It was dark, all around him. He could hear in the distance voices, yelling for him-no. Yelling at him.
“You’re so weak!” “You’ve lost your touch!”“You could never make it back onto the podium now.”“You gave all this up when you left the ice.”
The darkness crept up his body, hands grabbing him, pulling him to his knees. Then more, on his throat, over his eyes. And they squeezed. He couldn’t breathe.
Another sound in the distance (or was it closer? He couldn’t tell) Makkachin. Makkachin, whining, pain, dark,
Victor’s eyes opened quickly, cutting off the dream that had grasped him. His hands flew up to his neck, the feeling of the hands still so fresh he felt like if he looked, there would be fingerprints left there. His breaths were sharp, shallow. He hadn’t had a nightmare that bad in ages. Not since-
That’s what makes him snap his gaze around the room, still too shaken to move fluidly, eyes scanning the room for Yuuri, but coming up short. A soft sob fell from Victor’s lips. He was alone. Had he always been this way? Had it all been a dream?
The tears increased, falling faster now as Victor didn’t even try to hide his cries now. No, it couldn’t have been a dream. It was real. So had Yuuri justt left him? Of course he did. A stray thought in the back of his mind said, not sounding entirely like the others. You’re pathetic. Look at you, you’re crying over a silly nightmare. Who would want that?
Somewhere, something in his mind said how that was wrong, Yuuri LOVES him. He probably went to the bathroom or something. But that thought was drowned out by the others, all competeing for Victor’s focus.
He hates you.You were just some trophy husband.Who would ever love you?Weak, stupid, pathetic. You should just save us the time and ki-
The bedroom light flicked on. He heard someone gasp, maybe. Or maybe it was just another one of his sobs ringing in his ears. But he knows that he heard a glass being set down, amd he knows he felt the bed dip next to him. And he knows that Yuuri spoke.
“Vitya. Oh my sweet Vitya. What’s wrong?” A hand landed on his head, gently, and moved, fingers running carefully through the tangles. But in answer to the question, he could only cry harder. Yuuri moved to sit up on the bed, back to the headrest, and moved Victor, gently, until his head was set on Yuuri’s lap. Automatically, he reached up to wraps his arms around Yuuri’s stomach, pressing his face in there and continuing his crying, holding him tight.
They stayed there for a while. Victor has no idea how long, didn’t check to see the time when he woke. But eventually his cries died down and the hand in his hair slowed to a stop. Victor pulled back, taking deep breaths, though they were shaky and uneven. He looked up to Yuuri’s eyes, dark brown and so, so soft, and he saw Yuuri’s sad smile and his furrowed eyebrows, turned down slightly with worry, and he was hit with such a strong wave of affection he had to blink a few times.
How could I ever think he doesn’t love me?Yuuri will always be there for me.He’s my knight in shining pajama bottoms.I love him. I love him. I love him, I love him, I love him IlovehimIlovehim-
And Victor felt like crying again, but he didn’t. He gave Yuuri a shaky smile back before laying his head back down.
“I love you, Vitya,” Yuuri whispered, leaning down to be sure Victor heard it anyway. “I love you so much. Even when you steal only one of my socks, even when you finish off the cereal and don’t buy a new box, even when you leave piles of dirty dishes in the counter. I love you. I love you because you always find the right pair, eventually. I love you because you make sure the next box is my favorite kind. I love you because when I inevitably clean all the dishes, you clean the living room, the bathroom, and you make the bed. And I love you when you have nightmares, Vitya. I love you when your depression kicks your ass. I love you when you feel as though you can’t be loved because you know what? No matter what happens, I’ll never stop. I love you for you, and everything that comes with you. Okay?”
Victor was crying again when Yuuri finished, happy tears this time, but they still made it so he couldn’t respond well. So he just nodded. A few quick jerks of his head, and he buried his face in Yuuri’s tummy, holding him tight. Yuuri pulled him back a bit, lifted his face so he could kiss him.
“Let’s go to sleep now.” Victor couldn’t agree more.