The Fear of Losing You
*Gif not mine credits to the owner*
• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Pregnant!Reader.
• Requested by @unknownlullaby: Jay and pregnant!reader are married and reader works at MED. One day ambulance 61 comes in with Jay. He is not seriously wounded but when reader heard he was brought in she assumed the worst. She storms into his room and they argue. Something about him being reckless and her being worried. Bit of a mix of fluff and angst. Would LOVE to read something like that - LOVE ALL YOUR WORK DARLING🤍🤍🤍
• Warnings: slight mention of injuries and bruises, some bad words.
• Words: 2439.
• A/N: I'm sorry for any mistake, I hope this turned out okay. I'll never stop thanking you guys for every like, reblog and comment, thank you so much. Sending lots of love, stay safe out there 💞
When you got pregnant you knew that working as a doctor would be difficult, you always said that to all your patients but now, seven months pregnant, everything you really felt was nowhere near what you imagined the first few months. No manual, no book had prepared you for those hormonal changes, nausea, swollen feet, back pain and absurd hunger.
It was a Tuesday morning and you were at Med’s to start preparing maternity leave papers and you were actually looking forward to being able to stay home and rest, even though you knew you were really going to miss work.
Later that evening, you were in the break room eating an apple and talking to April, your hand caressing your belly, when Maggie walked in, a less than happy expression on her face. You knew that look very well, it was the look you gave patients or their relatives when bad news had to be communicated.
“Maggie what happened?” you asked her, your brows furrowed as you looked at her.
“Nothing serious Y/N but maybe it’s better if you sit down…”
“Maggie just tell me what's going on!” you exclaimed, your heart racing. You were going insane as you prayed with all of strength that it wasn’t what you were thinking it was.
“Y/N” April intervened placing a hand on your shoulder but you shook it away.
“Maggie,” you said with a cold and firm tone, as you waited for an answer.
She took a deep sigh before answering and it took just one name for all your fears to come true. “Jay...” the apple slipped from your hands and fell to the ground as you felt the world collapse on you.
You didn't even let her finish the sentence as you rushed out of the break room, ignoring April and Maggie calling out your name. Each step was as if you had a boulder on your shoulders and never as then time seemed to stop. You felt like your heart was about to come out of your chest, anxiety gripping your stomach, your hands trembling as you continued to project the worst possible and imaginable scenarios in your mind. You prayed with every fiber of your being that it wasn’t this case, that your Jay was okay.
God please let him be okay.
You were looking around trying to find the room where Jay was when you heard his unmistakable voice.
“Connor I’m fine, let me go” he said as he was sitting, his back resting on the back of the bed after Connor finished medicate him “Just please don’t tell Y/N I’m here, she’s going to freak out and I don’t want to worry her.”
“Don’t tell who?!” you snapped open the curtains.
“Oh, oh,” Connor said, glancing between you and your husband. A wave of relief flooded you when, at first glance, you noticed that he had no visible bleeding wounds.
“What the fuck happened?!” you exclaimed angrily and Jay was sure as hell that if it wasn’t the chase of that criminal that killed him, your glare would have.
“I’ll leave you two alone,” Connor said but you didn’t even look at him, your gaze fixed on Jay.
“Baby I'm…” he started to speak but you stopped him, raising your hand. You approached the bed and as Jay watched you carefully and cautiously, you placed two fingers on his chin to inspect his face. He had bruises, one above his right eyebrow, another on his cheekbone as well as a cut on his lower lip. Your heart hitched at the sight of those bruises, God only knew how much you hated to see him like that. You noticed a bandage around his arm and at that point a sigh escaped your lips.
“Don’t,” you cut him off, your tone cold and calm. You wanted so much to yell and scream but you wanted to stay calm for your baby, stress wasn’t good for both of you. “Don’t even start Jay. Tell me what the hell happened.”
