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someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny.

@fudgythewhale / fudgythewhale.tumblr.com

Claire (n): aspiring author, unfortunate adult, reliable pessimist.
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zeldaroy

Zelda discusses her love of change, realizes that Raphael knows how to use a watch, and successfully tells off a telemarketer.

(Written/produced by @fudgythewhale and @roe-your-boat. The voice of Zelda is @fudgythewhale, music by @roe-your-boat.) Rosemary’s also Valeria on this ep, and @justinleeroth is Raphael.
Join us every other Friday as Zelda judges all, but especially you, Kenneth G. Fabio.

We're baaaaaaack!

Check out the premiere of season 2, in which Zelda discusses the importance of friendship and the complexities of being in a boy band.

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OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT

ZELDA ROY: [...]
KENNETH G. FABIO: Um.
ZELDA ROY: [...]
KENNETH G. FABIO: Uh. Are you--I thought this was an interview?
ZELDA ROY: It is.
KENNETH G. FABIO: Okay. Are you going to ask me something? I don’t really have the time--why would you invite me here if--
ZELDA ROY: Are you really going to pretend you didn’t bribe the Entertainment chair with a role in "Brigadoon" to get this interview as free advertisement for your latest production..."Brigadoon"?
KENNETH G. FABIO: Is this on the record?
ZELDA ROY: [loud exhale] What inspired you to yet again choose a Canon musical instead of exploring the options that the Other World merge has made available?
KENNETH G. FABIO: Well, I think it’s actually somewhat representative of the situation here in Delorenze. I mean, we weren’t isolated for 100 years but I think--
ZELDA ROY: So it’s really not representative at all.
KENNETH G. FABIO: That’s up to the--
ZELDA ROY: Do you think that this production will be even worse than your last, a musical adaptation of "Hedda Gabler"?
KENNETH G. FABIO: That’s not really a fair question.
ZELDA ROY: Can’t even defend your own production.
KENNETH G. FABIO: I took an artistic risk with Hedda--I feel like I know her so well now, I just call her by her first name--and one cannot call oneself a true artist without taking risks. So perhaps it wasn’t as well received as I would have liked--
ZELDA ROY: Oh, sorry, that seems to be all the time I can muster up for you today. [...] Come see Brigadoom. Doon [sic]. "Brigadoon".
KENNETH G. FABIO: You didn’t even say when--
END OF TRANSCRIPT.
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zeldaroy

in case you haven’t been paying attention

…or are just now joining the party (better late than never, I guess), here’s a crash course on the citizens of Delorenze.

ZELDA ROY: Esteemed arts critic and radio host with an affinity for “vintage” clothing and holding onto anger for a completely healthy amount of time; great at parties

BRIAN “CATE” MERCATOR: Zelda’s longtime best friend; suave; loved by the town; in unspoken relationship with Barlow; called “Cate” by close friends

VALERIA LENNOX: June’s younger sister; thorn in Zelda’s side; has a flair for the dramatic bordering on life-threatening

DR. S. BARLOW: Doctor of unknown specialty; Brian’s close “friend”; stupidly noble at inconvenient times; likes paisley too much

DAISY MERCATOR: Cate and June’s adorable two-year old; Zelda’s goddaughter; again, adorable

JUNE LENNOX-MERCATOR: Zelda’s deceased best friend; Cate’s wife; town sweetheart; endearingly melodramatic (for the most part)

HORACE APPLEBOTTOM: Founder of Applebottom Feeders, suspicious history of dead wives; most definitely not Zelda’s father

KENNETH G. FABIO: Untalented director of the Delorenze Playhouse; doesn’t appreciate talent when he sees it; because he is untalented

RAPHAEL BARTHOLOMEW: Obituary writer and town records keeper; shares office with Zelda; timid; has a comprehensive knowledge of cliches

MARGARET ROY: Zelda’s grandmother; now living in Disney World; definitely not hiding anything

GARY ROY: Zelda’s grandfather; living with Zelda’s grandmother in Disney World; hates technology and wearing pants

JOAQUIN THE TURTLE: Zelda’s one true and loyal companion in these dark times

ANASTASIA EDGARTON: Cabaret Social Committee Chair; nosy; susceptible to blackmail

LORI WITHERS: Head cashier of Delorenze’s slightly better convenience store; Horace Applebottom’s final fiancee; pleasantly apathetic

EMERICK ARGAL: June’s stranger with weird shoes; manipulative

LINDA BATEWELL: Cabaret Tourism committee chair; unpleasant

BERNADETTE GLENCOE: Original member of the BeeGees (the cat lady group, not the disco stars)

BERNICE GROSSMAN: Original member of the BeeGees (again, the cat lady group, not the disco stars)

BETTY GREENE: Original member of the BeeGees (NOT A GIBBS BROTHER, OKAY?!)

CAIUS WILBURN SELBY: Cabaret leader during the Revolution; easily manipulated (like everyone else in this town); also dumb

MARVIN WHITLEY: Undeserving owner of town video store; rude; mean to children

MARSHALL MARSHALLS: Proprietor of Everything But the Kitchen Rink roller disco; hates leggings; loves Robin Hood

“ELSA” FABIO: Kenneth G. Fabio’s wife; constantly being cast in roles too young for her; also constantly not being faithful to Kenneth

ANNE ROY: Zelda’s mom; promiscuous; dead

DAVIS BILLINGSLEY: Former Cabaret leader; mediocre piano player; assassinated by delinquent teenage boys

ROBERT FARRAWAY: “Bobby the-the-the Jimmy,” Jimmy Stewart impersonator; writes sad poetry about his dog

SALLY WERTH: Award winning baker; that’s really all anyone knows about her

GERARD JONES: Reigning champion of “Dress That Thomas”; weirdly obsessed with period clothing; unfortunately deceased

JERRY JONES: Works in the educational services branch of the Cabaret; brother of Gerard Jones; “willing to be bribed” at this point is just a given

ISAIAH COOLEY: Gas station attendant; mysterious

OLLIE: Pizza delivery boy; pure of heart; one of the first casualties of the epidemic

WARREN DELORENZE: Founder of Delorenze; maybe a bit crazy; loves anthropomorphic animals; but who doesn’t

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