d planned on telling him later but your emotions were not on the same page with you.
‘’Did he touch you?’’ now he’s just giving you options to pick yes or no. It's a bit of an overstep in jungkook's part but he's worried and you're not giving him an answer. He wouldn't put it past yunho though.
‘’I swear to god yn if he did...’’ jungkook fumes out letting his thoughts go ahead of him cause you won’t seem to tell him.
You don't know where your voice has gone but its not there, you do want to speak but you can't seem to find the voice or energy.
Even though he’s angry, whatever it is it’s not your fault and he shouldn’t take it out on you. Anger won’t make you speak any quicker.
Jungkook isn't so protective, most of the time, but when yunho is mentioned he has this inkling to keep you closer to him. He doesn't know why but he just does, he tries to keep to himself but his heart aches too much.
‘’talk to me bunny’’ he coos hoping to get more insight.
That pet name does it for you.
‘’he broke up with me kook’’ you wobble out your words.
Jungkook’s hands tap against his table angrily.
his jaw unintentionally clenches. He wants to be happy that you're not tied to that bastard anymore, but this is not about him. It's about you. And unlike jungkook, you actually like yunho and are, surprisingly, in love with him.
‘’yn, when did this happen?’’ you can’t tell what emotion he’s speaking with.
‘’two days ago,” you speak out slowly and so low that jungkook wouldn’t have heard you if he didn’t know you.
‘’And you’re only just telling?” you feel like he’s blaming you but you’re just in your feels and you know he isn’t.
‘’I’m still processing it” you defend.
‘’I’m coming over right now’’ you can hear him shuffle around, probably putting on some clothes.
“kook, that’s no- you don’t have-‘’
‘’Don’t tell me I don’t have to; I’m on my fucking way’’
‘’you didn’t have to drive here’’ you say when you open the door and see a hooded up jungkook.
‘’shut up and let me in’’ he jokes out and lets himself in.
‘’you know I’m mad that this when you’re telling’’ jungkook hums out into your hair as his hand comfortingly rubs your arm.
‘’I told you I’m still processing it’’ You coo into his chest, and the vibration from your voice soothes his previously aching beating muscle.
‘’I know, that’s why I’m letting it slide for now’’ Jungkook’s eyes move to look at you, your eyes closed as you lightly breath against his chest.
He's happy you've calmed down now. After walking in he asked you to tell him what happened, you did (not all but you did). You ignored any question of 'why did he break up with you'. You don't want to answer that or even tell him.
His eyes roam your living room which is still the same from the last time he came, maybe with the addition of a new painting. But the overall ambiance and warmth are still present and he knows Yunho’s presence hasn’t contaminated it.
‘’next time you tell me immediately’’ he says without thinking.
‘’Next time?’’ you move away and jungkook cringes and the disappearance of your warmth.
‘’that’s not what I mea-‘’
‘’yeah I know’’ you place your legs on his lap and he gladly accepts them. ‘’but there won't be a next time’’
You say still in thought.
‘’I think I’m done dating’’
It hurts jungkook hearing you say that. He’s seen how many times a douchebag has hurt you, and it weakens him to slowly watch you give up on love.
‘’I’m tired of getting my heart broken, cause that’s all that happens when I date’’ you start ‘’honestly I knew love didn’t exist but I still wanted to try. So, I guess I shouldn’t be mad if love shows me its ass, cause I’ve known all along. true love doesn’t exist, maybe love in all doesn’t exist.’’
One thing jungkook fully believed in his life was true love, he thinks he probably got it from watching his parents be so in love with each other. His mother always told him, that people always look around for what they think is true love when the actual thing is right in front of their face. You just have to pay attention.
‘’I guess this gives me enough time to focus on my career’’ you sing-song.
You try and seem okay and prove something to jungkook.
‘’bunny’’ he calls out softly as his hand brushes passed yours making little electrons lightly dance over your skin.
‘’you'll find someone who truly loves you’’ You understand where his words are coming from but they don’t help you feel not less than.
‘’maybe not in this lifetime, but thanks for trying kook’’ you let out a painful laugh. Jungkook’s eyes sink deep into yours as if trying to find what you’re not telling, what you’re so afraid of showing him.
He wants to know and wants to see everything; you don’t need to hide anything from him.
You move away from his gaze and try to hide what’s left of your hurt. You don’t need him more worried.