Jay never saw you like this and he didn’t what was worse, if you yelling at him or this cold expression you had on your face. “I was chasing a suspect and we had a fight, I fell off a balcony…”
You walked away from him, your hands on your face as you snorted, not wanting to hear those words even though that was what you asked. You remained silent as you tried to take deep breaths and fight the tears that threatened to come out your eyes.
“Y/N look at me, talk to me please” Jay said with a worried tone.
“No Jay I don’t want to talk to you!” you snapped, turning your head and looking at him with an angry look.
“Why? Are you fucking serious?” you asked with a shocked look on your face. Did he really ask why?
“Y/N I don’t get why you’re so angry, I was just doing my job.”
“Doing your job doesn’t mean you have to jump off a fucking balcony!”
“My job is chase a catch criminals, don’t act like you didn’t know that, this is not even the first time why are you making such a big deal?!”
“That’s the fucking point!” you angrily said “This is the fourth time they rushed you here in ambulance this month! You’re being reckless Jay don’t you see it?!”
“I’m not being reckless what the hell are you talking about? That’s my job and it can be dangerous sometimes…”
“Don’t even start with this bullshit, you know damn well what I’m talking about,” you snapped “You jump off balcony or in front off a bullet, you chase suspects without wearing your vest and you don’t think about what you’re doing not even once! Sure as hell you’re being reckless!”
“What should I think about?! These are moments where I have to act not reflect Y/N…”
“Are you serious Jay? What should you think about?” you asked. Your eyes filled with tears as you found a hard time to believe his words. “You should think about your wife and about your child! Don’t you think about us? Don’t you think your reckless action could make your child an orphan before he is even born? That’s not important for you?!” you almost yelled, your voice now broken as tears rolled down your cheeks.
Jay felt his heart break to see you like that and in that moment everything went into the background. Fuck, nothing was more important to him than you and his baby and if he did what he did it was just for you, to make that city a little safer for his child, to try to make the world a better place for his family. He just wanted you to be safe but he didn't realize that in the meantime he was neglecting himself and the thought leaving you alone or leaving his son without a father killed him.
Jay got out of bed, heedless of the pain, and walked over to hug you but you stopped him, dodging from his grasp. “No! Don't touch me!”
The look of pain that appeared on his face broke your heart. “Baby please don't cry, you both are the most important thing in my life you know it, don't ever doubt this,” when you remained silent he continued to speak at that point, a boulder on his chest “You don't doubt it, right?”
You sniffed, looking down at the ground. “Yes Jay, I'm starting to doubt it” you said and the physical pain he felt from his injuries was in no way comparable to what your words caused.
“I don't know what's wrong with you but since the beginning of the pregnancy you started acting recklessly at work, it almost seems like you don't care, you constantly throw yourself into dangerous situations...” you said drying your tears.
“Absolutely not! Fuck, you both are the best thing that ever happened to me how could you even think I don't care?”
“I’m tired Jay, I'm tired of waking up every morning and praying that you’ll come back home safe and sound, I’m constantly afraid that they’ll call me to tell me that you are dead and I don't want this,” you cried “I don’t my son to live with this fear that one day his father won’t come back.”
Jay knew what you were about to say and just the thought made him break into millions of pieces. He couldn’t imagine a life without you, without his baby, he just couldn’t.
“No, no, no, no don’t even say it okay? I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry for making you feel like this I promise I’ll be more careful, I won’t leave you…”
“You always say that,” you managed to say through the tears.
Jay walked over to you and with his free hand wiped away the tears that kept rolling down you cheeks. “Please baby don’t cry I hate seeing you like this,” he whispered “I’m sorry I… I’ll leave the job if you’ll tell me to, I just want to be with you.”
“No Jay, I would never ask you that, I know how much you love being a cop and I don’t even want to do it because I love you and I love what you do,” you said “I’m asking you to be careful, to think about us too, I… I’m just afraid to lose you.”
Jay wrapped his arm around you and hugged you as tightly as possible, being careful not to press too hard on your belly. You returned the hug, wanting nothing more than to lose yourself in his arms, the place that most made you feel good and safe.
