gone.

█▐ ❆ ࿐ᐤ  WHAT SHOULD HAVE been a familiar, comfortable emptiness became briefly skewed;  overridden by something akin to an aching deep beneath his rib cage. Gray recognizes it as GUILT. Whether Rogue had intended to make reference to the past matters not. Whether he’d like it to be or not, that was the truth of the matter.  (  —— to disappear  ENTIRELY  has always been his wish, has it not?  It should have been him, not them – and YET. He is becoming a container for too many souls, living lives not his. )  All that matters &&.  ever will:  the survivor guilt that he will carry for the rest of his life.

            ❛  …  It’s a cruel fate, ❜  he affirmed. Regardless of whatever he must atone, be it staining his hands the very crimson which the prior him disdained;  wreaking bloody havoc upon the heavens themselves &&. suffering the consequences  ——  they will  NOT  come back ( … and he knows that. ) His head bowed just slightly, and tear-brimmed eyes fluttered shut; dark lashes curtain darker circles, and he’s ever-so tired …

             But that is of little importance, now. Gray was acutely aware  (  &&. so does his remaining comrades, it seems )  of his own deteriorating health, and how it worsens by the day. More than anything, he still regretted not being able to  STAY  by the sides of his loved ones that have long since passed, who has endured such impossible torment. It was a greater sorrow;  knowing he cannot impede them from such grueling fate, but if Gray must continue to live … he will do so for the sake of the sacrifices that they made.  

   ❛  Which is why I will make the most of what I can, with this LIFE of mine that they died to protect… ❜

⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

(  In the end, he knew, within the depths of his rancor heart —that they will still be watching over himalways.*  )

█▐ ❆ ࿐ᐤ BLEARY-EYED, Gray idled before the mirror of their shared quarters with his herringbone comb, his wrist lifting to sort out his haphazard locks. The Ice-Mage has slept HARD despite the room’s unaccommodating mattress &&. he is still disoriented as his weary hues shifted into focus.

            At first, confusion was all that could be registered within Gray’s torpid mind. But as Natsu portrayed his blasphemous imitation, the lethargy that had reigned so heavily before, was swiped right OFF from his cognitive.

Natsu, who situated next to him by the reflection, announcing such with a tone wrought into a nasally sort of drone. It was an enactment, albeit a poor one, of Gray’s distinct HABIT. If the dragon of fire had been with any other people, the mockery alone would have been enough for them to take a swing at him – but that wasn’t Gray. The bravado that lay enmeshed between the theatrical display of him plunging his shirt off &&. the risqué adjective he used just might be enough to flare HEAT across the contours of the Ice-Mage’s fair cheeks.

            It wasn’t until Gray managed to recompose himself when he decided to teeter behind his lover and touched cold lips to his ear.  ❛ —–And my name is NATSU, Natsu Dragneel…❜  Gaze a dance of snow and fire, small tease interlacing his words &&. his strong arms slithered beneath the other’s before they ghosted up his bare abdomen. Through the countering reflection, he fervently took in Natsu’s toned physique; sloped eyes gathering in the slender valley of his nape to follow a defined trough that sprints towards the dip of his collarbones. 

     ❛ And Natsu Dragneel has fangs, you know…❜ 

As if on cue, Gray dipped his head, raven locks partially obscuring his visage as his attention directed to the prominent vein of Natsu’s neck. His mouth descended just where the other had craned for him before frigid lips LATCHED onto the sensitive skin there, baring pearly-white &&. sinking into the flesh until it formed an array of reddened marks…

After all, dragons are supposed to be possessive right?

█▐ ❆ ࿐ᐤ  HIS BODY WENT still upon the moment she hurled her weight on him, muscles ridged with tension before it snapped like a recoiling band. The reflex would be enough to cause an instant distaste towards a person, but Gray was QUICK to procure his composure. He tried to eye the culprit — craning his neck awkwardly to accommodate; the most subtle shift in a virile expression masked with outward introspection.

    ❛ Tch, Rayne. Ya gonna break my back?       …What the hell was that for ??  ❜ 

            Though it was not a REBUFF he relayed. Rather, Gray decided to balance her idly on the expanse of his back and hooked his arms around the slender of her legs to steady her. Much to his chagrin, his pliant body yielded to her request &&. began to amble forward. He can’t picture the other with rejection in her eyes. 

