lilithkvonbeilschmidt reblogged
Anonymous asked:
Uh... I think your account got hacked. Don't know if you'll see this.
Thanks anon! I am not usually here anymore so I had no idea... Damn, time to check all my settings :,)
Anonymous asked:
Do you still do hetalia?
Uh, hi anon! Ehhh I think I will always love Hetalia but sadly it's not my main fandom/hyperfixation anymore. It's been literally 10 years and it served me well, now I need to move on and taste new fandoms. Also, even if I did like Hetalia as much, I still.... don't use tumblr anymore so :,D
lilithkvonbeilschmidt reblogged
I did this for @lilithkvonbeilschmidt 🥺 it's their D&D character Larkspur, who's a baby and deserves to be happy and I want to give him sweets and cocoa and a blanket. My son. Baby boy baby.
[PREORDER] Dragon Age Inquisition KEYCHAINS I am really excited about this!! After having raised money on KoFi I can finally get me some keychains!! If you are interested in one, you can buy them on KoFi/Etsy (links at ny bio!) or you can DM me and tell me which one(s) you like and I will send you a PayPal invoice! Hope you like them, cause I sure do 😭💙🥺 #dragonage #dragonageinquisition #keychains #preorder #keychainpreorder (en Ferelden, Thedas) https://www.instagram.com/p/CHQ7tc5F5ai/?igshid=1dunrzdwicsof
lilithkvonbeilschmidt reblogged
I’ve gotten more than one anon ask from a teenager, paranoid that they’re a pedophile or a predator for crushing on a peer 2-3 years younger than them. Because anti-shippers/fandom purity police constantly use the term “pedophile” for ships between teens 2-3 years apart, it’s no wonder why real teens are confused and terrified. So I wanted to make a post with proper definitions of these terminologies and link to some sources, so that maybe it’ll reassure some other poor teen out there that it’s perfectly fine for them to crush on their schoolmate.
First I’m going to get this out of the way: I’m talking about crushing and dating and having a romantic relationship. Sex between a legal adult (18 and up) and a legal minor (17 and down) could be illegal depending on the age of consent where you live, and any Romeo and Juliet laws that may or may not be in place. That’s way more complicated, so I won’t be touching on teenage relationships where sex is involved. While I’m on this subject though, a quick PSA: if you’re under 18, do not take/send nudes at all. You could be charged with child pornography for “self-producing” your own nudes. As dumb as that sounds, it happens. I don’t agree with courts that do it, punishing hormonal teenagers for having hormones is dumb, but it still happens. It’s not worth it, don’t do it.
One more thing: I’m talking about relationships between peers in the same age group. Between two young adults, adolescents, or teenagers. Note that there is some overlap between these groups (i.e. 15 year old is a teenager and an adolescent but not an adult, while an 18 year old is all three, while a 20 year old is only a young adult). I’m not justifying age gaps that are obviously wrong and illegal, like a 30 year old and a 14 year old, so please do not put words in my mouth.
Moving on to the topic at hand…
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If the only “concerning” thing about a relationship is a minimal age gap between two peers in the same age group, the relationship is probably okay.
The existence of an age gap alone does not make someone a pedophile or predator or child groomer. Intent needs to involved. Ill intent. Along with other abusive, predatory, manipulative behaviors.
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Let’s break down some of these terms further:
A pedophile is attracted to prepubescent children. If the younger party in the relationship is not prepubescent, the older person is not a pedophile.
Here is the criteria for being a pedophile, as defined by the American Psychiatric Association.
If there is less than a 5 year age gap between teens (i.e. a 15 year old and a 19 year old), there is probably not an issue.
If however, for example, an 18 year old is attracted to someone who’s 13 and still prepubescent, there may be an issue there and the older teen should seek help or talk to someone about it. This doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. If they haven’t hurt anyone, they’ve done nothing wrong. It may just be a disorder that they have no control over, so that’s why it’s a good idea to seek help for it.
