Something Witty and Sarcastic

Doing more than one? Choose whichever you found the most helpful. ❤️

This broke containment and it's been freaking awesome to see people noting how they're taking care of themselves.

a lot of life can be persevered thru by secretly playing pretend in your mind the whole time

do you want to see the best trail cam photo ever

let it be known he is chilling like crazy

You should be furious that people trying to escape genocide in Gaza, Sudan, Congo all need raise an absurd amount of money just to survive

You should be furious at how these people went through atrocity after atrocity and still need raise tens of thousands of dollars to get away

You should be furious at this insidious thing that completely encapsulates how capitalism feeds off of blood

no matter how terrible my day is. i can always end my day in bed imagining fictional characters making out sloppy style and fucking raw. and that's beautiful. there's some good in this world mister frodo and it's worth fighting for

saw someone on instagram say “you shouldn’t post your art until it’s good” and that comment filled me with rage so i want to say to every beginner artist or artist who feels their art is not improving no matter how long they’ve been at it. i love you and i love your art and everything you post bears part of you and that is so beautiful. block everyone who says otherwise they are not entitled to freely consume what they rag on.

Imagine thinking that an artist has created art only so that you can look at it, and not to stop their own soul physically clawing it's way out of their chest

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when i was a kid i had moments of being so fucking diabolical because i realized at some point the best way to leverage power over my family was to do shit that would make everybody late

our house was in the middle of nowhere surrounded by woods so when i decided i didnt want to wear dresses anymore if we were going to some event & my parents insisted i had to wear a dress i would just go hide in the woods. was so committed i almost made us miss a flight once bc my mom packed a dress in my suitcase

i only promised to stop doing this if my parents got me formal boys clothes to wear which eventually they did. i don't feel bad about resorting to violence bc i asked politely and they said no. proud of 10 yr old me for evil annoying lesbian behavior

5th grade was the last time I wore a dress for school pictures. When my parents attempted to force the issue for 6th grade, I climbed onto our roof and pulled the ladder up after me. My dad borrowed the neighbors ladder. As soon as it touched the roof I pulled it up too. By the time I had 3 ladders they were willing to negotiate, and 2 hours late for work.

surely after the second time they would've stopped trying lmao what the hell

when i was a kid i had moments of being so fucking diabolical because i realized at some point the best way to leverage power over my family was to do shit that would make everybody late

our house was in the middle of nowhere surrounded by woods so when i decided i didnt want to wear dresses anymore if we were going to some event & my parents insisted i had to wear a dress i would just go hide in the woods. was so committed i almost made us miss a flight once bc my mom packed a dress in my suitcase

i only promised to stop doing this if my parents got me formal boys clothes to wear which eventually they did. i don't feel bad about resorting to violence bc i asked politely and they said no. proud of 10 yr old me for evil annoying lesbian behavior

5th grade was the last time I wore a dress for school pictures. When my parents attempted to force the issue for 6th grade, I climbed onto our roof and pulled the ladder up after me. My dad borrowed the neighbors ladder. As soon as it touched the roof I pulled it up too. By the time I had 3 ladders they were willing to negotiate, and 2 hours late for work.

surely after the second time they would've stopped trying lmao what the hell

do it drunk. do it high

do it with another guy.

this is so real

For sure mine is dumb teenage missionaries

My dad was definitely one, my favorite story is when my dad's companion (who did not speak or read English) had a really bad rash + chaffing all over his groin. So my dad gave him a "wonderful American ointment" and instructed his companion to rub the "ointment" all over his raw chaffing dick.

The ointment was icy hot.

There was a lot of laughing from my dad and the third companion, and screaming from the poor victim.

My dad, for SOME reason, had a pellet gun or something like that in one of his mission apartments. I think it was his companion’s, not his? I’m not sure WHY they had it, though, since I’m pretty sure it’s against missionary rules, but one day my dad was fiddling with it and accidentally shot the sliding glass… door?

I suppose, hypothetically, at the time the rule wasn’t a thing and it’s my dad’s fault /j

A zone leader in my mission spotted a pair of sister missionaries on the street one night, after dark. He decided the smart thing to do would be to sneak up behind them with his companion and jump scare them. One of the sisters had a black belt. She roundhouse kicked him in the head. He was wearing a bike helmet, so he didn't get seriously hurt, but I like to think that's a lesson he won't ever forget about scaring women on the street at night.

Ah yes of course, like the all you can eat shrimp was simply too generous sounded like a fucking dumb explanation

Also their largest shareholder, a seafood distributor, maneuvered things so they became the sole supplier of breaded shrimp for the chain. Think of how much breaded shrimp Red Lobster buys.

One of the other fun tricks of private equity firms is to charge the company to be managed by them. Imagine if your boss charged you literal actual dollars to be managed by them.

It's kinda funny how often people think there are machinations behind the scenes, but as long as there's a good joke, they don't look further. A big chain doesn't go bankrupt because of a single $11 million loss due to a shrimp promotion. (Also, btw, they were forced to make that losing promotion permanent instead of time limited.)