When I think back on the Speak Now album, I get a lump in my throat. I have a feeling it will always be that way, because this period of time was so vibrantly aglow with the last light of the setting sun of my childhood. I made this album, completely self-written, between the ages of 18 and 20. I've spoken about how I feel like those ages are the most emotionally turbulent ones in a persons life. Maybe when I say that, I'm really just talking about myself.

I think they might just be the most idealistic, hopeful years too. At this point in my life, I had released my second album, Fearless. It became the breakthrough moment I'd always dreamt of, one that catapulted my career to new realms of success. It had brought with it a tidal wave of pressures and pitfalls and growing pains. All the while, I was encountering the milestones and checkpoints of normal teenage growth. I had cataclysmic crushes and brushes with heartache. I moved out of my parents' house and set my bags down in a new apartment. I hung photos on my own walls and decorated the space where I would sob and cackle and shatter and dream. Sometimes I felt like a grown up, but a lot of the time I just wanted to time travel back to my childhood bed, where my mom would read stories to me until I fell asleep.

In my darker moments, I was tormented by the doubt that swirled loudly around my ascent and my merits as an artist. I was trying to create a follow up to the most awarded country album in history, while staring directly into the face of intense criticism. I had been widely and publicly slammed for my singing voice and was first encountering the infuriating question that is unfortunately still lobbed at me to this day: does she really write her songs? Spoiler alert: I really, really do.

In the years since, I've developed a thicker skin about public criticism and the cynicism with which some people approach the music I make. At that time, it leveled me. I had these voices in my head telling me that I had the perfect chance and I blew it. I hadn’t been good enough. I had given it all I had and been found wanting.

I wanted to get better, to challenge myself, and to build on my skills as a writer, an artist, and a performer. I didn't want to just be handed respect and acceptance in my field. I wanted to earn it. To try and confront these demons, I underwent extensive vocal training and made a decision that would completely define this album: I decided I would write it entirely on my own. I figured, they couldn't give all the credit to my cowriters if there weren't any. But that posed a new challenge: It really had to be good. If it wasn't, I would be proving my critics right.

I had no idea how much this pain would shape me. That this was the beginning of my series of creative choices made by reacting to setbacks with defiance. That my stubbornness in the face of doubters and dissenters would become my coping mechanism through my entire career from that point forward. This exact pattern of enacting my own form of rebellion when I feel broken is exactly why you're reading these very words, and I'm re-releasing this album now.

I went through my first worldwide scandal (the mic grab seen around the world). I experienced the weirdness of trying to get to know a boy while a swarm of paparazzi surrounds the car. Media contacting my publicist for an official statement on why two teenagers broke up. These are weird experiences to have at any age, but even more surreal when you're 19.

I had the nagging sense that in the most intense moments of my life, I had frozen. I had said nothing publicly. I still don't know if it was out of instinct, not wanting to seem impolite, or just overwhelming fear. But I made sure to say it all in these songs. I decided to call the album Speak Now. It was a play on the speak now or forever hold your peace' moment in weddings, but for me it symbolized a chance to respond to the chatter and commentary around my own life.

Some of these emotional revelations were surprising to people. Some expected anger and instead got compassion and empathy with 'Innocent'. Some expected a kiss-off breakup song but instead got a hand-on-heart apology, 'Back to December. It was an album that was the most precious to me because of its vast extremes. It was unfiltered and potent. In my mind, the saddest song I've ever written is 'Last Kiss'. My most scathing is 'Dear John' and my most wistfully romantic is 'Enchanted'.

I'll be forever proud of setting a goal and seeing it through. I'lI always feel shivers all over when I remember singing 'Long Live' to close the show every night on tour. The outstretched hands of those bright and beautiful faces of the fans. Their support was like an open palm that reached out and helped me up off the ground when others were, frankly, mean.

These days I make my choices for those people, the ones who thought I had been good enough all along. I try to speak my mind when I feel strongly, in the moment I feel it. I'm still idealistic and earnest about the music I make, but I'm less crushed when people mock me for it. I know now that one of the bravest things a person can do is create something with unblinking sincerity, to put it all on the line. I still sometimes wish I was a little kid again in a tiny bed, before I ever grew up.

I always looked at this album as my album, and the lump in my throat expands to a quivering voice as I say this. Thanks to you, dear reader, it finally will be.