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Moving away from “pedophilia” now. What about people who prey on (i.e. are intentionally seeking to harm) teens who are post-pubescent? That person is not a pedophile, but they are a predator or a child groomer.
Which leads to the next point, what are some examples of “ill intent” when it comes to predatory relationships? What exactly is a predator or a child groomer?
This site lists the definition of grooming, along with some red flag behaviors.
First I want to point out the word “deliberate.” You can’t accidentally groom someone, like I’ve seen multiple fandom police claim. Posting properly tagged and flagged nsfw fanart on a public forum like tumblr or twitter that allows nsfw content is NOT grooming. Grooming is a deliberate act. It involves intent. If an adult is sending private DMs of nsfw sexual fanart to a minor that they KNOW to be a minor, that is completely inappropriate and grooming behavior. Same goes for any nsfw sexual talk, like an adult having a nsfw rp chat with a minor, that’s wrong too. But simply posting/liking/sharing nsfw fandom content on a public website is not grooming.
That link has a longer list of red flag behaviors, along with examples, but here are three I want to especially point out.
A lot of these sites seem to write their info with the focus on young children being groomed, going by the language they use (”child’s natural curiosity”). But teenagers can definitely be groomed also, in the same ways. If an older partner is taking advantage of a vulnerable teen due to an abusive home life, or trying to isolate them from their family and friends, or overstepping any emotional/physical/sexual boundaries, that teen is very likely in a dangerous situation and needs to confide in a trusted friend, and eventually in a trusted adult, about it.
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I also wanted to share this source as well, just as a general example of other signs of abuse in a relationship. The National Domestic Violence Hotline has a chart that lists common behavior patterns of an abusive, manipulative partner.
This chart uses the example of a male abuser and a female victim, but they have another page and chart for lgbt+ relationships.
As their site says, this can apply to anyone. Age, gender, sexual orientation, it doesn’t matter, anyone is capable of being an abuser or being a victim. Notice how this has similar tactics as the child predator/groomer red flag list too, such as isolation.
Also notice the different manipulative behaviors in this chart. This chart is just a good rule of thumb for red flags in any kind of relationship, be it sexual, romantic, platonic or familial.
Here is another source that lists more red flag behaviors, but more specifically for teenage relationships.
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With that in mind, here are some hypothetical scenarios. Let’s use a specific example of a 18 year old high school senior (12th grade) dating a 15 year old high school sophomore (10th grade).
This relationship could be bad if the senior is using the sophomore for their own personal gain. Taking advantage of the fact that the younger person is inexperienced when it comes to dating, and using that fact to manipulate them into a relationship. Maybe the senior isolates the sophomore from their family and friends, makes them feel guilty for wanting to hang out with friends, makes them quit their after-school sports activities or forces them to cancel plans with friends so that they can spend more time together. Maybe the older teen controls how they dress or what they do, or makes them do things that they’re uncomfortable with. All of those are signs of an abusive relationship. If the older teen doesn’t care about the younger teen or about their feelings and is just using them, obviously that is an unhealthy, abusive relationship. (*It’s important to note though, that this exact thing can happen between two people of the same age too. A partner who’s the same age as you can also be controlling and abusive. It can happen with friendships too, it doesn’t have to be limited to dating relationships.)
On the other hand, this senior/sophomore relationship very well could be a perfectly healthy one too. Maybe they are in the same after-school club and bonded through that. Maybe they’ve already known each other and have been friends for years, maybe their families are friends, etc. And they’ve recently started crushing on each other and decided to date. As long as they respect each other, it’s fine.
That’s why you need to know what is going on in a relationship before you judge. An age gap by itself is not proof enough that a relationship is bad or abusive or predatory. One of the partners needs to have ill-intent, and exhibit these abusive red flag behaviors.
