The environmentalist message at the heart of early sonic the hedgehog is lost upon my praetorian guard.

Awesome

the problem with having a decade old tumblr blog is that there are posts on it from a decade ago

i’ve become a completely different person like 5 separate times since making those posts and there are STILL people finding them somehow

I TRIED TO CONVERT A NON-FUNCTIONING VIDEO IN VEGAS AND IT FUCKED UP

So actually Vampire is an ancient Eastern European god, they worshipped him before monotheism happened. Yeah he’s my patron. I can talk to him and he’s actually vegan and can go out in the sun just fine. The centuries of folklore is all just propaganda. Look at this 5-paragraph blog post from 2006 and you’ll see what I mean.

You couldn’t form a band like “Boyz II Men” nowadays. The woke police would forcibly feminize them to be Boyz II Women. *slams fist* this is because we don’t sacrifice goats to golden statues of Christ in elementary schools anymore. They took this from you.

Tasteful bulge? Yeah I would like a taste f- [I am interrupted by the sound of a dry twig snapping. This is impossible, as I am in the infinite linoleum bathroom dimension for this joke.]

I was just grocery shopping and for a while I was in line behind the peak possible combination of parent and child, here is my 1 minute recreation from memory

Things that work in fiction but not real life

This post breaching containment has taught me that a lot of people seem to think they can accurately profile complete strangers. For the record, no the fuck you can't.

The Sultan of Seconds will have another plate of pot roast, please.

I just think if an ostensibly cis boy is kinda eggy and you want to approach him about being trans, you need to make sure you can expose his vulnerable center with your horse archers

It would be real fucked up if anteaters and aardvarks and armadillos and pangolins were all like herons. Instead of like themselves the trundlers

They are trundling. On their way to brunch. Of ants. we've established this.

im so happy i made all the correct choices that led to us meeting

its something like this i think

elon musk admitted under threat of perjury that this is his burner account

based on an interaction i had