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I have fruit polos and lollypops be jealous.

omg do many people not know what fruit polos are? they are heaven

In America, we call them lifesavers. They can be chewy or hard candy. 

polos aren’t chewy and they also come in mint.

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this week on: britan thinks its special

This week on america copies everything from Britain.

This week on: Britain steals things from other countries.

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rnoonpie

things are heating up in the candy fandom

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xelloss-poo

I'm dying! I love it! XD

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imagine: bitty teaching jack how to cook over skype while jack's out on roadies, only Franco Noriega style (he has a cooking vlog- that hes in only boxers) like what

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No but omg listen…

What if one day Jack’s skyping with Bitty–who is in his boxers, right, because it’s early and he’s just showing him some of the kitchen basics?  Jack’s in the lunch room and thinks he’s alone.  But some of the team walk up and since they’re not out yet they’re like woah?  Is this dude cooking in boxers with you, Jack?

So Jack just panics and what comes out of his mouth is like, “Um it’s bad luck if you’re learning to cook if you’re fully dressed.”

And the team are not only incredibly superstitious, but they have all had Bitty’s pies so they know how amazing they are and what a great chef he is.  

Tater starts it, of course, “I’m want to learn to cook like pie maker.  You teach us, yes?”

And like Bitty would ever tell any of them no.  So that starts weekly skype cooking lessons with half the Falconers–all in boxers in their kitchens (Jack too, if Bitty’s stuck doing this, his boyfriend who started the whole thing will suffer with him.)

So they’re all learning to cook (and doing really well, even Jack who burns oatmeal).  Bitty tries to schedule the sessions when everyone at the haus has class because this is so embarrassing and he would never live down the chirps.

Then one day Ransom comes home because he’s not feeling well and stumbles into the kitchen.  And seeing Bitty skyping Jack in his boxers is no thing anymore.  Except, “HOLY SHIT IS THAT ALEXEI MASKHOV IN HIS BOXERS IN MY KITCHEN?”

And Bitty’s like oh lord omg, “Yes I’m sort of teaching him how to cook.”

And Alexei like the adorable potato he is, is just like, “We are making delicious chili, come you get in boxers and cook with us.”

Bitty is staring at Jack like, ‘do you see what you started,’ and tries to shoo Ransom away but oh no, he’s immediately stripping down because there’s no way in hell he’s going to pass THIS up.

Bitty tries to bribe and beg him into silence but haha yeah right.  The next thing Bitty knows he’s got half the Samwell team, and half the Falconers…in boxers, on skype, making a brunch quiche.  Jack is super apologetic about it and offers to call it off but Bitty’s like, “Well at least y’all are going to be able to cook for yourselves.  Even if it is half-naked.”

The trend continues even after Jack and Bitty come out to the team and finally explain everything, and to this day the Falconers are literally convinced it’s bad luck to cook if you’re fully dressed.  It leads to some interesting moments when they’re at home with their families.  There may or may not be the world’s most adorable IG photos of Marty and his three year old son in matching boxers making homemade pancakes for his wife on Mother’s Day.

The only one, in the end, really pissed off about it is Shitty.

“I can’t believe you fuckers started naked cooking sessions after I graduated!  THIS IS TREASON!”

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In case you’re feeling down today...

In case you feel down today, just remember that the Norwegian Royal Guard has a penguin as their Colonel-in-Chief. This penguin legitemately fucking inspects the troops and fucking outranks so many people. His name is Sir Nils Olav, and he was knighted by the actual friggin King. Remember him. Remember Sir Nils Olav and feel better. 

Sir Nils Olav in action

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vrumblr

What a fancy looking gentleman.

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reblogged

I do not get the trend of people dismissing their own fic, like, “aka the Grimm’s Fairy Tales AU nobody asked for” or “aka the high school glee club AU that nobody asked for.”

Maybe nobody asked for it because they didn’t know they wanted it yet. Or even if they don’t, tell them to fuck off and write your fic anyway?

I get the insecurity. But I see this on all these stories now and I don’t want it encouraged. Kids, guys, dudettes, own your trashy glorious AUs, okay?

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How to Train Your Human

It’s hard work being a cat. Life’s not all gourmet wet food and trips to the spa, though there is a lot of that, but that’s not the point. No, Kit’s days are spent looking after her human, and though it’s a big responsibility to care for another creature, it’s one she knew she was ready for when she chose Kent. He’s a good human; in addition to the food and grooming, he provides her with excellent ear scritches and cardboard boxes for sitting.

