I haven’t been on this blog in ages and am probably not coming back to it. For the record, I was bullied and harassed and cyberstalked relentlessly by a couple of specific people until between that and the threat of them exposing details of my real life abuse history, I was basically forced to abandon this blog, which had (and still has! weird) a pretty large public following, as a platform. I have a personal blog where I curate my followers much more strictly now, and I’m a lot happier there, but it’s difficult knowing that I basically abdicated this platform to abusers.
If I leave the remaining readers of this blog with anything I hope it’s an inclination to question anyone who claims to stand with survivors and victims of rape and abuse, while simultaneously talking shit about rape and abuse survivors they don’t like, saying that they masturbate to memories of their own rape and take pleasure in being responsible for other peoples’ rapes and probably raped their rapist(s). I hope it’s a tendency to see the inherent ugliness in a completely performative “support” for survivors that manifests as deeply obsessive and personal attacks on survivors who challenge the idea of a “good” or “perfect” victim. I hope it’s an understanding that rape and abuse are not rhetorical devices but rather real things that real, living, feeling human beings have to contend with every day of our lives. I hope it’s the knowledge that rape is not just something that gets bandied about on the internet because it’s an emotionally loaded subject that brings out the worst in people. I hope if you come away with one thing it’s an idea that rape victims are human beings and making our trauma into your shallow tumblr political discourse is disgusting and has a real, deep, incredibly damaging impact in our lives. There is no context in which it’s acceptable to laugh about the idea of a rape victim masturbating to flashbacks of her own sexual assaults, nangbaby. There is no context in which it’s appropriate to accuse a rape victim of having a “desperate love” of rape, courteousmingler. When you do this you are hurting real people. This isn’t a fucking game. You are going to cost someone their life if you keep this up. Unlike you, not everyone who is suicidal weaponizes the idea of suicide constantly to terrify people who disagree with them into silence.
But I suspect the people doing this know that, and that is why they do it. I suspect that these people are just abusers who take pleasure in hurting people. And I’m done offering myself up as a punching bag for dysfunctional people who think that hurting gives them the right to cause as much hurt as they can because they get an adrenaline rush from it that temporarily distracts them from their own pain. I did that in a real life relationship and it left me with PTSD! I have done my time with these assholes. I am not obligated to do this anymore.
If you want my new blog, the details about how to find me are down a few posts.
I hope you all are well and continue to be well.
