jaskier used to love using fragrant oils in his baths, his hair, on his wrists. things like apple and cinnamon and orange blossom. he loved wrapping himself in all kinds of delightful titillating scents. 

he’s been traveling with geralt for a handful of months when he notices that the witcher hates the way he smells. 

it’s never vocalized - despite his perceived gruffness, geralt doesn’t actually seem keen on hurting jaskier’s feelings - but jaskier picks up on it all the same. it’s the subtle way geralt’s nose wrinkles when jaskier emerges from one of his fragrant baths. it’s how he sits himself a little farther from jaskier when the bard dabs a generous amount of oil behind his ears and on his pulse points. 

and jaskier would be offended, he would, except he’s gotten to know geralt fairly well over these months. he knows witchers have sharper, heightened senses. if geralt’s sense of smell is as delicate as jaskier believes it to be, he must smell overpowering, cloying to the witcher. 

so -

well -

that just won’t do. 

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a witch curses jaskier and geralt to be tied together so that they can’t be further away from each other than 20 feat but jokes on her they already spend 99% of their time together and it’s been like a year and a half since they’ve been more than 10 feet away from each other. they stopped spending winters apart 4 years ago.

they’re still only friends

So what you are saying is they dont even notice that they are cursed for like a year?^^

you know what? yes, this is EXACTLY what i’m saying

they’re more than dumb enough to pull this off

Geralt is on a monster hunt and gets to the 20 foot edge, Jaskier gets pulled out of the tree he’s been hiding it to watch and just assumes he lost his hold and footing. He ends up with more injuries from falling than Geralt does from fighting the monster, causing Geralt to fret over him faor the days it takes the bruises and scraps to heal.

Lambert and Eskel try to prank Jaskier by trying to move him outside in his sleep, in the middle of the night. As soon as he’s 20 feet from Geralt, Geralt wakes up ready to fight whoever is messing with Jaskier. Lambert and Eskel don’t try that prank again.

Bandits try to capture Jaskier and hold him for blackmail against Geralt, but they can’t separate the two and they know Geralt would kill them if they tried to go after Jaskier with Geralt right there.

Jaskier stops sleeping with random maidens, he doesn’t know why, but he just doesn’t feel like it anymore because it means he isn’t spending time with Geralt.

Geralt stops sitting in the dark corners of taverns, he doesn’t have to anymore due to Jaskier improving his image. Jaskier can still move around most of the tavern to play.

Honestly they might never notice they’re cursed, or when they do, they just don’t care that much

this is perfect

also, big dumbass energy, there’s an invisible force pulling you together but you’re bi and Yearning™ so you don’t notice it’s not natural

And when they run into Yennefer again she’s like “you want me to undo that curse?”

And they’re like “what curse?”

And yen is like “you dumb bitches are cursed so you can’t stay more that 20 feet from eachother and you didn’t notice?”

And Geralt and Jaskier are like “is that why we always feel the other leave our presence? Eh. No big deal.

paradoxically, it doesn’t get them together at all. they spend like 4 years like that and they still are too afraid of saying the truth, so the witch finds another way

she curses them the other way around - they can’t get close to each other. maybe not 20 but 10, so no more sleeping and bathing together, so more jaskier patching geralt up, no more touches. it’s only then that they realize just how often they touch.

they both grow irritable and annoyed, easily snapping at each other, until finally they get into a fight and jaskier can’t take it anymore screaming “why do you hate me so much suddenly?!” and geralt in his himbo glory roars back “i actually love you and that’s the problem!?”

and that’s how the curse breaks

And they kiss and are happy to touch eachother again and unfortunately Geralt is stuck the rest of the week with Jaskier litterally hanging off him 24/7 like literally plastered to his back or front and forces Geralt to carry him. And Geralt pretends to be annoyed but secretly loves it.