In return, Kit looks after him. The sun is shining through the windows but Kent isn’t up yet. Kit investigates, notices his phone unplugged from the charger, dead, with no alarm to wake up. So Kit hops up on the bed, sits on Kent’s face until he sputters and sits up.

“Kit, what the fuck?” He pulls some fur from his mouth, notices the orange sky, panics. “Oh shit.” He checks his dead phone. “Oh fuck.” He throws himself out of the bed, racing around the room for clothes.

Now that he’s got his ass in gear, Kit pads to her food bowl, meowing her command for breakfast. Kent hops into the kitchen, shoving a sock on one foot, his shirt on backwards, and dumps her food in for her. He looks like he’s going to leave, but he hasn’t had breakfast yet. While he sorts through the living room for his car keys, Kit hops onto the counter, meows again. Her ungrateful human ignores her. Demanding his attention now, she knocks the nearest glass onto the floor with a loud shatter.

“What’s wrong with you?” He carefully steps over the shards to get the dustpan and broom. As he wipes away the mess, Kit keeps her paw helpfully on the fruit bowl, waiting for him to notice. Almost without realizing it, he grabs an apple and a banana, shoving them in his duffel bag.

Satisfied, she hops back down to her own breakfast, eating contentedly as Kent leaves in a flurry of swears and stomping shoes. It’s thankless work, looking after a human, but as chews on her  turkey and chicken meal, she congratulates herself on being a responsible owner.

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clarz

how am i, a person who has watched all of top chef season 10 and KNOWS WHO ENDS UP WINNING, still THIS ANGRY about josie’s goddamn DEFENESTRATION of kristen kish, a GOOD AND REASONABLE PERSON WHO TAKES PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY AND ALSO EXHIBITS NOT ONLY TALENT BUT WELL-DEVELOPED TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS

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xelloss-poo

You are not alone...

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iboatedhere

Jack Meets Señor Bunny

The first time Jack meets Señor Bunny Is when he comes over to ask Bitty if he would turn his music down.

Bitty already has his finger on his phone before Jack can even finish his sentence.

“Sure thing, hun, I have headphones if you want me to plug them in.”

“No it’s fine, if it’s a little quieter it won’t be so distra-.” He stops mid sentence and when Bitty looks up he finds him staring at his bed. Specifically, staring at Señor Bunny resting comfortably on Bitty’s pillow.

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nakedsasquatch it’s ya man

Okay but seriously folks - as often as I joke about this movie stirs my loins and as weirdly popular as this text post got a while back, I wanna rap with you all about why the George of the Jungle remake is a pretty important piece of cinema.

It’s literally the only movie I can think of that is based completely around the unheard of “FEMALE gaze.” Granted, while I’m a huge movie buff I’ve not seen every movie ever made. But even so, even if there’s another example of the “female gaze” in cinema that has escaped me it’s still damn impressive that a kids movie from 1997 based on a Jay Ward cartoon from the 60’s managed to turn gender representation in media on it’s fucking ass!

First things first, let’s look at our leading lady and love interest - Ursula, played by Leslie Mann.

Let me just say that while Leslie Mann is adorable and a talented actress, she does look a little less conventional and a little more plain compared to the bombshells that Hollywood likes to churn out. Leslie, in comparison, looks much more like a real women you’d meet on the street. She dresses pretty conservatively and plain throughout the film ; Wearing outfits that are more functional than fashionable for trekking through the jungle, pulling her hair back and so forth. Not that if she was dolled up and more scantily clad it would give her character any less integrity, but can we appreciate how RARE that is in the male dominated industry of film? Just think about all the roads a film about a woman in the jungle COULD have taken but didn’t - no scenes with her clothes strategically ripped or anything! You can say this is a kids movie, intended for children and that’s why the sensuality of the female lead is so downplayed but there are PLENTY of kids movies that handle women in a very objectifying and sexualized manner despite the target audience is pre-pubescent. Like, a disgusting amount. So I don’t think “it’s a kids movie” is why the film doesn’t take ANY, let alone EVERY, opportunity to showcase the main female character’s sex appeal…

…especially considering the sex appeal of the film rests squarely on the well defined shoulders of our male lead, George of the Jungle played by Brendan Fraser in the best god damn shape of his life!

*Homer Simpson Drooling Noises*

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Whenever members of the reddit community try to compare the sexualization of women in fiction to the design of characters such as Batman and Superman, I always want to just sit them down and show them this movie. Because THIS is what the female sexual fantasy looks like, and Batman and Superman are male power-fantasies. Look at him - his big blue eyes, his soft hair, his lean, chiseled physique built for dexterity rather than power. He’s wild and free, but gentle. It’s like he fell right out of that steamy romance novel your mom tried to hide from you growing up.

