you cannot headcanon your way out of overt thematic structures on which the entire narrative is built

sometimes a family is you (woman who had the brain of her unborn baby transplanted into her head after committing suicide by jumping off a bridge), your scientist husband, the nanny who watched you while your baby-brain was still developing, your lesbian lover you met when you were both prostitutes in paris, the woman your scientist husband and dad got to replace you who also had her brain transplanted with a baby’s, and your ex-husband who had his brain replaced with the brain of a goat

dere you go

ey

ey you lil shits

lets just talk about this here cookie recipe

this shit

is 

the

BOMB

HOLY SHIT

I JUST FINISHED THIS AND WOW IT TASTES AMAZING

YES

WONDERFUL

1000000/10 WOULD ATE AGAIN

yAy

For magic improvements on thing that is already perfect:

Use one spoon white sugar, and one spoon brown if you have it.

After microwave, before noms, add vanilla ice cream.

\o/

salt is a flavour enhancer, add just a tiny dash, not enough to make it salty.

Because I love you all.

It is needed.

TRIED IT. 10/10 WOULD MAKE AGAIN.

Just made will taste it

update: STIR THOROUGHLY. DO NOT NEGLECT THE BOTTOM OF THE MUG. I ended up with crumbly dry dough with chocolate chips, which was okay but not a cookie.

You wouldn’t think that flamingoes are extremophiles just from looking at them. It’s like somebody tried to build the vertebrate equivalent of that fungus that lives inside nuclear reactors, and ended up with a gangly pink dinosaur with a spoon for a face.

For everyone in the comments asking how flamingos are extremophiles:

Flamingos can survive in low oxygen, high altitude, high temperatures, low temperatures, high alkaline, they can and will drink boiling water and they can be completely frozen at night and still get up the next morning

Don’t fuck with flamingos

….. Didn’t know most of that

Huh… so that’s why zoos don’t put them somewhere warm during winter.

Oh yeah, this leaves out what I *did* know about them–they can also survive hypersalinity. That is, water so salty it kills practically everything else–water so salty it burns your skin.

American flamingos just drink that shit

(animal death) this is a real undoctored photograph (*though the body was stood up for the shot) of a dead flamingo on the surface of lake natron, a lake so salty and so alkaline that it’s naturally carbonated like soda and would eat through your stomach lining if you drank from it.

When this photo went viral years ago, most people assumed this poor flamingo must have been killed by the lake.

It is actually the lake where 75% of its global population are hatched. This is a photo from the same lake:

Some species of flamingo actually subsist almost entirely on a diet of bacteria! In other words, there is a species of dinosaur that eats only bacteria and lives in lakes so toxic they would kill almost anything else—and it is best known to the average person as a kitschy lawn decoration.

requested by anonymous:

RATING: RELIABLE

Flamingos can survive in high altitudes, hypersaline conditions, and caustic lakes.

Source: ‘All flamingo species have evolved to live in some of the planet’s most extreme wetlands, like caustic “soda lakes”, hypersaline lagoons or high-altitude salt flats.’

They can survive water so alkaline it burns human skin.

Source: ‘More than a million lesser flamingos breed in Tanzania’s Lake Natron, for instance, a lake fed by hot springs with water so alkaline that it can strip away human skin (one pioneering flamingo researcher named Leslie Brown spent months in Nairobi General Hospital after burning his legs wading out to observe where the birds nested).’

They can drink water at near-boiling temperatures.

Source: ‘They can drink water at near boiling point to collect freshwater from springs and geysers at lake edges. If no freshwater is available, flamingos can use glands in their head that remove salt, draining it out from their nasal cavity.’

The lakes they inhabit can freeze overnight, and the flamingos can survive once it thaws in the morning.

Source: ‘The birds may seem to epitomize the tropics, but they also live in the Andes, 15,000 feet above sea level, where they rest on lakes that freeze around them overnight.

“You’ll see them sitting there like snowballs, frozen on ice,” Dr. Arengo said. “And as the temperature warms up, they thaw out, fluff themselves up and go about their business.”’

The photo is indeed from Lake Natron, taken by photographer Nick Brandt. The content of the lake chemically preserves animal corpses that die there. You can see more photos of this here.

It is also true that 75% of Lesser Flamingos are hatches on Lake Natron.

Source: ‘The lake’s landscape is surreal and deadly—and made even more bizarre by the fact that it’s the place where nearly 75 percent of the world’s lesser flamingos are born.’

Some species of Flamingo eat cyanobacteria or algae.

