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I absolutely LOVE it when “boys will be boys”.

If you’re intrigued by me and Systlin hateposting and becoming Bernice Green truthers b/c it’s unbelievable that John Norman has actually seen a woman in real life, and you think to yourself “Maybe I should read the Gor books, I bet it would be funny,” take it from me: Don’t.

Words can’t really express how gawdawful these books are. They’re so bad it’s worse. I guess the wooden prose and the bizarre worldbuilding are kinda funny but then you’re dealing with the misogyny and rape fetishization and Ragnar-Redbeard-ass worldview in addition to the wooden prose and bizarre worldbuilding.

If you simply must investigate for yourself (perhaps as punishment for some terrible transgression), all 34 of them (yes you read that number right) are on Archive.org. Please don’t give Norm Johnman your money.

As the person who read one and then thoughr, ‘yanno what would be funny? If I paid @systlin to read a couple of these,’ do your mental health the kindness of like, reading the cliffsnotes or something. I felt like I sandpapered my brain reading one of them, never mind more

Listen, I read Tarnsman when I had no idea what I was getting into. Somebody told me “Hey this is a swashbuckling sword-and-planet adventure with a lot of weird sex stuff in it” and I was like “Oh, that sounds great” but it was not great. It was not great at all.

I think I made it as far as Outlaws before my brain started dribbling out of my ears

Speaking as someone who’s never getting those Tarnsmen hours back, I (and one of my friends in the same boat whom I have been sending these to) have been enjoying this relentless hate-barrage immensely.

excellent

There are thirty four godforsaken books in this godawful series, and I have read 15 of them because I am a madwoman with no regard for my own sanity or braincells. I have done this to make my hatefic as accurate as possible. Do not do what I have done, folks. I’ve paid a steep cost for the knowledge to write this hatefic.

Well, that probably the most Odin thing you’ve ever said, @systlin

I am burdened with terrible purpose, and that is to write a novel length hatefic that will give Nort Jergans an aneurysm, hopefully killing him instantly.

If you are still not convinced by the wisdom here, this is a very short clip that is forever burned into my mind:

He said, "You are my son, Tarl Cabot."

"I am Tarl Cabot," I said.

"I am your father," he said.

This is very early on in the FIRST BOOK. It won’t get better.

Now, if you have friends with similar interests and you love trashy barbarian movies there are two truly stupid film adaptations, but at least you can be drunk with friends while watching.

Would you listen to an audio drama podcast with no dialogue? Or extremely minimal dialogue?

Soundscapes, foley and music would hopefully guide you along a story. An example would be ‘The Revenge’ from ‘78. An audio play with no dialogue but definitely is telling a story.

This has an interesting breakdown of it.

No. See above.