The first thing to understand contextually is that Rick went to Alexandria for Michonne. It was for everyone. But it was for Michonne. Because she told him to. Because she took his hand and asked him if he was ready to have a home, a life, again. And he wasn’t! But he did it anyway.
So he’s in there and the PTSD is popping—hypervigilance mixing in with legitimate security concerns bcs the Alexandrians transparently don’t know how to survive if anything ever actually attacks them. He plots and he schemes and he blows his top and Michonne confronts him and Carol covers and they all agree to a path forward.
BUT THEN, Rick tells Carol: “I don’t want to lie anymore.”
And you have to understand that what he mostly means here is: “I don’t want to lie to Michonne anymore.”
Rick has just felt the brunt of her disappointment in him, felt the weight of how betrayed she feels by him not being honest with her, and it rocks him. Because he already tried to make an excuse and she shot it down. (I couldn’t tell you because you wanted this place. We all needed this place.) Because he has these Big Feelings for her sitting in his chest and he hates how it feels not being in sync with her, not making decisions alongside her, and not, when needed, being led by her.
Later when he’s back at their home, she comes in and he’s very clearly been brooding over this for a while. He confesses immediately, unprompted. He holds the gun out to her, surrendering, looking for absolution. She doesn’t take it. He makes another excuse, looking for another way to explain himself, and she shoots it down again. (I couldn’t tell you because I didn’t know what you would do. Anything I did or would’ve done would only have been for you.)
So, he finally confesses, for real. The actual truth. And this is a moment of such profound vulnerability for Rick. He gets up, he faces her, he moves close to her, looks into her eyes, and tells her in so many words that she has power over him; she has a pull on him that is so strong, it frightens him.
(Please don’t get me started on the contrast to the scene with Jessie preceding this where he goes to tell her he’s not sorry for what he did and he’s not sorry for what he’s going to do. THE BLOCKING OF THE SCENE ALONE. Infinite distance between them, him not even on camera, visible only through a distorted reflection surrounded by broken glass. PLEASE. Are you kidding me???!! That storyline overall was fumbled but there were a few moments where they did indeed pop off in terms of communicating what was actually going on.)
And Michonne, bless her heart, she completely misses this for reasons I've talked about. She ignores the actual confession that he’s making and just goes back into the argument about safety and when it’s okay to believe that you’re safe or could be. Because that’s what she’s been struggling with, trying to put down the sword and not being able to truly believe that she can or should no matter how much she wants to believe it.
So she reaffirms her loyalty to Rick, and an incredible thing happens there. When she tells him that she thinks he can find a way, he LOOKS AWAY, FRUSTRATED. Until she amends that they, together, can find a way. Then he’s back to soulful gazing into her eyes. Because Rick is just realizing here, in this moment and the moments preceding it, that he doesn’t want to be Michonne’s leader, he wants to be her partner. She tells him that she’s with him and AGAIN he offers her the gun. And again, she doesn’t take it.
To Michonne, this is a gesture of deepest trust. Despite him having lied to her, despite him being in crisis, she still believes that he’ll do the right thing in the end. She still has faith that he'll make the right choice.
To Rick, who has found himself operating on a completely different level in this conversation than she is, this is a rejection. He literally disarmed himself before her! He offered himself up to her! He told her about the power she has over him! He wanted her to take his hand and move forward with him again! But she walks away! Unwittingly leaving him there with his lil Mr. Darcy hand clenches!
So anyway god-tier scene. God-tier set up for the way their relationship would take shape once they were together. If you ever want a laugh, try to find some post-s5 interviews and watch people, esp Gimple, try to dodge around admitting how romantic that scene was lol. If you want an even bigger laugh, imagine Rick having actually leaned in and kissed her in that scene (the scene builds in such a way that it absolutely would’ve been a completely natural conclusion!!!) and how hilarious 6A would’ve been in light of it.
(Michonne would’ve FREAKED OUT and not wanted to talk about it because she’d be processing a massive amount of things all at once that she was NOT ready to process. Then they’d be dealing with the herd and Michonne would be trying to avoid Rick without seeming like she was trying to avoid him and they both especially wouldn’t want Carl to think anything was wrong. And Rick would be giving her space while trying and failing not to look like a kicked puppy whenever she was in proximity which would be all the time because of the whole living together and co-parenting two actual children and also an entire found family.)