Source: ‘Flamingos have very specialised diets. And their food is responsible for their famous pink colouration. The two species in Planet Earth II eat a lot of floating microscopic algae, which contains carotenoid pigments, the same types of chemical that make carrots orange. These pigments turn their feathers pink, orange and red – without them, flamingos would be white.’

… @todaysbird ??

yeah they’re just like that

information that is also important

I’m pretty sure that this just makes all flamingos qualify as “horrible things with legs” on principle alone. @elodieunderglass

One of the archetypal horrible things!

Love how when birds are babies they are just these odd fluffy fleshy guys they’ll have the face of an adult bird but the body made of dyer lint I love them

Artist rendition :3 and their talons too are so big compared to them it’s so silly

every single day I think about how american black vultures are known for engaging in allopreening (preening between different species)

and they have a specific relationship with crested caracaras, in which the black vultures assist them by not only preening them after meals but also leading them to food in the first place— due to their superior sense of smell— while the caracaras assist the black vultures by acting as a warning signal in case of danger

and while this is more typical of black vultures, this is not common at all for any member of the falconidae family— it’s a special bond!

yet another post in favor of vultures everyone , hope you enjoy:) and I implore you to do some more research on these incredible birds !!

it’s actually not true to say black vultures have a keen sense of smell, that honor goes to the Turkey vulture and the rest of their genus.

These three species are the only vultures known to rely primarily on scent to track food down. In fact, black vultures are more often following them to find food.

black vultures tend to have stronger beaks to break into food found by Turkey vultures a tad more easily which helps them all out, but if there doesn’t seem to be much food the black vultures will chase off Turkey vultures.

Black vultures enjoy hanging out with Turkey vultures and caracaras simply because the black vultures Social bond to a greater degree than their companions of other species tend to. Black vultures preen caracaras because they like caracaras. Caracaras are a bit more tolerant to companions than others in their family and just don’t seem to care much unless there isn’t enough food to go around.

Guys I know this is a little unintuitive but if you need to sit down on a flight of stairs it’s actually generally less disruptive if you sit in the middle of the stairs instead on one side. The people walking down the middle of the stairs can probably just walk around you but the people walking along the sides are often using the handrail which many people literally need as an accessibility feature. And maybe I’m just being unreasonable here but I don’t particularly enjoy having to decide whether I’d rather awkwardly reach over a stranger’s head to use the handrail or risk taking a hot girl tumble.

i understand why athena did all that if i was a god id aalways be turning girls into creatures and such

is it misogynistic to keep turning girls into spiders and ants and snake monster ladies, or is it perhaps an act of feminist girlboss innovation to keep inventing new and wonderful types of girls with more beautiful legs and heads with which they can harness new skills in todays fast-paced competitive world of business? 🤔 discuss.

athena giving arachne, a weaver, a bunch of extra limbs and the ability to produce silk from her body: oh this is going to be so fucking efficient

ITS THIS THING TUESDAY

Amphibian migration season is coming this spring. Remember to drive slow!

It's about to happen*

*in the northeastern United States and parts of Canada

On this general topic: there are three species of human tapeworm, all in the genus Taenia -- two, T. solium and asiatica, use pigs as intermediate hosts, while the third, T. saginata, uses cattle. All other species in the genus infect big carnivores, mainly canids and felids -- T. simbae lives in lions out on the veldt, T. bubesei infected Caspian tigers and Asiatic lions (and may in fact be extinct, given the local extinction of west Asian tigers and the near total extinction of Asian lions), T. crassiceps, ovis, pisiformis and saerialis all infect wild dogs and foxes (they use rabbits or, in ovis, sheep as intermediate hosts), T. rileyi is a parasite of bobcats, and T. taeniaeformis infects housecats (its intermediate hosts are small rodents), and a bunch more along these lines.

So how does something that's otherwise only and solely adapted for living in the large intestines of cats and dogs have as its only exceptions three species that live inside one species of ape? Well, the idea goes that this would have started when our early ancestors started eating a lot of large-animal meat, either with Homo habilis, which likely scavenged a lot more meat than australopithecines did, or Homo erectus, which was the first hominid to really make a habit of hunting large and medium game. Either way, that would have resulted in Pleistocene tapeworms, which would have been found living inside antelope on their way to the intestines of the ancestors of lions and hyenas, to end up in our ancestors' instead.

From there, some would have adapted to living there specifically, and later diversified into the three modern human tapeworms. And this probably happened twice, since, while beef and Asian tapeworm are fairly close relatives, the two closest species to pork tapeworms both live inside hyenas.