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So to sum up everything, if the ONLY thing in a relationship is that there is an age gap, but both people are otherwise peers and in the same age group/range, and none of the above red flags are present, your relationship is fine and you have nothing to worry about. You know you’re a good person, your partner is a good person, you have family and friends supporting the both of you, you care about and respect each other, then you’re fine.
You’re not a pedophile or a predator or any awful thing like that. Remember, those are deliberate acts and involve ill-intent. Please don’t let fandom police scare you. They’re internet strangers, they know NOTHING about you or your personal life or your relationships or your home life or your upbringing or your family and friends. They’re judging you based solely on the fact that there’s an age gap, and nothing else. They have nothing to go by. They’re not trying to educate others on healthy or unhealthy relationship dynamics. They’re just instilling fear in people to back up their own moral superiority or ship war or whatever tf is driving them to be like That and spread misinformation and make inaccurate generalizations. And they don’t seem to realize or care how dangerous it is that they’re telling teens that they’re predators when they’re not. They don’t care about victims. If they did, they’d be spreading helpful advice, but instead they’re just spreading fear and misinformation. Please stop listening to them. And please for all that is good, don’t take advice from them. Talk to adults in your personal life, if not a parent, then an older cousin or an aunt or uncle or teacher or counselor. Or Google it and find reputable sources for yourself. That is much more reliable than taking advice from people who throw around the word “pedophile” to describe a ship between two teenage anime characters. People need to use common sense and look at relationships on a case-by-case basis. And anti-shippers/fandom purity police are unable to do that.
To fandom police: stop telling teenagers that they’re a predator or pedophile for dating their schoolmate who’s two years younger than them. It’s none of your business, and don’t give me that “but if they’re hurting themselves or others, I need to say something” BS. You’re a stranger, you do not know their personal lives. You know nothing about what is going on except that an age gap is involved, that’s it, and that is not enough to jump to such a drastic conclusion and serious accusation. It’s not your place because you don’t know their life or their situation. Also frankly, it’s damn weird and highly inappropriate for you to be inserting yourselves into the personal lives of some random teenager on the internet that you don’t know (especially if you’re an adult). You think shippers are gross for “being invested in the love lives of fictional teens,” yet here you are trying to control the love lives of real life teens. Please get some perspective.
Edit: Another point I forgot to mention, so I’m tacking this onto the end.
Stop acting like all teens x-years-old are the exactly same as every other teen who is also x-years-old. “I’m 18 and I would NEVER date a 15 year old because they’re practically a baby and I’m such a mature adult already and-” Good for you, you want a cookie? Repeat after me: not everyone is the same as you. One 18 year old might be socially awkward but nice and with no dating experience at all, and would fair well with dating a 15 year old who also is in their first relationship. Another 18 year old might be really responsible for their age due to circumstances in their family life, and are fully capable of handling themselves and dating a 21 year old college classmate. Everyone is different. Two people of different ages may just “click” with each other, they’re on the same wavelength, or they have similar experiences, etc. Just because you personally wouldn’t date someone 2-3 years younger/older than yourself doesn’t mean 1) that it’s wrong, or 2) that others wouldn’t be okay with it for their own personal (and valid) reasons.
Again: it is not your business to interfere with an internet stranger’s personal life and relationships when the only thing you have to go off of is “there’s an age gap.” I’m begging y’all, please look at this with the nuance that it deserves. It is not black-and-white, and your black-and-white thinking is really messing up teenagers and making them feel bad about completely normal and healthy age-appropriate crushes or desires to date someone else.
lilithkvonbeilschmidt reblogged
himedanshi-archive
What’s a fujoshi?
“Fujoshi” 腐女子/ rotten woman is a homophonous pun on 婦女子(fujoshi)/respectable wife, replacing the 婦/fu character for “married woman” with 腐 / “rotten” or “fermented”. [source] [source]
Where did the term originate?
