Ed: Can you please stop calling peanut butter that?
Ling: What's wrong with "sticky nut juice"?
Ed: EVERYTHING! EVERY FUCKING THING!!
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Al: You can’t beat up everyone you have a problem with!
Ed: I can try!
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Greed: Go tell him Lan Fan she’s cute! What’s the worst that could happen?
Ling: She could hear me.
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Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood + AO3 tags
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Kimblee: And you can trust me
Kimblee: Because I don’t care enough about any of you to lie.
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Hohenheim: [slaps his chest]
Hohenheim: This bad boy can fit SO MANY SOULS.
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Riza, texting: Hey babe, what are you wearing?
Roy: Just my underwear :)
Riza: So you haven't done the laundry?
Roy: I have not.
Ling: The thing is. I would eat the grapes. I would eat the pomegranate seeds. I would eat the Turkish delights. It doesn’t matter what the stakes are, if you put a little plate of snacks out in front of me I’ll eat them.
Ling: If you sent me to an evil fantasy realm and told me that if I ate anything I would die a painful terrible death then set a charcuterie board down in front of me, that would be it for me. Like it wouldn’t even be like a torturous internal struggle to not eat the cheese. I wouldn’t even need to be that hungry.
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Havoc: What are you reading?
Roy: A book of things I love.
Havoc: Colonel, that’s just a photo album of Hawkeye.
Roy: Oh, what a coincidence.
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Ed: You’re being a very bad brother!
Al: No, YOU’RE being a very bad brother!
Ed: You know, they call you the STUPID alchemist!
Al: Well they call you the TINY alchemist!
Roy: If you two don't stop fighting right now, I will turn this car around -
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Roy, holding a box of fruit loops: I may be blind, but even I can see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon toast crunch.
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Ed: Ugh I feel old, like I’m not a cool kid anymore.
Al: Aw, Brother, that’s not true.
Ed: Really?
Al: You were never a cool kid.
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“Tell Hawkeye I love her…..work ethic.”
— Roy Mustang (via incorrectfmaquotes)
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Al: Brother, you’ve had two ideas today. And one of them was great. And the other one was terrible.
Ed: I’m not in the mood for riddles, Al.
Al: This is terrible.
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McDonald's employee: Do you wanna supersize that for 10 cenz?
Ling: Yes, of course.
Employee: Oh, it's actually 3 cenz -
Ling: I WOULD'VE PAID 50
Employee: O - okay
Ling: I'M NOT FUCKING AROUND
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Knox: You need to stop smoking.
Havoc: No.
Knox: The last patient who refused to stop smoking after I suggested it died.
Havoc: Oh no.
Knox: In a plane crash.
Havoc: That sounds unrelated.
Knox: I’m the one who crashed it. Do not disobey me.
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Hughes: My goal for tonight is to get Hawkeye drunk enough to tell us embarrassing stories about Mustang.
Riza: Why would I have to be drunk to do that?