“unfortunately”

geralt would never admit it but he loves it, especially after spending weeks not touching jaskier. they’re BOTH the clingy boyfriend but jaskier accepts it and geralt still tries to hide it.

somehow, they’re even worse now than before the curse

And when they see Yen next, she’s hanging with Triss and they don’t bother hiding how affectionately and in love they are and yen is just like “finally!!!” And holds out her hand to Triss who just groans and slaps a few coins in Yen’s waiting palm.

what if everyone is already so done with those two idiots that when they finally get together, people don’t realize. they think jaskier and geralt are back on their bullshit.

they don’t kiss with people around because geralt is shy (“not shy jaskier, just cautious not that you know that word”) and so everyone’s just like “those dumb bitches” and they think nothing changed

jaskier and geralt are so stupid and hopeless that people think they’re pining even after they get together

Or even better that they know that everyone thinks they’re still pinning and them, being the little shits they are, don’t correct anyone but they put extra emphasis on their affections and they both keep a running bet on how long until people start noticing.

And they actively deny not knowing what the others are talking about when their friends try and hint at things

they underestimate how stupid their friends think they are and it’s been like 15 years and it’s getting awkward but quitting now would feel like defeat and also VERY awkward, telling everyone so those two morons just keep going because they’re in too deep

That is until like 30 years later, Eskel figures it out and Geralt just about starts crying in relief and Jaskier is like

“Thank you for FINALLY noticing! We made it official 30 years ago, we got married 25 years ago, we adopted a little boy, together I might add, 10 years ago, we own a vineyard together… WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST FUCKING CLUE!!!!???”

it was absolutely none of that. eskel just happened to be looking when geralt squeezed jaskier’s shoulder with a soft look on his face and cocker his head to the side and well, he knows his brother and he knows that wasn’t just friendly

or like saw geralt lean into the kiss on the cheek from jaskier, maybe heard him call the bard “sweet wildcat”

just a random lil thing that has nothing to do with their 25 years or marriage

And then Eskel is like “Wait a minute!!! You got married without us!!!! Betrayal!!!! And why haven’t I met my nephew! AND YOU HAVE A VINEYARD AND YOU CONTINUE TO MAKE US DRINK LAMBERT CRAP VODKA!!!!!????”

what if everyone WAS invited but it was such a normal day and nothing much changed that no one really realized what happened. like a normal day in kaer morhen with some handbinding but they were drunk and it kinda went over their heads.

jaskier boasts about their amazing wine all the time but he lies through his teeth like 80% if the time so they don’t trust him most of the time. he also mentioned an estate but he’s a viscount so that’s normal

as for the kid? jaskier and geralt just adopt various creatures, they have ciri their daughter and mottie their demon doh (short for behemoth) and HOW WERE THEY SUPPOSED TO REALIZE ITS SOMETHING MORE GERALT YOU’RE STUPID

i just thought of another thing - how long does it take GERALT to realize that jaskier is not, in fact, even a bit human??

it’s been decades, does he realize that?

Ciris grandaughter has just turned 80 when Geralt finalls is like: Uhm how old are you now Jask?” And Jaskier counts on his fingers and is like “I think around 350 give or take a few years…”

It’s another 50 years before Yen and Triss fess up that the original curse witch was one of them in disguise. Vesemir hands Ciri his entire coin purse.

I’ll do you one better: Crowley’s glowing eyes

you’re a genius i’ll redraw this more seriously later

Lol!

I think my favorite part is that Aziraphale doesn’t even have to verbalize the question. Which means either Crowley just knows what he wants or they’ve done this enough times before this that he’s trained to be an instinctive book light now.

The Buckynat Art Parody Series

I think these need their own collective post! Individual artworks are:

No. 1: Couple Descending Staircase by Leyendecker

No. 2: The Kiss by Klimt

No. 3: In the Garden by Renoir

No. 4: American Gothic by Wood

No. 5: A Day at the Beach by Schaeffing

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I’m more a Stucky girl than Bucknat tbh, but these are too gorgeous! ❤️

Fact: Wikipedia defines Principalities as “the angels that guide and protect nations, or groups of peoples, and institutions"

Fact: Aziraphale has been hanging out in gay spaces since at least a century and a half ago.

