Confusing Times Part 3

Here’s Part 3! 

Warnings: Angst... that’s about it

A/N: This is the right link... I am not smart never said I was lol. Have fun! 

Part 1  Part 2 Part 4  Masterlist 

Previously: I sat down, pulled open the cover, and pressed the ivory keys to create a new melody. The chords that I played sounded full but inside,  it was an empty melody. There was never enough sound to fill in the room and get rid of the emotions I was feeling.

—Bucky’ POV—

Dear journal,

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---Bucky’ POV---

Dear journal, 

When Y/N  first told me that she loved me, I didn’t say anything back because I wasn’t sure how I felt about her. She is a beautiful girl and very talented in many things. I just don’t feel like I am in her league. 

When we were in my room, snuggling so close to each other, I thought maybe I could say it to her, but I didn’t want to give her false hope. The more I thought about it, the less sure I was that I loved HER. Then it dawned on me. I’m not in love with Y/N , I’m still in love with my ex. If I say those three words to Y/N , I would lead her on...even though it looks like I already did. I saw her reaction when I hesitated about her question in the main room. I knew I was in too deep and it would take a long time before I crawled out of the hole I dug myself in. I knew that kissing her was wrong but the way she looked was just picture perfect. Her laying on my chest, in the darkness of my room with the moonlight shining on her beautiful features, I just wanted a single kiss from her perfect lips. It was an amazing kiss but when we pulled away, it meant nothing to me. 

I hurt myself when I hoped that it would mean something to me. I wanted to feel something and she was so willing to give it to me, I didn’t think about the consequences. I should have thought it through. I should have known that I would hurt her. I never want to do that again, but now that I have a taste of her I don’t want to stop. I’m not in love with her. I just love being around her and touching her. Seeing her avoid me because of what I have done, hurts so much.

I haven’t told her that I got back with my ex a few days ago. I don’t know how. I fear she will lock me out of her life. I need her, but I don’t want to force myself to be there. Maybe, one day she’ll find me and we can talk it through. 

I don’t know how to fix my mistake. Someone help me. Please. 

--------------------

Bucky glanced at his watch realizing what time it was. He got up from the couch and started making his way towards the bedroom floor of the compound when he stopped in his tracks. Hauntingly beautiful music filled his ears. He stopped just outside the music room door and knew exactly who was playing without seeing them. It was Y/N . The enchanting music melted his heart. Without making a noise, he sat down on the ground to listen to her play. He could listen all day and all night and still not get enough of her music. It was so full of feeling and, if one would listen closely, the music told stories of her inner self. The person she wants to be or how she feels at that moment in time. 

Bucky got lost trying to figure out the story when Steve came up next to him. “Hey Bucky.” Steve whispered. “Are you doing ok?” Bucky looked up at Steve. Steve sat down next to him patting his knee. Steve whispered again. “I love listening to her play.” A moment passed. “I hope you know she misses you.” 

Bucky looked down, guilt written all over his face. “Steve, I am a horrible person. I got back with my ex and haven’t told her yet. I don’t know how.” Steve understood Bucky’s thought process but he didn’t like that he was with his ex. “Bucky, you have to tell her or she will hold on to you for as long as she can. She wants to talk to you so badly, but whatever is happening between you two, is making her want to run from you.” Bucky heard Steve but didn’t understand what needed to happen. 

Have any of you ever blown on something cold like... ice cream... to cool it off?

Lindsay’s Masterlist :)

Most, if not all, are fluffy and angsty:) <3

Bucky X Reader

Confusing Times Part 1 Part 2  Part 3 Part 4 (finished) 

Peanut and Beefcake

Happy Birthday Bucky!

Valentine’s Day Surprise

Singing in the Rain

Peter Parker

Good Enough

Steve Rogers

The Violinist

Make a Wish

Confusing Times (Part 4; the end)

AN: And I have posted the entire story! Woohoo! I honestly loved writing this because I was able to show you guys what my pov was like in this crazy situation. Reminder! This story is definitely, 100% based on my life a year ago. Only the real ending was sad... OH WELL  

Summary: I fell in love with my best friend. I knew I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t stop myself. He was everything I wanted and he became everything I needed. To me, he was perfectly imperfect. To him, I was a friend, nothing more.