I consider this music to be, along with your faith in me, the best thing that's ever been mine.

Yours,

Taylor

gracie and taylor’s post performance hug (eras tour cincinnati n2) (x)

taylor swift, artist of the decade

November 10th needs to get here so I can be the obnoxious Target employee at work and in all my glory promoting the hell out of reputation. Just like I did for 1989 three years ago lol!

Like no joke. 

THAT’S WHY JESS IS MY FAVORITE PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE

But wait. There’s more.

LOOK AT YOUR FACE if this post doesn’t make everyone happy idek

This was the aftermath of 1989 release.

OH MY GOODNESS THIS PICTURE I ACTUALLY LAUGHED AT MY COMPUTER YOU’RE SUCH A SUNSHINE

This was me seen physically digging my own grave over 1989.

ICONIC

absolutetaylorswifttrash

This is beautiful. I may be an asshole for doing it, but every time I’m in Target I spread out all of Taylor’s albums so they’re in everyone’s direct eyeline.

You mean like this @absolutetaylorswifttrash

@jtmaster13 Precisely.

This should be a requirement for any target employee

It should be a requirement for every Target employee to have mandatory, spontaneous dance sessions.

Like so.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS IS AMAZING

You think I’m done?

Jess, I love you

Jess, you’re seriously one of my favorite people on tumblr

And I mean I’ve got some great ornament ideas for that Christmas tree of yours

It just keeps getting better 😂

stocking stuffer anyone?

That’s it - I’m leaving cookies and milk out for Jess! @jtmaster13

@dancingonmyown1985 why leave cookies and milk out…

When you can leave a Taylor themed gingerbread house?

I’m sorry … but Jess is ICONIC. 

What’s even more iconic was jamming out to How You Get The Girl with my Target partner in crime Skelly. He sure won this girl over.

We should just keep reblogging this because it’s the best thing ever.

well hello this is a masterpiece 

It has begun.

Gotta reblog this because it’s clinically proven that having more Jess in your life makes you a happier person 😸

A sarcastic angel among us, this beloved icon and spirited force of nature is just out there DOING. THAT.

Meeting @taylorswift - My Experience 💘

The Main Story

It all started on the 5th of October 2017 (Thursday). Taylor Nation dmed me on instagram&tumblr that they needed to speak to me about a confidential eventand asked me the basic information they needed to know. I gave them it and a few minutes later they called!!! They asked to speak to my mum but I wasn’t at home I was at someone’s house so they said they’d call back. They called back a few hours later and told my mum that I was too young to attend the event (secret sessions) and so they’d be sending me a package from Taylor instead! They said the package would arrive on the 11th of October(Wednesday) and the time was to be confirmed. (From the 5th-11th tn we’re keeping in contact with me it was so cool)

So I waited SUPER EXCITEDLY DKCJDKD for just under a week until THE GOLDEN DAY THAT WOULD CHANGE MY LIFE FOREVER rolled around!!!! I went to school and could not concentrate for the whole day of course and then the end of the day came around. I raced home and got changed and waited. Then Taylor nation sent me a dm saying my package would be delivered from 4pm-6pm. So, I went upstairs to the bathroom and sat on the ledge, looking down into the street waiting to see a delivery truck drive down my road. It must’ve been aliens 4:30 when I noticed a man standing in my road wearing head phones and speaking into them. He was looking up my road and at a car that was driving down it. The car parked up in front of my house (I just thought it was someone parking ect). There were two men sat in the front seats and the back ones were blacked out. THEN,, a boy stepped out of the car (so I thought it was just a boy getting dropped of or something) BUT then I noticed he was holding two tope bags that said “rep” on them. AT THIS POINT I WAS LOSING IT, but what was to happen next would KILL ME. A ~BLONDE GODDESS~~ STEPPed OUT OF THE CAR AND STARTED WALKING UP TO MY FRONT DOOR. I WAS RACING DOWN THE STAIRS AND THE KNOCKed On THE DOOR AND I STARTED SHOUTING to MY MUM LIKE SHES HERE ELEKFKKEKFRKFKOEFK!! SO I OPENED THE DOOR AND THERE SHE WAS !!!!!! BEAUTIFUL AND AMAZING AND CUTE AND ~THE WOMAN I HAVE ADORED FOR SO MANY YEARS~ STANDING THERE AND THEN SHE HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY “HEY BUDDY” LIKE OMAY SIS ATTACK ME MORE IM AMREADY DESD OKAY IL SHOOK IM DEAD UK SKCMDCKD uMMMMM PAMYCJEJCKRKFKFKFKEKFRKFKRJFJRJJF I MISS HER SO MUCB SKMFRMKFRKKGMFGMMF IM GOING TO INCLUDE THE CONVERSATION JN TBE NEXT SECTION

sorry guys I tried to keep this chill and neat and professional but ofc you know me I cannot do that!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyways next section HERE WE GO JM SOBBING ALRWSDY

