There is nothing funnier to me than the fact that DJ Khaled announced that he wouldn't eat pussy then less than a week later did THIS at an owl performance

I want you to know that I was in the live audience for this and not only was it very obvious that nobody told him what he was performing at (which is why he kept saying shit like "WHEN I WAS ASKED TO PERFORM AT... THIS EVENT. I KNEW I HAD TO BE PART OF IT!") but this man does not know how to work a crowd of people who are not already fans of his. It was absolutely dead silence from the crowd. At one point he yelled "WHEN I SAY DJ, YOU SAY KHALED! DJ!" and awaited a response that did not come from absolutely anyone, and then, by some desperate hope, once again yelled "DJ!" and someone yelled back "WHY DON'T YOU EAT PUSSY" and it was so quiet otherwise that it would've been impossible for him to not hear it. However uncomfortable the broadcast of this was, the live performance was a thousand times worse. If I were a famous musician and ever gotten an audience reception that bad, I would retire from the public eye completely and forever

@miah-but-horny

Sorry you somehow find it unbelievable that someone online went to a sporting event and heard someone yell something funny at the stage, but this one's real. Here's a photograph I took from the audience:

Here's a photograph of me, in the audience, with a cosplayer working the event:

Here's a timestamped screenshot of me describing this terrible performance to my girlfriend, live from the audience:

Here's my ticket to the event with sensitive information about my friend who bought it redacted out:

So if you have some doubt that in a stadium full of 20,000 nerds, almost all of whom knew DJ Khaled ONLY from the Eating Pussy discourse that had literally just happened, one of them loudly referenced it during his performance, that's a YOU problem.

I am exceptionally lucky in that my parents never hit me, grounded me, confiscated my things, banned me from my hobbies or threatened any of these actions to make me behave as a kid. as an adult it has made me realise how very very long a road most people have to traverse before they can take a statement like 'no rule that must be enforced by threat is legitimate' seriously.

I really do mean this sympathetically. we are not well equipped as a culture to grapple with the implications of power and violence, because we are intimately saturated in it from birth. cruelty feels natural, and that's hard to unlearn.

a bunch of things that I know are going to sound really corny (which honestly I think is half the cultural problem - the idea that non-coercive parenting is touchy-feely, ineffectual or just kind of cringe - but that could be a whole other post)

the main thing was that they always explained things to me. if I wanted something I couldn't have, they explained why (from 'we can't afford that', 'it's bad for you', 'it's dangerous', all the way up to 'it's made by a big company that treats its workers badly, and we don't want to give them money'). If I threw a tantrum, they either waited it out until I got tired and bored or they redirected what we were doing ('we have to be patient and wait in line. if we don't wait in line, we can't go into the theatre. we can't wait in line if you scream and upset people. okay then, we're going home.')

beyond that, they always spoke to me like a full person. they asked my opinion on things and took it seriously, and asked me why as much as I asked them. apparently I had a phase as a toddler where I always wanted to be the first one on the swings / down the slide, and would throw almighty fits about it, until my mum took me aside one day and said 'why do you want to be first? are you worried the slide will get used up?' I laughed like it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard, and never kicked up a fuss about taking turns after that.

on the granular level, they focused on positives over negatives. My mum would draw little good behaviour charts for me, featuring e.g. me walking a long winding path through the woods with my soft toys. the path would be made up of, say, 30 stones, and every day that I was well behaved I'd earn a sticker on one of them. when I reached the end of the path, I got to pick a treat. something like a new plastic animal for my collection, or a day trip to the aquarium.

I do remember them sitting me down once and asking me to come up with what I thought would be an appropriate punishment if I ever did something really bad. I think my first suggestion was something like 'no TV', which was a real nice try because we didn't have a TV at the time. I don't remember what I finally decided on, it might have been 'no dessert for a week'. We wrote it down together and I signed my name, and they sealed it in an important looking envelope which they put in my dad's filing cabinet (for important documents). This would be unsealed if I ever did something Really Bad. the eventuality never came up, but the act of participating in the exercise kept me mostly on the straight and narrow. It's funny, the conceptual punishment itself wasn't even that bad. It was the seriousnes of the adult commitment I'd made to Behaving Well that did the trick.

When I DID do the standard naughty stuff, my parents would just sit me down and explain to me seriously why it was wrong and what impact it had caused for other people. They'd ask what motivated me, and why I acted on those feelings in that specific way. They would, of course, tell me they were disappointed. If necessary, they would tell me how things would have to change as a result of what I'd done. They were always, always open to hearing out my side of the story, and always, always took my feelings seriously even if they disapproved of my behaviour. they would ask if I was ready to say sorry and get a hug. if I wasn't ready, if I was still upset or angry, they would give me space in my room and ask me to come find them when I wanted to make up. and I always did, because I always knew they would accept it.

I have a friend who has one biological and one adopted son and I found out he likes to tell people “my firstborn is six and my other child is eleven” which is hilarious.