Word count: 1296

Part 3 Part 2 Part 1 

----Y/N  POV----

As the months went on, I had noticed that Bucky wasn’t happy. I didn’t want to ask because I was still broken over what had happened. An opportunity rose for us to have a long chat. Wanda needed a ride to the airport, so I offered her a ride and gathered the courage to ask the boy to come with me.

“Bucky?” He turned around to face me. His face showed surprise and relief. He looked like no one said his name in years, like he went back in Winter Soldier mode. “Yeah Y/N?” He hesitantly smiled at me as I continued to ask if he’d accompany me to the airport to drop off Wanda.  

Surprisingly, he jumped at the opportunity to come with and the next day we were off to the airport. Wanda and I sang our hearts out in the car and talked the whole way. I wanted to talk to the boy in the back but it still hurt to even see him. Luckily, I was driving so I couldn’t really look at him. 

When we dropped off Wanda, we started to head back and I told the boy next to me what was on my mind. 

“I know that you are aware of what happened. I hurt so much just being in the car with you, but I need you to talk to me. What went through your head when you didn’t tell me that you were back with your ex? I want to know why you went back to her. Wh-what did I do wrong?” By the time I finished, I felt tears trail down my cheeks. 

He listened to me but I don’t think he understood. Being a little smarter, Bucky asked questions. He really wanted to understand my side of the story. Finally after coming up with a response he looks at me, “Y/N , I don’t know what went through my head.” He paused, choosing his next words carefully. “When I kissed you, I was hoping I would feel something other than numbness. I wanted to feel love for you the way you love me, but I went about it the wrong way. Instead, I hurt you more than ever. Those nights we spent together are some of my favorite memories. I wouldn’t change them for the world.” 

Grabbing my right hand, he traces a pattern with his thumb on the back, “I wouldn’t change you for the world. I want you to be happy. I wish I could change the way things turned out, but since I can’t, I will do my best to fix your broken heart.”

After a few moments of silence, I suggested we come to a conclusion that satisfied both of us before we got back. 

---------------------------------

As the weeks went on, Bucky  and I made amends but I wanted so badly to be just us again. Unfortunately, the stupid girlfriend was in the way. I re-developed hatred for her because she had something I had rights to first. It sounds mean, cruel as well as immature but she will never love him the way I did. I was the person he cried with. I was the person he danced with. I was the person he laughed with. I was the person who went through rough spots with him. 

I was his person for a long while. 

When she came back, she broke what good we had going on. 

--------A few nights later-----------

Knock knock

The knock had scared me awake. My eyes shot to the clock on the wall to reveal the time as 3 am. Grumbling, I got up, opened my door to reveal Bucky standing, with his head down. My look softened seeing Bucky “Hey, you ok?” He looked at me, tears in his eyes. “I broke up with my girlfriend.” 

I let him in my room, guiding him to my bed. Leaning against the wall, patted the space next to me, inviting him to snuggle. “I’m sorry, Buck. That must have been super hard.” He placed his head on my lap, looking up at me. I placed my right hand on his chest and my left running through his hair. We sat there for a few minutes, till I asked “When did you break up with her?” 

“About 20 min ago.” He smirked a little bit. I was thoroughly confused but happy that he told me. “Oh, wow. Ok.” I stared at the wall in front of me as I contemplated asking if he’d be ok with staying the night with me. Of course he would. He likes to spend time with me. 

“You wanna the night?” Without missing a beat, he shot up and tackled me. “I thought you’d never ask!”

I laughed as he tickled me till I gave up. He stopped and looked at me. I realized how we were positioned and blushed. He was hovering over me, legs and arms caging me in. I was trapped but I had my ways. “Hey Bucky.” He hummed, “Come here, I wanna tell you something.” I smiled as he leaned closer to my face, lips just a breath away. As soon as he stopped moving, I lifted my head and licked his cheek. I laughed as his head shot up, wiping away the spit. That was my moment to free myself.

