olivia

agrees to do petplay and she immediately euthanizes me

me in the pussy if im being fully honest

i appreciate your candid tell all style approach to my posts

Pavel Šimon (son of František Tavík Šimon) - Night on the Karls Bridge in Prague, lithograph, c. 1950.

And is this train due in 0 minutes in the station with us right now?

Wylee Risso

I got a phone call from the police station about my teenage llama this week, telling me some tourists had called them upon seeing a llama crossing the road, who “stopped when she saw us” and “refused to give way” (their complaint in French sounded amazingly traffic-related, “elle n’a pas cédé le passage”…) The policeman told them yeah that’s our Pampe! don’t worry about it she’s living her life, you can try to pet her but she’s shy with strangers… Imagine calling the police about a llama refusing to abide by basic road rules and being told haha that’s our girl! Give her a pat for me! Pampérigouste, you are very annoying and very loved.

I started following that road looking for her, occasionally calling her with my special I Come Bearing Muesli whistle (and it was a lie), and as soon as I got mobile reception I received a text from a neighbour telling me “Ton affreuse est là” (“your horrible one is here”). I turned around to go pick her up, and discovered that he had locked her in the Horny Bull Pen, aka his most securised enclosure. When Pampe escapes to his farm just to be a pest she usually hangs out with his cows until I arrive and he doesn’t mind, so it was a little joke, and it was so funny finding Pampe languishing in a high-security prison. She looked very put out and I told her she absolutely deserved her sentence. Then I opened the gate and I didn’t even need my rope, she was happy to be pardoned and to see Pandolf, and followed us readily, on the road and then through the woods to my farm, it felt so companionable, the three of us walking home together.

oh this is such a happy tale

90s Colin Farrell

Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel

Chihuahuas from Nintendogs

my friend was testing perfumes out at the store and she sniffed a bottle and anounced "ngl this bitch kind of sucks" The girl at the counter suddenly looked really sad, and my friend was like "I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about you." And the girl looked up and said "No don't worry, I didn't think that, but I just crushed a ladybug with my shoe" We both took a peak over the counter. she'd stepped on a red m&m

not to oversimplify an extremely complex discipline but if i had to pick one tip to give people on how to have more productive interactions with children, especially in an instructive sense, its that teaching a kid well is a lot more like improv than it is like error correction and you should always work on minimizing the amount of ‘no, wrong’ and maximizing the amount of ‘yes, and?’ for example: we have a species of fish at the aquarium that looks a lot like a tiny pufferfish. children are constantly either asking us if that’s what they are, or confidently telling us that’s what they are. if you rush to correct them, you risk completely severing their interest in the situation, because 1. kids don’t like to engage with adults who make them feel bad and 2. they were excited because pufferfish are interesting, and you have not given them any reason to be invested in non-pufferfish. Instead, if you say something like “It looks a LOT like a tiny pufferfish, you’re right. But these guys are even funnier. Wanna know what they’re called?” you have primed them perfectly for the delightful truth of the Pacific Spiny Lumpsucker

me when i’m on a road trip with my 3 beautiful weedsmoking girlfriends (bruce springsteen gerard way and jack antonoff) and the tank runs out but none of them know how to pump gas because they’re all from jersey so it’s up to me to save the day like the strong and soulful goddess of gasoline and everyone claps

Literally the most collectively delusional freakish behavior I have ever experienced online

need a full body massage a margarita 400mg of ibuprofen a plate of brownies at least an hour in a jacuzzi and 20,000 dollars cash