‘’so have you taken up my offer for the dating app’’ You change the topic with a smile and a heavy heart.
‘’I’m still thinking about it’’ You watch he’s teeth play with the silver loop at the corner of his lip. You’re still not yet used to his pierced lip even though he’s had it for over a year. Jungkook taps your calf when he catches you looking a little too long at his lip.
‘’if you take any longer, I’m going to have to find a blind date for you myself’’
your eyes flush amusement.
Jungkook’s brows rise in playfulness before they drop and he smiles.
‘’I’m sure anyone you pick would be a good fit’’
‘’I think I’m going to clock in for the night’’ You yawn and stand. Jungkook watches your figure hover over him. ‘’feel free to stay longer and eat whatever’’
You know he would cause he’s done it before.
‘’I’m just going to head out, got work tomorrow’’ he stands with a groan. “as long as you’ll be fine” he stares at you waiting for an answer. You give him one with your eyes. He’s helped to a lot this night and you don’t want him going late to work.
‘’love you kook’’ you say abruptly and jungkook doesn’t have time to process it when that tingling feeling in his stomach starts. It feels like the time when he had to perform in front of the whole school, in the 10th grade.
He didn't like that feeling, but this one feels more enjoyable.
‘’thanks for coming tonight’’ your bright eyes beam at him.
‘’Anything for you bunny’’ he smiles before he’s out the door.
Jungkook didn’t have work the next day, okay maybe he did but one day of not attending wouldn’t hurt him, right?
He did write to his boss after all.
I apologize for the late notice, but...... cause my mother is unwell.
It's just one lie. He hopes his mother doesn’t mind.
As Jungkook pulls over he’s suddenly grateful for all the times you’ve asked him to drop you off at Yunho’s house and how he persisted in walking you up to his apartment.
With his mind made up Jungkook raises his hand to knock on the door. He hopes he still lives here cause it would be embarrassing if he didn’t. If he had moved you would’ve told Jungkook, after all, you tell him everything.
‘’nuguseyo?’’ [who are you?]
Jungkook’s blood boils when the feminine voice speaks. He swears Yunho still lives here. Who’s she?
If what jungkook’s thinking is correct then Yunho is in for more than an ass whooping.
‘’Yunho. does he live here?’’ he speaks to her bluntly. She’s not why he came so he doesn’t care for her.
‘’eung’’ she says before she speaks again ‘’Yeobo’’
Jungkook is too familiar with that term of endearment, so he is correct.
This bastard was cheating on her. And even if he wasn’t and jungkook is reaching, how can he be with someone only a few days after breaking up with her?
‘’someone’s here for you’’ she says as his figure comes into focus.
‘’wh-‘’ his voice cuts off. ‘’jungkook? Look what the cat dragged in. Did yn send you here’’
It pisses Jungkook off how he says your name with no damn respect.
It would have honestly been better for him if you had sent him, he would’ve been at mercy.
But the fact that he’s here on his own accord means Jungkook can do whatever he wants. No mercy.
He just prays you don’t find out. You hate violence and he knows it. You would kill him if you knew he was about to do what he’s about to do. But the red pumping to his fists makes him think unclear, right now all he cares about is avenging you. But maybe he’s doing this to also quench the hatred he has for Yunho within himself.
‘’I’m sure she told you what happened, you won I guess’’ he says it like it was a game ‘’But did you win really.’’ He chuckles.
Jungkook can hear the mocking in his voice.
He didn’t need much motivation until his body reacted and soon crimson painted on his fist.
‘’that asshole’’ willoe spits out through her swallow. ‘’he really wanted you to pick?’’ you nod.
‘’I’m glad you made the right choice’’ She places her mug down. You don’t even want to bother and tell her that you almost (for a split second) wanted to pick him over Jungkook. And for the past 2 days, you’ve been wondering if you should’ve. But it’s the loneliness speaking.
Remembering how Jungkook came over yesterday to see you makes you glad that you made that decision. You feel shitty for even thinking of picking Yunho.
‘’Making someone pick is ruthless, selfish and immature’’
Willoe has been wallowing out curses ever since you told her about Yunho, you kinda regret it.
You wonder how Jimin can handle her tongue.
Unlike Jungkook, willoe took you not telling her better. You pin it on the fact that she’s also kept things from you too, for quite a long time too.