I quickly flipped Bucky onto his back, reversing roles. Now it was I who was on top. “Ha! Bet ya didn’t see that coming, eh Buck-eh?!” We laughed for a moment. I glanced at the clock reading 3:15. “Alright, we should probably sleep.” He nodded in agreement. I let him free and he made his way to the pillows at the top of the bed. Laying down, he opened his arms and invited me to go to him. I smiled and crawled over to his warm embrace. There we slept through the rest of the night. 

---A few months later---

Since Bucky came back to me, we haven't left each other's side, even at night. We were glued at the hip.

One morning, I woke up before Bucky to see him peacefully sleeping next to me. His face was away from mine but I could still see his long, dark eyelashes flutter as he dreams. I ran my fingers through his hair, wanting to wake him up to see his crystal blue eyes. He stirred just enough to hum in pleasure at my motions. 

Bucky turned his body towards me and cuddled closer to me. I let him rest in my arms. I was in heaven. This is what I have always wanted and I finally got it. He was back to being my best friend. I didn’t have to share him anymore, it was pure bliss. 

Bucky soon woke up “G'morning doll.” He mumbled. “How’d you sleep?” 

I smiled, thinking about last night. “Amazing.” He chuckled and squeezed me tight. ”You know, I’ve been thinking.” I whispered. “Wanna go out and eat breakfast?” He shook his head. “Iwannastayhere,inbed” He slurred. I giggled and complied. It did sound nice. 

“Y/N?” 

“Hm?”

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

I was stunned. Did he just ask me to date him? 

“Yes! Of course! My heart leapt for joy. I finally can say those three words without feeling guilty. I felt freer than I have in over a year. 

Bucky smiled “I’m so happy.” he looked at me with his big, dumb smile and said “I love you.” If I smiled any bigger, my face would split in half. This was the best day ever! I finally got to officially call Bucky mine and I was his. 

We spent the rest of the day in bed, talking, laughing and kissing each other. I couldn’t get enough of his loving kisses. 

“I love you more, Bucky. I will always love you.” 

Confusing Times (Part 3)

A/N: ALRIGHT! Y’all are the best :) I hope you liked the previous posts! 

Summary:  I fell in love with my best friend. I knew I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t stop myself. He was everything I wanted and he became everything I needed. To me, he was perfectly imperfect. To him, I was a friend, nothing more.

Word Count: 1638

CT: part 1 part 2 

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 I sat down, pulled open the cover, and pressed the ivory keys to create a new melody. The chords that I played sounded full but inside,  it was an empty melody. There was never enough sound to fill in the room and get rid of the emotions I was feeling.

---Bucky’ POV---

Dear journal, 

When Y/N  first told me that she loved me, I didn’t say anything back because I wasn’t sure how I felt about her. She is a beautiful girl and very talented in many things. I just don’t feel like I am in her league. 

When we were in my room, snuggling so close to each other, I thought maybe I could say it to her, but I didn’t want to give her false hope. The more I thought about it, the less sure I was that I loved HER. Then it dawned on me. I’m not in love with Y/N , I’m still in love with my ex. If I say those three words to Y/N , I would lead her on...even though it looks like I already did. 

I saw her reaction when I hesitated about her question in the main room. I knew I was in too deep and it would take a long time before I crawled out of the hole I dug myself in. I knew that kissing her was wrong but the way she looked was just... picture perfect. Her laying on my chest, in the darkness of my room with the moonlight shining on her beautiful features, I just wanted a single kiss from her perfect lips. It was an amazing kiss but when we pulled away, it meant nothing to me. 

I hurt myself when I hoped that it would mean something to me. I wanted to feel something and she was so willing to give it to me, I didn’t think about the consequences. I should have thought it through. I should have known that I would hurt her. I never want to do that again, but now that I have a taste of her I don’t want to stop. I’m not in love with her. I just love being around her and touching her. Seeing her avoid me because of what I have done, hurts so much.

