Tigress Wraith

someone had to do it

we still need this man

#the running joke that keeps Steve Rogers up at night

The retiree’s car broke down while he was driving to a doctor’s appointment: Three helpful police officers helped him and changed the rear wheel.

The man had approached them in the city of Witten, Ruhr area, the officers said. They were on their way to conduct a traffic control on Thursday morning, and set about to mount the spare wheel without further ado.

A female officer called the doctor to postpone the appointment. The 96-year-old man thanked her with a kiss on the hand before continuing his way.

I JUST learned that this shirt cost them $10,000 to put into this movie… but they refused to compromise because they were like: he’s the hugest Golden Girls fan… this has to make the movie… so they paid $10,000 to use Bea Arthur’s likeness on this shirt…  Ryan Reynolds, you’re doing Deadpool so right.

They traded all the guns in the final climactic showdown for Bea Arthur’s face. Worth it.

Reynolds paid it himself, out of pocket. It didn’t come from the budget. He talked with Bea’s sons and they agreed to it for a donation to Bea’s favorite charity. ☺️

I did not know that. That’s so much better than I could have imagined.

4 dorks sittin’ in a warm bed…

wise words from miss eartha kitt (1982)

christmas is coming soon so here’s lots of love for:

lots of love to all of you, i wish you the happiest of holidays ❤️❤️❤️

Incorrect quotes 1/?

have i ever told y’all about the greatest moment of my academic career

i was a freshman in college and i had this history teacher who was ~edgy~ and his hotness level on ratemyprofessor was off the charts and he was the first teacher i ever heard use the word “fuck.” anyway he would do this thing every so often where we’d have a “quiz” and the first two questions were always really easy and the last one was hard - they were all similar questions, and the point was to show what you learn about history and what you don’t. 

so one day he’s like okay kids time for a quiz and the first question was who killed abraham lincoln. the second question was who killed JFK. third question was who killed william mckinley. 

we all take a few minutes and write down our answers, and then the teacher asks the questions again so we can shout out the answers. everybody answered the first two with really no problem.

now, keep in mind that this class was at 9 a.m. and i was exhausted All The Time during my freshman year of college so i sat in the back in my sweats and never said a word and the teacher definitely had no clue who i was. 

so you can imagine his surprise when he asked the class who shot william mckinley and without missing a beat i said, “czolgosz,” pronounced correctly and everything. 

my teacher froze and in a very stern voice asked, “what was that? what did someone just say?”

i repeated: czolgosz.

my teacher: “who said that?”

i raised my hand, and my super cool history teacher glared at me. he then asked me how the hell i knew the answer. he said that in the TWENTY YEARS he’d been teaching this stupid class, nobody, not A SINGLE PERSON, had ever known the answer to that question.

i then had to quietly explain to a room full of people that there’s a musical called assassins and there’s a song about czolgosz shooting william mckinley at the great pan american exposition in buffaloooooooo (in buffaloooooooo)

The arts are important.

I shocked a teacher once because I could recite the preamble to the US Constitution (got bonus points to), She asked why I’d taken it upon myself to memorize it. I had to explain it was in a School House Rock song….

My weird encyclopedic knowledge of Led Zeppelin saved my ass in a meeting with a prof in the first year of my PhD when he made some obscure reference to Kenneth Anger, whose name I literally only know because he lived in Jimmy Page’s basement for a while when they were working on Lucifer Rising. Never undervalue your offbeat artistic interests.

The witches have come to lay their claim.

a pair of mischievous goblins examine their new charge

Ebony and Tenebrous were aghast.  “Did you hear what those fairies gave her? Beauty, grace and willingness to please? Bast’s tits, that’s a terrible thing to do to a kitten.“ Ten got up on her hind legs. “Never trust a flying thing that gives you a mouthful of glitter when you catch it. Come on, Eb, let’s give her our gifts.” “Like half a shrew? I tried giving her that, her dam shouted at me.“ “Quite right too,“ said Ten wisely, “it’s got be at least four weeks before she can manage the skulls. That’ll be my gift then. May you always be able to manage skulls. Big ones, small ones, beaky ones, mousey ones, any sort of skull.“ Ebony copied her sister’s pose. “And may you always catch the flying things. Then you’ll never be hungry, and that’s much better than fairy wishes.” *** Thirty years later, Alba was everyone’s favourite keeper at the zoo. Not only could she cure her colleagues’ headaches just by telling their skulls to give over, but she was the only person they’d ever know who could work alone in the emu enclosure…

Have I told y’all about my husband’s Fork Theory?  If I did already, pretend I didn’t, I’m an old.

So the Spoon Theory is a fundamental metaphor used often in the chronic pain/chronic illness communities to explain to non-spoonies why life is harder for them. It’s super useful and we use that all the time. But it has a corollary.  You know the phrase, “Stick a fork in me, I’m done,” right? Well, Fork Theory is that one has a Fork Limit, that is, you can probably cope okay with one fork stuck in you, maybe two or three, but at some point you will lose your shit if one more fork happens.  A fork could range from being hungry or having to pee to getting a new bill or a new diagnosis of illness. There are lots of different sizes of forks, and volume vs. quantity means that the fork limit is not absolute. I might be able to deal with 20 tiny little escargot fork annoyances, such as a hangnail or slightly suboptimal pants, but not even one “you poked my trigger on purpose because you think it’s fun to see me melt down” pitchfork.

This is super relevant for neurodivergent folk. Like, you might be able to deal with your feet being cold or a tag, but not both. Hubby describes the situation as “It may seem weird that I just get up and leave the conversation to go to the bathroom, but you just dumped a new financial burden on me and I already had to pee, and going to the bathroom is the fork I can get rid of the fastest.”

I like this and also I like the low key point that you may be able to cope with bigger forks by finding little ones you can remove quickly. A combination of time, focus, and reduction to small stressors that can allow you to focus on the larger stressor in a constructive way.

Ohhh thisssssss

This is the greatest video I’ve ever seen in my life

just remembered my favorite ben shapiro own of all time which is when he was debating a transgender woman on dr. drew and he made a point to misgender her as many times as possible in a single sentence so she put her hand on the back of his neck like she was picking up a kitten, looked him dead in the eyes, and said “cut it out or you’ll be leaving here in an ambulance”

shapiro started immediately sniveling about civility in political debate like the little cockroach he is but not a single person in the room would back him up

Imma keep it real with you chief

Cut it out or you’ll be leaving here in an ambulance

oh its a delightful clip