Fact: People automatically assume Aziraphale is gay.

Fact: Aziraphale does not mind this assumption, and seems to actively cultivate it.

Conclusion: Aziraphale is the angel in charge of protecting gays.

To be clear: I don’t mean that Aziraphale is accidentally the angel in charge of protecting gays, nor do I mean that people believe he is the angel in charge of protecting gays. I mean that someone, or possibly Someone, in Heaven pointed at all the little queers on earth and said “Go look after them” and he saw that assignment and leapt right into queerness like it was a bathtub filled with a glitter bathbomb

I accept this fully

Gay Denial (2009) 

Pencil on Paper

March 6th, 2009

Dear Journal,

I found out what lesbian means today, Ella told me at recess. It’s unfair because girls are so much prettier than guys. It’s like comparing a flower to an old shoe. But I’m not a lesbian, almost 99% of my friends are guys.

Shakespeare could only aspire to this level of dramatic irony.

me, violently beating back my emotions with a broom: for the last time i said shut the FUCK up

Is there a single sentence from the Harry Potter books that better summarizes the entire series than this one?

Michael Sheen as Lucian in Underworld (2003) / David Tennant as Peter Vincent in Fright Night (2011)

THAT was MICHAEL SHEEN??? THAT GUY???

....yep

same energy

(also they have the exact same face im)

Why does he only ask for colabs on their livestreams

Because he knows they'd easily decline in private, so why not put them on the spot in front of hundreds of others and see if they really decline then.

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?

Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.

Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok

Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts

Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes

Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks

A++ addition

Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?

Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great

I LOVE THIS

Oh no, murder comedy is my jam

I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It’d be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it they’re a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it’s completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work.

Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it’s a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there’s something to the theory, but it’s all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author’s home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don’t seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that’s it. Most they do is leave for groceries.

So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he’ll FINALLY have proof.

Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal. 

“You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer.”

Serial killer breaths in. “Look-”

…perfect

Im very invested in this

I haven’t written anything in about four years, but OH MY GOD THE PLOT BUNNIES

Cosplayer Kiera Please!

IG: kieraplease

This should have way more notes she murdered these 😍

I can’t deal with how kickass these cosplays are.

some others:

and Merida, holy shit:

ignore my swooning over the last one omg

Im

Im so amazed. This is so awesomei

get ready to be gay², folks

holy fuck this is talent.

I cry because the OVEN IS HIS SECOND CHOICE

What the actual fuck??

SO I just wanted to share this anecdote in detail,

Last night, I went to see the Regrettes live- their whole set was AMAZING, but this is about their last song in particular

So for anyone who doesn’t know, they have this one song called Poor Boy, which was written about and around the start of the metoo movement. So when she introduced the song, Lydia asked all of the girls in the crowd to scream as loud as we can. We did, and then she said this;

“Now I want every girl in this crowd to take that scream, remember it, and put it in your pocket. And the next time you feel like you don’t have a voice, like you’re not strong enough, you can take that scream and use it- and remember every other woman in this audience is just like you, supports you, and is lending their strength to help you through whatever you’re going through. You are never alone.”

And she didn’t stop there- then, she asked all of the boys, politely, to move to the back of the crowd, and for all of the girls to come to the front. And she explained that she knows firsthand how as a girl, moshing can be scary and feel uncomfortable sometimes- so she said that for this song, all of us girls would have our own pit, and we could go as hard as we wanted. And we did, and it was amazing.

It was such a meaningful way to end the concert, and I really do love Lydia with my whole heart for the way she uses her platform to bring people together like this. She’s so young but so smart and has so much to say. If you aren’t listening to The Regrettes yet, you definitely should be.

I’m sure as hell gonna listen now!!

Anthony being naturally good with kids is so soft, help.

Set of doodles from Patreon prompt list :D

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