I haven’t told her that I got back with my ex a few days ago. I don’t know how. I fear she will lock me out of her life. I need her, but I don’t want to force myself to be there. Maybe, one day she’ll find me and we can talk it through. 

I don’t know how to fix my mistake. Someone help me. Please. 

--------------------

Bucky glanced at his watch realizing what time it was. He got up from the couch and started making his way towards the bedroom floor of the compound when he stopped in his tracks. Hauntingly beautiful music filled his ears. He stopped just outside the music room door and knew exactly who was playing without seeing them. It was Y/N . The enchanting music melted his heart. 

Without making a noise, he sat down on the ground to listen to her play. He could listen all day and all night and still not get enough of her music. It was so full of feeling and, if one would listen closely, the music told stories of her inner self. The person she wants to be or how she feels at that moment in time. 

Bucky got lost trying to figure out the story when Steve came up next to him. “Hey Bucky.” Steve whispered. “Are you doing ok?” Bucky looked up at Steve. Steve sat down next to him patting his knee. Steve whispered again. “I love listening to her play.” A moment passed. “I hope you know she misses you.” 

Bucky looked down, guilt written all over his face. “Steve, I am a horrible person. I got back with my ex and haven’t told her yet. I don’t know how.” Steve understood Bucky’s thought process but he didn’t like that he was with his ex. “Bucky, you have to tell her or she will hold on to you for as long as she can. She wants to talk to you so badly, but whatever is happening between you two, is making her want to run from you.” Bucky heard Steve but didn’t understand what needed to happen. 

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Y/N  POV 

Several weeks had past when l figured out that Bucky had gotten back together with his ex. I found out when I was sitting on the roof of the compound and overhearing Bucky talk to his ex. It clicked when I saw them kiss; my heart break shattered. 

My vision blurred and I wanted to sink into the roof, to never exist. I couldn’t stand the sight of his “brand new”, shiny girlfriend who came between us and smashed my hope of more than friendship. Whatever was left of my heart, cracked with every step they took closer to my position. Not moving a muscle, I felt cold tears fill my eyes and run down my cheeks. As he passed underneath the roof into the compound, I let out a sob I had been holding back for weeks. Burying my face into my hands, I tried, unsuccessfully, to stifle my tears.

After a long, hard cry, I wiped my face with the sleeve of my jacket and headed down to my room. Unfortunately, Bucky was in the room next to me still so it was inevitable that I’d see him again. I climbed over the wall, back to the stairs and down to my room. At the bottom of the stairs, Wanda said hi to me. As I choked out a response, I didn’t make eye contact with her in an attempt to conceal my swollen, red eyes. She asked if I was ok. I tried to be polite without revealing my anguish. 

Then my former best friend and his glittery girlfriend came into the compound. Bucky and I made eye contact and my heart felt like it was going to stop working altogether. My vision blurred as a new wave of tears threatened. I managed to keep it together for Wanda’s sake. She noticed I had stopped talking and turned around to see my best friend and his girlfriend saying the cheesy, classic, “I love you. No, I love you more” goodnight routine outside as they parted ways. 

Everything went silent. My heart raced, my vision tunneled in on him as he walked towards me, smiling. My hands shook and my muscles strained to run. I stumbled into Clint’s room, slamming the door in my so-called best friend's face, also leaving my new friend in the main room. I sat on Clint's bed and tried to make small talk with him. Clint knew right away that I didn’t want to talk about what happened just then, so he went along with the small talk.  As my so-called best friend came in, coincidentally, to talk to Clint. He said hi to me, rubbed my shoulder, and sat down next to me on the edge of the bed. My shoulders tensed up as his hand tried to massage out the knots. Shrugging him off, I got up “Excuse me Clint but I’m going to go on a walk.”

