Ok, so, i don't really do this hardly at all (talk about my personal life) because i realize y'all just come here for fan stuff and smut, and i get that. But occasionally shit pops off in my life and i feel the need to scream into the void. You are by no means obligated to read this or participate in my drama. So here goes nothing.
Rant incoming. Prepare yourself. This is going to be very long.
I had a friend. Had her for many years. We were close (i thought). We spent a lot of time together (she lived 2 does down the steer from me). We did for each other (got each other gifts, pet sat for each other on vacations). It was good, or so i thought. Things fell apart last year (her choice) but earlier this week she decides to post a huge rant in a group that we are both in, very deliberately about me (though she was careful not to use my name) abusing me of all kinds of hateful shit where she KNEW i would see it. Of course Because she was being "vague" about who she was talking about i had little option to defend myself without, apparently, admitting guilt. So she's the victim, and the friends in the group (some of whom were my friends too) start posting supportive things in the comments. "Good riddance." "You don't need friends like that." She was loving the vindication. Playing the martyr for all she was worth. I pointed out that some of the things "This person" was being accused of are the exact same things she was doing with that post, which was kind of hypocritical. She accused me of telling her her anger wasn't valid. I very specifically said of course it was valid. You can feel however you feel. However, you can hardly repeat behavior you've condemned in others without someone calling you on it. Her response was to tell me to move on, and then blocked me from the group.
So, let's back up a little bit. A year and a half to be exact. My wife moved in with me in December of 2019. Things were going great. She was being accepted by all my friends and we were finally together.
In February 2020 she fell in the house and broke her leg in several places. They weren't super bad breaks, but she did have to wear a boot for a few months and use a walker/wheelchair to move around.
In March Covid happened. Suddenly we couldn't go anywhere at all (not that it had been easy before). Doctors weren't even seeing patients in person. It was May/June before we could see the orthopedist about her leg. At that point he took her out of the boot, and in July she started physical therapy. She was going twice a week and in a few months got to where she could navigate through the house to the bathroom on her own without the walker. She still needed the walker/wheelchair if we went out.
October came. She fell again, this time shattering her OTHER leg so bad it looked like a cannon ball went through it. She had extensive reconstructive surgery to put the bone back together. She spent 3 weeks in the hospital learning how to do small things (like go to the bathroom), without using her left leg AT ALL. Not even for balance. The foot could not touch the floor. The doctor had ordered ZERO weight bearing on that leg for at least 6 weeks.
Annalyn came home to a different situation than she'd left. A hospital bed and potty were set up in the kitchen, because the wheelchair would not fit in the house. We needed to be able to get her out of the house for appointments and the kitchen is a straight shot. So she's completely bed bound, relying on me for 24 hour care, which i have never been trained for. It was very stressful on everybody.
A week after my wife came home from the hospital she and i both developed Covid symptoms. She was informed that she'd been exposed to the virus while in rehab at the hospital. A week after that she was admitted to the hospital for a week with low oxygen levels. Her asthma and Covid did not get along. I suffered, but avoided hospitalization. (Up until a few weeks ago my wife was STILL on oxygen becauseof diminished lung function from the illness.)
When i knew we were going to have to quarantine i of course told my friend. She had already been very paranoid about the virus (wiping down all her packages, etc). The week before i became symptomatic she stopped by my house for 15 seconds. She handed me a paper through her car window and then kept going. We never touched or came closer than arms length. When she found out that i was sick and when she freaked out about it. She informed me that her doctor wouldn't see her in person for a Covid test because she wasn't symptomatic. She lied to the doctor to get the test done. Until it came back negative she quarantined herself, turning down clients who wanted services with her because she thought it was unsafe.
Once she found out that she was negative she was very supportive of us stuck in the house. She offered to do things for us, like deliver groceries to the front porch. We completely didn't ask for that, not just because of our general anxiety, but because we couldn't afford it financially and didn't want her to have to pay for it.
My husband never developed symptoms, at all. He still stayed home from work with the rest of us, helping as he could, but he never got sick.
Here's where things went completely pear shaped.