“Fujoshi” was coined on 2channel specifically to complain about inclusivity in newer series, and lack of male gaze, ecchi, pantyshots and harem shows in the current lineups, blaming “fujoshi writers” for the ‘increase’ in gay anime shows. [source]
I thought Fujoshi meant rotten women, because they fetishize gays!
Fujoshi is a pun on the word “婦女子” (also read ‘fujoshi’) - which means “grown women” - where the “fu” character for “wife” is replaced with the “fu” character for “rotted/ruined/moldy”. The implication is that if a woman is not a wife or eligible for marriage, she is ruined and worthless. (kifujin, in contrast, is the term for a female BL fan who is married, despite this)
Fujoshi itself is always seen as ダメオタ (useless/broken/not serving its purpose geek) - the fact that they happen to like m x m is what makes them bad and unmarriable (because their interest in m x m means they have their own mind/fantasies and will not be a submissive, chaste, heterosexual housewife that exists only to please her husband, thus they are not serving their purpose and are broken). [source] [source] [source]
Then why do people call themselves Fujoshi if it’s a slur?
Like, historically, it started out as a slur used by mainstream Japanese fans against Japanese women who enjoyed BL as a genre. And let’s be clear - it was that the content was gay that made them trash, not the fact that it was poorly-fleshed-out gay content. It was later reclaimed by Japanese women as an affectionate identifier. So, like, right off the bat, it’s a Japanese term that we can’t just redefine into a slur again. I met a decent number of women over in Japan who will cheerfully call themselves fujoshi explicitly because they were like “what, this content you’re calling trash? These romances that you don’t think I should be reading? Yes, I love them. I don’t care if you call it trash. Fine. It’s my trash.” (The fact that it doubles as a homonym for “princess” helps too.) [source]
What about fujoshi that fetishize gay men?
If you’re going to call out homophobia and “fetishization” (as in, objectifying), meaning, if you place actual real gay people on a pedestal; treating them as objects, seeing them as lesser than human beings, and shipping them without their consent; please do call it out. If someone is enjoying problematic BL content and they’re not hurting real people (as in not involving real people whatsoever), then there’s nothing to really argue about. Most “obnoxious yaoi fans” are young teenagers going through that shitty phase (akin to this western idea of a weeaboo/otaku phase or something like that), and if you calmly tell them to stop treating real gay people as objects, they will more than likely stop. There is no immediate need for hostility. And also, not ever obnoxious fan is like that, please look at things by a case by case basis before jumping the gun. Analyze the situation first. Again, call out actual objectification of real people, and not fictional characters. There’s a distinct difference between the two.
It’s not misogynistic to call out Fujoshi!
When you’re degrading women in your wokeness™, simply because you assume they’re cishet, and those people are “nasty” to begin with (sarcasm) (all because they ID as a fujoshi, enjoy BL, or like something you’re not into); not only are you being a misogynist, but you’re probably being transphobic too and most definitely homophobic. Not all fujoshi who ID as such, are cishet women. Various people in the LGBT+ community (NB+Intersex, etc) use the term on themselves. To say that it’s only cishet women and that we’re all awful is erasure, which by the way – you’re contributing to. It’s even worse when anti-fujoshi people shit on male BL fans (some of us call ourselves Fudanshi), saying we’re only pretending to be men, we’re all women, etc etc etc. There’s a lot of transphobia and trans-misogyny (and surprise, more homophobia!) involved in this discourse. Various people of all genders and sexuality enjoy BL, and if you’re going to erase their identity to justify your bullying and shitty ship wars – that’s not a good look for you, especially if you’re trying to “protect gay men”.
How am I being racist?