The Conversation

Okay sisters I’m going to try to say as much as I can because it’s such a blurrrr !!! I can only remeber bits of the conversations so here we go :,)

So after she decided to attack me with “hey buddy!” and I had stopped speaking gibberish and being super embarrassing (for now) she said “can I see you room?” And wbk I was praying to the heavens that my room was tidy (it was not) so I said “yEAH SURE” and like we went upstairs and LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT WAD WALKING BEHIND ME AND SHE WAS LIKE “you have such a cool house!” LIKE SIS IM ALREADY ATTACKED STOP! And we walked into my room and she said something along the lines of “omg!! I love your room, I saw in your videos it’s really extensive” LIKE SIS WHAT VIDEOS STOP KILLING ME LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! AND THEN WE TALKED ABOUT STUFF AND THIS IS WHAT I CAN REMEMBER:

“You’re so cute!!!!! *hugs*” MORE THAN ONCE LIKE SHE HUGGED ME MULTIPLE TIMES LIKE UM OKAY UM ILDJDJDJJDDN

BASICALLY TAYLOR TOLD ME BECAUSE SHE WAS GETTING USED TO ALL THE NEW IG FEATURES SHE DIDNT KNOW WHAT A LIVE STREAM ON IG WAS SO SHE WAS LURKING MY PAGE ON THE 6TH OCT (day she joined my live) AND THEN CLICKED ON MY LIVE STREAM WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS AND SHE “FREAKED AND AND THOUGH CAT EMOJI CAT EMOJI” KDKCKDK I ADORE HER

“Oh yeah I love how you love the song how you get the girl”!!

my mind: “SKS WTF MAN YOU CANT DONTHAT LIKE WJP GAVE YOU THE RUGHT SIS NO ATOP THIS JS NOT DAIR IM NOT PREPARED YOU JUST BROUGHT IP TJE SONG I OWE MY LiFE TO”

me: “ OH MY GOD YeSSS I ADORE IT SO MUCH! AND THE DRESS AND EVERYBUNG ITS HONESYLU SO PERFECT!”

Taylor: “oh yeahh haha the light up dress?!!”

mE: “YES!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s the name of my second account hehe” (we love a self promoting queenie😩😩😭)

THEN…

me: *speaking about ibfs*

Taylor: “how do you know all these people?” *smiles*

Me: “LIKE THROUGH YOU”

Taylor: *laughs*

Me: *try to talk about Brits GC without losing it… (moral of the story: i lose it )

Me: *tries to remember Brits usernames and names but I’m tOo dead so gives up and says “should I show you them?”*

Taylor: “yeah yeah”

Me: *shows her them”

Taylor: “that’s so cute! That’s so awesome! They’re just chilling there. Oh yeahhh *giggles* I know a lot of these”

THEN

Me: *speaks about tabby and how great she is*

Taylor: “ooo does she live in the uk?”

Me: nope, she lives in Germany but she sounds a bit American so we have a joke that she’s ‘gemerican’

Taylor: *LauGHS* (AT TABBY AND I’S JOKE WE HAVE HAD FOR AGES)

THEN…

Taylor: “do you want me to sign these posters?”

me: “yes please!!!”*hands pen*

Taylor: “do you want to hear a song from the new album no ones heard yet?”

Me: “UM YES PLEASE “

Taylor: *opens bag, gets out head phones&ipod hands me them* “alright this song is called king of my heart” *plays it on her iPod*

me: *hears what heaven sounds like*&bops super hard

Taylor: *goes around my room signing my posters with her autograph&cute messages*

komh: *ends*

Taylor: “did you like it”

Me:”I LOVED IT!!!”

Taylor:” turns to Patrick* “sUCCESS!!”