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Hell, the whole plot seems to be designed around how damn hot he is! First, for the majority of the film, he wears only a small strip of cloth to cover the dick balls and ass. Everything else is FAIR GAME to drool over for 40 minutes. Then, after he meets Ursula she takes him with her to San Francisco just so we can enjoy him in a well-tailored suit (as seen in the gif set), running around in an open and billowy shirt along side horses while Ursula and all of her friends literally crowd around and make sexual comments about him, and my personal favorite, ditch the loincloth entirely and have him walk around naked while covering his man-bits with various objects while one of Ursula’s very lucky friends oogles him and makes a joke along the lines of “So THAT’S why they call him the ‘KING of the Jungle’…”

And yes, it’s also a very cute and funny little movie. Out of all the movies based on Jay Ward cartoons, it was the most faithful to the fast-paced humor and wit of the original source material (yes even the new Peabody and Sherman movie which honestly I thought was too cutesy-poo.) But that’s not why this movie is popular with the gay community or why we all became women in 1997. It’s just really cool that there’s a film out there where the sensuality of the female form takes a back seat for the oiled up, chiseled, physique of Brendan Fraser (in his prime that is)

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One thing to add: in the scene mentioned above where the ladies are watching him in the billowy shirt running with the horses, it pans back to about 50 feet away to two guys in suits at this party looking at the women and one of the guys says, “Man, what is it with women and horses?” So not only does this movie highlight the female gaze, but it blatantly points out that western male sensibilities don’t have a clue what actually appeals to women.

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bifca

ALSO

he’s non threatening

as mentioned above, he looks built for dexterity rather than power, but he’s still a 6+ foot tall extremely muscular man, and not once are you worried for Ursula when he’s with her

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ms-demeanor

ALSO

let’s take a look at his rival - Lyle is a cravat-wearing trust-fund kid (who, interestingly, is into Ursula’s fortune more than her, which kind of makes this a gender-swapped gold-digger thing too). He’s blonde and Ursula’s mom LOVES him. He’s more uncomfortable and less prepared to cope with the jungle than Ursula is, in his pastels and shiny shoes.

But he talks over Ursula, insists he knows what’s best for her, ignores her autonomy. In spite of the fact that Lyle Van de Groot is a rich, educated, social climber who cares deeply about his clothing and appearances he is a point-by-point checklist of unhealthy masculinity in a way that beefy, inarticulate, uneducated George could never be. Ursula is off on her own doing her own thing and Lyle hires two FUCKING POACHERS to track her down in the middle of the jungle while she’s working (or on vacation? It’s never made clear because he interrupts her before she can explain why she went on the expedition). Lyle ignores the local guides, claiming his experience with a bridge in Maui means the bridge they’re on is safe - which leads to a significant injury for one of the guides. He then tells Ursula the guides are conspiring against him, trying to make himself and his poachers seem safe and the Africans who make up the rest of their party seem dangerous.

Check that body language! A post above points out that we’re never worried about Ursula when she’s around George. That’s because Lyle talks to her like this. Look at his aggressive lean! Look at him literally looking down at her! She’s tilted away from him in the least threatening position possible and he’s so aggressive about whatever point he’s making. When he finds her after he pushed her toward a damned lion he kisses her and she pushes him away. Want a textbook example of gaslighting? Here you go: she says “don’t get all smoochy with me! I remember what happened with that lion” and he responds “What are you talking about? I was fighting that lion the whole time - you were just so terrified you don’t remember.”  Then he shoots George! And then he kidnaps Ursula and attempts to force her into marriage!

Now look at how George and Ursula interact (slightly NSFW):

Even though he’s a big strong dude and he thinks he’s doing what’s okay he lets her set the tone for their interactions. He accepts that he’s out of his wheelhouse and even if he doesn’t understand it he does what she says is culturally appropriate. He learns from her! He listens to her! Compare Lyle leaning into Ursula above to this image of George and Ursula talking:

He’s listening to her, all of his attention is on on her, but he’s totally nonthreatening. His torso is turned toward her but he’s not invading her space, his hands are clasped, he’s smiling, and she’s the one leaning into him. Look at that smile she has, look how happy she is to be listened to. Her posture in both images is vulnerable but in this one with George she’s vulnerable because she has chosen to share with him instead of because she feels threatened.