Macbeth gets told he can only be defeated by the elder brother of a firstborn son.

A group of far-future linguists and archeologists suddenly *poof* into existence in front of me. One is holding a tablet. "What is the difference between 'red sauce' and 'tomato sauce?'" they ask me. "The distinction is not clear in extant texts from this time and place."

"Uh, they're the same thing," I tell them. "Who are you?"

"Yes!" the being with the tablet exclaims.

One of the other researchers groans. "No! My thesis...months of writing wasted..." One of the others comforts them.

"Now, what is this object for?" The first researcher holds up a discolored, dinged-up plastic object. It's clearly been buried in the ground for quite some time, but the two holes and the scuffed plastic window are distinctive.

"That's a cassette tape. You record music with it."

"Interesting, interesting." The being enters something on the tablet.

"How are you speaking English?"

"Sophisticated translation technology," one of the researchers confides. "We are students of your society. From the future."

"What does this pictogram represent?" The researcher with the tablet turns it around so that the screen faces me.

It's the eggplant emoji.

"Sex," I say. "Why do you need to ask me this if you can time travel or whatever? Can't you just go wherever you want to go and look around and see how these things are being used?"

The beings shift guiltily and look at each other. "Technically, travel to times and places prior the advent of time travel is strictly prohibited. Paradoxes, you know."

"Oh."

"We must be get back before our advisor returns to the lab. Just don't tell anyone you saw us, alright? The space-time continuity depends on it. Can you do that?"

"Uh, sure, I guess?"

One of them pats me on the head. "And don't go to Mars."

"Okay. Wait, why? Is it dangerous?"

"No. Just not worth it."

The group disappears in a shimmering light.

The cassette clatters to the sidewalk behind them.

Out of befuddlement, mainly, I pick it up. It's clearly old, discolored and scuffed, but it still has tape in it.

I carry the tape around in my pocket for a while. The curiosity builds. I want to know what's on that tape. I don't have a cassette player anymore, so I go to Goodwill and pick up the first one I can find, praying that it still works. I plug it in. It turns on.

I slide the tape inside. It's dirty, but it still seems to be in decent shape. I snap the player closed and hit play. The wheels begin to turn. I hold my breath.

A familiar tune starts up. A wobbly voice comes out of the machine.

We're no strangers to love

Have you considered the time travelers appeared to you because you're not important enough to affect the timeline?

frankly i thought the implication was that unbeknownst to the narrator, time travel had already been invented in their time. may not be public yet so the time travelers don't want to be publicized, but

are we just glossing over the fact that OP either thinks tomato sauce and red sauce are the same thing OR deliberately lied to time travelers about food and ruined a thesis in the process

...are they different things?

Reblog to let prev know their presence is wanted

I love Wikipedia subsections that are just absolutely unhinged out of context

Peak comedy right here

wait this article is funny even in context

I was feeling agitated and artblocked yesterday so I decided to give my brain a rest by watching TV and then the next thing I knew these were in front of me

Justice for Dr. Doofensmirtz but respect to his brother for using the same pen for decades just to be a petty sibling. That's real annoy-your-sibling commitment right there

actually no the funniest types of pokemon are the ones that are half normal type. like yeah this lion breathes fire but not that much fire yknow .it’s still a lion

Especially funny with all the normal/flying types when you think about how flying was going to be Bird type at one point. were these going to be half bird. what is a pure bird.

This guy is, apparently

I could never leave this site

Dungeon meshi is about taking care of yourself physically so you can be fucking insane at full capacity

China really did hit us with a cultural revolution by doing literally nothing. Seeing regular people from two geopolitical rivals do something as unprecedented as simply talk to each other is one of the few things giving me hope right now.

it sucks to realize just how many people outside of the USA really genuinely do believe the propaganda that this country spreads. like it affects more than just us- non USAmericans genuinely believe that everyone here is well off, that we all have the freedom to do whatever we want, that we all have the ability to choose what jobs we get, that we all have the ability to make as much money as we want if we just try hard enough.

but it is amazing to see people finally waking up and understanding that is is all propaganda to get people to move here and work until they die. i always felt like Chinese and USAmerican citizens have a lot to bond over. i'm glad we're finally bridging the cap and just TALKING to one another. this is seriously a good thing. we need to keep this up. uniting Chinese and USAmerican citizens over the unique but heinous struggles we face and educating one another on what actually goes on in each others' countries can help spark a revolution.

Elaboration on your response so I feel justified in bringing this screenshot into the conversation

Statment referring to how this should not be a tag

Deep, thoughtful quote

batshit misinterpretation of the entire exchange

unnecessary addition several months later

gimmick blog addition

obligatory “it’s on my dash!”

This one is the best in a while

I usually view February as having no holidays and it’s always a surprise to remember that to many many people, February is one of the most holiday-filled months, containing both Valentines Day and Football Day

and that one holiday with the rodent that determines the weather

and that one holiday with the rodent that determines the weather