THEN…

T: “where are the kitty cats?!”

me: “ we can go downstairs and find them!”

we: *all go downstairs*

We find my cats in the garden and the run away whoops

*we all take photos in my garden*

Then Taylor had the leave to have dinner with her parents ( OH YEAH SHE ALSO SAID “my parents told me to say hi!!” BECAUSE THEYD ALL BEEN stALKING ME TOGETHER)) and we hugged and I was super emo and I told her about a cookie dough place in nyc (@taylorswift sis pls say you’ve been there it’s so good!!!!!!!!) and we hugged for the last time and it was so genuine like patrick watched us hug and he smiled because it was SUCH A CUTE AND TIGHT HUG AND UGH I MISS HER

(Also throughout,, taylor hugged me so much and we took lots of photos too!!)

The Taylor Week- 5th-11th October

So basically between those dates Taylor attacked me more!!!!!!! On the 6th (Friday) she joined my live stream and commented “😻” ONAY SIS EAH JUST KILL ME AHAIN and then on the 8th (Sunday) she just OPENED MY DM AS SOON AS I SENT IT AND ID BASICALLY SAID “thank yOU FOR NOTICING MY BEST FRIENDS ILYYYYYY”

So yeS EXTREMELY ATTSCKED

Highlights

The moments that meant to most to me was (everything of course ) when we spoke about hygtg and I listened to komh and when we hugged so many times :,) but the whole thing was the best day of my life and the brightest highlight of my life!!!!!!!! TAYLOR INMISS YOU SONMUXN BABE HOW ID IT POSSIBME GOW MUCH I MISSS U I DONT GET IT

@taylorswift thank You so mUCH FOR EVERYTHUBG YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME I OWE ALL MY HAPPINESS & MY LIFE TO YOU I MISS UOU BEYOND WORDS AND WOW I JUST ADORE YOU WILL MY WHOLE HEART!!!!!!!! TOUR WAS AMAZING AND IF YOUNSEE THIS INMISS UOU SO MUCH AND YOURE DOING SO WELL!!💗💓💗💗💘💗💗💓💗💗💓💞💘💘💗💓💓💗

Taylor, I know you might not see this ever but I have to tell you that I met a literal angel and it would mean a lot to me if one day you give her a big hug and tell her how amazing she is. @taylor-swift-vibes has been an amazingly kind Swiftie.

I have lupus so things aren’t always bright, and I never really feel that great, but Theresa has kept my spirits up. She’s going out of her way to try to help me get to a show during the reputation tour, and we literally just met. I honestly cry when I think about how nice she’s been to me–its rare to find someone that has such a kind and caring heart. People I know very well aren’t even that nice to me. It’s people like Theresa that change the world and we need a lot more like her.

Theresa, I honestly can’t say thank you enough for even trying to make my dream possible. I have no words to express how much it means and how warm it makes my heart. When I told my mom that you were trying to help, I couldn’t stop crying. She wants the world for me but she’s disabled and can’t always do it. The fact that a stranger in our fandom would reach out to me, befriend me, and keep pushing to make my dreams come true is just beyond amazing. It says a lot about the kind of people that our fandom is mostly comprised of. I have no words.

Taylor, please give this angel a shout out and a big hug someday. She is truly an inspiration and you would be so proud to know that someone who loves you dearly and looks up to you so fondly is out here doing amazing things for others. She deserves the very best and more. @taylor-swift-vibes @taylorswift @taylornation

Oh my god this jus blew my mind! @taylor-swift-vibes you are awesome! It needs some real kindness to do something like this! @cuzlookaturfacesogorgeous my prayers to your mom! 🖤❤🖤❤❤🖤

Oh my gosh you are so sweet!!! I am tearing up reading this! I’m so glad we found each other because I seriously am so happy to do whatever I can to help. You have been such a loyal fan for so long, and I can’t think of anyone more deserving to see @taylorswift in concert especially with everything you are going through! I’m sending so much love your way during your treatment. And im so excited for you to get to see Taylor!!! @taylornation

@taylorswift @taylornation send Theresa some love! She’s a beautiful angel!