Bucky saw that I was leaving and got up. He told Clint that he was going to bed. Poor Clint. He has no idea what’s going on. I swallowed a snarky remark as I headed for the doorway. I was almost to the door when Bucky grabbed my hand to try to give me our usual goodnight hug. But everything was different. I stood like a statue. He let go of me. The longing in his eyes as he silently pleaded for his hug haunted me as I left. 

Anger fueled the next round of tears. How could he be so insensitive? How could he love her when we were so perfect? While I walked and cried, my anger dissipated into longing and wanting. Though I wanted to be with him, being with him would hurt me more. 

As I returned, I found Steve, waiting for me. He gave me a bear hug as I cried into his chest. A few minutes later, I pulled myself together and said goodnight to everyone I ran into, except my former best friend. Over the next month, I avoided him. I knew it hurt him, but I needed time to heal my broken heart and to fill the void left vacant by my once-best friend. Looking at him, talking to him, would have made that harder. 

---Bucky ’s POV---

Dear Journal, 

WHY?? I AM THE BIGGEST JERK IN THE WORLD. I didn’t tell her that I was with my ex and she found out via the roof?? I should have known she’d be up there. I am in a bigger, deeper hole that I have ever been in. Why didn’t I just tell her that I wasn’t interested? Why did I kiss her?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?? She deserves better. She needs someone who will start conversations, someone who will dance with her, someone who will tell her everything. Earn her trust. I no longer have that trust. I acted like everything was fine, when in reality it wasn’t. I thought maybe we could fix it, but when she ran from me...I knew that it would take a lot more to get her back. I ruined a friendship I could always count on. 

When she didn’t hug me back that night, I finally felt something. I felt broken, lost. She was someone I could feel grounded with. I knew she would bring me back down to earth when I felt like I was drifting away. 

I ruined our friendship.

How am I ever going to make it up to her?

Confusing Times (Part 2)

Here’s to Part 2! Hope y’all like this little series :) 

Warnings: fluff, angst, implied slight smut 

Word count: 1798

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Previously:  I stuttered out a few words but nothing coherent. Looking down, I tried again to say what was feeling for him. He placed his hand under my chin, guiding me to look at him, “Are you ok Y/N ? What’s going on?”

I started to open my mouth, but my hands got shaky and I couldn’t come up with anything. He just waited for me to say what was on my mind. A minute passed and I finally said what I had in mind. 

“I-I’m in love... with you.” 

He stared at me for a second, replaying what I had just said to him. He eventually nodded his head and gave me a big hug. For about 5 minutes, I was trying to comprehend what I had just confessed to my best friend. 

Feeling his warm aura around me, I could’ve stood there all night and feel like it wasn’t enough time with him. That’s when I really knew how deep I was. I eventually untangled myself and asked, “So...what are your thoughts.”

He thought for a second, “I don’t see you any differently. I still want to talk to you and laugh with you. You are the closest friend I have and I wouldn’t want it any other way.” Content with the answer, we continued our hour-long walk before heading back to the compound. 

Because of his reaction, I decided that I couldn’t say I love you to him. That isn’t fair to him. He wasn’t in love with me and I knew that. I decided to say things like “Have fun!’ or “Be safe”. That became my way of telling him “I love you” without him knowing. That went on for months. Unfortunately, we drifted apart due to his obnoxious, new girlfriend.

He had found someone to love and it wasn’t me. Watching him with this girl wasn't so bad after I changed the way I looked at her. Instead of seeing an evil witch, I tried to see what Bucky saw in her. Eventually, I tolerated her presence in the compound. I spent a lot of time on my college work and helping out Steve, my dad, with random things around the place. I hung out with Wanda a little bit and kind of got to know Clint. 

Over the Christmas holiday, we reconnected and I had the time of my life! He broke up with the girl and I got to talk to my best friend again. He explained how much he missed me and wanted to hang out with me. We spent every waking hour with each other since he came back to me. 

When the day was over we made a habit of finding each other to talk about our days and plans for the next. I walked into his room, hoping he’d be there. Luckily, he was! He ran over to me, picked me up, and swung me around. We laughed and talked the entire time we were together. 

