Rip guys

Why do I boil myself like a lobster in the shower, but I hate the heat and overheat easily out of the shower

after my fall out boy concert i told my mom that they played my second favorite fall out boy song of all time (headfirst slide into cooperstown on a bad bet) and she asked what the song was called (it’s called headfirst slide into cooperstown on a bad bet) so i immediately answered “headfirst slide into cooperstown on a bad bet” and she turned to me and said “there’s no way that’s the name of the song” which gave me the incredible privilege of saying “alexa play ‘headfirst slide into cooperstown on a bad bet’ by fall out boy” to which the alexa responded “NOW PLAYING ‘HEADFIRST SLIDE INTO COOPERSTOWN ON A BAD BET’ BY FALL OUT BOY” and my mother promptly walked out of the room

joined the ranks of oppa homeless style and homestuck cop for playing a song for my mother, more at 11

zoomers i am going to give you some fathrly advice: really plucked brows are coming back. dont do it. you cn permanently fuck them up and in 5 yrs when its not on trend you will look like shit. a groomed natural brow works in every era of fashion theres lots of ways to comb and style brows to trend without mangling them. im just saying this as someone who saw what happened to 80s moms who went crazy wth the tweezers

they just eyebrows u won’t die shave them off zoomers pluck them all out and then get tattooed eyebrows it doesn’t matter . u won’t look like shit if u don’t have eyebrows op is a hater

this is the devil ^ this is the devil speaking. many will come to you with honey in their mouths and comforting words but they whisper falsehoods. do not be deceived for he is the father of lies. you have been told he would come in the form of man and he is already here among us.

#we are speaking from experience ok we are standing before you with our patchy ass superciliary arches CONFESSING #there’s places on my supraorbital ridge where no crop will grow ever again. and it’s because of what we did with eyebrows when i was a teen #ZOOMERBO BAGGINS i am not trying to rob you. i am trying to help you!!! - @sashayed

[Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse director Phil Lord on whether the “42″ references are in honor to Jackie Robinson or The Negative Zone] : it’s a reference to a lot of things… 🙃

CELEBRATING FIVE YEARS OF GOBLIN (DECEMBER 2ND, 2016) 

I DIDN’T LEARN ABOUT THIS IN DRIVING SCHOOL

Stop says the red light, go says the green

Wait says the yellow light, twinkling in between. 

KNEEL, SAYS THE DEMON LIGHT WITH ITS EYE OF COAL  SAURON KNOWS YOUR LICENSE PLATE  AND STARES INTO YOUR SOUL

THIS IS ALWAYS FUNNY

@irritatedlifeguard I agree with your tags.

was in the car with my friend when I saw the car we passed had the license plate "SADNESS" and I went oh wait we gotta slow down so I can get a pic, but every time we went slower the other car also slowed down. so I looked behind us to see what was going on and the passenger also had their phone up and wheezing the same way I was, and that's when I remembered my friend's license plate is "LOSSJPG"

you think I would do that? just go on the internet and tell lies?

Came across the most charmingly delivered piece of advice on r/houseplants

The diagram:

The diagram is great but my favorite part is the quotes around “purchase”

“Purchase”

No Bitches Beach

Cannot let this stay in the tags