@taylorswift @taylornation

@taylorswift @taylornation I really hope you see this one day 💖

@taylorswift 💕💕

@taylorswift @taylornation

@taylorswift @taylornation 😻😻😻

@taylorswift @taylornation I’ll be seeing you in August thanks to Theresa!! @taylor-swift-vibes

TAYLOR I DON’T THINK YOU’RE READY FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!! @taylorswift @taylornation #reputaylurking

I am going to the Detroit show ALL BECAUSE OF @taylor-swift-vibes SHE IS LITERALLY THE BEST.

I don’t know how it gets better than this…. 😭💖✨ #DelicateMusicVideo #reputaylurking @taylorswift @taylornation

IM SCREAMING

IT CAME FULL CIRCLE IM HOLLERIN

IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER

IS HE GOING TO BE DRAFTED NEXT???!!!??

This is so sweet and pure. Lol.

I’m crying. I’m also rooting for the Blues now.

@kvnbksa have you seen the updates?

more updates

I love when he says “I want the jersey of someone who’s literally the worst” and Tarasenko is like “This is my moment”

I love this so much!

Day 5️⃣👸🏼🎤🎫 Q: How many concerts have you been to? A: The 1989 Concert was my first ever Taylor concert! 💖#30daytaylorswiftchallenge #reputaylurking #reputation @taylorswift @taylornation

Day 6️⃣🎤✨🎟 Q: Favorite @taylorswift performance? A: IT’S SO HARD TO PICK! I have so many favorites. They are all so amazing. I think for me, my favorite right now is “Doubt” with @therealmaryjblige in LA during the 1989 World Tour. I watch the video of their performance probably once a week. It gives me chills. I love Taylor’s speech beforehand, and it makes me happy to see how excited Mary J. Blige was to share her song with Taylor’s fans. So sweet. “Now you’re looking at a leader, now you’re staring at a queen. You said I’ll never be someone, but now I’m pulling all the strings” 💖#reputaylurking #30daytaylorswiftchallenge @taylornation #1989worldtour

Taylor, I know you might not see this ever but I have to tell you that I met a literal angel and it would mean a lot to me if one day you give her a big hug and tell her how amazing she is. @taylor-swift-vibes has been an amazingly kind Swiftie.

I have lupus so things aren’t always bright, and I never really feel that great, but Theresa has kept my spirits up. She’s going out of her way to try to help me get to a show during the reputation tour, and we literally just met. I honestly cry when I think about how nice she’s been to me–its rare to find someone that has such a kind and caring heart. People I know very well aren’t even that nice to me. It’s people like Theresa that change the world and we need a lot more like her.

Theresa, I honestly can’t say thank you enough for even trying to make my dream possible. I have no words to express how much it means and how warm it makes my heart. When I told my mom that you were trying to help, I couldn’t stop crying. She wants the world for me but she’s disabled and can’t always do it. The fact that a stranger in our fandom would reach out to me, befriend me, and keep pushing to make my dreams come true is just beyond amazing. It says a lot about the kind of people that our fandom is mostly comprised of. I have no words.

Taylor, please give this angel a shout out and a big hug someday. She is truly an inspiration and you would be so proud to know that someone who loves you dearly and looks up to you so fondly is out here doing amazing things for others. She deserves the very best and more. @taylor-swift-vibes @taylorswift @taylornation

Oh my god this jus blew my mind! @taylor-swift-vibes you are awesome! It needs some real kindness to do something like this! @cuzlookaturfacesogorgeous my prayers to your mom! 🖤❤🖤❤❤🖤

Oh my gosh you are so sweet!!! I am tearing up reading this! I’m so glad we found each other because I seriously am so happy to do whatever I can to help. You have been such a loyal fan for so long, and I can’t think of anyone more deserving to see @taylorswift in concert especially with everything you are going through! I’m sending so much love your way during your treatment. And im so excited for you to get to see Taylor!!! @taylornation

@taylorswift @taylornation send Theresa some love! She’s a beautiful angel!

@taylorswift @taylornation

@taylorswift @taylornation I really hope you see this one day 💖

@taylorswift 💕💕

@taylorswift @taylornation

@taylorswift @taylornation 😻😻😻

@taylorswift @taylornation I’ll be seeing you in August thanks to Theresa!! @taylor-swift-vibes

TAYLOR I DON’T THINK YOU’RE READY FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!! @taylorswift @taylornation #reputaylurking

I am going to the Detroit show ALL BECAUSE OF @taylor-swift-vibes SHE IS LITERALLY THE BEST.