One of the things was that she and Jimin had started dating. now that you think about it you probably complained her and Jimin’s ears off (like she’s doing right now to you). Who goes 3 months without telling their bestie that she’s dating her love at first sight who’s also your friend? What impresses you more is how Jimin was able to keep it from you.
If you had even the smallest inkling that she and Jimin were dating you would’ve probably pulled it out of him. But there were no signs.
Or maybe you were too wrapped around Yunho’s nagging that you didn’t pay attention.
‘’Can you stop cursing that man’s lineage’’ Your coffee’s probably going cold with how you’re just holding it. The warmth on the ceramic provides some comfort in a way.
‘’oh I haven’t even begun cursing his lineage’’ she scoffs ‘’It's just that I have a date with Jimin tonight, otherwise, I would’ve gone to pull out the candles’’ You know she’s just playing. Even though Willoe on her days off looks like she’s the type, she’s far from pulling out candles to curse someone. But you wouldn’t put it past her.
‘’Have you told jungkook?’’ she lowers her voice down to a serious tone.
Your head lifts to look at her confused. ‘’told him what?’’
She rolls her eyes at you as if you don’t know.
‘’that he made you pick between him or jungkook.’’
It clicks. You don’t know if it’s cause of what’s going on but your mind has been foggy of late.
‘’hell no’’ you spit out quite roughly.
‘’because it would piss him off, I don’t even know what he would do’’ You finally take a sip of your coffee and cringe at how lukewarm it's gotten. Willoe watches you noticing that you haven’t taken a sip of your coffee.
‘’you think he would beat up Yunho?’’ you ask her for an opinion.
‘’oh, I know he would, without a doubt. I’m surprised you haven’t gotten a call from a hospitalized yunho’’ willoe stares at the waiter to bring her another order. She comes here often so she hopes they remember.
‘’like be for real yn have you looked at him’’ if only she knew how many times you’ve looked at him. ’’He could take Yunho in one go and win’’
you know he can, you have hundreds of his gym pics in your gallery. Not because you stalk him but because jungkook feels the need to send you some every time he’s in the gym (which is like every day).
Why haven’t you deleted them? Because it’s cute that he can share this cute ritual with you of all people. And even though you don’t go to the gym with him at all. The pictures make it like you are accompanying him on his gym journey.
Though your storage isn’t so pleased.
‘’but I just don’t like violence, especially if it's jungkook. I don’t want him to get hurt’’
‘’girl be serious jungkook would never let someone whoop his ass, he’d rather die’’
‘’and its kinda hot having someone wanting to fight another person for you’’ Willoe blushes at the thought ‘’Jimin once punched a guy who was flirting with me, and I’ve never fucked him harder’’ She looks lost in the thoughts ‘’It was one of the reasons I kept in touch with him. I love possessive men’’ you chuckle as you watch the blood go to her cheeks.
You know Willoe is into those kinds of things.
And that’s one of the things that makes you two different. You don’t like men who do that kind of thing, even though you get where it's coming from. It's unattractive to you.
And that’s one reason you’ll never attend Jungkook’s boxing training sessions. It would kill you to see someone hit Him, even If it’s not serious.
‘’anyway, how’s Jimin? Haven’t talked to him this week’’
‘’yeah, same. He’s been busy lately so he promised me a date to make up for it.’’
You watch her blush at the mention of Jimin, she always does.
You love how they work together. It makes you feel so happy to see her happy and be with someone like Jimin who treats her right.
But it just makes you think of your lacks, when or where were you going to find someone who would love you like Jimin loves Willoe.
‘’god, when will I meet someone like Jimin’’
‘’you will, you just need to open your eyes’’
‘’my eyes have been open and all I can see is bullshit’’
Willow laughs almost choking on her second coffee, you’ve barely touched your first. She’s a coffee addict anyway, so you can’t compete.
‘’Don't worry yn someone will come around’’
You roll your eyes ‘’well I’m done waiting for that one person’’ you feel yourself tense at the thought of being alone forever.
‘’I’ll send you some lavender and chamomile to calm you down’’
Maybe it's time to get into the herbs she’s been recommending.
You’ve now been tuning out Jimin’s lecture for a minute. You don’t even know how his consolidation turned into him giving a speech on how to find someone who cares about you, and how you should take a break from dating and ‘’find yourself’’. Whatever the fuck that means.
