Reblogged sienna-the-doe

theehorsepussy

they are going this drink after me when i die

the horsepussy

2 parts apple martini flavored crystal lite
1 part methadone

bonelord10000

penguinorchestrastuff

bufobuddy

#preserve history#reblog the screenshot#share the truth with the youth

piruvieteri

Reblogged tulitie

onlinebeast

You ever look at the big shawarma in kebab shops and just want to ask them to give it to you. I want the King Meat. I want the big dinosaur drumstick. I want hold my mouth up and use my teeth to peel it as it spins.

hoodie-lum

When I was like 18 I worked for a gyro place for a few years and was good friends with managers, important later. We had 3 of the machines that spin and cook/ heat the gyros, it's important to mention that our gyros came precooked but frozen and the machines only really cooked a few inches in at a time, you could only really get 2 or 3 shavings in before it got cold and mushy.

I don't remeber the circumstances leading up to it but there was 1 full hunk of gyro, the thing weighed to 25 - 30 lbs of pure meat, just spinning. We couldn't sell it, couldn't throw it out, couldn't take it home, it was just there cooking away. At some point during the day I was left alone, never a good thing I will cause chaos when an opportunity arises. I KNEW this thing was going in the trash at the end of the day and that I was good enough with the managers to not get into to much trouble.

When enough time by myself passed I did it. I put my apron up to my chin, lowered the temperature on the machines and started digging in. I turned my head to the side and started ripping into this hunk of meat. I felt like a shark, I wasn't chewing, I wasn't tasting I just went. There was oil all over my face it, i could feel my cheeks press against the more rounded bits of the gyro, there was gyro just everywhere it was a mess. I got maybe 6 or 7 bites in before I heard the back door open and I ran to the bathroom to hide and hopefully enjoy the sensation I've just allowed myself.

I slam the door shut, back pressed against the wall and I hear my manager, normally a loud and fun guy who is trying to get through the rest of the day like the rest of us, very quietly, destroyed even, say to himself 'what the fuck'. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and it's so horrible it's hilarious. My apron and shirt are drenched in oil, I have gyro meat in my hair, I can feel the pimples on my face forming as the oil just gets absorbed by my decision, my cheeks are so full of gyro that I look like a hamster, absolutely stuffed.

I try to actually start chewing on my newly acquired lunch and at first it's good, great even!! The gyro was nice and hot, some parts even crispy, the flavor was amazing. Something about cavemaning a full thing of meat really does enhance the flavor of it. But as I started to enjoy it more it got worse. Some of the bites I had taken, in my overzealous of giving in to the intrusive thoughts and not wanted to get caught, I bit into parts that hadn't been cooked yet. What crispy and flavorful food turned into cold mush, not unlike playdoh, in only a few bites. I ended up spitting everything out and trying not to throw up.

After a few minutes hiding I come out, face washed, gyro removed from wherever it decided it wanted to be in the aftermath and apron tossed in the trash wrapped in a burial dress of paper towels to hide the smell. I see my manager just staring at the slowly spinning gyro, one side untouched as if nothing happened, the other absolutely decimated. Full mouthfuls gone, strips of meat hanging off the sides of dents I had put in, there was one that was just teeth imprints from where I thought I was going to get caught and didn't finish the bite. I walk up to my manager, he doesn't look at me, eyes dead set on the meat just carouselling in it's warmer. We spend maybe 30 seconds looking at it together, him probably wondering why I smell so strongly of gyro even though I don't even like it, me wondering if he's going to catch on to the fact that I did this and have no defense for myself other then ' I saved you the other half'. During my managers mourning of this gyro we couldn't even sell I clocked out and went home, this event never spoken of again.

onlinebeast

This story feels biblical to me. In every way. This could be a new religion.

piruvieteri

Reblogged feraligatr

thyrell

U KNOW WHAT TO DO LMAO

lesbianralzarek

cryptotheism

Hogwarts Legacy Discord Ban Speedrun no keyword ban any%

wizard-email

they're getting really creative with it

wizard-email

update: was banned on my first message for I think the keyphrase 'critical thinking' 💪 godspeed!

piruvieteri

Reblogged

bisociallyawkwardandchad

i open debate. is the plural of amongus, amongi or amongeese.

#its amogi without the n

piruvieteri

Reblogged ongein

teratomatower

smallcitrus asked:

you should do a monstery take on 2d from gorillaz if ur familiar with him

teratomatower answered:

I uhMisread this.Well enjoy!!!

piruvieteri

Reblogged unirytmihairio

deadeyesopened

you are not an arsonist you are 14 with a picrew icon

piruvieteri

Reblogged unirytmihairio

transjjester

reblog to give the person ur reblogging from an ikea shark

transjjester

all of us in the notes rn

transjjester

huh...

well all of us now:

[id in alt text]

piruvieteri

Reblogged wannabe-davis

official-lucifers-child

Wiggle

c4pyb4ra

it did not work, but i can help

big wiggle

bonersniper

might-be-somebody

the only super long Tumblr post I love

piruvieteri

Reblogged blehbet

loveonarooftop

are social medias down again exept for tumblr

nutsacktorturer

a cockroach will survive a nuclear bomb

piruvieteri

Reblogged kedreeva

fufufeedee

If you try to bring up my old ass Bible name ur gettin blocked

little-klng

guess you could say yo

ouyre doi

ur doin g tra

trans acti

Reblogged kedreeva

We’ll never die

Reblogged kuueater

Reblogged chomametchi

wearingmystripes

my body’s check engine light is on

piruvieteri

Reblogged unirytmihairio

cerolinda

I'm off to fight God does anyone want anything?

cerolinda

Sorry everyone, God didn't drop anything worthwhile, only soup.

cerolinda

It means he only DROPPED SOUP

kiryma

Well get out of the INCREASED SOUP DROP RATE universe

cerolinda

ALRIGHT YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT AT ME, I'LL GO KILL ANOTHER GOD

cerolinda

The other God ALSO dropped soup?????????????????????

spinyax

what do you mean the other god also dropped soup???????

cerolinda

It means I killed him and he only dropped soup!

vinitile-deactivated20210311

GO INTO THE NEXT UNIVERSE

cerolinda

NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRY TO FARM FOR RARE ITEMS, THE GODS KEEP DROPPING SOUP!

cerolinda

I'M FIGHTING THE PRIMORDIAL SOUP GODS!

cerolinda

FUCK YOU!!!!

piruvieteri

Reblogged thatcharmingjerk

lucydacusgirl

Nothing will make you evil like trying to find a specific tumblr post

stealthboy

tumblr’s search engine gaslighting me by telling me a post that i made a few weeks ago and can remember word for word doesn’t exist

piruvieteri

Reblogged chomametchi

roseverdict

HAS ANYBODY ELSE DECODED THE MORSE CODE FROM "HISTORY OF THE ENTIRE WORLD I GUESS"

PLEASE I NEED TO KNOW WHETHER I NEED TO INFLICT THIS ON EVERYBODY OR IF SOMEONE'S ALREADY DONE THAT

leesbian42

THERE'S A MORSE CODE???????

roseverdict

ID: Tumblr user abraxastheartist's reply, "Inflict it anyways >:3c" End ID.

I'VE BEEN ENABLED

so at 15:30 we get a brief mention of the invention of the telegram, right?

and we get the classic beep-booping of morse code in the background, implying that the morse code we're hearing corresponds to this text

it Does Not

do yall wanna know what the morse code says? do yall really wanna know?

piruvieteri

Reblogged ongein

boowomp