I understand that a lot of people, mostly Westerners, do not know the origins and history of Fujoshi. There’s a difference between genuinely not knowing vs. purposefully not educating yourself by continuing to spew the same anti-fujoshi rhetoric: [don’t be some of these people], [and this person], [this person too], [and the motherload of all things horrible], [oh sorry there’s one more I wanted to share] To deny facts and dozens of sources presented to you from Japanese speaking people and those who are Japanese themselves– while also continuing to throw slurs, insults, etc in the same breath, is most definitely racist. You obviously think your opinion is more superior and that nothing else is worth listening to, despite the fact that you’re wrong.
[more information] [additional info]
Side note: Alternative terms to fujoshi/fudanshi
According to my linguist friend who specializes in Japanese:
Closest I can think of would be fujin 腐人, which takes away the gender word and replaces it with the word for person. It also acts as a pun in the same way fujoshi 婦女子 (grown woman) does with fujoshi 腐女子 (dirty woman/lover of BL).
(Fujin 婦人 means wife)
腐人 would basically translate to “dirty person”
Or in this case “a lover of BL/someone who dirties the work of the author” That is not a judgement of taste, but the closest linguistically that I could think of [source]
腐人 (fujin) (literally just ‘rotten person/people’) would probably be the most likely term, though 貴腐人 (kifujin) means “rotten noble woman”, specifically (and is used by older fujos) so exercise caution when using the term.
I’ve also used 腐系(fu-kei)/ rotten group, referring to groups of people who have fu-interests, however it’s a homonym with 腐兄(fukei) meaning rotten older brother which is used by fudanshis, so again you want to be careful when using the term. [source]
Some things in regards to Yaoi
Reminder that “yaoi” was originally called “aniparo” (short for “anime parody”) and refers to anime/manga parody doujinshi (fan comics) that takes characters (generally from popular shounen shows with a heavy homosocial background) and portrays them as being in love/having sex with each other as a way to satirize the common “no homo” and other homophobic messages that a lot of these earlier shounen series have/had, and, as a result of changing social climate growing to accept LGBT+ characters in canon over the past 30 years, yaoi doujin in Japan doesn’t exist in nearly the same capacity that it used to. [source] [source] [source]
As a gay man, I’m uncomfortable with BL and Fujoshi.
And you know what? That’s perfectly valid. Anyone being uncomfortable with certain works regarding BL and yaoi is fine. It’s how you present yourself in regards to the situation that counts. There’s some tropes I’m personally not a fan of, but I don’t hold it against people that do enjoy them. It’s just a personal preference, and as long as they’re not hurting real people, then there’s no reason for me to care. I would love to discuss BL with other people, what we like and don’t like, etc. without having to degrade fans of the series. There’s a lot to be said, and I think we can accomplish that if anti-fujoshis would stop acting like bigots. And also, this whole “lmao as a gay man I’m telling you to”, or anything that implies that I have to listen to you with that shitty condescending tone of yours; no thanks. If you’re not going to show respect to someone (i.e anti-fujoshi in the fujoshi tag who threaten people, insult women, misgender trans people, etc. you know the deal), then there’s really no reason for anyone to respect you or your shitty opinion. “Listen to queer men!” they say as we’re not a hive mind and have varying opinions; which is fine because the point here is to not force anyone into liking BL or NEEDING to get along with everyone. The point is that there should be a base level of respect and conversation that can continue without, you know, demeaning other people in the process. I definitely understand and push for the need that minority voices need to be heard, but if it involves stepping over people who haven’t actually hurt you, then there’s no reason for anyone to listen to you tbh Regardless, if someone is being awful to you for no apparent reason, you’re not obligated to listen to them either; it doesn’t matter if you’re a shipper, anti, whoever. I personally believe that I only give respect to those who treat me with such. If you’re good to me, then I’m good to you. I don’t put up with bullshit and neither should you. At the same time though, I know what it’s like to feel petty, but sometimes it’s better to be the bigger person and walk away. I suggest you do the same. Which brings me to another point: USE THE BLOCK FUNCTION. BLOCK. BLACKLIST. Tumblr literally has a feature for this everywhere! Abuse the shit out of it, you’re not OBLIGATED to see things you don’t like. This is how I’m able to tolerate Tumblr for all of the years I’ve been on here. TLDR: “Stop fetishizing me!” = we more than likely don’t know who you are, and don’t even care to get to know you. You’re free and valid to feel whatever it is that you feel, but how you act on those feelings is what counts, and if it gets really bad, please use the block functions that tumblr has provided.
