CLOWNING AROUND

• “Okay, what am I going to do? Pull out another gun?”
• “And… meteor showers are better naked.”
• “Okay, you know what, I admit it. This weird stuff, it kind of does turn me on.”
• “Want to be a local? Helps to look like one.”
• “It all started when I was 5 years old. My unicorn got run over by a tractor. “
• “I think it’s very sweet you still say ‘making out’.”
• “You were just talking about werewolves a few seconds ago, but witches are out of bound?”
• “There was winkage.”
• “So, what? You’re gonna chop her head off with a hatchet? “
• “Do you have a favorite nut?”
• “It’s in my supernatural shadow guide. It says, hold on. Yep we’re screwed.”
• “Are you crying? ‘Cause crying will not be tolerated.”
• “I’m off like a dirty shirt.”
• “Champagne for my real friends. Real pain for my sham friends.”
• “I remember you really liked the Pet Shop Boys.”
• “Ah, screw it. Normally I’d try to act all manly, but, yeah, I’m terrified. Why do you ask?”
• “What are you thinkin’, did I use my magic wand or maybe my tricorder?”
• “Too many cops in one room.”
• “Why would I need a plan? I’ve got you.”
• “Hey, no judgements. He’s a handsome guy.”
• “Okay, so who’d you piss off this time?”
• “I’m secretly afraid of bananas, I don’t like surfing naked, and deep down in my heart I know that bigfoot is real.”
• “Hey, I know a person who does green cards.”
• “You have always been so good to me.”
• “I’d shake your hand, but I’m pretty much dying.”
• “This doesn’t have to get ugly. I walk out of here, it’s over.”
• “So what do you think? Clones? Ghosts? Zombies are trendy.”
• “Maybe when you get here you can explain to me why I’m in a Santa costume.”
• “What a waste of a good cooler.”
• “It is not your fate to be executed for something you didn’t do.”
• “I’m secretly afraid of bananas.”
• “The guy threw a manhole cover at me, okay? I’m just sayin’.”
• “You and I are nothing alike. I care about people.”
• “You have to make a choice. Destroy us all, or save yourself.”
• “This whole thing would work a lot better if I wasn’t the only one who could see it.”
• “Merry Christmas. You know, I’m flexible this year — naughty and nice.”
• “This is not helping! Will you please stop acting like a lovesick child?”
• “I gotta tell you, if I were gonna have to live multiple lives, I would have picked someplace more exotic, you know? Warmer climate- Bali, Costa Rica, Hong Kong.”
• “I was trying to protect you.”
• “How is it that I call you guys, and I end up spending the night in jail?”
• “He could be on the other side of that door and all I can think about is, I should have worn my other pants.”
• “If you can’t win at the game, you change the game.”
• “If you, or someone else, comes at me in a way that I don’t like, I’ll rip them apart.”
• “No, look, I kept a low profile, okay? I know the rules.”
• “What I wanna know is where are my client’s crayons? Where are my client’s video games? Where is my client’s call with Justin Bieber? You got rights, kid.”
• “I’m not gonna let this be our last night. I’m not giving up.”
• “If I was gonna ditch you, I would’ve done it before I had to flash that orderly my boobs.”
• “If it makes you feel better, I—I never thought you had any authority.”

ind.   edward phillippe mott   //   penned by    DARIAN