It didn’t take a lot for him to know why he was mad. He knew what his rage was directed to. Who it was directed to. Rhendon Howe deserved every moment he suffered. If he was given the chance, he would do it again. But he had no reason to still be angry. His parents would want him to move on and find something to be happy about in his life. They were an openly loving family and it hadn’t been hard to follow footsteps that were like that. It didn’t mean that it made his life any easier now that all of that hate had consumed him for nearly a year. There had been no funeral. No closure. Fergus got the brunt of the pain finding out about his wife and son.. Caius’ nephew. He couldn’t let that make him someone he never wanted to be. He wanted to continue being the man that walked in the path of his mother and father– openly loving. Openly caring. Highever was in a state of peace with them, but how fast things could crumble with them gone.
He fought so no one else had to suffer that. So no one else ever had to see their parents cut down by someone that they had so graciously opened their home to. only for it to blow up in their faces. He wanted families to be safe. He wanted them to know that they could lay down in their beds at night and no creatures would come for them while they dreamt. Though because of that wish perhaps it would have been better if he had joined the city guard as opposed to the Grey Wardens. There was a moment that he allowed that thought to lift his current mood, the deep blues of his eyes sliding closed so he could take a breath. The nightmares from the darkspawn beneath the surface was… certainly one thing to make hatred fester, but.. he wouldn’t allow that. Maybe one day he would find a cure to the taint that infected his being.. But for now he would go on as he was. It was all he could do and there was–as far as anyone knew–no reversal to the Joining.
His blues are still sharp when he looks back to the other, a small frown on his face. “I take my anger out on darkspawn. Whatever’s left of it, at least. I’d like to think that I’m not as angry as I used to be. Not since I gave the bastard that did that to my family what he deserved.” There was a small nod as if to punctuate his words, shoulders sagging a little as though the wear of the outburst was beginning to show through. It was so hard sometimes. So hard to keep up the front that everything was okay but since he lost his parents and almost lost his brother.. Nothing had been okay. He’d damn near cried when he got to hug Fergus after the blight ended and King Alistair called for a large group of people to attend the Hero of Ferelden’s ceremony.. He’d known Caius had trouble missing his family. He’d known that Fergus was lost in the Kokari Wilds with his scouting band. So he’d arranged for them to get to see each other after so long of having been separated. But even that happiness had to end at some point.
There was a soft laugh at the thought of that. Reanimating the asshole just to kill him again. As fun as it would be, it wasn’t a line he wanted to cross again. “I appreciate the thought.” But the thought of going without currency? A number of merchants would be livid at that thought. No coin? What should I be doing then?! Oh, how lucky he was to have been raised with the piece of mind that he knew he would go to sleep with a full belly and a place to sleep. A roof over his head, and love. He knew how lucky he had been to be born into that life. If he could help someone less fortunate in those days, he had. He’d paid someone else’s rent because they couldn’t scrape payment together in time to pay their rent because they only had coin enough to feed themselves and their children. He wanted them to have that kind of peace of mind he had.
But there were a handful of things becoming a Grey Warden hadn’t taken out of him.. it was how much he cared for others and the other being how much of a flirt he could be. Once his brother had teased him how the only people that he had previously been with had been.. flings to say the least. He had toned it down a large amount, but.. there were times that he couldn’t stop himself. Now appeared to be one of those times. There was a wink at the other, a sly smile passing the lips of the Warden. “’Tis my job, good ser.”
Though he had to think a little longer on how he wanted to respond to the statement on care. “My state is that more people should care for one another. Those that don’t live their lives caring end up hollow. There is a point that it’s too much, but..” He shrugs, as if to refer to the other’s mention that he knew where to draw the line. Brows raised some at the other’s response to his last words, however. Well, he’s not expecting that kind of response at all, but that was more than alright. “Well Yes sir.”