Sometimes I would stay the night in his room because neither of us wanted to leave the other. I would stay and we would cuddle all night. One night, we were cuddling like we normally do till I had fallen asleep in his strong arms. Way into the night, I scared myself awake due to a nightmare. Unfortunately, my constant twitching had kept Bucky awake.

“Hey! Hey! Y/N  wake up.” Bucky held my arms down and calmly talked to me. “Doll. Wake up. Listen to my voice. I need you to come back to me.” 

I settled down and my eyes snapped open. I looked at him as he hovered over me, noticing him, pinning my arms down. I closed my eyes and tried to relax. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” I choked out, trying to suppress my tears. Bucky let go of my arms, “I get nightmares too.” 

He snuggled closer to me, burying his nose in the crook of my neck. I was confused, “You do? How come I’ve never heard you?” He looks down as he replies. “When I’m not with you, I sleep downstairs. I don’t like to wake anyone up.” I nodded and smiled. “Thanks for telling me.” 

I positioned myself on his chest with my head above his heart. He smiled and squeezed me tight. “Don’t feel bad for having them.” He whispers. “I’m here for you.”

 He kissed my forehead, the tip of my nose and trialed down to my cheek. Blood rushed into my cheeks as he kissed them. 

“Y/N?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Can I kiss you?”

Oh, how I have waited so long for that question.

I raised my head, nodded and he raised his head to kiss me. That was one of the best kisses I have ever had. It wasn’t hungry, or needy. He was sweet and attentive towards me. I kissed him again and he hummed a little. We looked at each other for a minute, trying to comprehend what happened. As I looked at him I realized I could stare at his bright, crystal clear blue eyes forever. I could see us being happy in the long run.

 Unfortunately, I couldn’t stare at his eyes any longer. Sleep was winning the battle I desperately wanted to avoid  “I think we should sleep. We have work and school tomorrow.” I laid my head back on his chest, listening to his breathing. “Unfortunately.” He sighed. 

I fell asleep soon after, dreaming of our kiss and how wonderfully our friendship is going. I wasn’t entirely sure if we were dating or not but that was a question for later. Now, I’m going to enjoy every second with him. 

Feeling like Bucky ’s girl was the happiest I’ve ever been. The next week, I found Bucky  in the main room on the couch reading a book. I sauntered over to him and plopped on the spot next to him. “Hey, Bucky . I-I was just wondering if th-the kisses meant something.” I fiddled with my hands waiting for his answer. He looked at me with love as he pondered my questions. 

The longer he took to answer, the more I realized his love for me was platonic. I looked at him still waiting for his answer but it came too late. The affirmation that I was craving from him didn’t come. “Y/N …” 

I concluded that I was just someone to kiss and love on; never his top priority. I looked away and nodded. I got up, turned around, and went to find my dad, leaving Bucky  alone with his book. 

I knocked on Steve’s door. “Come in!” He shouted from his bathroom. I walked in and closed the door behind me. Flopping on his bed, Steve poked his head around the corner seeing his daughter face down. “Are you ok?” 

No response. “Peanut?” Worry laced his voice. He walked over and sat on the bed next to me, rubbing my back. “What happened?”

I lifted my head to face my dad. “I realized that I was in love with Bucky but he didn’t like me that way.” I started to feel the tears build up and face planted back on the bed, letting them go. Steve heard me sob but didn’t say anything. Like a good father, he grabbed me, pulled me into his chest, and just sat there. After a few minutes went by, he kissed my forehead and whispered, 

“Do you want me to listen or give advice?” 

“Advice, please,” I whispered. Steve nodded and looked up. “Ok, here’s some advice. I think you should learn to be ok with what happened, find a new hobby and ask someone on a date. You don’t have to do it all at once, but when you feel ready, go step by step, ok?” 

Everything he said was right and it sounded logical to me so I agreed, “Ok, Dad. Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too, peanut.” 