Representation
What made you come to the conclusion that everything you read in regards to BL and Yaoi are representation? I read Harada, suddenly I go, “Wow these abusive relationships are a reflection of actual gay people!”, no, that’s not how it works and if you blame both authors and readers – you should really be blaming your parents/caretakers and how they’ve failed to raise you. Fiction does not equal reality in the way you think it does.
If you’re upset with BL being made by “cishet women” for “cishet women”, then why not look into mangaka like Gengoroh Tagame? There’s something for everyone out there (and there’s actually a whole lot of fluffy BL out there; it’s not that difficult to find. I personally recommend Konbini-kun, by Junko). If you want to learn more, check out Rotten Boy’s Club, who has provided us with so much information on his blog (he even has recommendations! You’re free to ask me for some as well, if you want to).
There’s a multitude of reasons why people read BL! Some people think it’s hot, some people relate to it, some people find their identity through it, some people project, some people like it because they just do, and much more. If you take a look around, ask questions and I don’t know, maybe just talk to people, it’ll help open your mind up a little more. I’m not here trying to say, “BL is perfect and everyone should read it. If you don’t then you’re wrong and I hate you.” If you happened to get that vibe from this page, then I’ll be frank: You missed the point and you’re more than likely part of the problem I’ve been discussing. The point of this page is to get people to stop misusing the term fujoshi, BL and yaoi by providing actual sources, and to stop people from being gross to one another.
This post serves to act as a kickstarter for people to do their own research, as I’m tired of seeing terminology get twisted around. As I stated before, I am leaving this blog and it will be kept as an archive. But I still wanted to make my info page into an actual post, so that it could easily be spread around. Despite leaving this blog, I will sporadically make changes and I welcome additional commentary, though I probably won’t check it. I’m turning my inbox off and will probably set messages to mutuals/followers only (whatever the hell that option is in the Tumblr settings). Thank you so much for your support, and please remember to take care of yourselves; no one is obligated to be here and your health comes first. Special thanks to @rottenboysclub and @freedom-of-fanfic for providing so much information in regards to this compilation. Small Disclaimer: Please do not harass anyone here that’s been mentioned. I feel like it should go without saying, but just a precaution. Don’t be that asshole.
lilithkvonbeilschmidt reblogged
𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚢 𝚘𝚗 𝚌𝚒𝚐𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚞𝚌𝚑...
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...𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚒 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚒𝚐𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚜 𝚜𝚘 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑
lilithkvonbeilschmidt reblogged
I forgot to share this! India & England
Queer Eye, S4E3
lilithkvonbeilschmidt reblogged
lilithkvonbeilschmidt reblogged
merasgar-deactivated20220505
5.26
lilithkvonbeilschmidt reblogged
lilithkvonbeilschmidt reblogged
me: i’m going to write today!!
also me:
dabiyyahwrites
Me today.
lilithkvonbeilschmidt reblogged
Say what you want about Hamilton but there are some RAW lines in it. The entirety of Wait For It is just!!!! Like, “Death doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints. It takes and it takes and it takes, but we keep living anyway.” makes me FEEL things. Or, “If there’s a reason I’m still alive, when everyone who loves me has died, then I’m willing to wait for it.” And that one line, “I imagine death so much, it feels more like a memory.” Just ,,,, stirs my feelings you know???
lilithkvonbeilschmidt reblogged
we seriously need to bring back the concept of “despite its flaws i still enjoy it” instead of ‘cancelling’ every fuckin thing in sight
HBD to @nickjvz