  ❛ Whatever. ❜ 

After all, he is a progressing storm and she is the SUN in his winter. Sometimes he forgets what it feels like to be happy — but within her presence, his cheeks eventually burned with the stretch of his smile &&. his chest is filled with a golden warmth.

█▐ ❆ ࿐ᐤ  APATHY WAS SUCH a cruel thing; it was also tiring — the constant front that was required of him utilizing it. It felt like a weight, a heavy cloak that veiled away the tempest which dwelled within. Yes, it was a gift as well as a curse, being able to master it and put it to use. However, with constant use, Gray found himself fatigued with always setting such nonchalance facade in place.

He was weary. 

Consternation, apprehension, depression, it all began engulfing him – like waves of crestfallen aspirations that wouldn’t disappear. Self-contained pain was the pain he knows best; unforthcoming &&. unspoken, suffering in utter silence, without a companion to mend his shattered heart. ( and he had allowed it to fester inside him for YEARS. It may not have been very long, but to him, it had been centuries … centuries worth of him silencing his tragedies. )

            A mildly shaken discomposure was apparent to himself, though outwardly, meant to keep reclusive … until she voiced her DISTRESS towards his wellbeing. Head tipping to the side, glacial depths stared at the other: Juvia was utterly fixated on his form, on how he trembled and shook. Immediately Gray yearned to brandish a palm &&. reassure her with words of solace, but alas — he refrained.

After all, it was something unfamiliar; the compassion of Juvia &&. the conveyal of an utmost semblance of EMPATHY. He knew his eyes are swirling storms of blue that light up whenever he is surrounded by the guild and, just like clockwork, whenever they leave his gaze would be lost solitude in and despair. 

            ( —- But he had come to learn that it was NOT lost to her. Whenever he thinks the world isn’t watching, she notices him. )

His grip tightened around the silver necklace within his hand,and there was a sad smile.

        ❛ It’s one of those days, I suppose.                     Could use a bit of … enlightenment. ❜  

█▐ ❆ ࿐ᐤ  HE WAS OFF GUARD, lounging about the congenial atmosphere of the guild hall. He was off guard &&. drinking —- thus why he found himself utterly discomposed upon the ministration performed on his dark mane. 

              Alas, it would be instinctive for him to rebound; to exclaim out spurs and curses in reflex towards having his locks of hair so openly manhandled. But it was also a restraint to bite his tongue &&. subdue the urges that have become so natural to him now ( slipping sharp gaze away with a click of tongue against teeth — as much of a WELCOME as can be given when he discerned that the culprit was … Wendy, anyway. )

After all. Wendy was Wendy, and she reminded him of a BRIGHTER world. Her cherubic presence warmed his heart &&. thawed his defenses, melting it like glistening snow in the morning sun. Gray finds himself LOSING a bit of regard for himself around her … a little slither of dignity dissipated after each bow that was placed upon his head.

Though, they must truly look a sight.

          ❛ … Uh. Please put that camera away, Cana. ❜  

&&.HE WAS JOLTED AWAKE. IT BURNS.

               GRAY COULD TELL it was morning by the sight of the sun casting shaft of golden highlights against their mattress in a distinct, wide bar. And yet, the entirety of his body felt heavy — mind sluggish to the point that coherent thoughts scarcely seemed to connect. Every imprint of Lyon’s kiss was like a scalding ember, immediately pillaging him from the realm of slumber into a probable clarity. It catalyzed the taut muscles in his body into a SEIZE; it stalled the heart that hung beneath his ribs &&. he swore he could discern its unruly clambering at the back of his throat…

And god, to say he hadn’t wanted it himself would be a lie. It was an odd sort of need; for once, it wasn’t exactly a physical desire to satisfy. There was an EMOTIONAL need that Gray wasn’t prepared to explore before, one that he would rather fulfill than dissect. But now that it had transpired into something warm &&. fleeting in the depths of his stomach, Gray allowed himself to shut his eyes and yield to this tender moment  ( all the while attempting to fend off the amaranth that previously occupied his pale cheeks. )

              …There was no one to WARN him about the white-haired boy with blue eyes. Whose lips were cold like winter, but tasted tender like the long hours of rain. Whose gentle touch discombobulated him with inherent sentimentality, stripped him bare of his judgments ———–

&&. setting his frigid skin ABLAZE. 

⠀ ⠀⠀

                            “Time to wake up sleeping beauty.”

