I apologize for bringing drama to your blog, but I don't want this kind of attention on mine.
As a trans man who dipped his toes in radblr back in like 2017, the thing I need a lot of trans people to understand is...a good chunk of these terfs are likely trans. I know no one wants to hear that, but no one else talks about this and I need it to be heard.
The amount of terfs I have blocked on this website is staggering, and even more so is the number of blogs that say "dysphoric female" "diagnosed with gender dysphoria | radfem" "detransition female" in their headers.
People don't seem to talk about, at least in the circles I'm in, how many trans men fall into radfem spaces and get taken in by radfems. We know that radfems seek them out to tell them they're not really trans, they just hate their bodies because of how the world treats them, but I'm going to need some people to look at the big picture here. That's dangerous, obviously, it doesn't help these young men or trans people as a whole, obviously. But with people jumping so fast to scream "fuck terfs! Death to all terfs!" That isn't helping either! I understand the desire to say that, and I'm not saying that engaging with terfs is something everyone should do, but Jesus christ someone has to. And I've always liked arguing so its probably going to be me.
What terfs tell you, as a closeted or egg transman, reaffirms all your fears. They tell you you don't have to change, that you shouldn't, that the world is scary and hates you for being a woman and thats why you feel this way, not because you're not a woman at all, but because you are one. I mean, how many times have you heard "dysphoria in women is a natural response to living in a patriarchal society."
Terfs take all those fears you have of not fitting in, of being different, and tell you you can just be a weird, different, masculine, butch woman and everything will be okay. They implant this visceral fear of men and of being associated with men. "Men can't control themselves. We can't wait on men to change because they never will. Men aren't capable of the same depths and emotions as women."
They take every negative about cis men, who are also forced into boxes by the patriarchy, and dial it up to 11. They ingrain the fear of even the idea of men so much that any ideas you have about being a man get squashed down immediately, and with force.
When you're a teen or young adult and you're squishy and vulnerable, terfs say "you are vulnerable, you are in danger, let me help you." And thats what draws people into them.
A lot of people seem to think terfs stick their heads in the sand about social issues. And I'm going to say this as someone who was raised in a high demand cult religion and I need yall to hear me: They. Always. Have. An answer. Always. That's why its hard to leave.
Terfs, like Mormons, will always have a convenient answer for why things are the way they are, and they're hard to disprove and argue against because of that, because they will talk circles around you by refusing to see the actual point you're making and will create strawmans to argue instead. I need people to stop fighting terfs on their territory, on their terms. They will talk circles around you and use it to reinforce their own beliefs. You don't attack like that, you come with facts, and just facts.
When I was 15 I was shoved back into the trans closet by my conservative Mormon parents. I was young and scared and vulnerable and I started dipping my toes in radfem spaces because they were the only ones affirming my fears about the world. Yes, the world is scary! It is scary to be a woman in the world, but the thing that pulled me out of that space was intersectionality.
Radfems like to say they care about all women, but the second women disagree with them they don't. Now I never did more than reblog some text posts with "radfem safe" tagged underneath, but I need people to understand that the thing that pulled me away from that was not people telling off terfs for being stupid or obtuse, it was the posts talking about the statistics and history about true intersectional feminism. Histories of how black American women were not deemed "woman enough" by early feminists and not given the right to vote. Statistics about how trans women are in much more danger in their day to day lives than cis women are. Learning the history of this country, about sterilization of native women, the way women at the border are locked in cages left to die of miscarriages, how trans sex workers are beaten, abused, and killed on the streets, and it was real people in real life, people who knew me and loved me and could look me in the eye and tell me I was wrong and gently lay out the truth for me. THAT is what pulled me out more than anything else. THAT is what put doubt in my mind that radical feminism was wrong.
And now I was out of radical feminism, but I was still deeply closeted and afraid of being trans. You want to know what changed that? What made me accept my gender? Trans women. Just transwomen existing. Because for the first time I saw something I never saw in radfem spaces, someone who loved being a woman. Someone who did not see it as a curse, but as something they celebrated, something they loved, something they could squeal and laugh and dance about. I saw gender euphoria with my own two eyes for the first time in my life, and that is what told me it was okay. It was okay for me to be trans, it was okay for me to be a man, it was okay for me to not be a woman. Woman was no longer a role forced upon me that was my duty to uphold. I could let it go, because there would always be someone on the other side ready to pick it up. And I loved myself enough to let it go.
So I guess the rambling message of this ask is to say, trans women, your existence is enough. Hold onto womanhood because I couldn't, so cherish that thing that they try and take from you.
And to people trying to argue with terfs online, it's never going to work. They'll likely never listen, you can't get them to understand by screaming at them. I do think the majority of terfs are cis women, but a LOT more than you think would come out as trans if they weren't caught in that doom spiral of radical feminism. So if you actually want there to be less terfs (I am shocked and appalled at the number of terfs my age and younger) maybe start there. Keep being proudly trans, keep talking about history, and the facts, and our history. And let people be confused, let them be angry, let them be torn up inside about being trans. But don't stop welcoming them in when they're ready.