(An earlier development in tapeworm evolution was likely a switch in primary hosts -- most wild Taenia species start out in rodents and then live in small-medium predators, while the big herbivore-to-big carnivore species make up a single group. Presumably, some eggs wound up being eaten by big ungulates instead of the usual rat or rabbit, and were able to make the switch because, at the end of the day, a lion or a wolf's duodenum isn't likely all that different from a wildcat or a fox's.)

Isn't this all just fascinating?

(a source 1 and another, for the curious.)

@totallynotagentphilcoulson how dare you hide this in the tags

Now that is the weirdest ass ever.

I’ve seen some meta about canon evidence for Ted being bisexual, and I’ve seen a few fan headcanons for Ted being asexual, but I wanna talk about and make a case for the show building up to a reveal that Ted is canonically asexual (possibly, biromantic asexual). I don’t have a very pretty meta on this, but it’s kind of driving me insane so we’ll just throw out what I have…

Canon evidence that Ted Lasso is asexual:

He doesn’t pursue, is only pursued

This show is very comfortable with having its main characters openly sexual and having a healthy need for sexual gratification in their life. And for a show about a male dominated sport like football, it’s refreshing to see that mostly this is conveyed by showing the lead women having active, healthy sex lives where the narrative not only expects them to have sexual needs, but also doesn’t punish or shame them for it. Keeley, Rebecca, and Sassy are all show as not just having needs but consistently ensuring they’re fulfilled, and the narrative treats this as normal! (Sorry, to harp; I’m just honestly shocked having grown up with Buffy trauma lol.) All the other male leads pursue sex as well… apart from Ted.

This could be excused early on by his devotion to Michelle and their marriage, except that any time Sassy has propositioned him, he’s not only said yes but by all accounts had a good time! His jitters after their first hook up are apparently mostly to do with appearances since he’s so freshly divorced and whether it will negatively impact his relationship with Rebecca (his boss and budding friend). (But also, gonna circle back on this later.)

And this pattern has held through three seasons so far: Ted doesn’t pursue sex, but he is happy have sex when Sassy shows up and asks it of him. And while the running gag is that Sassy is gagging so hard for this mess of a Kansas man (who apparently “so eager to please” in bed—we’re also gonna circle back on this too.), the narrative deliberately frames all their hookups in this same way: Sassy rolls in, Sassy asks if Ted is around because she’s thirsty, Sassy approaches Ted, Ted is happy to see her, they have sex. We never see Ted ask after Sassy in the same thirsty way. The only time we see him pursue her, in fact, is when he halfheartedly attempts to start a romantic relationship between them.

We never [only] see Ted and Sassy kiss [once, and it’s a consolation prize]

Everyone who’s having sex in this show is shown kissing their partner, except for Ted and Sassy. At first I thought this was to differentiate their relationship as being purely sexual versus rooted in romance as well, but then I remembered that we see Rebecca kiss some of her boy toy flings she’s passing time with while she romantically pursues and is pursued by her mystery Bantr match. And that contrast between the time she spends with her hot boy toy and her text conversations with her Bantr match are a deliberate framing: one is purely sex and simple fun, the other is romantic and thrilling-scary. And yeah, maybe we don’t see Ted and Sassy kiss [other than that one “sorry, but you’re a mess and I will not date you” kiss] simply because the show is emphasizing that their relationship isn’t going anywhere deeper that “shared simultaneous orgasms,” but I can’t help reading more into it and wondering if it’s a hint. [edited because a commenter pointed out there is a kiss after the “you’re a mess” convo, which I think my brain just decided didn’t count and didn’t record because of… how much it doesn’t look or feel like any other kiss we’ve seen between partners in the context of sex in the show lol. It really looks like Sassy gives it as an apology, and like Ted begrudgingly receives it as one.]

You can be ace and still enjoy sex… which can make it hard to realize you’re ace

Look, if you don’t happen to have the flavor of asexuality that comes with sex repulsion, AND you don’t end up with a power combo of some shade of aromanticism as well, it can take a long long long time to realize that you experience attraction differently from the rest of the world. Because you are attracted to people! People are great! They’re so pretty to look at, and so smart, and certain people can make you feel so warm and fuzzy inside that you just want to get right up in their space and maybe get a good hug in, pet their hair a little. And if they want to kiss and make out and have sex too, well, gosh, that does feel mighty nice and can be a darn good time. And if you have a crippling case of Chronic People Pleasing, then of course if a wonderful, pretty lady asks you to give her a good time, then, by golly, why wouldn’t you show her the best time you’re able? It’s not the activity you might have suggested, but it’s not like it isn’t a fun time.