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

█▐ ❆ ࿐ᐤ   LYON’S TIMBRE WAS rivaled only by the unruly jolt of Gray heart; the ardent crimson it churned now thrashed wildly within his ears, deafening, almost tribal. It was almost savagery — what the other does to him, the profound effect that the silver-haired mage has over his psyche. He elicited a low, feral growl that reverberated through the hollow of his throat, pallid digits tugging weakly at the tuft of silvery locks.

Now with Lyon’s lips teasing along the length of his neck — to his ear, Gray endured a violent surge of shudder that threatened to purloin his consciousness if he doesn’t get a damn grip————–

To no avail.

                  “…!”

              A HARSH GASP, nearly like an agonized gust of air, throttled from his parched throat and it didn’t require much from the younger Ice-Mage to give into the affections. Lithe digits furling around the thin fabric of Lyon’s shirt, Gray molds further into the kiss as he urged the other male closer; teeth bearing gingerly into his lover’s lower lip.   ❛ Fuck, Lyon.. ❜   He wrenched out, voice ragged &&. thin, breathless as he pulled away.

He felt dizzy.   —- Intoxicated. D r o w n e d .*

His senses OVERWHELMED with everything that was Lyon.

              The mattress creaked beneath his weight as Gray decided to shift — and within a single, swift maneuvering movement he mounted the elder male against the bed. Gray sucked in his staggering breath as Lyon’s knee brushed against his thigh, sentiments clawing &&. his hands fell languidly, only to relax over the other’s. The contact of their skin was BLISTERING, and his calloused fingers dug into his lover’s pale wrists, tightening his hold around them —– until finally he pinned them against the sheet above his head.

Lyon looked beautiful like this, sprawling underneath him like a limpid grace. Gray continued to take in the sight below him, bringing his coarse hand up and brushed it against his boyfriend’s pristine cheek. He watched Lyon’s cornflower eyes, how they were as mysterious as the limitless sky —– yet swimming opulently with ardent AFFECTION ( &&. god, he could feel his very soul luxuriated in the depth of his gaze. )

              ❛ Y’know, Lyon…  Butterflies — can’t see their WINGS. They can’t see how beautiful they truly are, but everyone else can. ❜  The moment Gray managed to capture both wrists with just one set of digits, his freed hand glided down — sliding underneath the cotton material of Lyon’s shirt TO FEEL the rich skin beneath the pads of his fingertips. He leaned in, his skin feverish; obsidian tendrils tickling the other’s cheeks. Then he obliged, umber crown bowed afterward, pinkened tiers ghosting along the contours of his lover’s jaws.

              ❛ People… they are like that too. YOU are, too. You may not be able to see the beauty of your wings, but god — I can.  ❜

Gray could TASTE the elder male’s ragged breath on his, a hint of mint for the taking on the tip of his tongue. He resolved not to, their mouths looming just out of reach, opting to devour the fine flesh from Lyon’s chin downwards. A pressing trail of heated caresses ensued, his teeth emerging, brushing along the column of his boyfriend’s neck —- feeling his pulse hammering away beneath every graze of his lips.  ❛ And I can see it so clearly. I … fell in love with it, dammit. ❜  He fell in love with Lyon’s sincerity, fell in love with his HEART. Pearls of sweat gathered in the floor of his mouth, and for that Gray did not care one bit; only savored everything he was offered. A beauty so tangible, and he was his. It required a frequent reminder —- as if, at any moment, Lyon could undo himself from their solid embrace. His.

❛ Your light … it always SHINES on me even if you didn’t realize it. ❜  The rapid beating of his heart was rather reluctant to subside, for the LONGER their bodies pressed to one another, the more heat arose &&. constrained the two; he was certain the other’s heartbeat was as uncontrollable as his. Carefully, Gray decided to tug the offending fabric of Lyon’s collar down —- revealing the fair skin underneath. Wet mouth gingerly fastened upon the vulnerable flesh, he began to cast a series of firm kisses along the smooth blade of his lover’s shoulder —- before worrying his TEETH against the contours of Lyon’s collarbones; successfully left reddened marks in the wake of his ministration.

              ❛ You’re so beautiful, Lyon … so fucking beautiful. ❜  And he whispered, demurely, taking on the soft voice he usually exploited in such circumstances. Skimming subtle kisses over the bitten skin, Gray lifted himself reluctantly before leaning up to gently seized Lyon’s mouth —- capturing the tender flesh in a kiss tinged with PROMISE.

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀  ⠀⠀ … I love you so much.