Three days before our official quarantine was over my husband decided we needed a few things from the store (I'm sure he was stir crazy by that point too). My husband is a very clean person. He worked in a restaurant kitchen! He showered every day, washed his hands frequently, and was almost obsessive with hand sanitizer even before Covid kicked off. So, believing himself to be as safe as he could get (clean and with no symptoms and at the end of quarantine, which was 3 weeks instead of 2 because of the hospitalization) he went to the store.
He got back, but parked the car in a different spot. My friend noticed it had moved and asked what was up. Completely not thinking anything was wrong i told her husband had gone to the store. She lost her mind. She starts screaming at me in text messages, calling my husband a murderer. Accusing me if being "complacent" (I'm sure she meant "complicit"). She said i needed to "get control of my house", as though marriage isn't a team effort. I understand she rules her own house but that's never how Jim and i have operated. She said i should have hidden his keys to prevent him from going out, like Jim isn't a grown adult who makes his own decisions. I did try apologizing (though i really couldn't do anything to fix it after the fact), but that wasn't good enough. She stopped speaking to me.
Until the next week when she asked how we were doing. I told her politely that we were fine. We did not actually have a conversation, and here's why.
After her vitriolic accusations and name calling, followed by silence, i assumed that she no longer wanted to associate with me. That was painful and surprising, but i could do nothing about her anger. Her contacts after that did not include any kind of apology, and did not come across as sincere at all. All i could think was that she was just gathering evidence to justify her behavior, and i was not cooperating with that. By the first week of December she stopped messaging me.
Cut to this week, 6 months later, and she posts her huge public rant about me. She says that all of those nice things she did for me (That i thought was in friendship) were not adequately reciprocated. I DID reciprocate to the best of my ability. I also didn't realize that all of her offers to do things with/for me we're going to get tallied up and used to hurt me.
She stated that i never initiated anything unless she messaged me first. That i was using her and not holding up my end of the friendship because i never texted first. Now, i have extreme anxiety, which she very well knows. I have a problem communicating because I'm often convinced that my friends don't want to be bothered/interrupted by me. I'm pretty much always available, being disabled and spending most of my time at home, so i let people contact me on THEIR terms. When it's convenient FOR THEM. I thought she understood that, as i had explained it more than once over the years. No. I was a bad friend because i didn't contact her first. She decided in December that she was not going to be the one reaching out anymore. I, pretty much rightly assuming that she didn't want contact with me, did not message her again.
She accused me of only interacting to leave a "half-hearted condolence" on her FB (which she hadn't blocked me from) when one of her cats died. Again, i was sure she didn't really want to interact with me, but i did feel bad for her losing a kitty. My condolence, while it might have seemed hesitant and distant, was a true expression without trying to intrude on her life.
Having had no contact with me for 6 months, she types out this huge post on FB, detailing my many sins in her eyes. She has decided that she's done waiting for me to reach out to her. Says she "unfollowed" me on FB months before because i "vague booked" about her. I don't remember doing any such thing and i wish she'd posted proof. But even if i had, how could she call me out on it right now While she's doing the EXACT SAME THING? She said i never bothered to ask her why she'd stopped talking to me. I knew why we'd stopped talking, but she never asked me about it either. So "friendship is a two way street" only applies to me, not you. Ok.
She ends the post by saying she's over it. Well obviously she isn't or she wouldn't be posting this diatribe 6 months after the fact where she was sure I'd see it and be hurt by it. She said her bit and when i tried to protest she blocked me from the group.
So fine. She's done and wants to pin everything on me. I blocked her and her husband both. If they think so little of me and my family then they don't get to be privy to any part of my life. Years of friendship kicked to the side like it was nothing. Makes me wonder why i didn't see it before. She's done this to other "friends". I've witnessed it. Just took her a little bit longer to get to me i guess.
That's my tail. I haven't slept well the last few nights because the hurt and anger won't let go of my mind. I felt like i needed to defend myself to someone, even though the person It's directed at will never see it and wouldn't change her mind even if she cared.
Thank you if you've read this whole thing. It's a major downer, i know, but some things you have to express before you can let it go.