I smiled at Steve as I got up to leave his room. I went up to my room wanting to be alone for a few minutes. Being there, I was able to be by myself with little to no interruptions. I say little interruptions because the one person I didn’t want to see, was my best friend. The one person who would stop by every night before bed, or when he thought I would need someone to talk to. 

I did the same with him, but I intended to chat about our days, not make out like Bucky  likes to do. It’s not that he doesn’t want to chat, he’s just not super good at it. He prefers kissing and touching each other. For some reason, I still let him do those things with me. Even though it hurts, it was a way that I could spend some time with him. No other distractions. 

It was a few days before I was able to be ok with leaving my room. Nat would come by and Steve would stop by to see if I needed anything. It was nice to have them check up on me. The only problem I had was that I wanted so badly to see Bucky come in and tell me he was wrong and that he truly loved me. That he wanted to be mine. 

I tried distracting myself by coloring, or learning the guitar but all I could do was think about how stupid I was for loving someone I had no chance with. Anytime I was with Bucky , I longed for his touch. I was safe in his arms. When we would stay the night with each other, I couldn’t help but think about how loved he made me feel. His touch made me feel safe, his voice was soothing; almost melodic.

It hurt emotionally anytime he got close to me after the incident in the main room. My body would have a physical reaction when I would even think about his loving touch. I wanted to crawl away and disappear. I wanted to stop feeling. There was one solution that I came up with and that was my very own music.

I got up to go find the piano in the music room on the main floor and composed a new song. It was about 11 p.m. when I snuck out. I wanted to be out of my room before Bucky tried to come over. 

As I approached the grand piano, I remembered the first song I learned. Thanks to Steve, I was able to read notes and find them on the keys. From there, I took off on my own. Being able to play and compose was one of my few passions. I was able to escape the harsh reality and create my world. I sat down, pulled open the cover, and pressed the ivory keys to create a new melody. The chords that I played sounded full but inside,  it was an empty melody. There was never enough sound to fill in the room and get rid of the emotions I was feeling.

---Bucky’ POV---

Dear journal, 

Confusing Times (Part 1)

ALOHA FRIENDS!! Looonnnggg time no chat. I have had a crazy adventure but now I am back. I wont be writing a lot but when it sparks, I’ll post it. :) 

A/N: This story is based on a true event in my life. The ending is happier than what actually happened... OH WELL. It’s in the past. :) Have fun with it. Also, sorry if it’s full of errors. I’m not the best with grammar/spelling... 

Summary:  I fell in love with my best friend. I knew I shouldn't have, but I couldn’t stop myself. He was everything I wanted and he became everything I needed. To me, he was perfectly imperfect. To him, I was a friend, nothing more.

Word Count: 799

Bucky x fem!reader (sorry, I’m not very good with ‘them, they’ pronouns) :(

Warnings: fluff galore, angst(??) 

Masterlist 

One night, as I lay in my favorite spot on the roof at the compound, I was thinking about how I first met my best friend, Bucky. It was a fun meeting because we hit it off right away. Natasha introduced me to people at the compound and my soon-to-be-best friend was the last one I met. 

Originally, he wasn’t in the compound when I got there. He came in a few weeks later because there was a miscommunication with the landing party. He came in with an armload of bags, stumbling over to his room, which happened to be next to mine.

He came back out and looked at me, pointing. "I’m sorry. Who are you?”

 I explained “I’m Steve’s adopted daughter.” The handsome man nodded. I noticed he was interested in what I had to say. He looked over at Steve and gave him a thumbs up. I don’t know why he did, but he did.  

The way he looked at me, intrigued me. That was something new to me, being adopted and all. “How old are you?” Bucky asked. “I’m 20.” I sheepishly replied. He nodded again and continued his previous task. 

Later that night, I was drawn into his room, hoping he’d be there so I could get to know him. When I approached his door, I knocked twice and stepped back. 

“Come in!” 

I carefully opened the door to see him standing by his dresser, putting clothes away. “Hey! Y/N, right?” I nodded.

