Welcome to My Twisted Ankle

Yeah you're right. It WOULD be pretty fucked up if you were a swan but you were raised by ducks and you grew up never seeing another swan or even knowing that such a thing as a swan even existed so you just thought you were a duck with something super wrong with it.

This is how you do a meme. I don’t want to tell anyone my name or my bra size or my date of birth on the internet. Why can’t we make memes using useless and non-personal data points?

SKELETON PLINKO

SEXY CON

DISCORSE GEORG

SEXY SEXYMAN. GOD DAMNIT NOT AGAIN

Blorbo sexyman 👁👄👁

Ma’am. What are you doing. You can’t be here.

This is my childhood home and my babies will grow up here too.

Ma’am. This is an orphanage.

And?

Good point. Welcome home, ma’am.

I AM FINE I’M NOT CRYING

i need a bigger sample size because the idea that so many of you dont tie your hair when you sleep is giving me palpations

Magnets: I want to commit diamagnetic

how did I never once think to use tape fuck

one time as a kid I forcefully shoved two magnets together, and these were the strong magnets my dad used in his shop to pick-up missing little metal bits, and I held them really tightly in the palm of my hand, went up to this one kid who legit said things like “I think black cats are bad, they should be drowned” and drew crosses on the notebooks of kids if she found out they didn’t go to church, I told her “Hey. I’m a witch. If you don’t stop trying to hurt animals and picking on kids, I’ll use my magic to throw you into the sky”, and when she dared to doubt my powers I told her that I had two “rocks” in my hand that I could send across the playground, then I opened my hand the the magnets shot off in two different directions (we were over in a spot that was empty, so no other kids were around, nobody got hurt), one of them stuck to a drainpipe and the other stuck to a fence. This kid SCREAMED, and ran to the office, and I guess had her mom pick her up from school, and then she wasn’t there for a couple of days, finally her mom called my house and claimed I had “traumatized her daughter by performing a terrifying magic trick”, and when my parents asked what I did I just said “I showed her a magnet and she flipped out. She’s not gonna be happy when she finds out about gravity, either”. eventually this kid came back to school and always made a point to come up to me and say “Hey, my mom told me not to talk to you!”, and would just be like “Good job, you already screwed that up”

Holy shit

Vampires today aren’t as bloodthirsty as they were centuries ago because the average modern human provides more nourishment than 5 sickly Victorian chimney sweepers combined. Woman who eats 3 square meals a day with dessert: are you okay? The vampire who bit her:

anyone wanna do yuri stuff

is this a trick question. of course i'm trying to summon yuri like beetlejuice

Be careful, you've almost summoned beetlejuice like beetlejuice

i’m about to kill two birds with one stone

i can’t wait for THIS etymology lesson with the aliens

I wanna see if we really are all trans here

I was a professional juggler for like five years and all of my friends politely pretend it never happened.

Sometimes I will be holding three or more similarly sized objects and they will all shoot me the kind of warning glances typically reserved for cats who are about to swipe a fresh and crispy fish stick from a small child’s hand.

I gaze wistfully at a basket of apples and they all think, “Don’t you FUCKING dare,” so hard that I take psychic damage.

go go go fight fight fight

okay tumblr olds. tell me in the tags what piece(s) of media you've never seen/read/played despite them dominating your dash for months or years