“You won’t lose me baby, I’ll always stay with you,” he whispered “God, I love you so much.”
“I love you too. I’m so glad you’re okay I’m sorry I snapped like that.”
“You had every right baby. I'm so sorry I made you worry so much, it’s just… I want to keep both of you safe.”
“I know,” you whispered “And you’re doing a great job, I’m proud of you.”
Jay broke away from the embrace only to place his hand on your cheek and press his lips to yours, expressing in that kiss all the love he felt for you.
He looked at you in confusion as you broke away from the kiss. “Your lip…”
“It doesn’t hurt I promise,” he said before letting you finish your sentence “Just let me kiss you”. You gave him a smile and he kissed you again, your hands on his chest as they gently stroked him.
“Are you okay?” he asked when you suddenly broke away from the kiss again. Panic assaulted him as he saw a slight painful expression appear on your face and your hands touching your baby bump. “Baby talk to me please, what’s going on? Do I have to call Will?” he mumbled but you stopped him before he could leave the room.
“It’s okay, he’s just kicking” you said, giving Jay a smile as your hands rubbed your belly. Despite your reassurance, his concern did not go away, on the contrary, it seemed to increase.
“Are you sure? God it’s my fault, I stressed you out … If anything happens… Oh god my baby. No I’m calling Will.”
“Baby stop!” you exclaimed amused by his expression “Give me your hand.”
He nodded and held out his hand towards you, which you placed on your belly. Your hand was still on his as you directed it to where your baby was kicking and the surprised expression that appeared on his face when he felt the kick was something you wanted to capture forever. No matter how many times Jay felt him kick in your womb, the joy and happiness it brought him would always be the same, if not higher.
You saw Jay leave a sigh of relief, the panic he felt before was slightly gone.
“He’s just telling you he agrees with his mom” you said, a smile on your lips as you looked at the way Jay’s eyes sparkled.
Jay made him kneel in front of you but you stopped him. “Jay be careful, you are still injured.”
“I’m okay darling, I just want to talk to my son,” he said before kneeling, his hand resting on your belly as he kissed it at the top of your uniform.
“Hey buddy I’m sorry for making you and mom mad, I promise it won’t happen again,” he whispered “But don’t kick her too hard okay? You can take revenge on me once you come out,” you felt your heart melt in front of that sight and your eyes fill with tears, but this time for joy “It looks like you’re gonna be a great footballer.”
“Or he’s gonna kick asses and doors like his father” you said and Jay giggled.
“Sure as hell he will.” He looked up at you and the smile he had on his face was immediately replaced by concern as soon as he saw you cry and at that point he stood up again, his hand caressing your face. “Hey, hey, hey, why are you crying? Did I say something wrong? Are you hurt?”
“No,” you said smiling through the tears and shaking your head “It’s just the hormones, they don’t give me any break.”
“Oh baby, come here” he said wrapping his arm around your shoulder and holding you in a warm hug.
“You’ll be a great father,” you whispered, his head resting on his chest as you hugged him tightly.
“And you’re gonna be an amazing mom, the most amazing and sexy.”
“I love you,” you said before giving him a quick kiss “And now get your ass back to bed.”
“Oh no I’m fine baby I swear, I was really hoping you could get me out.”
“Did I stutter?” you asked, crossing your arms across your chest and raising an eyebrow as you stared at him.
“Please Y/N…”
he said with puppy eyes.
“Jay, you don’t want to make me angry again don’t you? You know the stress isn’t good for the baby.”
Jay snorted loudly before rolling his eyes and returning to bed, bringing a victorious smile on your lips. “You’re so lucky I love you both to death.”
“Yeah, yeah whatever,” you said.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Jay asked with a frown on his face when he saw you were about to leave.
“Back to work maybe?” you stated ironically.
“Get your sexy ass back there, I’m not done chatting with my baby yet.”