As a very romantic sex-favorable asexual, let me tell you that first time Sassy and Ted meet and have sex had me cringing so hard behind a pillow. Because the experience of not realizing that someone is coming on to you, but you’re trying to match their energy and end up accidentally flirting a little back is Too Real. And the feeling of “I like/love this person romantically, and they want to have sex with me. I should probably do that, because that’s what you do when you like/love someone and/or want to pursue a relationship: you have sex with the person.” is Too Fucking Real. When you add in a big ol dollop of anxiety and the maladaptive urge to constantly please people so they will like you back and/or you need to keep them happy so they won’t leave you, well…

Look, he didn’t look after her lingeringly after their initial interaction where she was clearly hitting on him—not in the same way she looked lingeringly after him. And when she shows up at his hotel door, the look on his face is so politely baffled even as it’s still welcoming, because of course he’d welcome in Rebecca’s friend. And the morning after we have the sharp contrast of Sassy sleepy and content and fucked out in bed with Ted fully dressed and sitting stiffly in the chair, looking like he’s about to crawl out of his skin with anxiety. And maybe that’s only the anxiety of wondering if he’s Done Bad because of the divorce and it being Rebecca’s friend, but let me tell you my first thought was, “Oh, Ted, honey, did you have sex even though you didn’t really want to because you couldn’t find it in you to turn down the nice, pretty lady who told you exactly what you could do to make her very happy?” The contrast of him never being the one to initiate with being deliberately told he’s not just good in bed but “so eager to please” just screams someone who enjoys sex, but doesn’t need it, with a side order of the not-yet-self-aware asexual who hasn’t yet realized that while it’s fine to have sex because you want to please your partner, you also need to realize you don’t have to have sex just to please your partner because that’s just what couples do.

It’s not that Ted doesn’t want a relationship at all

He clearly loved Michelle, and there’s no indication that a lack of romantic love was an issue in their relationship. We don’t hear about a lack of sexual love being an issue either, but see again my points above about Ted’s deep-seated, pathological need to please people plus his probable lack of self-awareness about asexuality making him real good at passing for allosexual inside a romantic relationship. And he clearly is coming around to a place in season three where he actively desires a romantic relationship again. As much as his awkward proposal for a date to Sassy made me go “Oh, honey” about as hard as Sassy herself did, I think it’s a clear signpost in the narrative that he’s recovered enough from the divorce to want a romantic partnership again. (Whether that’s partly as a subconscious desire for a crutch to help cope with his depression is a whole other thread we won’t touch here lol.) The fact that he’s so bothered by not her particular refusal, per se, but the idea that he’s too much of a mess for a relationship at all actually cements it for me, lol. That, to me, shows he’s not necessarily latching onto Sassy as the most convenient option (tho there’s definitely some of that too) but is desiring of romance more generally. (I’m actually really interested to see if they have him sign up for a Bantr account, given it’s emphasis on determining romantic compatibility vs. purely sexual compatibility.)

A lot of the arguments for Bisexual Ted neatly transpose to Biromantic asexual Ted too

Like, that’s it. That’s the statement, lol. “It’s not that he’s so comfortable in his heterosexuality that he talks about queer icons and musicals and the male form and other ‘gay’ things so easily; it’s that he’s actually into men as well.” Yep. Co-signed. Just, you know, romantically instead of sexually, lol. When you don’t realize you’re operating primarily on aesthetic appreciation instead of sexual, it’s very easy to see why some people find all people attractive. People of all genders are equally likely to be “hot” by your standards… because your standards aren’t based in whether some people do or don’t give you pants feelings—no one does lol (demi and gray flavors of asexuality excepted, of course). I ain’t arguing he ain’t queer, or even that he ain’t bi—just a different flavor of bi haha.

In conclusion…

Look, I head canoned him as ace early on just based on the vibes and how much of his relationship with Sassy gives me war flashbacks to how I handled relationships prior to realizing that I was ace. But the more that I think about it, the more I wonder if some of these little tidbits and differences in how the narrative shows Ted handling relationships vs. how it shows other leads handling relationships isn’t actually foreshadowing. We’ve seen little queer-coded tidbits like Keeley’s openly sapphic admiration of other women, Colin’s comment about Grindr, and Trent’s gay little mug turn out to be deliberate breadcrumbs with a definitive narrative payoff. Maybe we’re meant to look at Ted’s general asexual-apart-from-his-weird-thing-with-Sassy vibes and draw some conclusions…

Also, don’t ask me who I ship him with. If anything, head canoning him as ace makes it easier to ship him with just about anyone, because I don’t have to look for sexual chemistry, just intimacy chemistry, and by that metric and his general characterization, I can squint and see him with just about anyone lol.

reminder that you also have the option of Shut Up