He glanced at the shirt I was wearing and smiled a little bit. I looked to see what he saw and I was wearing a shirt with a quote on it. “Nice shirt.” He chuckled. “Thanks! It’s from Friends.” I smiled as he nodded in agreement. 

I plopped on his king-sized bed and started to ask him a million questions. I asked everything about his life in Stark Tower, what Steve was like as a kid and so on. 

That was the night was the night we had our first long conversation. At this point, even though it was only a day when I met him, I had already developed a huge crush on him.

Steve had warned me before about him. “He can be unpredictable. Be careful, peanut.” Steve explained to me but... Bucky was so new and different, I disregarded his advice. 

Bucky treated me like I wanted to be treated. I was the person he would come talk to about work, what his day was like or his old family life. He even drew me pictures of one of his favorite houses that he lived in growing up. I remember everything he told me. 

The only problem I had was I always initiated conversations. I wasn’t sure if it was because Bucky didn’t know if he could trust me or that he hadn't gotten into the swing of talking to girls. I learned quickly to ask the right questions to get him talking on something. 

A few weeks past and I was on the phone with an old friend, Peter. I was telling him about this guy I had a crush on. As I was talking, Peter told me that he had concluded that I had fallen in love with this new guy. I was quiet for a few moments. 

I didn’t want to believe it but everything pointed to it. I had fallen head-over-heels for my best friend. I was happy but also, I knew that it could become problematic. I wanted it to go away so badly. 

In the past, I would tell people that I had a crush on them and the feelings would go away. I planned on telling him about it but when I asked to talk to him, I suddenly wanted to run. I wanted it to just disappear without mentioning it to him. Nonetheless, we went on a walk. 

Bucky walking next to me. He knew something was on my mind by watching me fiddle with the hem of my shirt. We didn’t make it very far on the walk when I had stopped. I was so anxious I couldn’t get straight to the point. I stopped walking, stood in front of the man that I had fallen for, and couldn’t say anything. 

I stuttered out a few words but nothing coherent. Looking down, I tried again to say what was feeling for him. He placed his hand under my chin, guiding me to look at him, “Are you ok Y/N ? What’s going on?” 

Username tag game!

I was tagged by @lokiandbuckyaremine. You are amazing!!

Ok...here we go! Btw I don't know all the artists...oops..

Love story

Incantations

Tightrope

Titanium

Lord of the rings

Elements

Never stop

Every night

Rewrite the stars

Don't stop Believing

Gold

I’m yours

Roundtable rival

Longest time

Tell The Truth

CAN YOU FILL THIS OUT WITHOUT LYING?

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? - An orange

2. Where was your blog picture taken? - The...someplace where Sebby was 😂

3. Worst pain you’ve experienced? - Having to leave my best friend behind when I moved

4. How many times have you been married?- Marriage? HA. I'm a single Pringle

5. How late did you stay up last night? - 10 ish

6. If you could move somewhere else, where would it be? - Arizona with my best friend

7. Do any of your Tumblr friends live close by? - I have no idea 😂😂

8. When was the last time you cried? - 3 years ago?

9. Who took your profile picture? - Some beautiful person with an amazing camera

10. How many marriage proposals have you had? - None. But maybe eventually

11. If you could have any career, what would it be? - I DONT KNOW. AHHH. Probably music

12. What was the last book you read? -Love remains by Sarah Eden

13. If you could talk to ANYONE right now who would it be? - Sebastian Stan or Chris Evans or Tom Holland or Tom Hiddleston :)

14. Are you a good influence? - I hope so!

15. Does pineapple belong on a pizza? - NO.

16. You have the remote, what channel would you watch?- CW for he flash or BBC

17. Whom do you think will play along? - Anyone who’s willing to do it 😎

18. Have you graduated from Uni? - Not outta high school

19. Your Favorite Football Team? - I'm not a sports person….

That was fun. Thank you @lokiandbuckyaremine tagging me. I love these things. You’re the best!!! 😘

I tag - My followers. But specifically:

@spider-boi

@buckyywiththegoodhair

@supersoldierslover

@itsanerdlife

@lowkeybuckytrash