Most of the time you think you and Jimin are similar, and share the same ideas and beliefs. But maybe it's just the means of saying them that differ.
You’ve missed Jimin and the last thing you want to talk about is Yunho. You’d rather catch up and laugh around.
It's best to get it over with right now anyway. So you let your ears bleed as he speaks.
‘’and that’s why I didn’t like him in the first place....’’ he rumbles on. The red button seems so far away. Your fingers twitch to press it.
Jimin isn’t the most talkative person, you give that title to Willoe. But once he starts to talk he doesn’t seem to stop.
You need a fucking savior right now.
‘’yn are you hearing me’’ he asks from your lack of response.
‘’yeah jimin, well and clear.’’ Lies. You’ve been tuning him out, he could’ve changed the topic and you wouldn’t know.
In a second after your plea, your savior finally shows.
‘’jimin can I call you later jungkook is calling’’
‘’jungkook? Tell him you’re busy. I’m talking to you’’
‘’I would but I think it's important and you know how whiny he gets’’
‘’alright then I’ll call you later, tell him to stop ignoring my calls too’’ you hum in acknowledgement and nod.
‘’okay bye’’ you click so fast he doesn’t get to respond.
‘’my fucking saviour’’ you say immediately after Jungkook’s call is accepted. He’s a little confused by your abruptness but takes it anyway.
You watch the confusion on his face with a smile.
‘’yeah, I just don’t know where it's coming from’’ you watch him fix his hoodie.
‘’you’re my fucking savior, what don’t you get?’’ for a second, he thinks you're talking about Yunho, but if it was about him the last thing, you’d be doing is thanking him. ‘’you just saved me from a jimin lecture’’
He makes a face of realization, he sees you don’t seem to know about Yunho.
Like on cue, Jimin’s text pops up.
Minnie Boy: I know you didn’t want to hear what I was saying, but please consider taking a break for yourself.
Minnie boy: And I promise to not bring it up again.
You giggle at his text, he knows you so well, that maybe you will consider taking his advice.
You: I hope you know I appreciate your advice and I will consider it. Thanks, Minnie.
‘’what was he saying?’’ jungkook’s velvety voice pulls you back to him.
He lets out a hum, understanding that he gave you one hell of a lecture.
There’s a little comfortable silence as you and jungkook just watch each other.
‘’About that. How are you doing?’’
‘’I guess I’m okay, you guys have made a easier for me”
Jungkook’s happy to hear that.
‘’we’re you’re friends we’ll always be here for you’’
he sounds so sentimental it makes your heart throb.
‘’how about you? how are you doing?’’ you change your position.
Laying on your back with your phone above you. you watch jungkook turn his eyes away.
‘’I’m doing okay, just working and stuff’’
‘’and how about the date thing have you thought about it’’
Jungkook will probably never hear the end of it. He runs a hand through his dark hair which seems to be growing longer and longer.
‘’about that, I don’t want to’’
Your glare would probably teleport you to him and smack him if it could.
‘’what do you mean you don’t want to?’’ you sit up and jungkook sighs disappointedly with the position change.
‘’I mean, you’re not doing well, and the last thing I want to be thinking of looking for a girlfriend’’
‘’This is why I don’t like letting you know things, you get so worried and forget about yourself’’
You’re not wrong and he knows it, but he doesn’t find a problem with it.
‘’I’ll be okay, don’t worry about me’’ he watches you talk.
It’s so hard for him not to worry about you when you don’t seem to be telling him the truth about if you’re truly okay. You’re saying it but he doesn’t believe it.
You continue to express how you’re okay and he needs to find someone for himself instead of spending his days worrying about you.
He can’t help but think about whether he should tell you Yunho was cheating or not, he doesn’t want to hurt you. Cause that news would kill you.
But keeping it to himself feels like it will do more harm.
But it won’t hurt you if you never find out, all you have to do is never talk to Yunho again and he trusts you can do that.
‘’okay yn if you want to so badly find me a blind date’’ he says after you suggest it for a millionth time.
You’re shocked by his acceptance but also excited.
‘’and I will. Get your suit jacket ready 'cause jungkook you’re going on a date ’ you mimic the voice of dating show presenters.
‘’I'll be waiting’’ he chuckles out watching you smile.
A/n: I don't know why the prologue is so long.😭
