The Ocean It Takes Me

There are two people in my life I love... TRULY love... my husband.... and very possibly even more so, Jakob... my son, my mi̱ko.... and now I've lost him... temporarily. I have faith in him though. I have so much I want to give him, so much I want to make up for. He deserves the world, he deserves all the love, and hugs, and happiness. And I would do everything in my power to give it to him. I don't care about anything else. I always promised him I was going to hold on, and never let go.... that I would always love him no matter what... and I intend to keep that promise. No matter what anyone else says, I will alway love him, I will always cherish him, I will always be here for him, and I will always be so fucking proud of him. I hope he'll see this.... and know just how much I love him... more than there are stars in every fucking universe. And no matter what anyone else says, I could never be mad at him, and never ever hate him, and there is nothing he could do that would ever make me love him less. I will always love all of him with all that I have, I will always accept everything he is with open arms.

I'd spend the rest of my days making up for all that his bio mom never gave him, and be furiously happy doing it... and it would be a life well lived.

Θα σ'αγαπώ για πάντα, γιε μου, καρδιά μου αγαπημένη

There is nothing he could do that would ever make me love him less. I will always cherish him, I will always love him, I will always be proud of him, and I will always be here for him... no matter what. My son, please never be afraid of losing me. I'm not going anywhere and I'm never letting go. I will never give up on you, you are worth fighting for. You’re always a part of me. I’m always a part of you. You are my son.

After 2025 mi̱ko.... you fucking find me... You fucking live for me, and I will do the same for you... and don't let go... never let go, because I'm not. This is not the end. Because there is hope at the end of this. There is light. IT IS YOURS... it is already yours....

#This might be the hardest thing you've done yet #but you turn 18 that makes you an adult #you are a legal adult and she can't stop you #if you try to come and she stops you #or you don't have the money/ resources #you escape.. you run... you contact me... here or discord or email. #or call #and I will catch the first flight out and I will come #I'll help you find a safe place to stay until then #I'll help you get your things safely #I'll get you out #I promise #you will always have a home here #recovery #ptsd #trauma ~ #mental health #physical abuse #abuse recovery #controlling parents #toxic parenting #neglectful parents #control

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there.

The universe whispered "he needs you", and my heart answered the call...

What does it mean, to be a mother. I never knew, never understood until now. It's a love so profound it's wound deep into the very fiber of your being, rooted in your heart, and intertwined with your soul. It's to surrender a part of yourself to raise up this other person and yet be greater for it. It's finding strength in making sacrifice, power in selflessness. It's being someone's safety and security. It's trusting this other person to carry your heart, and being overwhelmed by love and joy and pride. It can also be fear and worry and sleepless nights when they are ill or hurt. It's lifting them up, helping them learn, building self esteem, supporting them, accepting all that they are, and loving them unconditionally. It's all of these things and so so much more that I can't seem to put into words.

And my son, gods..... he's brilliant, not a single bright shining star, but a universe filled with them. He's all the fire of blinding galaxies, and the darkness surrounding them, and all the complexities that hold them together. He's funny, and talented, and smart, and sarcastic, and he'll feign embarrassment... but he's caring, and sweet, and so full of love. I love him, gods I love him so much, and I am so fucking proud of him.

I want to give him everything. There's no person more deserving. I want to give him peace, and understanding, hope, happiness, and love, all of the support he needs. I want to see him graduate college, I want to be there when he gets married, if he has kids. I can't imagine my life without him in it, because he was always meant to be there. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me now.

So to Jakob, my mi̱ko, I will always love all of you with all that I am, and I will always be here for you. I will never give up on you. I can swear that on my very life. You will always be a part of me, and I will always be a part of you. You are my son, my light, my soul... and always will be, beyond the end of time. So when you get to DC.... or hell, when you turn 18, you come claim your hope, the life you were always meant to have... contact me, and I will get you here.

And the universe smiled and decreed "it shall never end."

Holy shit everyone! Finally, FINALLY! Got to see auroras!!! The past couple of times the storm wasn't strong enough for them to be visible, and of course.... always cloudy and raining. But the weather cooperated for one, and this storm was so extremely powerful they were visible to the naked eye, and even better on camera! These are just handheld with my iphone from my backyard. So fucking cool