If You Told Me You Loved Me

I would think of our lives

how we met and you saved me

how your dimples come out when you smile

how my hand feels empty when yours isn’t in it

how you talked with me for three hours to keep me from taking the pills

how I don’t think I can survive without you

I would think of our lives

how your sister called me a whore

how my friends smashed your windshield for me

how you left last winter

how it broke me

how I don’t think I can survive losing you again

I would think of our lives

how I can’t survive

I would think of our lives

and I can’t handle the thoughts

so please, if you still do

don’t tell me you love me

- j.g. // if you told me you loved me // 07.03.2017

“I’ve wasted so many 11:11 wishes & eyelashes on you. But you know what, I don’t regret a single one. That being said, are they truly wasted? I’d like to think not. But then I see you with her and I remember that there’s no way any of my wishes will ever come true. I remember that you’re in love with her now and it feels like losing you all over again. So I’ll waste one more wish on you - just one. I wish that one day I will be able to look at you and not feel this, whatever this god awful feeling in my stomach is, ever again.”

- j.g. // my unexperienced musings on love // 07.01.17