There was rumor that the leader of the mages.. Grand-Enchanter Fiona had once been a Warden but.. there was no finding out how it was dine being.. there was no evidence she remembered how it had even occurred. He wasn’t granted enough time nor the ability to try to find her for the moment with him wandering the Free Marches and not being anywhere the Ostwick Circle Tower. Not for the moment, at least. The small part of himself that wanted the taint to be gone was also the one that wanted a family. He wanted to have something at the very least close to what his brother had before that had been taken from him. bur right now that would not be given to him. Though it’s the other’s words that snap him out of the zone he’d entered thinking about these things. “Don’t mind the dog.. he’s a warhound and I’ve had him since I was twelve.. he’s incredibly protective. There’s only been a handful of people he’s actually liked.. something tells me you may end up one of those few but, we’ll see when he wakes up.”
It seemed like there was a lot to unpack here. A lot of withheld feelings, a lot of wounds that didn’t seem to heal quite right. No one deserved this kind of agony let alone to suffer it alone. He shifted at the words, reaching out with a warm hand to gently pat the other’s shoulder. Words couldn’t fix something like this, but listening could help. Listening could do so much for someone else and he knew that through his work. Day in and day out, he would accept or decline requests to be someone else. To adapt to a persona that would encompass a person that someone wanted him to be for their sake. Be it a tutor to help them with their lessons or a boyfriend to soothe their pain from a heartbreak. He had even stood in at funerals to help mourn the loss of a life he didn’t even know. Perhaps that’s why people cried spontaneously.
They were mourning the people who had no one to do so for them. “Whether you are or not, you’re a good person, Caius. That much anyone can see,” he speaks gently and warmly even as he withdraws his hand and straightens up. Felix doesn’t mind the outburst, really. He doesn’t mind much of anything at all when he thinks about it. As it was, he thinks this man deserves a break. Caius deserved a lot more than this, but still, the lion could not intervene just because he liked someone. There were repercussions to think about, there were outcomes he needed to analyze and take into consideration. As much as he wanted to, as much as he felt he should, he couldn’t just throw a solution at a man who believed there was none at the moment.
What if he did give him that though? Would he be pleased? Frightened? Bewildered? Would he think him insane without proof or would he believe him? What would he do with his life if he had the option to do something else? “You do too well of a job,” he snickers a little and flashes a lopsided smirk. This man had to be illegal on so many levels. Gods, what if he just brought him home with him? Somehow, he felt he’d hardly fit in per se but he’d definitely be well liked. A damn fine one, he thinks. If his spine could physically shiver it would’ve for a second there but he presses that notion down and clears his throat. “Good. No shit talking yourself.” Ignore the red that rose to his features, he certainly is.
There’s a moment where his thoughts drift off to the information he was going through, sorting it out as he trailed along with the other. Wardens, Darkspawn, Chaos and the area. He was picking apart all of it right up until the other spoke. A dog? That had his interest. Felix had a love of animals, perhaps because he technically was one, but he often got along well with them more so than people at times. As soon as those gold hues settled on the sleeping hound, tiny sparks and stars flitted off his frame to float in the air and he could only grin a bit. “I dunno if he’ll like me or not but I certainly like him already~ Look at how cute he is all curled up and snoozing.” A wave of his hand to dispel the little stars floating about and he smiled behind his muffler, those sharp teeth showing briefly more so than they had before.
“I’m going to spoil him if you give me too much free reign, this is your forewarning. I love animals.” Traveling now seemed all the more fun. As curious as Felix was in general, he was more so elated when it came to having good companions to meet along the way as well. (He truly was a people lion.) Turning his gaze upwards, he hums quietly in thought. If it were a hypothetical question, it wouldn’t hurt, right? “While we’ve been talking, I’ve been going through records kept by your stars to learn more about where I am and the people here. It’s what I do so I can better blend in and not cause trouble for others. That aside, they told me about the Wardens and I have a hypothetical inquiry for you. What if I could cure the taint? Hypothetically speaking, if I could cure the taint, would that be something you’d want?”