When George rescues Ursula from Lyle at the end of the film it isn’t a typical damsel situation - George doesn’t have a knock-down-drag-out fight with Lyle, he swings into a tree and offers Ursula a hand so she can reach up and save herself (and before he does it he acknowledges how much it’s going to hurt and *whimpers* and looks human and scared). And you’ve gotta remember that George rescues everybody. It’s not just Ursula - he also rescues a parasailer and gets shot rescuing Shep and Ape. He just likes helping, dammit!

AND this movie offers a perfect counter to the “nice guy” thing - Ursula starts engaged to a jerk who her mom thinks is a “nice guy” the moves on to actual nice man George who isn’t *just* nice - he’s also patient, listens to her, has his own skills and talents, is okay with being goofy, has his own social circle and isn’t totally dependent on Ursula, and looks amazing. Ursula doesn’t go with George just because he’s a *nice* guy who rescued her from an asshole, Ursula goes with George because he’s an interesting, fun person who is supportive of her different way of being an interesting, fun person. AND he’s emotionally available. Google image search George of the jungle and see how many smiles you can find, see how many open looks of confusion there are, see how much sadness you can see in George’s face. Now look for images of Lyle. His two expressions are a smirk and cartoonish fear. I know this is a cartoonish kid’s movie, but it is SO powerful that the hero shares his emotions while the villain masks every emotion but fear. Lyle doesn’t want to open up, he doesn’t want to be vulnerable, he wants CONTROL. George wants to learn, to protect people he cares about, to explore new places, to laugh when he’s happy and to be sad when he’s sad, and that he does that while being a broad-shouldered, physically powerful dude who is NOT totally self-involved is just…

Like, look, I didn’t sign on to tumblr dot com for George of the Jungle discourse, but I’m just now realizing that this movie may have done the most for destroying my conception of stoic masculinity and gender roles as a child.

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Damn.

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starline

2nd reblog because this is even better. 

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n0kiv

I’m antisocial, yet social. I don’t talk to people first, but when someone talks to me first I’m up for talking to them. Some days I’ll be really talkative and friendly and other days I’m just in my shell like nah today ain’t the day for socializing.

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badacts
Anonymous asked:

can i please request a continuation of andreil & a missed call? like fluff with a hurt/comfort recovery part? love your writing!!

YEAH it’s time for my favourite part

Andrew comes up from unconsciousness like it’s deep water.  

First, tiny streaks of light, growing to a glow.  Then, all at once, sound and smell.  It feels like he gasps, but he thinks it probably comes out like a sigh.  He breathes in, deeply, lets it seep out slow.

“I’m angry with you,” says the voice he would know anywhere.  Andrew blinks his eyes open, squinting at the glare.  There’s a touch at his face – a hand, blocking the light.

“Are you?” he asks.  His voice grates in his throat.  “I’m not dead.  Isn’t that what you wanted?”

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reblogged

OMGCP Fan Map

I saw this for fans of other things so I thought I’d make one for Check Please

Put a marker roughly where you’re from and see if there are any omgcp fans around your area! (put your url with your marker if you want to be identifiable)  

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xelloss-poo

I wonder if there are others in Japan.

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helenadax

I heard that in the next ST movie, Chekov will be in another ship, which is fine because seeing another actor playing him would be too sad. But the other day I started thinking that maybe there should be another character, a new one, because it would be right to do again what Roddenberry did when he added Pavel Chekov to the crew. I mean, back in the 60s, Chevov was way more than a cute kid. It was the middle of the Cold War and he was from Russia, the sworn enemy of the USA at the time. His presence at the bridge was a symbol of peace, of hope.

Since things have changed, this new Chekov never had the same meaning. So maybe they should add someone with that meaning now. I’m not American, I don’t know what country he or she should come from. Maybe from North Korea? Cuba? Iran? Whatever country America hates most now, this new character should be from there. Put an Iranian woman wearing a Starfleet approved hijab on the bridge and don’t make a single comment about it because it’s the 23th century now and no one gives a shit about these things. Then, she’ll give us the same message that Chekov gave us in 1967: things will get better. 

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xelloss-poo

This would be truly awesome n

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Problems with e-book pricing

75% (or more) of the time, the ebooks costs just as much (sometimes more) than the paperback version. I was contemplating purchasing the e-book version of this series. However, Paperback: $7.99 E-book: $7.99 Seriously? The e-book requires no production costs after the initial formatting. Why does it cost the same price as something that requires actual physical materials to be made??? It just doesn't make sense to me. So I will not purchase the ebook, because I refuse to pay more for less. The sad thing is, if the ebook were even just a bit less than the paperback version, I probably would have purchased the whole e-series (15 novels + 9 novellas). As it is, I'm not in a position to get those 24 books in physical copies. So I just won't buy them.

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